I think many of us here on Spark People have experienced similar feelings. For years, we ignored our weight, then one day we realized, we were fat. What to do ? We all panicked ! And because we all wanted to lose the weight as quickly as possible, we all did unhealthy things that took the weight off. The problem ? We all gained the weight back.
We've all made mistakes like that. However, that was the past. You can't change the past, but you can influence and change the future. Breaking the cycle won't be easy, but the first thing you have to understand is this,"There is more too good health than a number that stares at us from between our toes in the morning".
What I've learned from my own weight loss journey is that while it IS important to maintain a healthy weight, what my body can do is what really matters. Your self esteem is should NOT be determined by a number on the scale.
What to do ? I would start by reading this great Spark article. It really does take a long time to change our heads. We're our own worst critics. Flaws we see in ourselves, no one else sees. But, you can make a change. www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti