Sounds to me like you've lost the forest for the trees, so to speak. You've gotten caught up in the details and forgotten the purpose.
You started this to lose some weight, get healthier, and find a fun, nutritious way of eating that would last you a lifetime.
So - you lost the weight. You are healthier. You have a fitness program that brings you joy. I've seen some of your recipes and food recommendations on the boards, so I know that you've found a fun and nutritious way of eating.
You got down to a randomly chosen "goal weight", but haven't spent enough time there to know if it is the weight that your body is happiest at.
You've put on a few pounds again, but you are also lifting, which you know is going to cause gain (or at least, it should - muscle gain is a good thing!).
Now, look at the big picture. The big picture is that you've put in place all of the tools and lifestyle features to enjoy a healthy life. The big picture is that the number on the scale is going to bounce around just like your blood pressure - it's just a snapshot of a moment in time and a few pounds either way mean literally nothing. The big picture is one of happy success, and further futzing with the minute details is only going to end up taking away from that success and not adding to it.
I'm thinking that you're a bit afraid to let go of the details and just trust yourself. If it were me, I'd put away the tracker and the scale for a few weeks, eat when you're hungry, do the workouts that make you happy, and see what happens. Eat the nutritious foods that make you happy, with an occasional not-so-nutritious food when the mood strikes. Give yourself and your family the example that living healthily without obsession is not just possible, but also enjoyable!
I think it's worth the experiment to see if the binges disappear and if you can start relaxing in to your "new normal" lifestyle, and start really enjoying life again. That's what it really is all about, isn't it?
Seriously, you've GOT this. Trust yourself and see where it takes you.
Start weight: 240 lbs
Goal weight: 155 lbs (reached March 7, 2014)
Afraid of a colonoscopy? Believe me - they are much less frightening than surgery and chemotherapy.
Colonoscopies allow polyps to be removed before they can become cancer, or let cancers be found before they are too widespread. If you are 50 or older, or have any symptoms, please don't let fear stop you from covering your butt.
| current weight: -1.6 under