I ate out of spite all week long and have gained 5 pounds.
I am so frustrated with myself and I am having a hard time getting back to eating healthy but there is definitely a part of me that is still motivated or I wouldn't be here posting.
5 pounds is nothing in the long run. A minor set back considering I am still over 45 pounds down from my absolute heaviest. I just don't want this weight to sneak back on.
It was so easy to gain those 5 pounds... So hard to lose them though...
I ate out of spite because I was with my father. He made comments like "you shouldn't eat that" or "that doesn't look like it's on weight watcher", "how about you just eat a salad with dressing on the side"... I guess he was trying to be supportive but those comments paired with his other comments about women's bodies really got to me. I had Vh1 on tv and Kesha was on and he said that she looked like a fat version of christina aguilera. Well, I thought she was really pretty and had a very nice body. Not fat, not too skinny. My dad also made a big deal about my step sister being a size 2 now. To me, she's too skinny now. And her eating is very suspicious. She's only 15 and I have a really bad feeling that she is making herself purge... We shared a bathroom this week and she would sneak off for a long while after eating very little and turn on the shower...
I have always looked for my father's approval but unfortunately, he is the reason my eating has been so screwed up all these years. I did the right thing this year, losing weight the right healthy way, trying to not have crazy expectations of looking like a starving model but he didn't comment on my weight loss. He just mentioned how everyone else had lost more weight than me and "she's a size 2 can you believe it".
I feel like eating to spite him. But I won't anymore... I am doing this for me. I need to remember that. I am so glad I don't live with him. I love him but he really screws with my head...
Just needed to get this out =] Thank you spark friends.
| current weight: 132.6