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Supervisor called me FAT today. :(



 
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WIPINGSWEAT
WIPINGSWEAT's Photo Posts: 96
9/24/13 12:00 P

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Some people are just crude! My former boss once used me as an example like that. He was talking about a friend of his and said 'She's even fatter than you, Sheri!'. I was dumbfounded. I mean, we are taught not to say things like that even if we think it. To actually have somebody voice it was shocking, as well as making me angry.

You have the right attitude about it, though! It's your choice if you are offended or use it as fuel. Keep up the good work - your mind is in the right place!



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HAPPYMENOW58
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9/22/13 3:51 P

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BOh...You got a lot pf good advice on this thread....I feel so badly that you had to go through this.....Hang in there.....You are handling it!



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CHRISTASP
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9/21/13 12:58 P

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GOOD FOR YOU for chosing option B.

I think they should not have used a person as an example, to begin with.

I also don't really get it. English is not my mother's tongue, so maybe that's why. But is 'fat' a swearword, something to take offense at? How is 'short' not an offense but 'fat' is? Would it have been better if he said 'overweight'?

I think that if you can see 'short' as 'just a part of you' maybe - for now, anyway - you can see 'fat' (overweight) as a part of you too. Just a temporary part.

I realize I'm expressing another way to look at it than most of those who replied. And I do understand that such a comment can hurt. But I feel you may be better off just realizing that probably not that much harm was intended, and that it can only harm you if you take it personal.

I would just let it go. But that's maybe just me.

Edited by: CHRISTASP at: 9/21/2013 (13:01)
Christina





WARMSTRONG2
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9/21/13 9:45 A

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Good for you.



INNERJETTIC
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9/20/13 8:56 P

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Good for you to use it as fuel to boost you toward your goal. I know when I was a child, I wanted to learn how to knit and crochet and kept asking my mother to get me the things I needed. I remember her telling me I could never do that. I think as a child, I had a habit of starting things but not finishing, so it wasn't as if she was trying to be mean. But I did use her comments to fuel me toward learning how to knit and crochet. Taught myself as a matter of fact.

If it were me, I don't think I would haul out the big guns by going to a supervisor unless he has a pattern of doing this. Anybody can say stupid things. We are all guilty of it at one time or another. I would give him a chance to make amends. Since this was done in front of the students, I would have handled it in front of the students. While what he said was hurtful and incredibly inappropriate in front of the children, it could still be a learning experience for them. I might have half jokingly/half seriously but lightheartedly say "Now, now, that's not very nice." That's enough to call him out, display some class in front of the students and stand up for your own boundaries. I'm sure there are children at school who also struggle with their weight. Then I might announce that I had just begun working on a healthy lifestyle and would welcome encouragement.

So sorry you had to hear that today. emoticon Don't let a rude, insensitive comment derail you from treating yourself well and getting healthy. You go girl!



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MAMA_CD
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9/19/13 9:39 P

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Good for you for choosing B. Personally, I let people's comments fly by me, especially if it's a one time thing. If this person had a habit of saying derogatory remarks like than, then you might want to address it. I think anyone may on occasion accidently say outloud what they were thinking unintentionally, so I'd give them the benefit of a doubt. As for you, emoticon on the 3lb weight loss, and great attitudes.

MAMA_CD...count your blessings!
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
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PEEJMA
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9/18/13 3:38 P

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Wow, that is so inappropriate. I am an administrator at a school and for an adult working with children to indulge in that kind of hateful behavior would be grounds for serious action. I don't know what your work has in place for complaints, but at mine, any derogatory remarks such as that (to be harassment, it does not have to be gender/race/religions)--to make a pejorative comment about an individual's weight is (at least the start of) harassment. I would go to human resources and discuss your options and what occurred.

Kudos to you for a positive attitude about a negative, bullying comment. What a jerk.



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MSKIZ69
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9/17/13 9:58 P

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That was beyond uncalled for from your supervisor Jen-and anger can fuel a good workout. But very happy for your success and your positive outlet for it!



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TENS_GIRL75
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9/17/13 1:02 P

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As a supervisor myself I am appalled by this. I would definitely bring it up to whoever his supervisor is because not only is it harassing to you but it also sets a horrible example for the kids. There is already this culture of bullying that has gotten worse since the introduction of social media. We as adults should be modeling good behavior for kids.
Honestly if I was his supervisor he would find himself in sensitivity training quite fast and maybe even a written warning about proper behavior in front of the youth.



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NEWTSPRO
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9/17/13 10:49 A

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How inappropriate, but you are facing this situation like a champ! I think you should call him out about what he said and let him know how wrong he was. Otherwise he might think it's ok and do it again.

Making small changes every day!


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ITISABOUTME
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9/17/13 10:22 A

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Sorry but I had to giggle at your post! Way back when I was in high school (and that has been 35 years ago) a smart aleck reply for us would have been "I may be fat but you are ugly and at least I can lose weight". That may have been a childish thing to say but hey you are losing weight and apparently this person is not so pretty on the inside! Guess who is willing to make the changes at this point? That's right you are!! Keep up the taking care of you and you will feel better about every situation that arises!!

I didnt add that this person is inconsiderate, rude and mean and should be "taken care of" cause everyone else has already told you that!!!!

Edited by: ITISABOUTME at: 9/17/2013 (10:25)


~Cyndi~

Life is only what you make of it!! It's time to make mine better!!!



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SLIMMERKIWI
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9/17/13 5:19 A



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What your supervisor did was very inappropriate. I would have tackled it there and then (in an assertive way, not aggressive) so that the children can hear that words have consequences for those who utter them, too, and also to show them that people also have feelings.

If your supervisor doesn't apologize or is unreasonable, I would make a complaint, verbally and in writing to the supervisor further up. Some places it is a sacking offense!

Kris

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KARATE_KID
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9/17/13 1:06 A

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Inappropriate and unprofessional. How would he feel if you played this game with the kids and said "IQ of xxx - idiot"?

It's up to you if you want to call him on it or go to his boss. I think if you feel strong enough to discuss it with him you'd be doing him a huge favour since this kind of inappropriate behaviour will get him into trouble sooner or later. It's also your choice if you want to let it go and "consider the source", as my mother used to say.

Love your Plan B - living well is the best revenge.

emoticon





It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first.
-Miyamoto Musashi

Laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike!
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dex2.htm





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JONDAK
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9/16/13 5:24 P

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First of all he is an idiot. With that being said, the only real control you have here is how you react tot the situation. I like plan B, use it to motivate yourself
By the way I don't think you look fat and at you are the same weight as me:)



MAKEWEE
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9/16/13 4:34 P

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Address email or a letter to the supervisor's boss stating that if this type of comment is made again you will be forced to consult an attorney with Labor Relations on how to cope with a hostile work environment.

Life is happening everywhere - let's get in on it!


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LOVE4KITTIES
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9/16/13 1:27 P

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I agree that you should talk to your supervisor's boss about this. Your supervisor should not be making comments about your body in any way, shape or form. It doesn't matter if you are overweight, underweight, muscular, out of shape, missing a leg, etc., he should not be commenting on your body to anyone, including kids. It doesn't matter if the comment was true or not. It was inappropriate to make any comment at all about your body.

The adults also need to guide the kids on what comments are appropriate and when someone said "dimensions of Jennifer" an adult should have stopped things right there and said it's not appropriate (no matter your dimensions, meaning no matter if someone would have called you "skinny" or "fat", "short" or "tall").

I would not address your weight with anyone, including your supervisor or his boss. Your weight is not the issue or an issue for discussion. Your supervisor's inappropriate remark about your body is the issue. Yes, it was completely inappropriate even though it may be true that you are overweight because he should not be commenting on your body regardless of its state (e.g., would it be okay if he'd called you hot, muscular, toned, one-legged, pale, black or anything else even if these were true statements....the answer is a resounding NO).

The adults also need to guide the kids on what comments are appropriate and when someone said "dimensions of Jennifer" an adult should have stopped things right there and said it's not appropriate (no matter your dimensions, meaning no matter if someone would have called you "skinny" or "fat", "short" or "tall").

Again, I would advise you to not give your supervisor's comment any validity by even considering discussing your weight, weight loss plan or anything like that. Do not say that you know are overweight and trying to lose weight. You do not need to defend yourself here or "admit" to having a problem. Why? It's irrelevant and you do not need to defend yourself or be made to feel like you need to defend yourself. It matters not at all if you are losing weight, trying to lose weight, happy at your current weight, trying to gain weight, eating healthy, living off of McDonalds or anything else about YOU. Your body, how your body looks, your weight, your eating habits, your attempts to lose weight, etc. are subjects that should be completely off limits to your coworkers, supervisor, supervisor's boss and anyone else that you work with so long as you can do your job. The issue here is not YOU, it's your supervisor's behavior. Make it about that and nothing more.

You should see your supervisor's boss and tell him or her that your supervisor made a comment about your body to the children and that you feel upset/harassed by this because he should not be commenting about your body in any way to anyone (and no one should be commenting on anyone's body). If you choose, you can specify that he commented on your height and weight and give the circumstances (e.g. during a game when someone said "dimensions of Jennifer."). If asked to give the specific wording of what he said, you can then say "short and fat."

He shouldn't have commented on your height, either, by the way. Even though you say you don't mind comments about your height, they are inappropriate because people at work should not be commenting on anyone's body. It's bad, inappropriate behavior and, even though you may not mind the height comments, there could be someone standing next to you who does have a problem with his height and who would then feel embarrassed by the comments directed at you (and potentially at him in the future because, if it's okay to say it to you, it must be okay to say it to everyone). I mean...maybe you don't mind being called shorty, but other people would be horribly upset and embarrassed by that. So, all comments about people's bodies need to stop at your place of work and that policy needs to be clear to everyone.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 9/16/2013 (13:59)

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SUNSHINE6442
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9/16/13 10:18 A

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I, personally would go to the supervisor's boss and tell him your having a problem with the supervisor and that you want a meeting between him and you in front of the boss so you can tell him face to face that he was hurtful to you....and that what he did in front of the children was inappropriate.

This is unacceptable behavior from an adult. Yes, it is bullying and even a form of sexual harassment and it has to stop. It needs to be addressed promptly, because who knows what else is being said behind your back....what you overheard might just be a small part of his lack of judgment.



PJNSGRL78
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9/16/13 7:47 A

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You absolutely should bring it up to him and his supervisor. In another work setting I would leave it up to you but not only does this affect you it also affects the kids you both work with. Bullying is SUCH a serious problem right now. He saw it was OK to bully you in front of these kids. Even if he just thought you wouldn't hear and wasn't thinking it taught those kids that this was an appropriate thing to say. You never know if these kids might have an eating disorder or even if they will run into other kids or adults and judge them.

It sadly seems in the society we live in that bullying people who are overweight or obese is still socially acceptable. It needs to stop.

Good for you though for using this in a positive manner. emoticon

~Hope~

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To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand."
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it will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
to be fearful of the night."
~Sarah Williams~

"You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one" ~John Lennon~


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ARCHIMEDESII
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9/16/13 5:37 A



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JEN_MAMA_TO3,

WOW, your supervisor is not only a lout, but unprofessional too. I'm sure they thought they were trying to amuse the children, but all that behavior does is show disrespect in front of the children. I would call your supervisor on this. Make this a teaching moment for your supervisor as well as the kids. I appreciate that they probably thought they were making a joke, but that really is disrespectful. They should apologize. If not, you have a lout for a supervisor.

Here's an anecdote about Winston Churchill that you may find helpful. Along with his many other accomplishments, he was known for being a drinker. One day, a lady walks up to him and says,"Sir, you are drunk". He replies,"And you are ugly. However, tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be ugly".




Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 9/16/2013 (05:41)


LOVEXAVIE
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9/15/13 11:24 P

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Oh Jen! I am so sorry - I could just feel what that must have felt like!!

Jeeze, that guy was an idiot (sorry - had to say it). I mean, c'mon: would you EVER say something like that to / about anybody?? Of course not. What kind of knucklehead does that??
People: sometimes they're great and sometimes....argggh. I think we've all had one or more idiot comments.

If it were me, I'd wait to cool down, then pull him aside and say that it really bothered me to be called out that way, especially in front of others.

Meantime, YOU, my friend, can hold your head up high, as no matter what you are working on physically now (losing weight, etc.), you know you would NEVER be so clueless as to do what that supervisor did.

I'd rather have to lose weight than walk around life being clueless & making others feel bad!

Big giant hugs to you. Try your best not let his rudeness & thoughtlessness get the better of you. Make something extra delicious yet healthy & maybe let some weightlifting make you feel better (heavy lifting is cathartic at times).

emoticon



LADYSTARWIND
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9/15/13 11:22 P

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...and next time, I'd be brazen enough to vocally point out right then and there "Excuse me?? Did I hear you correctly? Its true I'm overweight, but not as much as I used to be!! I'm following a great healthy plan now and losing weight!! If anyone wants information about it, I'd be happy to share...."

I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt's quote:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission"

Take care of yourself!!
patti

"Its not the Mountain ahead that wears you out, but the grain of sand in your shoe..."


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FIT4MEIN2013
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9/15/13 11:09 P

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You have a great mindset and are using it to your benefit, but in order to prevent this from happening in the future and to others, it should be taken to HIS supervisor and/or human resources. This harassment puts the company in jeopardy.

Jaynee-Pacific Time Goal reached with 130# loss, 138# total loss

Exercise, eat, track, repeat!!



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JEN_MAMA_TO3
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9/15/13 10:59 P

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So I work with youth.

And today, I was in a 15 passenger van with 12 kids and 3 adults today. One of the adults, my supervisor, was in the back playing catch phrase with the kids. I could only sort of overhear. One of the kids got to a clue that they were trying to get people to guess that was "short." (I am 5'1" and my height is the subject of some minor jokes where I work.. I'm ok with this - just a part of me.)

So the person with the clue said "dimensions of Jennifer," to try to get the kids to guess "short." Well, my supervisor blurts out "Short and Fat." I pretended that I couldn't hear, but honestly it really hurt.

I'm angry that he would say this out loud, in front of youth that I work with, in such an obvious setting. But at the same time I know it's a true statement about me. Yet in the last week I've been working hard to lose a few pounds (and have lost 3 lbs!) and so it really made me angry.

I'm not sure if I will confront him with this... but I do know this.

A) I could use this event to only make me have a binging episode and eat more. OR..

B) I could use this event to fuel my working out tomorrow.

Right now, I choose B.



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