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Congratulation on your weight loss!
sophrosyne (n.) a healthy state of mind, characterized by self-control, moderation, and a deep awareness of one's true self, and resulting in true happiness
Slippery roller coaster. Down a couple pounds, up a few more pounds. I know what to do to stop this. Stay within calorie limit!
We ate lunch out yesterday. That usually puts me over on calories. I had what I wanted. Salad, fish, broccoli, onion rings, coffee. I only ate 3 onion rings out of 7 on the plate. I brought most of the broccoli (plus Sis' serving too) home and had that topped with cheese for supper.
Restaurants pack so many calories into even ordinary food. I need to conquer this. Vacation coming up Thursday. Restaurant meals every day. I gain weight every vacation, then spend two weeks after I get home taking it back off. Since we go up north every month, this is not a good practice. It frustrates me.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 8/8/2017 (05:07)
Another twist the last week or so. I go up a few pounds or ounces for a couple days, then have a nice drop...eating the same way the whole time.Is this the new pattern? It's hard to see any gain after I finally drop into a new decade on the scale, then wham, back into the old decade the next morning. I'd rather stay the same or only lose ounces at a time rather than go back into an old decade that I'm trying to leave forever. Gripe, gripe. We don't always get it our way. Still celebrating that the general progression is a downward trend. Love, love, love it.
I'm in a good place weight wise, happy to have been losing steadily. That said, the last few days I am at a teetering point, higher in calories, allowing munching that I was not doing before. This is a dangerous time. Time to make that decision again that I AM doing this and stop allowing distractions. Put the blinders on. Keep on with what I was doing. Ramp up the motivation and will power. Repeat healthy behaviors again and again. Don't let this slip away.
I've had several good days. I like feeling lighter. I like moving better. It's easier to get up with each pound I lose.
Thursday I felt the best I have in a long time. I moved so much better. I got up from chairs on the first try. I wondered if it was the result of the recent weight loss or if the pain medication I took that morning. I only take the medication when I am going somewhere or will have an active day (which is rarely).
Thursday was my second appointment this go-round at the Wound Care Center. Legs are less swollen. They reapplied the triple wraps. I love the cotton batting they put on first...so soft. She said it's like what quilters use.
I am so doing this! It's fun when the scales move and the inches fall off.
Down 18 pounds for July (some water weight from abnormal water retention). Good.
Down 12 pounds for 2017. Not so good because it should be more if I got off this lose-regain rollercoaster and hung on to every loss. But it's still 12 pounds that I didn't regain and am no longer carrying.
Down 40 pounds from my highest weight. That's reason to celebrate.
I am currently on a roll. That started after I got back from vacation July 19. My weight had shot up 10 pounds during the 5 days of vacation (water retention, legs swelling). I lost a little over 20 pounds in 13 days (from July 19 to the end of the month). Some of it was losing the excess fluid. Some of it was sheer hard work.
I'm trying to be more strict with eating. That is hard to maintain. Mother had a saying, "Others may, you may not." That about it sums it up. I hear others snacking throughout the day and night. I can't do that. Late nights will always be a problem area for me. I keep my ice water with me and if I need anything, have a hard candy to suck.
I REALLY have to do this for my health's sake. Every pound lost improves mobility. Hitting the milestones (going down on the scale and in size) is an emotional load-lifter, sun peeping through the clouds. Having a rare day now and then when I feel thinner, taller, and lighter makes me remember how it used to be before I gained weight with every life change and medical issue.
I may never be the person I used to be but I can be the best for this age and time in my life. Who knows? Maybe it will even be better than before!
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 8/2/2017 (14:05)
Well, am I surprised. I was sure there would be a well-deserved blip on the scale today because of how I ate yesterday. I didn't go crazy but I had some Muddy Buddies and Turtle Chex Mix. The amazing thing now is that when I snack, I never eat very much.
I was over 200 calories for the day but that could be because I ate more for breakfast than I usually do. Most of my food was healthy. The scale was down 1.8 pounds this morning from what I weighed yesterday morning. I am so thankful.
I had already determined that if the scale was up, yesterday was over and done and today is a fresh day. Just keep moving in the same direction I have been.
See how my mind wanted me to think I had screwed up because I ate a snack I don't usually eat. That thought was wrong. Spontaneous eating (especially when it's not a healthy choice) messes with our head. We get that sinking feeling that we've screwed up. Wrong! Get right back into the game. Persistence, not perfection.
It is possible to work foods we like into our plan. I will continue to not include those kind of empty calorie snacks because I don't crave them or want them. I prefer to make my calories count as much as I can.
* * * * *
Down 18.4 pounds from my beginning weight this month.
I am down 12.4 pounds for the year. That tells the story. Too many loss and regains, many ups and not enough downs.
Still I am glad to be down over 30 pounds from my top weight, and 12 pounds this year.That is 12 less pounds that I'm carrying around. My body thanks me. I will celebrate every pound gone.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 7/30/2017 (10:05)
I've been doing this so long and have so many answers in my head. The last year or so I've felt lost. I've had periods of losing and periods of gaining in each month.
I prefer to use a menu plan so that I don't have to think about it each time I eat. Just follow the menu. I am not able to do that anymore since my living situation has changed. I am no longer the grocery shopper or cook.
So now I ask myself how much is enough? Forget all the rules. If I'm not hungry, don't eat. If I'm hungry, eat. That can be scary.
I can't stay on my feet long enough to cook like I used to do. I wait to see if anyone is going to make a meal. If they don't, I get something to eat. Shortly afterwards, someone will offer me something they are making. No, I just ate. I wish I had known they were going to cook.
Sometimes I wait and wait (past the first signs of hunger) expecting someone will cook. Sometimes they don't. I used to try to power through the hunger. Oh well, I can eat another time or tomorrow. Sometimes I would feel sorry for myself late at night because I was hungry. My family is kind but they don't think to ask if I want anything. I will not ask. I can always get bread. I see my low carb dietary preference slipping away.
Feast or famine. I still wait...and wait. It doesn't really take much to sustain life at my level. I won't starve. I won't die. Well, I might if I don't get healthier. I'm working on it.
I wish my meal choices could be healthier. More vegetables. More greens.
Today I waited until Sis came home around 2PM, very tired, needing a nap. She made herself a sandwich. I warmed up a cup of Hamburger Helper Stroganoff (with noodles, not potatoes). About 320 calories. All good. But where are the vegetables and salad greens? This will be my big meal for today.
* * * *
I have lost most of the fluid build-up from the last trip up north this month. Down 18 pounds in 9 days. A few more pounds and I will be back to my May weight. With all the ups and downs, it's only a little over 10 pounds for this year. That is not good at all.
I'm on a roll now and want to stay with it. We leave for up north again on August 13. That's where I get in trouble because of eating restaurant meals for 5 days.
I dream about being at a certain groundbreaking milestone goal (down into a new century on the scale) by the end of the year. Forty two pounds is so doable if I stay the course. I could actually fly right past that modest goal if I keep doing what I'm doing. We have five months till the end of the year. The bigger we are, the easier the pounds come off. So many people struggle when they get down to only needing to lose a few pounds to be at their final goal because it doesn't come off fast.
Then the second goal (after breaking down into the next century) will be to get back to my Spark starting weight. That will be 65 pounds from where I am today. That should happen next year.
I joined Spark in 2006 because I had gained 27 pounds following a major surgery. Ha, a stinking 27 pounds. I wanted to stop it before it got out of hand...which it did after I could no longer go to the gym every day.
Why am I 65 pounds over my Spark starting weight 11 years ago? Major health issues. Each surgery and extended recovery without exercise set me back. Each illness or surgery has depleted my energy and I've never bounced back to where I was prior to whatever was happening. I've had major losses and life changes during the years I've been here.
As I've said before, gaining weight only makes it harder to get through the tough times. When we eat when we are not hungry and add on the pounds, then we have another problem to add to the overwhelming pile of problems.
I love, love, love, seeing the pounds sliding off again. It's fun when I'm on a winning streak. I love the scale. I love the improved mobility. I love the clothes being looser. I love FEELING taller and thinner. Not self-delusion because it happens one pound and one inch at a time. I didn't say I AM tall and thin yet.
I am determined to not share what is happening. I take joy in random comments when people start to notice. They are gems I write in my journal. I know I am really making progress when someone (that is not aware of all the effort I'm putting into it) notices. I call that a non-scale victory.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 7/28/2017 (16:59)
We had to get a new refrigerator this month because our was low on gas that we can't get now. R12, whatever that is. The repairman said it would be over $3000 in the US but about $2 in Mexico. Can't get it here for some reason. Thank goodness the appliance plan I signed up for with my utility company will send me a check for more than half of the expense (supposedly enough for a replacement, ha.)
It seems like I am calling the appliance plan people a lot more than I have before. Everything is aging and needing fixing or replacing. I pay a little more each month on my utility bill for the plan, but I don't pay anything when the repairmen comes out.
This year they have been here for the clothes dryer, freezer, and refrigerator. Last night our ten year old stove decided to quit working. It wouldn't shut off so we had to unplug it. Things sure aren't built to last any more. The repairman was here today and said it needs a switch. Will take a few days because he has to order the part.
We dug out the electric skillet. We have the crock pot and microwave we can use, too.
So I did something I would not have done. When my niece went to town, I told her to bring me a Wendy's queso burger. She did. I am still within my calorie range today. I don't want to use this time as an excuse to eat stupidly.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 7/27/2017 (23:32)
Doing great on calories. It's exciting to weigh myself each morning when I'm eating right. Five more pounds to reach the goal I set for myself this month. That's what I would like to weigh when I go to the Wound Care Center Monday. I haven't weighed that since May
We go up north August 10. Every time we go up north, I get screwed up because we eat all our meals at restaurants. I'm going to review their nutritional menus this week and see if I can come with a plan before we go. I would prefer toast and coffee for breakfast but that makes others uncomfortable when they order big breakfasts. It needs to look like I'm eating without eating big. Eat slow. Spread it out to look like more. We don't eat lunch. Then we have something from fast food for supper. I like the salads that most fast food places have.
At home, I eat my big meal around noon. Very little for breakfast or supper. So this really screws me up to eat two real meals a day. At my age and activity level, it does not take much to sustain life. I cannot eat like I did when I was young and active.
I made an appointment with the wound care center. Can't get in until next Monday to see the nurse practitioner but they put me on the waiting list in case of cancellations. Hopefully by then I won't need to go in because it will have resolved. I am working on it!
Weight continues to go down. Losing fluid for sure but I have also been astringent about calories and logging. Two more pounds to be back to pre-vacation weight. We will not do this again next month when on vacation. I hate taking the water pill when I will be away but it's not worth going through this misery. I got away with it all these times until now.
Storm yesterday brought down trees which caused a power outage. I am so thankful for the automatic generator. At first the power company said the outage was due to trees down, then this morning they said it was due to a lightning strike.
Thank goodness the work on the barn was finished Friday (before the storm). The contractor said a good wind could have taken the roof off.
The electrician keeps saying he's waiting for the sensor to come in for the post light. I hate projects that take months.
Other projects yet to be done this year:
Have the drive sealed.
Fix the hot water problem in one of the bathrooms.
Update to a digital thermostat.
The same company will do the last two since they are plumbing and heating. Already have the estimates.
Time for lunch. No one home now so I'll fix something I like. LOW on calories!
Came back from vacation really messed up. Rash all over. Blisters on legs and feet. Retaining a lot of fluid and swelled up, especially legs and feet.
I have to be on guard for cellulitis. That started in 2013 when I was hospitalized twice for it, until I took myself to the wound care center and learned how to deal with it more effectively.
Naps are essential, getting my feet up every day. That's why I was so surprised this happened because I take more naps than usual when on vacation. The only thing I will do differently next time is taking the water pill. I usually don't take it the week of vacation, and the extra naps compensate for that. This is the first time in years that I got in trouble.
The rash on my torso and arms and top of legs is unexplainable. Still fighting it but it looks better, not so bright red. Keeping it clean and treating it with cream.
This may all be due to some kind of infection. I know if I go to the doctor, he will admit me to the hospital again. I will do better treating it at home. I am done with hospitals unless it's life- or limb-threatening. They can't even keep an IV going on me without it going bad and having to be restarted every day. It takes me months to recover my energy after an admission or surgery. I still haven't gained my strength back from the cancer surgery in Oct 2015. Each surgery takes more and more out of me. It fixes the immediate problem but robs my overall health. Hospitals also do not accommodate my handicapped needs like I can at home. I have to fight with them every time I'm admitted. They probably think I'm a witch but once my handicapped needs are met, I'm really very nice.
Sis has been an excellent nurse, taking care of the parts I can't reach. She is a blessing. It helps that we have both been caregivers much of our lives.
I was up ten pounds after a week vacation, and very discouraged but determined to turn it around. I realize now that it may have been the fluid retention. My legs were so heavy from the swelling.
I am being careful with calories, putting everything into the nutrition tracker. Even though calories are a little above where I would like them (1500-1700 range instead of 1200-1400 range goal), the weight is still coming off nicely. Down four pounds since I got back. Six more to go to get back where I was when I left on vacation. I don't even want to see the doctor until I get that extra six pounds off. Should be gone in the next week. Optimistic, aren't I? I know my body.
I had to work on my attitude because it's hard to be upbeat when I have no energy and feel poorly. I remind myself the each pound lost improves mobility and energy. I will persevere. I will not give up on myself. I wrote that in my journal one night at the hotel. I will never give up on myself again. Never.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 7/23/2017 (01:26)
Down 4 pounds. I am happy anytime the scale moves in that direction.
No breakfast today. Niece's husband always stops by on Saturday. He's been doing that since she passed away in Spring 2016. He fixed the slide on a kitchen drawer. We had cheeseburgers (no bun) and green beans with mushrooms for lunch.
I had an orange and unsalted nuts mid-afternoon. Not sure what I will have for supper.
I need to do two things:
1. Set up a routine of things I can do with limited mobility and joint/muscle pain everywhere. I will check for exercises here at Spark and maybe online.
2. Set up a dietary plan with my limitations. How can I eat healthy when I am not the cook and not able to do the grocery shopping? Where there's a will, there's a way.
Today on Spark Coach, the visualization was to picture myself walking along the beach in a bathing suit, not self conscious, just enjoying the day. That makes me smile. First, to walk in sand (without the walker) would be a welcome miracle. I am not a beach person, but I can visualize me doing this...thinner, healthier, enjoying a slow stroll by myself, soaking up the sunshine and slight breeze off the water. My only company is the occasional bird winging over the water. It's peaceful and refreshing.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 7/1/2017 (19:39)
Down 2 pounds this morning. Moving in the right direction.
Sis came home after visiting a shut-in friend (on Hospice) with a strawberry pie she made for us. One piece was so filling that I couldn't eat when dinner was ready.
My niece and her husband and 2 kids stopped by yesterday. They wanted Grandma's waffles for supper. I had about 4 waffle squares.
Got enough sleep last night. Woke up ready to go this morning.
Had an apple and glass of ice water for breakfast. Off to a good start.
I woke up full of motivation and lay in bed planning goals. I will focus on the five fruits and vegetables a day, everything else in moderation. I will log on the Nutrition Tracker so that I keep within the calorie limit.
I'm in Eeyore mode. I said I wanted to make June awesome. It's close to being awesomely horrible as far as living healthy goes. I'm having trouble getting back on track. Feeling out of sorts with gaining weight and not having healthy stuff to eat and comfortable place to sit (waiting for new motor for lift chair). The A/C makes arthritis worse so I'm slow and stiff. Everyone else is hot while I'm cold and wearing a sweater and sleeping with two blankets.
I am not looking forward to oncologist appointment later this month. I was under my previous weight. Since then I've gained what I lost plus ten more pounds while up north. He is not going to be kind. I wish I never had to go back but I will have to follow up for three years to be sure the cancer doesn't come back.
* * * *
Bug guy came for quarterly visit to spray for bugs. He is doing a good job. Now if they could do something for flying bugs, like box elder bugs and flies. He sprays around doors and windows but bugs that fly do not walk through the stuff he sprays. He would have to stand there and spray each bug that flies to get rid of them. I cannot tolerate even one fly in the house.Buzzing around. Making me antsy.
My cousin's son called yesterday because he received the letter I sent his mom with more genealogy updates for our branch of the family. She passed away in February. No one told us. I got her annual Christmas letter but then hadn't heard anything. She doesn't live nearby. I was shocked and saddened.
I loaded the info for both sides of my family on Ancestry.com awhile ago. I try to keep that updated. Love following up the leaf-hints with info about family, like Census or military, etc. I think we are reinventing the wheel because several others have loaded family info, too. Why doesn't it pull it together into one chart instead of each of us having a tree, with leaf-hints that they have created a tree, too? There are some distant relatives that overlap my chart, the authors I don't think I've ever met. Interesting how fast and far away the tree grows, so that we don't even know people we are related to.
I would love to do the DNA testing but Sis is adamantly opposed because she thinks it gives too much info to others, outside of our control. Never heard of any skeletons in the family tree. We're pretty normal people. We know when and where our ancestors are from because Mom did genealogy all of our lives. We know names of our ancestors, so it's not likely that there would be misinformation or surprises. I still would like to do the DNA test because it might take me back farther than the trees do. I know in the beginning we were all related at some point. I've always been fascinated by following people groups, such as those mentioned in the Bible, to see who are their descendants today.
The electrician finally came yesterday to check why the post sensor light is not working. Thinks it may need a new sensor. He will also fix the pole light in the back yard so the light-part doesn't swing back and forth so much when it's windy. Said it will take 10 minutes and few screws. The metal bracket is thin.
The repairman from the home care shop came yesterday afternoon to see why the lift chair won't life. The bolt holding one of the motors fell out. I've only had it since October last year so the company is going to replace the motor. So glad he didn't charge the $60 service fee for coming out.
* * * * *
Didn't lose even an ounce since yesterday. Had an apple, cookies, finger food tuna patties that Sis made in the afternoon, candy, Cheetos and a third of a bottle of Coke that was left over from the day before. Wanted more water late last night but didn't have the energy to get up and get some. I might start keeping bottled water near my chair. It won't be cold but it will work. I crave icy cold water.
I will not ask others to wait on me. Wish they were more thoughtful to volunteer. Would it hurt to ask if I want anything when they're in the kitchen? I try to be more thoughtful to ask them when I go to the kitchen. They don't realize how hard it is for me, even a little thing like walking to the kitchen for more water. I know I need to move more so I try, but sometimes I go without and feel sorry for myself. I would never share that with anyone!
I will not eat foods high in sugar today (except fruit). No candy or pop. No junk food.
After my morning routine (shower, washing hair, dressing, etc), I am a little hungry but no energy left. Feeling sorry for myself because I don't have the energy to make something. I will either make a smoothie or cook eggs later if I am up to it. Many times I skip breakfast because it gets too late by the time I feel strong enough to move. I will not grab something that's quick, easy, and unhealthy.
If I don't have the strength to prepare healthy, I will go without. It won't hurt me to fast. I have so much weight to lose. I am tired of being forever on the lose-regain cycle.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 6/15/2017 (08:48)
Watermellon has two blogs about the stages of change and the discomfort of change. Good for me to take to heart today. Where am I in the stages of change cycle?
Embrace discomfort and do it again and again to reach goals. There is discomfort and change in maintaining goals so embrace discomfort and keep going to become the person I want to be.
* * * * *
I am back from vacation. Gained 10 pounds. Really REALLY bad timing. Oncologist appointment next week. He will be nasty about the weight gain. Do I deserve it? I weigh more than I did at the beginning of this year.
On vacation we go to a restaurant for breakfast. I usually have a hearty breakfast since it is the only meal I choose each day and it has to keep me from getting hungry until same time tomorrow (depending on what and if Sis brings anything for supper). I had a skillet breakfast and mango smoothie at Denny's. I had the new brunch item at Bob Evan, waffle and chicken...delicious and super filling! I had loaded nacho, bacon-potato-onion-cheese bites, and mango smoothie at Denny's. I had Fried cornmeal mush at Bob Evans. I had scrambled eggs, ham, biscuit and gravy at Cracker Barrel. I had steak, hash brown and scrambled eggs at Big Boy.
Lunch is snacks, like things I have in the hotel room...apples, oranges, cheese, yogurt, cookies, and chips. One day I ordered a Jimmy John's tuna on wheat sandwich with chips and Coke.
Sis brings fast food for supper. Taco Bell taco salad. KFC pot pie. McDonald salad with chicken. Pizza. KFC chicken dinner (chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, biscuit, choc chip cookie).
And I gained 10 pounds!
Now we are back home. There is nothing here to eat. Chips and coke for supper last night. Can't keep doing that. I will embrace the discomfort of fasting when there is nothing healthy to eat.
* * * * *
My lift chair broke last night. I am 15 pounds below the weight limit but it's been creaking and groaning for awhile. It worked earlier in the day but broke last night. When I pushed the button to LIFT, it banged twice and refused to do any more. The buttons to make it recline still work.
It was really scary trying to stand up from the low position of the chair. Sis held my walker to keep it from moving with one hand (plus I had the brakes on) so I could grab it and pull up. My shoulders are bad so I usually avoid using my arms. This time I held one of her hands and held the walker with my other hand, using it like a grab bar. I could only get a little way up, not enough to stand. Sis asked my niece to put pillows and folded blankets under me to get me higher each time I raised but we didn't have to do that in the end. I got part way up and told her to push my rear forward so I would be in a standing position, instead of being half way up and still in a sitting position (leg wise). It worked.
I hurt so bad in my arms that people can't pull on me to get me up. Don't touch my shoulders! I took pain medication this morning. Arms are hurting.
Now I am very motivated to lose more weight as quickly as possible. This is scary, dangerous, embarrassing, and unhealthy.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 6/14/2017 (07:31)
Today's Spark Coach visualization:
Imagine stepping on the scale to find that your weight hasn't budged. Instead of immediately reacting with self-hatred and disgust, you remain calm and focus on the positive. What other accomplishments can you be proud of? Use this exercise to prepare yourself to handle this situation in the future.
I am currently on a daily downward trend on the scale, but there have been times when the scale didn't move or actually went the other way. Sometimes I truly deserved it. Sometimes it confused me because my body is changing so much as I get older and I don't lose like I used to lose weight. It takes so few calories now to maintain life.
What other accomplishments can I be proud of?
1. I weight less than my top weight. I weigh less than I did January 1st this year. Even with all the missteps and re-gains, I weigh less that I used to! Thirty plus pounds gone. I can't lift 30 pounds anymore. Visualize thirty pounds. Poof, gone!
I really must put some thought into adding to this list. There must be other things that losing 30 pounds makes me proud of.
* * * * *
I am hungry. The food I eat is not satisfying. In the evening I realize that I am hungry but have no idea what to eat. We do not have what I want to eat. I do not have the energy to cook what I want. I don't drive so I can't get what I want. Sometimes I cry because I'm hungry, but that's crazy. How can I be hungry? I ate. I've never been one to fast for more than one meal. I get shaky if I go too long without food. I think what I'm feeling is not really hunger as much as it's a feeling of not being satisfied with what I eat.
There is always junk food is the house. Chips and coke do not make a very good supper. Yes, they fill me up, but I still feel "hungry." It's good that I'm at the stage in my life where I don't eat very much. Fifteen chips is one serving. I don't usually eat fifteen at one time. I don't drink pop every day. I drink a lot of ice water.
I have been trying to have fruit for breakfast, usually an apple. I take a couple of grapes with my morning medications since I'm supposed to have them with food. Lunch/supper is midafternoon and usually a warm meal. The rest of the day we wing it.
We have salad fixings. I need to find the strength to clean and spin the lettuce. The rest is pretty easy to do.
I do best when I log the nutrition. That helps me be more mindful throughout the day and avoid nibbling bites.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/29/2017 (09:22)
Excellent article by Spark staff writer, Liz Noelcke: MEASURE PROGRESS WITHOUT THE SCALE.
Her opening sentence gives me something to consider:
"Frustrated. Disappointed. Hopeless. Skeptical.
Whichever you choose, these emotions are enemies of people trying to lose weight—especially when you feel like you have done everything right..."
First, it is a warning to watch for those emotional saboteurs: frustration, disappointment, skepticism, feeling hopeless. I always think of them as results of my progress but that's not so.
I can FEEL like I've eaten badly, but then I log everything into the nutrition tracker and find I am within my calorie limit, even if my choices didn't seem the best.
I FEEL disappointed in myself because I think I've let myself down.It's not all or nothing. Get right back up and do something positive.
Feelings, even good ones, can lie to us. They are not a true measure of where we are or our progress.
In the article, she gives four non-scale areas to measure progress.
1. "See results by taking a trip to your very own closet." Try on something you wore when you started this journey, or something you wore that was snug.How does it fit now?
" Also look for improved muscle definition when you check out your body in the mirror. There are many everyday indicators that you are firming up your body, from how your clothes fit to sitting more comfortably in a booth or small chair."
When progress seems slow, this can be an excellent indicator of true progress. Yes, I weigh less than I did last year, and my clothes are looser now. I bought some clothes that are a smaller size.
2. Check your measurements. Have you lost inches?
Have your physical numbers improved, such as blood pressure, cholesterol, etc?
3. Energy level. Is it easier to do chores or things that used to be hard? Can you workout longer than you did at first?
4. Emotions. Do you have more self confidence and self esteem?
This one is tricky because emotions can be so unreliable. The author says to build a positive vocabulary to build your self esteem. A lifetime of experience tells me that self-talk to so important. What is that little voice in your head telling you? Make sure it's based on fact and truth. Root out the voices that tell you lies.
* * * * *
Spark Coach visualization for today: imagine that you are a professional athlete and need to keep your body and mind in peak shape. Carry this mindset with you today to work toward being your best self!
As my mobility has lessened and physical pain has increased, intentional exercise has become a memory. I remind myself to be more active. My goal is to move every hour. No, I don't do well at that because even getting up from the chair is exhausting and painful, but it's something I need to do. Blood clots run in the family. The home nurses used to tell me to get Dad to stand every time a commercial came on. That did not work well for him...but I can make it a goal for me, to stand every hour. Move around more. Don't ask others to do what I can do for myself. Get up and get a drink instead of asking someone to bring me a glass of water when they go to the kitchen. Ask others if there is something I can do for them. How many times when I've been at the higher levels of physical pain have I wished someone would be thoughtful enough to ask me if they could do something for me. They usually don't. I have to ask. So now I want to ask others if there is something I can do for them. Don't wait for them to ask.
This Spark Coach tip goes beyond the physical action of doing. It's talking about a mindset. I am laughing as I remember talk of a few years ago of virtual exercise, sitting there through the exercise video and mentally picturing doing the exercise...instead of getting up and doing it! I have watched an exercise video without moving a muscle, noting the logistics of body movement! That does not count as exercise.
As an athlete, what can I do today to keep my body and mind in peak shape?
1. It will help me with food choices. I want fuel that maximizes energy and sleekness. Darn, here I was thinking about cheesy macaroni for lunch...if I had the energy to make it. Turn that around. In the refrigerator I have romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, onions, celery. I have frozen vegetables. I have fruit. I don't have protein, except a few slices of cheese and canned tuna. I get hungry for protein.
2. It will remind me to move more often. Do what I can do. I need to look up exercises that I can do.
3. I need to practice positive self talk. I need to tell myself I can do this. I need to change from survivor mode to embracing active life mode. Life is short, so enjoy the journey.
As I go through the day and think of myself from the viewpoint of a professional athlete, it will be interesting to see how this list grows in ways I'm not thinking about now.
Figure out what you are hungry for - it might not be food
Hunger isn't necessarily for food!
When I am tired, I am hungry for sleep.
When I am thirsty, I am hungry for liquids.
When I am feeling down, I'm hungry for support.
When I am feeling lonely, I'm hungry for people.
Don't eat food when you need friends, or fluids, or sleep!!!...
- Submitted by GANASSI 1/28/2011 in Weight Loss
* * * * *
When I am feeling down, I'm hungry for support.
When I am feeling lonely, I'm hungry for people.
Never thought of it this way.
When I am feeling down, I surf Spark blogs for encouragement and motivation. I never thought of it as being hungry for support. I know I am most encouraged when I encourage others.
My weight is up 10 pounds in one week. Not happy about it. Still down a few pounds for the month and year. Not eating good. Not a lot of calories but very little real food. Plan now is to decrease calories and only eat real food today. No sweets today.
* * * * * *
Spark Coach - Daily Visualization
Let's start with a quick visualization exercise. Imagine yourself as an elderly person reflecting on what you've done with your life. Think of the path you're on now. Are you making your future self proud? What can you do today to help live a life you can be proud of?
I think I am elderly. Not in years, but in physical health. Reflecting on what I've done with my life, especially since 2014: it's been surgeries and decreasing health and illnesses. It's been loss of mobility and independence. It's been grief (loss of loved ones) and sadness and pain. That is the path I am on.
There in longevity in my family lines. My father lived almost 30 years beyond my age now. My mother lived almost 20 years beyond my current age.
Am I making my future self proud? I haven't thought of it that way because I'm just trying to survive and increase mobility and get back to a place of independence (be able to drive again). My focus is mostly health related as good health slips through my fingers. Maybe my focus needs to be bigger.
I've wanted to go back to school, online. It's ridiculously expensive. Need to check other alternatives. I read and study on my own.
I've given up so much. "I can't" has found it's way into my vocabulary.
Today I will focus on what I can do. I will push myself to do things I don't think I can do, or things that hurt or cause physical pain. Small things like running the vacuum sweeper. Making a macaroni salad that I don't feel I have the energy to do. Organizing the shelf over my desk. Working on the yearly notebook where I keep records.
Think bigger. What can I do today to help live a life I can be proud of?
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/25/2017 (04:48)
I haven't been feeling well today. Hope to feel better after a good night's sleep.
I wasn't even thinking about pop until I came on Spark tonight. Too many people talking about soda. Now I want a tall glass, over ice. Fizz, bubble, tickles my nose, burns my throat in an exhilarating way. No, I am not going to have any. It's midnight. Time to go to bed!
I did good for the most part while away but the last day there and then the next day...not so good. Still not crazy. Just uncomfortably full. Up seven pounds but some of that is irregularity and not taking water pill while away. Making up for it now! Totally back on track and weight is coming down. Still not back to what I weighed Thursday when we left to go up north but it will happen.
Starting to look forward to getting away for a few days. Taking control. I will NOT weigh more when I come back.
Down a little over a pound this morning.
Calories today 842.
Lunch: Taco Bell Mexican pizza (been hungry for that for awhile)
Supper: Jello with fruit, coke and chips.
We leave for up north tomorrow morning. Restaurant meals for breakfast and lunch while away. I packed granola bars for lunch while there.
Hope this time I can keep my weight down.
I am going to do this. I AM doing this. Another day of not enough calories. I'm not doing it on purpose. Just can't find anything I wanted to eat that was quick and easy. No energy for a lengthy prep and cooking.
My goal is 1200 - 1400 calories per day. Here are my totals for the last few days:
Can I call this calorie cycling? Maybe intermittent fasting? Those buzz words are popular now.
I am well aware of the advice that eating too few calories slows the metabolism and throws the body into starvation mode. However, when I was recovering from cancer, I lost 43 pounds in about a month...and messed up my body chemistry and ended back in the hospital. I was unable to keep anything down. Nausea finally made me avoid eating altogether. Not a good way to lose weight.
It does show that decreasing calories, even to a dangerous level like then, will result in weight loss. So I'm not sure how valid that starvation mode teaching is.
I'm not planning to wreck my health. Can I really wreck it anymore than I have by carrying all these extra pounds? Both do horrible damage to the body.
Some people have gone on a doctor monitored plan of 500 calories a day. Way too low for me. I don't like being hungry!
The big change I need to consistently make is healthier food choices, even when I have no energy to prepare them. I don't like an apple unless it's cored and sliced. Oranges require peeling and sectioning. I like bananas peeled and sliced into a pretty dish, to eat with a fork. Some days I don't have the energy to do that! If we have cherry tomatoes, those are easy to eat without any preparation. Lately we have big tomatoes. That's requires cutting out the stem area and cutting the tomato into manageable serving size.
When I make chicken or tuna salad, sometimes I don't have the energy or strength to cut up onion and celery. Then I use classic whip and pickle relish. I don't use bread because of the carbs. Sometimes I use a few crackers. Mostly I eat it plain.
(I was totally blown away when I tried to make potato soup one Sunday and didn't have the strength to push the knife down through the onion!)
Because I can no longer do the grocery shopping, I have to use what's there. I put things on the grocery list, but they disappear off the list. I guess the shoppers don't think I really need what I request, even when I pay for it. That happened again today.
So when I'm hungry, I think about what I want to eat. When I was younger, I decided I would no longer eat through the cupboard or pantry while trying to find something satisfying. If I can't decide what to eat, then I won't eat. That's why it gets late in the evening and I still haven't eaten. Sometimes I decide it's so late that I'll just wait till tomorrow to eat. I don't do that if I am REALLY hungry. I won't go to bed super hungry. I may not be satisfied with what I ate, but I'm not hungry when I go to bed. Otherwise I would wake up at 3 in the morning, starved.
So somehow through all this, the scale is slowly moving down. I'm not active enough to give it a shove in that direction through exercise like I could when younger. I also don't require as much food for the same reason.
I will get there.
* * * * *
I know one lady who was so big that they couldn't handle her funeral at our local funeral home. They family had to go through a funeral service in the city. That would be embarrassing. Sometimes they don't use a big enough casket, and the person looks smashed uncomfortably. How did I get on this morbid trail? Something that crossed my mind a few times. If you are dead, are you really going to care what people think?
I just have a mental image of the grandchildren being pallbearers for my Dad who was not a big man. There must have been about ten of them, girls and guys. At our local funeral home, they have to carry the casket down about six steps from the porch to the place where the hearse is parked in front. They have a winding walking ramp but it's narrow. Impossible to carry a casket around the turns. Imagine carrying a heavy person/casket down those steps.
It's a lovely white two story house that's been in the same family going on four generations now. Built long before they thought of the practicality of moving a casket. In fact in my grandparents' day, the casket and viewing took place at the deceased family home. Imagine moving a casket through a regular home, especially before anyone heard of open concept spaces.
* * * * *
It's been an unsettling day for the most part. I canceled my plan to meet visiting friends for brunch at a restaurant. We leave Thursday for up north but may only stay overnight because of other things going on at home. I hate packing and unpacking. I can't help with the driving now. I can't help carry things into the hotel or back up the stairs when we get home. Sis is still not 100% after being so ill. We're in a fine state, aren't we? I'm trying to just take a weekender case this time. No laptop or books. Maybe I'll sleep while we are away.
I still haven't found a person to repair the barn around the roof. Wind damage. My regular guy says he's busy but he'll stop by to assess. He didn't. I need to find someone else but I've put it off because of possibly being away the rest of the week. I will be glad to be back home. I don't go out very often nowadays.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/10/2017 (01:50)
Low on calories yesterday. Not deliberate. Supper didn't happen so around 9PM I was hungry and made ham roll ups (pickle wrapped in deli ham). By the time I logged it in the nutrition tracker before bed, it was too late to adjust. That's why menu plans work better for me than winging it.
We are supposed to eat supper at least three hours before bedtime. I did, so that's not the cause of the gain.
Up 1.8 since yesterday. I was so pleased yesterday that I dropped into a new number I hadn't seen since 2015. Well, I should still be happy because the number this morning (though higher than yesterday) is still one I hadn't seen for awhile (other than this week on my way down).
My weight continues to go down. I am cautiously optimistic. I haven't weighed this since Nov 2015 while recovering from cancer.
We leave Thursday for up north. Not looking forward to it. I am determined to come back weighing in the next decade down on the scale. That's only 6 pounds in the next nine days. It's a flexible goal. At the minimum, I don't want to gain even an ounce on vacation.
When up north we eat breakfast at Big Boy. Then Sis brings something from Taco Bell, KFC, Wendy's, or McDonalds when she comes back at 7PM. For lunch I'm by myself and can either order from a restaurant for delivery or take snacks with me for lunch. I've been thinking about that. I can take apples, oranges, dried fruit, raisins, nuts, cherry tomatoes, canned soup. We have a microwave and coffee maker in the room. Problem is that I need to pack lighter than I have in the past. Even wondering if I should take my laptop.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/8/2017 (10:20)
Down another pound this morning, woohoo! I haven't weighed this since Nov 2015 during recovery from cancer.
Why do I weigh everyday? It's my guilty little secret. I look forward to it. It's a reward. Oh, there are fluctuations. Yes, they are a little discouraging but they make me bear down and do better that day.
"Guilty little secret" because there are so many naysayers who try to tell me that I should only weigh once a week (because of those fluctuations). Since I am not one to give up, those fluctuations are not going to discourage me to the point of throwing in the towel. They make me work harder. Yes, they are disappointing because I would like a nice loss every day, but I make those upticks on the scale work for me. They make me more diligent.
I am rewarded by this behavior because I am getting to the point where I usually don't have more than one "gain" day at a time. In the past I could string together many days, even weeks, of gains.That doesn't happen now.
I realize our bodies are very complex. There could come a time when other factors (besides too many calories) could cause a weight gain. When plateaus happen, I will deal with them. I've been there before but not recently.
This is working for me, so I will continue to weigh every day.
When we go up north once a week during the better weather months, I don't have access to a scale. I could take it with me since I get pleasure from weighing each day. I need to pack light since someone else is doing all the packing and carrying and unpacking. That makes those weeks away from the scale very challenging because we are eating differently and I don't get scale feedback until I get home.
Here's the plan for weeks up north:
1. No soda pop
2. No sweets
3. Limit carbs
4. Log everything in the nutrition tracker.
5. Move more, even when it's just around the room.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/7/2017 (10:54)
It's a mystery. I was feeling disappointed in myself last night for being over on calories, eating high carb foods prepared by others. Feeling heavy, moving slow.
When I weighed this morning I was down .4 pounds from yesterday. My ticker shows 31 pound loss again, woohoo!
How can we lose weight when we've had a bad eating day? How can we gain or stay the same when we've had an exceptionally healthy day and feel so proud of ourselves? Our bodies certainly have a mind of their own.
If we keep eating healthy, our bodies will eventually have to get with the program and reward us.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/6/2017 (10:54)
This is crazy. Over on calories today, way over! Someone brought McDonald's sandwiches. That could fit into the calories for the day, so no problem. Later she made French toast for supper. Carbs galore. The worse part is what I ate for a snack. What was I thinking? Not thinking. Can't do anything about it now. It's logged in the Nutrition tracker, over and done with. My body was giving immediate feedback, hard to get up when sitting...and I was so happy that it was getting easier this last week.
Not eating any more today. Watch my calories tomorrow. It's only one day.
Her mother found her on the field trip. Mix up by substitute teacher. Unpleasant situation took it's toll on all of us.
My weight is steadily sliding down. Three cheers! Into a new decade this morning. I've been aiming for that for awhile. Hope I haven't screwed that up with too many carbs today. Please don't let my weight go back up into the next decade. It took me weeks to get here. Today I weigh what I weighed Feb 6, 2017.
Not enough sleep last night so we all went to bed early tonight. Little Sis called around 9 and woke me. By the time we finished talking, I was in too much physical pain to stay in bed so I'm up now. Both shoulders hurt.
Staying strong tonight. I've liked comments on the Community Feed and followed some of them to the poster's page, even befriending a couple with similar weight goals. That helps me find them again so I can follow their progress, encourage and be encouraged by people who understand.
One worry after another. Mothers Day will be one year since Suz was murdered and her husband left critically injured. Today the 9 year old granddaughter is missing. Didn't show up at school. Hope it's the chaos of having a substitute teacher and field trip today. Haven't heard anything yet.
Sis is slowly recovering but not strong. She's been sick about 5 days, mostly sleeping, eating very little, dry heaves. She insisted on mowing lawn yesterday though she was not up to it and had to stop halfway through. She insisted that she would feel better if she could get out on the riding mower. This family has an abundance of strong will.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/4/2017 (22:03)
My weight is on a downward trend again. That makes me happy. I am having better control over my calorie intake. My clothes feel looser. It is a little easier to rise from a sitting position. I look forward to weighing each morning.It makes me happy.
I now weigh the same as I did on Feb 16, 2017.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 5/4/2017 (03:12)
I found a few books on people who have significantly impacted history. When browsing I was so fascinated I couldn't put it down. What started me on this journey was one of the Spark Teams who had a column to list 10 specific things about yourself. One question was to list a legendary person you most admire. The answers were Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr, Maya Angelou, Abraham Lincoln, Anne Frank, Eleanor Roosevelt, Helen Keller, Oprah Winfrey, Nelson Mandela, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Corrie Ten Boom, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Sidney Poitier, Princess Diana, John F Kennedy, Kathryn Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Paul Newman, and Mother Teresa. Definitely some worthy names here but all majorly well-known. Does anyone have heroes who are outside the norm? Some of mine are not ones that many would recognize like AB Simpson and AW Tozer. Would most know of the contribution of Noah Webster? Not to be confused with equally worthy Daniel Webster, I wondered how many others we shortchange, going for the well known.
It reminded me of a video floating around the internet where college students are interviewed by one of their peers. They could not name former presidents when shown their picture. They did not know the name of the vice president of the United States (At that time, Joe Biden). They did not know who was involved in the War Between the States, much less who won it. BUT they knew all the answers about movie stars and who they were married to and what shows they were on. Very sad. Their world is too small.
They are not alone. While I would have given the correct answers to the interview, there is still so much more to know. My world is too small. We must always keep learning and be interested in things outside our own little tiny sphere.
The history book I was so excited to find after searching for years (that I wrote about in the last post), was a little disappointing, not how I remembered it. That class was exceptional, and maybe that was because of the teacher? Ironically, my mother was HIS teacher when he was young. Later he was MY teacher.
I finished chapter one, and felt uneasy at the condescending attitude of the authors, deliberately speaking down to one with less understanding...but this is a book for teens. I never picked up on that when I read it as a teen. Everyone has to start at the bottom with learning and keep adding more blocks over time. I plan to continue reading it and answering the questions for each chapter. It is good review. How much do I still remember of the historical details?
* * * * *
Health and weight...
My weight is still bouncing around, not making any real progress into new territory. The pounds go down a little at a time until I have a few irregular days where it goes back up. Get that straightened out and start the same downward progress, losing the same pounds again. We are not talking major gains and losses. Less than 10 pounds.It sure would be wonderful to see more forward progress! Option: stay more regular with fruit consumption. Not really acceptable on low carb but I will have to flex here. Plus, morning fruit smoothies give me a huge boost towards my 5 fruits and vegetables every day. They also keep me running to the bathroom every hour in the morning. That part I don't like, especially with difficult mobility. Can't have everything, so make up my mind to staying constant and the positive and negative results.
Not getting much blogging done on my page, and very few people find my journal here so my friends think I am being silent. Not so. My journal is the down and dirty. My blogs are where I share anything that I think will be encouraging to others, or where I post about something profound and meaningful to me.
Eating: There have been ups and downs since my family decided to do the Burn Garcinia slow carb plan. I am following low carb with them but not taking garcinia. My weight is moving down again. Yesterday (Sunday) we had pork roast, peas and carrots, and sliced tomatoes for lunch. It was delicious.
My brother and SIL are home from Arizona for the summer so they stopped by for a visit. By the time my niece got home from work and my bro and SIL left, supper was late. Everyone was hemhawing about what to eat. Sis made sandwich from the leftover cold pork roast. It was awful, tasted fatty because it was cold. My niece warmed up some squash. I felt so sick before I finished, trying not to let them know or act ungrateful. From now on, I am in control of my own supper. I will plan and fix what I can eat. I shouldn't have had the bread at all. The squash is starch and not a good choice.
I added things to the grocery list that I can eat. (Once again my niece deleted some of the things I added, even though I am paying for the groceries. I miss my independence, doing my own shopping.)
I will plan healthy meals for myself. I will not wait for them to make up their mind about what to eat. My house, my rules? That sounds terrible.We get along well. I love having them here. But the same as anytime there is more than one person involved, there is conflict and compromise. Feelings can get hurt. Being dependent on others creates most of my inner conflict. I am so used to quietly doing what I want when I want: get in the car and go (shopping, out to eat, etc). Now I have to ask for others to do things. I have been able to do online shopping for most non-food items. Amazon even has some pantry style food items. While I sound like I'm complaining, I am still so blessed.
* * * * *
My new book has arrived. I am so excited! I've been wanting this for years but I couldn't remember the name or the author of the book. Yep, it's a little nit nerdy. It's a history book we used in school. 1963 version of Wests' Story of Our Country. I was looking at history books on eBay. There were several versions with the same title (Story of our Country) by different authors over a wide range of years. I found one dating back to the 1930s, and some more recent than the one I bought (by different authors). The year is important because historians (like newspeople) now want to interpret, not report. Just the facts, ma'am. Don't give me your version of what you want to believe. When I popped the title in to do comparison price shopping, I recognized the cover on this one. Wow! Excitement! The one I got is from Amazon so they delivered it on Sunday. It's an ex-public-library copy but it good condition. Did I say I'm excited?
* * * * *
I am waiting for Service people to call me about our freezer. It quit working properly this weekend. It's cold but not freezing. We took everything out and put it in the other freezer so we didn't lose any food. We have the service agreement (and replacement) through our electric company so hopefully I won't have to pay anything. While I was waiting on the phone today with the electric company, the recorded soundtrack said they've added plumbing to their services, too. My brother thinks all this is crazy because he fixes whatever breaks down at his house. Problem is I don't have anyone here to fix stuff so a service like the electric company offers is valuable. I've seen similar services offered on commercials by free-standing companies.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 4/24/2017 (10:48)
Off and running again. I am up 4 pounds for this month. Not bad, since there were days when it was more than 10 pounds up. Wish I would stop this lose-regain stuff.
Family has decided to do the Burn Carcinia plan. I looked at the info sheet included with the pills, and it seems like Atkins again. That's ok with me. They can take their pills, and we will all eat low carb and see if I don't do just as well. Atkins works for me. I modify it some and don't go crazy on animal protein. It will frustrate Sis because she loves her fruit and fruit juices. On their info sheet, it said she can have "sour fruit" like lemons, limes. She can have avocado in limited amounts. No oranges or orange juice.
This gives me hope. It should change the groceries purchased and give me better choices. I was surprised that their sheet said no canned vegetables. Probably because of salt? It will be good to have fresh and frozen vegetables in more variety and quantity than what she was buying before.
Wonder of wonders, we had salads today. I usually make and eat salads alone. Sis brought us each a very nice salad from McDonalds.Todays intake was basically salad and eggs.
I really need to take advantage of their motivation. I am usually doing this alone. It gives me so much hope to have everyone in the house moving in the same direction.
* * * * *
A friend posted a scanned newspaper column on her Facebook wall. Here are the first couple of sentences:
I asked God to take away my habit. God said, "No, it is not for me to take away, but for you to give up..."
That made me think. If you've been reading my entries, I posted a couple days ago (3/26/17) where I expressed frustration about many things with my health. When I read this, it spoke to my heart and I've been pondering and praying it since. I whisper to myself throughout the day, "This ______ is for you to give up" when I'm thinking about eating unwisely or anything else that has to do with health. God will give us strength but He does not do it for us...unless getting sick lately when I eat (or food not tasting as good as anticipated) is a gift from Him? Well, it did cross my mind, though I'm not sure that's how He operates.
I know eating healthy depends on me. I cherish His strength to help me, but it's still up to me to follow through. I can override that small voice that reminds me what I should be doing. There is always that two-second window between thought and action where I have the power to do what is in my best interest.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 4/22/2017 (01:37)
WATERMELLEN wrote a blog on the 5 Thieves of Happiness. She explored the five things that steal our innate happiness that we already have. The first was control.
That makes me think: Can I be happy even with my physical condition? I am in pain every day. I am very concerned about my future as I become less independent and more limited in mobility. I am very concerned about the extra weight that won't budge as I become more inactive. I cry frequently when alone. Can I be happy with life as it is right now? It will only get worse so I need to enjoy today.
I think about Comedian Mark Lowery's routine about living life backwards. If we could start out old and in the nursing home, and live our lives in reverse, progressing back to retirement, and then working years, raising family, and finally being a child again, there are so many things we would do differently. We would enjoy each day more. We would appreciate everything. As the song goes, we don't know what we have until it's gone or we are threatened with loss.
* * * * *
I've been very sick the last two days, maybe a 24 hour bug? The most frustrating part was not being able to eat. Did I lose weight? Scale was down about 1 pound. I should celebrate but my initial feeling was disappointment that it was so little. Geesh!
I think it's because my weight goes up so easily and down so slowly. I can gain ten pounds in two days but it will take weeks to lose the same ten pounds.
Is my weight something under my control?
As Watermellen says, "I can control what I eat myself, and my own immediate food environment, primarily with planning and avoiding temptation. But I cannot control the proliferation of fast-food restaurants and manufactured salt/sugar/fat options in the junk food aisles at the grocery store and there's little point in railing angrily about that or using it to excuse my own indulgences. Because: it's not all about me -- and Spark People is a place of service to others, supporting others on our journey. I can celebrate the weight loss successes of others (rather than being envious of their size 2 or size 4 bodies), celebrate what their experiences can offer me and choose to be grateful. I can choose to be content now with my own size 8s: realistic for my height and age and the amount of time I can devote to exercise and . . . I can continue to try new approaches, new methods, new patterns of behaviour that will help keep me MAINtaining!!! "
I am no where near maintenance. It's so far away that I can't even envision it. But I can control what I eat. Can I be content with staying hungry when I don't have healthy choices. I don't have the luxury of controlling my food environment because I live with others. I am not able to do the grocery shopping or cooking. In all fairness, I am able to add items to the grocery list if I want to.
We only have one family meal a day. The rest is under my control.
It has to be easy to make. Most days I don't have the energy to prep and cook. When I try, I pay for it with increased physical pain the rest of the day. Many times I don't eat when it's left up to me because I don't have the energy to prepare anything.
Since the bout with cancer, many foods no longer taste good. I thought that would pass by now but it may be permanent. Some of my favorite foods make me ill now. I look at my 50 year old niece, still able to snack on chips and pop for supper, and I remember when I could eat however I wanted and not suffer for it.
My mind wants more fruits and vegetables, and limited animal products. Sometimes fruits keep me in the bathroom. I crave salads. Yummy greens, crispy vegetables. The last few times I've had a salad, I didn't feel well afterwards and had to spend time in the bathroom. Sis said she would bring me a vegetable salad tonight when she comes. We'll see how that goes.
I wonder if I got cancer because of the big reduction in fruits and vegetables since my family moved home. They don't eat how we used to eat. Sis says she loves vegetables but we don't have them everyday. We grew up on a farm. We've had gardens all of our lives until now that we are no longer physically able to garden. I miss fresh-from-the-garden produce.
* * * * *
I love to surf blogs here at Spark. I call it my happy place. I read this one today that made me laugh. Enjoy!
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 4/18/2017 (14:09)
Mammogram report came back normal.
The oncologist's office rescheduled my appointment this week to late June. This six months has stretched into a year.
I really want to be smaller before I see the oncologist again. He is not going to be happy that I've put the weight back on that I lost when I was so sick.
I think I have my weight under control for a few days as the pounds start dropping, then here they come again. I am so tired of losing and regaining the same pounds.
It's no big secret how to lose weight. We have to take in less calories than we burn.
My health has deteriorated. I'm not bouncing back. I'm less active. Every day functions are a struggle. It doesn't take much fuel to sustain life at this level. I don't know how I can cut back more than I am. I usually eat one cooked meal each day. I have a snack in the evening.
Sometimes I don't have the energy to prepare anything so I go long periods without eating. Nothing sounds good. Nothing tastes good like it used to taste.
I know all the arguments about being in starvation mode so the body hangs on to the pounds. If I eat more I gain pounds quickly. I am not starving myself. I wouldn't be maintaining this ridiculous amount of weight if I was starving.
Sometimes I think the only way to lose it is to stop eating like I did when I had cancer and was too sick to keep anything down. No, I don't ever want to go through that again. That is not a good way to lose weight. It messed up my body chemistry and put me back in the hospital.
For healthy weight loss, we are told not to skip meals. Make healthy choices.
Wish I had a personal cook to prepare meals so I didn't have to think about any of this. My brain is tired.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 4/9/2017 (02:59)
Spark People made a change on the main page. At first it was annoying. I do not like change. They did away with giving our favorite Spark teams points. They hid some features that I use daily and it took me awhile to find them. I was so frustrated.
They added a feature to the page like the wall on Facebook. People post. Others can comment or hit the Like button. At first it seemed to be annoying stuff that really didn't matter. Then people started posting before and after pictures of themselves. I've always been inspired by success stories. I am so inspired by the before and after pictures. If there are that many people who have lost a significant amount of weight, why can't I? My after picture would be much larger than my before picture since I now weigh more than 80 pounds more than when I joined Spark.
I've gone through some very hard times in the years I've been here. I've lost those dearest to me. I've suffered health issues, diseases and injuries and surgeries. Now I am losing mobility and independence. My weight is working against me.
Why can't I set a course and stay true? Others have worked their way down to a healthier weight. Why can't I? Not perfection but progress. Why?
As my last few entries have reflected, I am going through a time of deep soul searching. I am taking a break from my 5% challenges. I need to get my heart and head together. I am only deluding myself into thinking this lose-regain-lose-regain stuff is working. It has never worked in the past, and it won't work in the future. What is that saying, about thinking we can keep doing what we've always done and get different results? Until I am ready to truly change for more than three weeks (or 6 week or 2 months) at a time, this will not work. It has to be a lifetime commitment to a new lifestyle. My head has known that for a long time. So why can't I do what I know I should do every day for the rest of my life? Why do I succeed for awhile, then self destruct? When I am succeeding, is the plan really unsustainable? I have so much head knowledge. What is the missing piece?
"Just do it" is not enough to carry me through long term. Is it that I know I have to change (for my health's sake) but really rebel about that idea? Do I really NOT want to change? I resent the need to change even while I know that I HAVE to change. Well, as one author said, No, we really don't HAVE to change. We can keep doing what we've been doing and keep getting what we've been getting.
I want better for myself.
Look at the ticker. It was 31 pounds lost a month ago. Now it says 11 pounds lost. That is so typical. I have lost hundreds and gained hundreds of pounds, yo yo fashion. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to be overweight. I don't want to be unhealthy. I don't want to give up unhealthy food. I don't want to discipline myself to do what I need to do. I can't have it both ways. God, please help me.
Why would I want something that is not in my best interest? How have I persuaded myself that being undisciplined and eating unhealthy food is more pleasurable than taking care of myself? What has happened to my sense of self preservation?
Taking care of myself has to become my focus. More than my focus, it has to become something I WANT to do more than the pleasure of short term unhealthy behavior. It has to spring from the core of my being. I must WANT what is best for me. I want what is best for my family and loved ones, so why not for me? I have to start seeing things through the filter of what is best for me. Will that help me shrink in horror from behavior and food that ultimately hurts me?
Who am I listening to? Someone who doesn't like me? A little voice who says short term pleasure is better than long term pleasure? I must be most discriminating and start talking back. I must take back my life.
I know a 55 years old man who does not eat sweets. He says he did not grow up eating them, so why should he start now? We smugly smile at his claim because he doesn't know what he is missing...but maybe he is on to something. He has a different way of thinking than the rest of us. I should envy him. How do I move into that place of indifference to things that are not good for me?
Years ago I care for two children who could not be bribed by sweets. Food in general was not that important to them. In fact, the boy would forget to eat until he got a stomach ache. His mom would tell me to remind him to eat. How do people get like that? Is it genetic?
What do these three people know that I don't? Is it a sense of self preservation that has not been overrun by bad decisions again and again?
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 3/26/2017 (04:09)
I need space for a little rant. Few people bother to read my journal so I'm putting it here instead of in a blog.
Tonight the Hallmark Channel had a movie on that infuriated me the first time I saw it, and did the same tonight. Of course, my family was oblivious and wanted to watch it. I've never made it even halfway through that movie before I have to leave the room (after making my feelings known...while everyone tries to ignore me while they keep watching the movie).
The city council turned down the request for bike lanes because they didn't have the money to do it. The special interest group didn't protest like today's snowflakes but they took the city to court to try to force them to give them what they want. No, they did not offer to help pay or raise the money. They just threw a hissy fit and said I want it and you need to give it to me. Not that it wasn't a good cause.
I wan't impressed with the city's attorney. After he pointed out at the beginning that there was no money for this project, he never said another word at subsequent hearings. He should have hammered that home. Would they like the city to take the money away from fire or police or maybe even away from their children's school so 50 people could have a bike lane?
Why can't people be part of the solution instead of creating a problem? To reinforce their cause, they get 200 people to sign a petition supporting them. Next to each name, they should have added how much each person was donating to the cause...because we know anyone can sign a petition, but put your money where your mouth is. I would be looking for contributions starting at a thousand because this is not a nickle and dime expense. What don't they understand about "there is no money right now for this project"? So solve the money issue and you just might get what you are demanding. Do they run their personal lives like that, charging everything they want, even when they know they can't pay for it?
So I left the room, went to bed early...which is why I am up now at 1 o'clock in the morning.
What does any of this have to do with food? I like to think I'm a reasonable adult but there have been many times in my life when I've demonstrated the same attitude about food that these fools were demonstrating about their bike lane.
Both are worthy causes. They need the bike lane for safety. We need food to survive.
When do they become a problem? When it's time to pay the piper.
They didn't want to wait until there was money for the bike lane.
While there is a cost involved in buying excess food, there is a bigger expense to our health. That is the true cost of eating our way willy nilly through life. Eventually our health demands we pay the piper.
As an older adult, I am not happy that I can't eat the way I used to. I do not expend the same amount of energy I did when I was younger. I can feel full halfway through a cheeseburger. My meals are snack size now because my body does not need that much food. I can make the choice to make those few bites something nutritious and healthy, or I can eat chips and pop and skip a balanced meal. I can't do both.
Worse than that, I am now paying the cost to my health for the way I have treated my body. I have to live with that every day. We act like we will always have more time to make things right. Believe me, folks, it isn't so.
Your future self will thank you if you change your ways and do the right thing now. Get really serious with yourself about the cost of what you are doing today. Take it from someone who knows.
Writing this makes me hungry. Time to raid the kitchen.
Just joking. Seriously, what don't I understand about all of this? Don't I understand I am running out of chances to lose this weight and enjoy independence and mobility? Why am I not doing consistently what I know I should be doing?
Because it's so hard! It's hard to change years of unhealthy habits. It takes energy to plan and prep. It the food is prepped, I will eat it.
I get tired and take the easy way out. I don't feel like shredding and spinning the lettuce when I'm hungry so I will change the salad for something easy. The solution is prepping the lettuce ahead of time and having it ready to go.
EAT FOR LIFE is really a simple plan. Eating whole foods could not be easier. How much prep is there to eating food in it's natural state?
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 3/26/2017 (02:47)
I am reading the booklet, I AM A SLAVE TO FOOD, by Shannon Kay McCoy. Not necessarily new ideas but it's coming together for me in a way that didn't when I heard it before. I feel crushed and broken. I am VERY overweight. It is obvious that I am eating way more than I need to maintain life. I have given myself access to food for the purpose of indulgence.
For a long time I've realized that it takes very little food to maintain life. When I was recovering from cancer surgery, I could not keep anything down. I was nauseous most of the time. I quit eating. I lost 43 pounds in that first month. That is not a good way to lose weight. It messed up my body chemistry and put me back in the hospital.
If I am going to eat only what my body needs to maintain life, then my choices need to be healthy. EAT TO LIVE, by Dr Joel Fuhrman, makes sense: nutrient dense foods. Greens, vegetables, fruit, seeds, and nuts.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 3/24/2017 (22:39)
Our 5% Challenge is over. I started strong but didn't end there. Didn't reach the ultimate goal but that's ok. I think I'll take a break from the Spring Challenge. I need time to evaluate and plan and rethink goals. I need time for me.
Appointment with the oncologist coming up in April. He won't be happy about my weight.
Thanks for your post - Keep it up, try not to let "stuff" get in your way, & it'll happen...Have a great day!
Wednesday March 1, 2017 Day 45 of the 5% Challenge
Not gaining any ground here. My health is stinking bad. I am doing some of the things I should do but it's not enough. My slow and steady turtle won't even look at me now. Even Mother Nature is crying today. Power was interrupted, probably by the wind, but it came back on after a few very dark minutes.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 3/19/2017 (03:41)
Tuesday February 2 Day 44 of the 5% Challenge
Not doing so good. I have let myself down. I erased all the progress I made this year. In fact I haven't weighed this much since June 22, 2016. In three weeks I wiped out 8 months of work.
I can't undo what is done. I can only go forward. February was a screwed up month. It was my choice. It was weeks of one bad choice after another.
March will be a slow and steady forward progression. I know what to do.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 3/1/2017 (00:23)
Thursday Feb 23, 2017 Day 39 of the 5% Challenge
Root canal today. Drilled through the crown. He explained in detail exactly what he was doing each step of the way. Such a relief to be rid of the pain.
Still not back on track with my eating. How could I do so well for weeks and then fall off like this? I am eating what I should be eating, then eating again...which puts me over the calorie limit. I had salad with white beans, tomatoes, and sunflower seeds on Romaine. around 5:30 PM. Then an hour later my niece tells me she has dinner ready. We usually just get what we want. So I ate some beans and small red-skinned potatoes. Skipped the pork loin. I've drunk a lot of water today.
It's been unseasonably warmer weather here for awhile, very strange winter, but I'm not complaining. Prediction is for storms/precipitation tomorrow. Concerned about safety.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/24/2017 (00:30)
Wednesday February 22, 2017 Day 38 of the 5% Challenge
Self sabotage? What is happening? What am I doing? I have just about wiped out the 13 pounds I lost this year. Gained 5 pounds in the last 2 days. I updated Spark weight. My ticker went from 31.2 pounds lost, to 19.8 pounds lost. That's up 11.4 pounds since last update...all within one week. Some would say that's not possible, yet for me it's usual. My weight is volatile. Very quick gains, very slow losses. I cannot delude myself into thinking this transition to Eat to Live is working. He says it's not necessary to count calories, just eat nutrient dense food until not hungry. Problem is I'm not 100% nutrient dense foods. For now, I will go back to logging in the nutrition tracker and staying at the low end of the calorie range, while still picking nutrient dense foods as much as I can. I see the benefits healthwise of eating fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds, and avoiding everything else as much as possible.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/22/2017 (10:14)
Monday, February 20, 2017 Day 36 of the 5% Challenge
Why can't I do this? Other people had joined here and lost the weight. Why do I keep going in circles? I am so frustrated.
We are on week 6 of the challenge. I had four good weeks. Weight loss slowed but I still made progress. Week four I wavered and now I'm allowing unhealthy eating habits to kick in. Why? WHY, WHY, WHY! Each night I say Enough, I will get right back on track but it hasn't happened.
The weight loss had slowed. I wasn't eating enough because I couldn't get the scale to cooperate. (Now I've regained six pounds in one week! I put it on very quickly.)
My sister has been talking to me for the last few years about switching over the Eat to Live. I started reading the book. It has alarming facts about the horrible health we experience when we don't eat right. The author said to not start the plan until we finish the book so we can make a proper commitment. Who wants to wait when they are reading warnings of the consequences if we don't take action? I am already experiencing those health issues. I need to change.
So I've started eating as I understand what I need to do. It seems to basically be fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. It is better to eliminate fats and animal products. I have no problem with that.
Many times I have a salad with fruit in it for breakfast. I have a salad with veggies and beans in it at night. Lunch is a little more flexible because that is our family meal. No problem there, because I like veggies.
I can't evaluate how it's working because I've allowed unhealthy sweets back in. They are not on anyone's plan, especially mine. Only I can control that. The sweets have nothing to do with the plan. They have to do with my indecisiveness about my eating plan. Half giving up on the old under-calorie-limit plan and half on the new Eat to Live plan. Eat to Live takes thinking, planning, and prepping time. If it's not prepped, I will eat something else.
Today we went out to eat, outside of my control, because the decision was made while we were out to stop at the restaurant my niece manages. Deep fried and very greasy is most of the menu. The coleslaw was probably the only halfway healthy thing I ate.
Tomorrow may be a repeat because we have appointments in the morning. Then we'll probably get something to eat, then on to the afternoon appointment. I hope we go to a restaurant where I can get oatmeal or a salad. They are on plan.
The Eat to Live book says that we will lose weigh following that plan, though that is not the focus. Living disease free is the focus. Another Sparker following low carb pointed out that he doesn't see how anyone can lose weigh on Eat to Live, since they allow fruit, beans, and occasionally rice (brown or wild), even starchy veggies occasionally. Why do I listen to people who confuse me?
For my health's sake, I have to lose weight and eat healthy. How many chances does one person have? I am already paying dearly for eating any way I wanted to eat for years. I WANT to do this. I want to this NOW. I will do this. As DAWNSUCCESS says, We are doing this.
We've had an unseasonably nice winter. I suspect we may be in for a weather change because today I am stiff and my bones hurt so much. That's why I'm awake again in the middle of the night. Full day tomorrow so I need to try to get more sleep.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/21/2017 (01:15)
Friday February 17, 2017 Day 33 of the 5% Challenge
I am doing it. I have not finished Dr Joel Fuhrman's book, Eat to Live. I am on page 131 out of 314 pages. He said not to start until I finish the book. How can I ignore all the things I am reading? He gives evidence between what we eat and our health. When someone tells me eating certain things will cause disease, I am not going to wait until I finish the book to do something about it.
For the past week, I've been working in more salads. He recommends two salads a day. I use one head of Romaine each day: half for a breakfast salad with fruit and nuts, the other half for a supper salad with beans and vegetables.
I already have the Romaine prepped for Saturday and Sunday because that way there are no excuses. Many times at night I am too tired to get the spinner out and prep the lettuce before eating. It's already packaged in portion size bags in the fridge, ready to go. Soooo easy.
I have not gone totally vegan but that may come. I'm not a big meat eater, but I like cheese and eggs occasionally. Have cut back on those, too. I'm finding the beans filling enough that I'm not looking for other things like cheese and eggs or meat. Again, everything in moderation, but try to make choices in line with my plan most of the time.
I think I will join the Eat to Live support group here on Spark.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/17/2017 (21:50)
Thursday February 16, 2017 Day 32 of the 5% Challenge
I couldn't be farther off track than I am this week. Everything is falling apart. I keep saying I am getting back to basics...but then another day passes. I've even been into the Christmas candy that I've ignored since the Challenge started.
I've been in more pain than usual, this time in my face (from my jaw up the side of my face, past my ear). I was able to see the dentist today. When the pain started around Christmas, it was intermittent. Now it is intense and constant, 24/7. When I saw the new dentist in the office right after Christmas, she couldn't locate the problem. Because the pain was intermittent, I was having trouble pinpointing the exact location though I suspected it was one of the anchor teeth for the bridge. Now my regular dentist confirmed it. Teeth can shift over time. I know they shift during the day because sometimes they are tight when I floss, and sometimes they are looser to floss. The shift has caused the bridge to ride a little higher, causing it not to line up with the corresponding teeth needed to grind food. Every time the bottom and lower touch, there is tremendous pain...and that's pretty much all the time, even when sleeping. He worked on grinding the problematic anchor tooth down so that it aligns better with the teeth above. I will see him again next Tuesday to follow up. I have to take an antibiotic and I can use a pain killer. I have to eat on the other side of my mouth for a couple of days. It still was too painful to eat lunch after I left the office.
After a dose of pain killer, I was able to eat supper...and overdid it. I've been munching since. Stuffed!
I think my regular dentist would have found the problem sooner. It's not something that shows in the xray but he knows me and my history and knows a lot about teeth. I should have gone back in the two months since I saw the new dentist in his office but I hate to pay again and be told she can't find anything wrong. Lesson learned. I will make sure I see my regular dentist. I am politely vocal so they did not charge me for today.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/17/2017 (00:42)
Tuesday February 14, 2017 Day 30 of the 5% Challenge
I've been a little lost this week, slipping on the eating habits. The scale has been kind through it all. I need to re-focus before any damage is done.
SLENDERELLA61 left this comment on my blog, "Personally I think it makes a whole lot more sense to set goals of things you have total control of, like sticking to calorie range, macro-nutrient ranges, exercise minutes. Then use the scale to confirm that in the long run you aren't fudging or fooling yourself. I like the lowest weigh in of each month to compare. I always made progress in that data when I was doing the right things."
The scale can be cruel at times when it doesn't reward us when we think we are doing our best. Two NSV I look for are when my clothes feel looser, and when people (especially people who don't know I'm trying to lose weight) say something nice. All three of these are outside of my control.
Setting streaks for eating within calorie range, certain macro-nutrient ranges that I target, and exercise minutes are under my control. I do feel good when I eat within my calorie range, but I haven't made that a streak I celebrate. I recently saw somebody (it may have been SLENDERELLA61) posting how many days they have gone without overeating. That's impressive.
Other things I could track are getting 8 hours of sleep during the day (doctor-ordered nap included), going to bed before midnight, no evening snacking... These are off the top of my head, and I'm sure I can make this list better when I think about it.
Since my feelings are my worst enemy, the list needs to include things that I am emotionally invested in, too. They don't all have to be weight related. Some time ago I posted about living my day in a way that makes me feel happy when I go to bed.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/14/2017 (17:17)
Saturday February 11, 2017 Day 27 of the 5% Challenge.
Not at all happy with the weight loss this week for the challenge. Less than a pound. I know, I said I will celebrate every fraction of a pound loss...but it's discouraging to drop a pound, then hover up and down around that weight for a week.
I am doing everything right. My eating has been within the calorie range. It needs to be lower carb, more dense vegetables and fruit. My family makes things that are just too heavy, like casseroles and French toast. While I practice portion control, I hate to hurt their feelings by refusing to eat any of it. It's not what I would choose. Fortunately, that's usually only one meal a day. I am responsible for what I eat the rest of the time.
As I've aged and become more sedentary with health issues, my metabolism has slowed. I don't require much food anymore. I don't experience hunger like I used to when younger. I certainly can't eat like I used to, even when eating healthy food. I feel full after a couple of bites. Not much fun going out to eat when I can't enjoy it.
So it's more important that ever that those "couple of bites" be something delicious and nutritious.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/11/2017 (05:21)
Friday February 10, 2017 Day 26 of the 5% Challenge
Tomorrow is weigh in day for the challenge. I am so thankful my weight is moving down again.I need to keep moving if I expect to make my goal for February. This is a short month.
Another good eating day on the lighter side. Had a salad for supper (Romaine, pineapple, blueberries, and nuts). Very tasty. I planned to make a garden salad but the pineapple was calling me.
Fruit is for breakfast or snacking. My aunt used to say that an orange in the morning is gold, and an orange at night is lead. Does that have any scientific backing? I recently read (I think on Spark) that bananas at night create mucus.
Still plowing through Dr Fuhrman's book Eat to Live. He wrote that we should finish the book, then make a commitment, before we start the program. I'm on page 28, still in the first chapter. Takes concentration to focus on the scientific stuff. Not too exciting. To tell the truth, I mostly read it during commercials while watching television in the evening. I'm reading out loud now so my brain hears what my eyes are reading. Or I might pick it up while working on the computer, while waiting for something to load. Is that a lack of commitment? I want to do it. I want to see the basics of the program, what to do, what to eat. This background stuff is not capturing my imagination.
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/10/2017 (22:07)
Thursday 2/9/17 Day 25 of the 5% Challenge
Last two days have been higher in calories. I am reading, learning, and thinking about the new eating plan but not ready to do it yet. I need to stay firm on my present plan until I do. The last couple of days I got lax and went a little over on calories. My body reacts quickly so I am a pound over my last weigh in. Need to be firm about staying at the lower end of the calorie range.
We have a fellow Sparker who is fighting stage four cancer. I've been weeping since I read her blog Continuing the Fight because I realize how much I have given up on myself. Life is hard. Life is painful. I weep for those I have lost. I weep for what I have lost. My health is not good. I am dependent on others.
I need to take a page out of her journal and count my blessings. I need to celebrate the good and search for the positive (like hidden gems waiting to be discovered). I need to do something every day to get healthy enough for surgery so I can regain some independence.
I may blog about this later.
Link to Miss_Willow's blog: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_
From her blog: "Whatever you believe, wherever you are on your journey, I will say this. If I can get out of bed every day determined to exercise and eat well even knowing my time may be short, then I know you too can find the strength to to make this day a good one too. One could say I have an excuse to toss in the towel but I refuse to. You, who have everything to live for, believe in yourself...fight for yourself simply because you DO have the strength to do it. No excuses...LIVE! I believe you can do it. As of today, I have lost nearly 110 lbs"
Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 2/9/2017 (15:49)