I'm going through a phase of depression right now. I find myself struggling with over eating and not exercising.
I know exactly what the problem is, just cannot seem to work my normal optimistic magic and get past it. I am 34 and I have no kids and am divorced. I worry that I am too old to find a new relationship and have kids before it becomes to risky for the myself and any child I attempt to bring into the world. It isn't just having a baby, though, it is the idea of a family, and I worry, too, that an saggy, former fatty with massive school loan debt won't be able to attract a man. Or I should say, attract a man I find attractive. I know I attract men, but not the type of guy I have any interest in developing a relationship with.
I feel like the deck is stacked against me. I am broke- I am student right now and I was forced to buy a new freaking car when I work 2 days a week and spend 5 days a week in an unpaid internship which is 136 miles ONE WAY away from where I live. I have to pay rent on two apartments and I cannot afford to do anything at all just about it- Including doctors visits or seeing my therapist.
I forget sometimes how to get myself on track. I know that fitness used to help, but the things I enjoy I cannot do here (spin, my hip hop abs DVD, or my power pump class). I find I am no where near as motivated to do fitness like walking or hiking as I am for spin or an elliptical machine, and walking is my only option here.
There are no elevators in the house of success.
H. H. Vreeland
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it- Margaret Thatcher
| current weight: 205.0