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diet success around former bulemics



 
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SLIMMERKIWI
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10/11/13 6:13 P



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WOW - it sounds like success all around :-) Good for you, and good for your mother emoticon

Kris

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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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10/11/13 12:05 P

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Hey Guys!

Since it's four months since I posted this topic I thought I'd post an update.

I've been living on my own for about three months and moving out has been the single greatest thing to happen in my weightloss journey. Without any real conscious effort I have lost ~15 lbs since posting this topic. Just being in an environment where I have full control over the foods I have access to, with the authority to do the the things I know I need to to succeed, has completely changed the way I view my health.

Surprisingly, it also seems to be helping my mother. I'm going home about 1x a month and every time I see her I can tell she has lost weight. She seems to be having luck with prepackaged meals and diet shakes. While that is not the method which works for my goals, it is encouraging to see her behaving less "will power" obsessed. She's talking about taking up running marathons again, something she hasn't done for 17 years.

Even better, she has told me that two of the things which have been driving her success have been things related to me. One was reading a book on healthy eating which I lent to her when she was trying to design an intelligent diet for herself ("The 50 Secrets of Skinny Chicks".) The other has been seeing me come home skinnier.

Since I was a kid I've always been the "big boned" member of the family, averaging 1-2 sizes bigger than her and I think the idea of me dropping down to her size or below has given her a metric to meet, which I think is awesome! With us in different homes I don't have to worry about her subconsciously sabotaging me with that competitive drive.



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SLIMMERKIWI
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6/18/13 3:37 A



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Unfortunately a lot of parents/partners seem to expect that their 'child' or spouse should be their therapist/nurse/caregiver etc. Most don't realize what they are doing other than it makes THEM feel better!

Roll on the day you shift out!!!

Kris xx

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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/17/13 7:08 P

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Haha, yeah I wish more people had a better concept of what they were giving up by choosing to live their lives certain ways.

I'm trying to side-step the whole willpower debate all together and focus on how my whole body feels when I eat certain ways. I've cut my own binging down in frequency and severity with tricks, and I know if mom put the effort into fighting the causes of her binges she wont be at their mercy.

As far as therapy goes, I think mom is still in denial about how much she's let her past influence her. She has a mental illness which complicates things further. My councilor told me pretty early on that Mom's been treating me like I'm the parent, I'm the councilor. The price has been that it's aged me terribly in certain areas (no 20 year old should know how to handle a friend having a manic fit) while neglecting others (I've never even had a boyfriend, frankly guys scare me.) When I came in with the ice cream incident my councilor said that was very consistent with the reverse parent relationship and I should redouble my effort to get out of that environment.



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SLIMMERKIWI
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6/15/13 8:10 P



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Unfortunately a lot of people have a distorted view of what Therapy is about. Sometimes it is because many who have issues don't discuss it with others, so the general population don't realize how common emotional problems are. Also, a lot have been brought up with the 'stiff upper lip' syndrome where you are expected to carry the burden within yourself; that you can somehow 'get over it' by yourself. My husband was like that, UNTIL his OCD got to a point where he really HAD to reach out for help. I had tried to tell him that OCD was far more common than realized. When his Psychiatrist told him the percentage of the population who are afflicted with this, he was stunned to discover it was more common and he wasn't the 'only one'. He also had the feeling that if I went to therapy, it was to tell secrets about him!! FAR from the truth!

Big hugs,
Kris

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TRIATHLETEGIRL
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6/15/13 7:53 P

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I heard a quote once. It went something like, If you don't have willpower, then develop your won't power. No, I WON'T eat those cookies!!!!!



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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/15/13 2:18 P

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That's horrible that your husband died, especially at christmas.

I've been trying to get mom to see a therapist but she's paranoid about it. She's been through a lot and I don't think she realizes what she could get out of it. When I told her I started counseling she freaked out, thinking she was the only topic of conversation, was upset that I thought I needed it, and concerned about how this person she never met would be judging her.



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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/14/13 8:57 A

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She may, but she has convinced herself that it's a willpower thing and she just was not born with enough willpower. Her answer has been to ban foods she thinks she can't restrain herself from... until she wants them so much that she binges again.



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LILLIPUTIANNA
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6/14/13 2:42 A

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Does your mother understand that her binging is just as unhealthy as her bulimia?



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SLIMMERKIWI
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6/13/13 10:39 P



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I am sorry to hear that a friend died in a tragic accident. Kudos to you for reaching out for professional help, to help you deal with the grief. I have recently resumed Therapy after the sudden death of my husband at Xmas time.

Often people with eating issues need the input of Therapists to help them. A lot times the issues evolve around emotional issues - i.e. lack of love; abuse; poor self esteem, etc. etc.

Take care,
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 151.0 
 
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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/13/13 1:44 P

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It's interesting that you needed professional help. One of my friends died in a car wreck this year and I started seeing a councilor for my grief, but my food and family issues have been something we've recently started to address... ie building my confidence and cooping skills for life-suck to the point where I'm not gonna be a victim of other people's opinions.



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SWIMOM
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6/13/13 8:19 A

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Since I've lived with a few people my entire life whom all have overeating disorders, I guess it just takes some getting used to. Or, in my case, a shrink! I ignore their eating habits, or at least tune out what is not my responsibility really. Can lead a horse to water, love has nothing to do with it, and all that stuff. While it is concerning, you cannot change others. Let me explain what I mean.

My 2 older sisters used to make nasty comments about how skinny I was. I was not skinny. I was normal...just plain normal. As I got into my 40's and gained some pounds. They then made fun of how "like" them I had become. Um, no...I didn't eat until it made others literally, physically ill, nor did I ever weigh 350-400 pounds! I am not a frequent overeater for which I am truly grateful.

As bad as I felt for both of my dear sisters, I realized I am not responsible for their emotional struggles. Funny it took going to a shrink (more then one) to find out I'm the overall healthy one. It sure didn't feel like it most of my life. Feeling like a freak because I wasn't just like them was so hurtful. They bullied and bullied until I spent less and less time socializing with them. After a while I realized, unless they wanted to get better, it wasn't going to happen. End result...one did, one did not. One is much more healthy. The other has barely walked with a walker for years and she's only 62.

My heart goes out to you OP...good luck and stay healthy :)



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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/13/13 8:00 A

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That's a thought. She never cooks and has been bugging me since I was ten to make dinner but I could never take on the job because she would expect it every night. With me out of the house the rest of the week it wouldn't be possible for her to expect that.



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SLIMMERKIWI
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6/12/13 9:11 P



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Once you have moved out, you might find it a lot easier to eat healthily. Perhaps when you go back to your Mum's for the week-ends, you might be able to take a 'treat' for her, i.e. cook a healthy meal that everyone can share. At least that would help you to stay reasonably on track there.

Good luck,
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/12/13 9:08 P

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I'm 20 and I'll be moving out in about a month actually, but it looks like I'll be home on the weekends for work. (Ironically we both work in a food co-op, and my job basically gets me access to all the veggies I could ever want, so I wanna keep that if at all possible.) I may just need to disassociate food from her entirely.



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SLIMMERKIWI
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6/12/13 6:39 P



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You don't indicate how old your are or financial situation, etc., but is it possible that you can get your own place? Then you won't have to be in that environment.

Not much but I hope it stimulates some thoughts on ways to improve your situation.
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 151.0 
 
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BIGBADBIGFOOT
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6/12/13 5:38 P

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Okay, I was wondering if anyone had any tips for maintaining diet success around former bulemics. My mom is a former bulemic now binger who simply cannot handle herself around food and it's getting in the way of my own dieting. She not only brings crappy food into the house, but says things like how my weightloss success reminds her of the summer she lost 50 lbs (and started the process toward her eating disorder.) She recently made herself ill in front of me, binging on a type of ice cream I told her was a particular threat to my dieting and would upset the stomach in large quantities. The next morning she was hurt by how furious I was, and how I couldn't instantly forgive her for her "lack of willpower."



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