This is my problem: I cant control the emotional eating. I am deseperated. I look myself at the mirror and feel angry and sad, I dont like waht I see, then I eat and the I feeel even worst. it is like a vicius circle I cant stop. I feel so overwheled. Its like a battle taking place inside of me, one ay I feel I can do it, and I can conquer anything, and the next day it seems my world faalls apart.
I've had ocasional mild depressive periods since my last teen years, but since I lost my mum over a ovarian cancer I just cant ge back on my feet. I went to the psychiatrist for the very first time on 2010 and started a tretament,I saw results very quickly, I was like an entirly other person, I was starting to be who I used to be again, I started to be that cheerful, optimistic full of energy person I used to be, willing to do staff. Plus I fell in love with my good friend ( who had secrtely loved me since we met in 2005
). Life was smiling to me. I quit the treatment., I know I shouldnt have. My mistake. Now, even though i am happily married with the love of my life, who truly supports me, i cant get out of the well, I just keep falling and falling. I tryed to start the treatment again last year but I didnt see any results, I coldnt get through it, I left the treatment again. And the fell was even worst. I cant find consistency, I am barely a shadow of the person i used to be. And the worst part is taht I got used to be like this.
I already made an appoimennt with the psychiatrist, but I still have to wait untill July 16.
My problem is i cant control my emotional eating and negattive thinking patterns. I feel bad and i eat, feel anxious and eat, feel sad and eat...
I am aware my depression got worst through the years, I also know I cant treat it just with pills, I need to excercise and eat healthy. But i have a big lack of will. Some days I Feel I am just not worth.
I am 5.54 feet tall and weigh 197 pounds. I gained 55 lbs in the last 7 years, I've been back and forth, would lost 10 ponds and then gain back 20, so i ended up like this.
With 143 pounds, i wasnt thin like a model, but had a normal BMI, was in a healthy weight.
Now I cant even llo at the mirror, I feel so awful I cant recognize myself in the reflection. Tht big girl is not me.
I am so sick and tired of my old raggedy clothes. I just cant stand shoopping with this size,so i do't. Anything I like fits, its so embarassing. i am always making excuses to avoid photos, I am so sick of being "the big girl", always makin excusses to avoid things I really wanna do, like going to the beach, just because of my body. I am tired of my weight always holding me back
I wanna change, i need to change. For me and for my love. He is so amazing with me, and I know he truly loves me for who I am, but he doesnt deserve this. i dont want him to have this depressive fat wife. its not fair for him. And its not fair fo me. This is not who I am.
PLEASE HELP MEEE!!
what shold I do?? How can i control my emotional eating and my negative thinking??
I feel free to talk about this here because it's kind of anonymous, my friends and family dont speak english and dont know this site so...
I am desesperated, i need to lose my weight!!
Thanks sparkpeople! Hope I'm not a hoeless case...
| current weight: 198.0