I don't know what is wrong with me. I am smart, pretty, within 15 pounds of my goal weight, and I am battling the urge to just end it all.
I have had suicidal ideology for most my life. In the past 3 years I have made two serious attempts on my own life, only to be rescued. Each time I wound up in the hospital on life support, followed by a stint in a mental health facility.
What is the source of my dysfunction? Growing up without a father? Living with my pessimistic, worry wort grandmother? Being a sheltered only child that was not exposed to healthy life-coping skills and not being fostered into becoming a strong, independant thinker.
As I write this, I am seriously thinking about slashing my wrists, or even better, shooting myself. If I swallow a gun, there is little chance I will survive. Slashingmy wrists gives me enough time to be saved.
It makes me question whether I am just a drama queen needing attention or someone that is hurting so much, and has hurt so much for 40 years, that I see very few reasons to carry on. The reasons to kill myself outweigh the reasons to keep on keeping on.
So why am I even posting this? I am hoping to find a lifeline to cling to. I want someone to tell me it can't be all that bad.
Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar
I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs
Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi
| Pounds lost: 0.0