You can't beat yourself up because you've regained some weight. This is something that has happened to every single member of spark at one time or another. We're all experts at gaining, losing and regaining the weight. That was the past. You can't change the past, but you can influence and change the future.
I give all new members and those looking for motivation one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality." If the only healthy thing you did for yourself today was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.
As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". give yourself credit for all the positive things you do for yourself and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. you don't have to be perfect to be healthy. start with some simple changes first.
One thing to do is re-read some of the great spark articles on emotional eating. I know things can be stressful as well as overwhelming, but there are better ways to cope than turning to food. Sit and sip a cup of tea. Take a walk. Walking is not only great cardiovascular exercise, it's a great way to reduce stress. And you have to try to reduce some of the stress and anxiety you're feeling. I firmly believe that stress is a neglected aspect of weight gain. if a person could reduce their stress, they'd automatically reduce their waistline.
Have you ever considered taking yoga ? There are yoga breathing exercises that are really helpful for reducing stress. Learning how to meditate could be helpful too.
Mostly, be kind to yourself as you would to others. You're not a bad person or a weak willed one because you've regained some weight. Accentuate that positive. You've still kept over 40 pounds off. that says you are doing something right.