Too Much Chaos

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12/26/12 4:10 P

Hi GRANDMA12542

I am wondering if depression is a big factor in your daughter's change. I would be inclined to speak with her Dr about what is happening, and encourage her to speak to him/her too. It may be something medical happening, and sometimes a simple blood test can reveal the problem - things like hypothyroidism - which can be treated quite easily. It may be that she might need some medication, or input from a Therapist. Her Dr can refer her to one if needed.

Apart from that, you need to stand your ground and be consistent. It sounds like your grandchildren are quite young so perhaps having a chore chart along with a reward chart covering making their beds, setting the table, doing dishes (if they are old enough) behaving (especially when out) etc. etc. may help them get on the right track, too!

Good luck,
Kris

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12/26/12 10:42 A

As I read the original post, I could see my mother-in-law writing this post ... to a point (I never had any friends to talk to so wasn't on the phone but I slept a lot). She always thought I was lazy. Early in my marriage, I suffered from severe depression (The family I married into said that there is no such thing as depression). My oldest son was 2 1/2 years old when my 3rd son was born. My parents had disowned me. - It was years later that I found out about the depression and some physical things that were going on. I never intended to not do my share, I was doing the best I could. - Perhaps a trip to the doctor for her (with you) could rule out any underlying issues, if you can be open to the possibilities. - Like you said, you don't know what happened to her after she left home, so there could be something that needs attention. - I hope this helps. - And thank you for loving her and her kids anyway. - (((GRANDMA12542)))

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12/25/12 10:46 P

Gotta make her realize your helping her!!! don't let her walk all over you! Good luck though that sounds so stressful

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12/24/12 7:12 A

Grammie...its time to set the rules...1st off you need to establish how long this live in arrangement is going to last. You may need to consider at this point whether she intends to work and save her money to rent a home or sponge off you and let you take care of her and her children. If she doesnt have a job then tell her that her job is to cook and clean and do the laundry if she expects to stay there with you...no one in life gets a free ride.

Other options
You need to set up chores for everyone including the kids and for the kids the chores should be relative to their age. Hand her a dust rag to her while she is on the phone, take turns cooking...and cleaning up. One cooks , the other cleans up...make everyone bring their dishes to the sink....When doing laundry let the kids help fold towels, dish towels and such if its not perfect..dont stress out...they will learn...
(I hope your daughter is doing her own laundry and the kids laundry)...if its not perfect..dont stress out...they will learn...kids can take out the garabage..dishes out of the dishwasher...get the kids involved in making sandwiches, easy tacos, a salad...kids love to cook especially if you brag how good it is...get some wooden skewers and make kabobs with the kids, washing veggies for soups or stews..even little ones can do this,,if you daughter does have a job...make her pay board...either yse the money to help defray your costs ot put it in a bank account for her to help her when she does move on her own once again.

I send you some easy receipes that arent stressful or too time consuming to make. Print it out and hand to your daughter and tell her you want her to try them. Take a walk after dinner with the grandchildren and let her clean up...you get exercise and relief that way...and she has some quiet time to get the chores done.

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12/17/12 11:22 A

GRANDMA12542,

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances. There really is only so much you can do. Your daughter is an adult. She should be helping out when she can. Why isn't she helping now that's she's home ? We can't answer that. Have you sit down and discussed the situation with her ? Have you told her how exhausted you are ? Have you asked her to help or did you assume that she would just start helping out ? Some people do need more direction than others.

I would start by sitting down and having a reasonable discussion about the responsibilities she and her children should have now that they are living in your house.

I know some "children" believe that when they go back home to mom, mom will take care of everything for them. Because that's what moms do. Well, you're going to have to tell them that if things keep going they way they are, you won't be there to take care of everything.

You have to take time to take care of yourself. You need a chance to sit and relax too ! Even a simple thing as a bubble bath or hot shower can help reduce some of the stress you're feeling. take 5-10 minutes here or there for your own sanity. take a daily walk. walking is not only great cardiovascular exercise, it's a great way to reduce stress too.

And there really is time to cook healthy meals. It takes a few minutes to chop up some veggies for a mixed green salad. Buy frozen veggies if you're on a budget. You can buy frozen peas, broccoli, kale, spinach, corn, etc... for cheap. Why put one veggie on the plate when you can put two ? a family can eat healthy on a budget. this article should help with some ideas for saving money.

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=511

Talk to your daughter. set some guidelines for life back at home. take some time for yourself even if it's only a few minutes here and there. You're not Wonder Woman. there really is only so much you can do.

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12/17/12 9:47 A

My household is out of hand and I am having to constantly stay on my grown daughter to tend to the kids. She needed a place to stay and I was warned about how lazy she had become but I will not put them on the streets and if I am not constantly tending to the house and getting her off the phone, then its the children who have naturally bonded with me. I'm forgetting what a night's sleep is (after overcoming another episode of insomnia) and if I leave the house, I'm concerned what I will come back to. If i take them, it is a constant struggle to train one of the children and I'm not sure what's happened to my daughter after she left home. It is streesful. They were staying in a bad place and the children weren't safe there. I'm actually to busy to exercise and not enough time to cook healthy meals. Shopping has become a challenge.

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