feeling like i am not allowed to be flawed.....

SparkPoints: (112,948)
Fitness Minutes: (179,360)
Posts: 17,423
12/12/12 10:35 A

Jessica, it takes a strong person to be able to cope as well as you have been these last few weeks. You've been heaped with adversities no single person should have to bear. There really is only so much you can do. You do the best you can. That's all any of us could under similar circumstances. No one is perfect. We all have flaws and that's okay. It's what makes us human.

As others noted, you need to document your husband's actions during your marriage. If you have emails or phone calls, save them. put them some place safe. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are in the divorce. You have to protect yourself and your daughter. It sounds like the in laws are going to do some nasty things to get their way.

I'd say your in laws seem pretty flawed to me too.

Posts: 1,778
12/12/12 10:08 A

Sounds to me like you have surrounded yourself with "flawed" people. They do not have the strength to support you when you need the support. I feel for you and am sending hugs a prayes your way. Stand for yourself and do not depend on them. You are worth more than all of them together. Stand up tall and be proud.

As for the upset stomach, sounds silly but either flat gingerale or peppermint tea. Both work for nausea and for some reason especially for a friend being treated for breast cancer. She wondered why no one had suggested them before.

Anyway, just know you are not alone. Best of luck with your battles.

current weight: 145.6

152 146.5 141 135.5

130

SparkPoints: (19,838)
Fitness Minutes: (18,187)
Posts: 137
12/12/12 9:30 A

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of these issues. I have had hurtful things done to me as well and it cuts pretty deep. I am an Oncology Nurse and see the struggles that family's deal with daily. It is hard for everyone, remember you and your child are the most important right now. Look to a support group from the facility that you receive your infusions. Also, the American Cancer Society and local charities can help. Depression is a horrible thing to deal with, I struggle with it too. It is just as crippling as cancer, and other illnesses, but isn't seen as such because of the stigma it has always received. Surround yourself with good people that inspire you and will help you moment by moment, hour by hour and day by day. You can turn to me on our spark pages too. ((( Hugs )))

current weight: 150.2

180 170 160 150

140

SparkPoints: (9,202)
Fitness Minutes: (14,133)
Posts: 262
12/12/12 7:52 A

Hi thank you for such kinds. It is wonderful that I can come here and share my struggles and no one is judging me. The last year and half have been the worst ever in my life. Between my sisters drowing, my cancer, my husbands gambling that he blames on my cancer, and now diebetes . I don't know how I have come out as strong as I have other than having this community to reach out too and my faith in a higher being....that he or she would never give to me what I could not handle. Also my daughter Anastasia she is my rock.....she is my world. Without her, there would be a hard challenge for me to think of a reason to fight. I will fight for my daugher. let them think i am a horrible mom because i suffer from anxiety and depression and try my best to stay fit and healthy( they think i take it overboad, because i get up at the crack of dawn 430 am to fit in my workout) but my daughter is up at 630 so if i am going to be showered and ready for her i gotta get up that early.....not to my liking really but I don't take time away from daughter to furfill my fitness needs. They hold it over my head ( they as my in laws, ex friend and husband that I had a breakdown in August of 2011 and was hospitlized for it....i had found out that my sister drowned and then within in days that I had ovarian cancer. They all can't seem to forgive me for needing 5 days to just relax and take that time for myself. they say that i was selfish,........first thing this morning i am connecting with lawyer or something of that sort and geting all my ducks in a row. thanks so much for all your advice everyone.....truly means the world to me

Pounds lost: 3.0

0 4.5 9 13.5

18

Posts: 837
12/12/12 6:08 A

Jessica,
I read a couple of your blogs and saw that you have gone through even more than you mention here and all I can say is that I am so sorry. You have had a rough time of it and you have not had the support of those that should be. Everyone is being a fair-weather friend, including your husband who married you for good and bad. And your friend....same thing, she is selfish.

You are an amazing person. You are still standing and fighting so I know you have it in you. Unfortunately, it looks like you aren't going to be able to count on those who should be there so I think you received really good advice below. Fight for you, fight for your daughter and I will say a prayer for you that everything turns out ok. If you are a believer, just keep asking God to be with you. You aren't alone although it surely must feel like it.

Pounds lost: 6.0

0 6.25 12.5 18.75

25

SparkPoints: (86,244)
Fitness Minutes: (28,796)
Posts: 17,359
12/12/12 1:13 A

re the nausea etc., I usually find that a little bit of yoghurt and perhaps some canned peaches and/or banana helps. Just small, very frequent amounts. If this continues, then see your Dr ASAP about that, too. They are all inter-linked, as you know! I have medication for if my little bag of tricks doesn't work, but that is not very often now. If you still continue to feel like this, you may need some supplements to ensure that you are getting vital nutrients.

Make sure that you have a bank account that no-one knows about. Don't use YOUR address as the address. Salt away little bits as you can so that you won't be left totally high and dry if he takes off.

BIG hugs,
Kris

current weight: 151.0

211 196 181 166

151

SparkPoints: (9,202)
Fitness Minutes: (14,133)
Posts: 262
12/12/12 12:51 A

Hi everyone ...thank you all for the very sounds advice. I never thought that about getting documentation. I am getting on that first thing in the morning. Also his documentation that is a good idea to keep track off as best as i can.

Right now my mind wont let me sleep. I am so stressed and worried over all of this. His parents are mega millionaires I mean over 500 million. what scares me is that they have the money for a good lawyer. Now i know i have never done anything wrong in the sense of neglect, or abuse or any or that sort. I have always taken 150% great care of my daughter despite my depression cancer and latest health issues. She is my number one.


Any ideas for a stomach that is so upset that i am physically throwing up ( get that way when i am emotional) it is not purposeful....... thank you everyone for the kind words and letting me know i have this community as support.... right now that is all i feel like i have for support...

Pounds lost: 3.0

0 4.5 9 13.5

18

Posts: 430
12/12/12 12:18 A

Sounds like an awful situation that others are making worse. Screw your friend. You have cancer and she's mad because you haven't been "there" for you. Talk about selfish.

I hope you will keep talking to your doctors and counselors about what is going on at home since your emotional state impacts your health. I'm not sure about where you live or your financial situation, but it is imperative that you consult a lawyer *immediately*. If you can't hire one, check with legal aid or colleges or social services at the hospital.

Whatever you do, do not sign or agree to anything. You also have to take steps to protect joint assets. If he's serious, he could drain accounts and then hide the money. Your in-laws can't just "take" your daughter, even if you are depressed. You have rights and need to stand up for them. He may be documenting things, so be cautious. Is there anyone in your life right now that can help you navigate this? I wish you the strength and courage to continue to fight for your life. There is light on the other side.

SparkPoints: (86,244)
Fitness Minutes: (28,796)
Posts: 17,359
12/12/12 12:01 A

Hi Jessica - first I would like to send you a BIG hug - I am more than sure that you could do with one. You have had a lot of serious health issues, and of COURSE it is going to impact on you emotionally, and if anyone says otherwise, send them to me!!!

I am really sorry that those you should be able to turn to at times like this have turned their backs on you. I know what it is like, and it is NOT nice! I would be inclined to ask your husband to consider couples counseling and/or perhaps sit in on one of your Therapy sessions that you have already. Just tip the Therapist off beforehand as to what it is like, if you haven't already. Ensure that the Therapist is aware of the threats regarding taking your right as a parent to raise your family yourself, and ask for a letter indicating your competence and love. Talk with your Dr also, because if they try to carry out their threats, you will have some form of professional backing already to help with your case.

You are very welcome to come to here to vent, or to go to your Teams to vent. This is a safe environment and you won't be judged at all. We all need the ability to do this at times.

BIG hugs,
Kris xxx

current weight: 151.0

211 196 181 166

151

SparkPoints: (29,794)
Fitness Minutes: (20,205)
Posts: 1,475
12/11/12 10:01 P

No judgement here, Jessica! We are here to help. Let us know how we can do that.

current weight: -1.4  under

5 2.5 0 -2.5

-5

SparkPoints: (9,202)
Fitness Minutes: (14,133)
Posts: 262
12/11/12 8:04 P

just need a place to feel like i wont be judged nor told i am a bad person. In the last three days I have had a friend of mine, my husband, and my in laws ( father and sister) all come down on me. My friend said I was a terriable friend because I the last year and half I have been able to get together physically with her a lot because I have been dealing with cancer had four major surgeries and chemo treatments( sorry if I was up to going to the beach or out to dinner or what ever else) She said that I was being selfish, though I ALWAYS told her I would love to come to her place or her to mine.

My husband just said plainly that he wants a divorce because I have been emotionally lately. I just found out I am diabetic on top of all the other health issues. I have yet to meet with a RD to determine how to handle all of this. It is brand new news....my hope is to control is without meds but we will see.

My inlaws are theartening to take my daughter from me because my husband said some pretty bad crap about me. Nothing about my mothering skills, just that i have been crying a lot and really distant ( i.e. Drepressed) rightly so I mean how much more can one person take. cancer and now diabetes. My husband informed that that he was pursuing divorce and now they think the best situation is for them to raise my daughter. What gives.... I am in counseling, I don't let my daughter see me angry nor my husband. OK Sometimes I cry to my husband but i thought marriage was about being able to share the good with the bad.

Either way I needed to write this out because i had to get it off my chest, so that I can rest tonight. I feel so uptight right now that all I really want to do is eat a huge thing of ice cream, but I will not do that. Maybe a good cry alone in my bed( my husband is downstairs right now working out so he wouldnt need to see me)

Thanks all for listening, no going to feel sorry for myself just going to keep my head held high and try not to let those around me hurt me. I know deep down inside i am a good person.

Pounds lost: 3.0

0 4.5 9 13.5

18