I know exactly what you mean. I've been going through what you're describing, for years..
So many years.. It's really frustrating to think about how "I could've done this then, I would've had so many more years to do things I never could do because I was overweight", etc..
First off, I want to say that I don't like the term "failure".. When it comes to changing your life, it's not about winning or losing, it's about doing what's best for you as often as you're able and live your life, meanwhile.
I find I beat myself up way too much over having taken so long to get to a normal weight because I feel like I'm missing out on something.
Truth is (and I know you might hate hearing this), life is happening whether you think you deserve living it or not. It's so easy to think that you need to look a certain way or be a certain way to make the most out of life, but honestly, you can do it right now.
It really is that simple. Unfortunately, it being so simple makes us feel that much worse when we feel we don't "live up to it", but.. There's nothing to "live up to"..
I feel like I'm rambling, but I hope you understand what I mean.
The point is, there's no magical solution.
Weight loss in itself is not the answer, but it's realizing that you, as a person, is what matters and the life you want to live is completely possible whether or not you're at a certain weight.
AND (I guess this is where the magic comes in), once you manage to stop obsessing over how much of a failure you are, and start living your life (and making healthy choices that actually make you feel better (exercise, for example, is awesome once you find something you like)), the weight WILL come off. I promise you. Just take it one day at a time, if you eat the right things and exercise, there's no way you'll feel deprived. I can easily give you some suggestions if you PM me, but it'll only be good ol' whole foods and complete meals. ;)
Hope that helped at all.
| current weight: 220.0