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CAN_DO73's Photo CAN_DO73 SparkPoints: (21,598)
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9/23/13 10:22 P

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Depressed, cranky and gloomy do not equate to an adult discussion about whatever it was in the mail that made your hubby feel this way and it certainly doesn't mean you should allow those moods to affect your feelings!!

My advice is to disconnect from his moods all together. If he chooses to have a real discussion about how this news is making him feel (and maybe that does include resentment that you're not financially contributing more, but you can't assume that!) then that's when you need to plug in and engage.

Again, IMO (and some experience here), the more you allow his moods to affect your feelings, the more moods he'll have.

I have to say, I think it's great that you posted this instead of completely internalizing it all!!


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (128,704)
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9/23/13 8:56 P

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It sounds to me like you are blaming yourself for the bad news???

Where it comes to work outside the home, there are many things that perhaps you should be asking yourself:
Do you WANT to work outside the home?

Do you have the time on top of your homecares?

IF you got work, would you have regular, reliable transport?

Do you have children at home? If so, what happens with them? (Sometimes day care or after hours day care can make your pay not worth it.)

Does your HEALTH (emotional or physical) allow you to work (regularly)

I am sure that you would be able to think of some more questions to ask yourself.

IF it turns out that you might be able to get some part-time work, then be prepared for many knock-backs. Think of things that you CAN do, including perhaps child-minding at home, or taking someone's dog for a walk (good way to get your exercise in, too :-)

I don't work - I am on a Benefit. Prior to my late husband's death, he was on one, too - both of us because of health issues. I know that financially things can be very hard, but there are ways of getting through it, and the best way to start is to write down a list of every little thing you spend your money on. Make columns to track more easily - food in one, power/gas in another, petrol/bus fare in another, clothing, medical, amusements, etc. Do it for a month and then have a good look and see where you can cut costs. It might be forgoing a regular coffee out, or not buying as much, make-up or clothes. It might be looking in your pantry and finding ways to cuts (financial) corners by substituting this for that (i.e. reduce some meat and increase lentils/split peas etc.) Based on this information, you can create a very accurate budget.

Good luck,

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression

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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me

I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan

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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (139,255)
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9/23/13 11:41 A

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It's been tough for a lot of people to make ends meet during this downturn in the economy. It's not you. A lot of families are having trouble trying to pay the bills.

There was a time when one paycheck (the hubby's) could support the entire family. But not so these days. many stay at home moms have had to take part time or even full time jobs to help pay the bills. I also think there is a misconception that all women stayed at home to take care of the family. Many did have to work outside out the house.

Don't beat yourself up because you're not working. Goodness knows taking care of a family is a lot of work. Have you considered maybe looking for a part time job ? that might be something you could do in order to have a little extra money. At least, it could help lesson some of your financial burden.

KARATE_KID's Photo KARATE_KID SparkPoints: (57,509)
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9/23/13 9:03 A

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I know these feelings. What I've found out though, most of the time other people don't see me in the same way. It may help to talk it over with your partner; you could be surprised!

It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first.
-Miyamoto Musashi

Laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike!

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ZORBS13's Photo ZORBS13 SparkPoints: (99,005)
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9/22/13 9:43 P

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I feel like a disappointment that I am not able to contribute financially to the family as much as I'd like, but I'm also unwilling to go back to school/look for a better paying job.

“Sometimes the moments that challenge us the most, define us.” - Deena Kastor

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RN42MORROW's Photo RN42MORROW SparkPoints: (9,831)
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9/22/13 7:41 P

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Husband opened the mail, got negative news, has been depressed/cranky for 24 hours. Makes me feel like I am a disappointment for not working outside the home. All my insecurities really rage when he gets gloomy.

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