My boss called me "big"

Posts: 89
12/14/12 11:21 P

Sounds like sarcasm to me, but was not taken that way likely because you are already sensitive about the issue.

Don't beat yourself up and find what you need to improve your self-image.

Think about how far you have come and be proud! Sounds like you are awesome to me :)

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12/7/12 1:27 P

You look absolutely beautiful and slim in your picture! Don't ever let anyone bring you down with words!

Edited by: SWANATOPIA at: 12/7/2012 (13:29)

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12/7/12 12:19 A

What a jerk I would have replied "Thank you yes I am bigger than you intellectually, professionally, creatively and as a team player."

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12/4/12 4:02 P

SO sorry! I know what you mean about finally feeling good about yourself and then getting down because some idiot has to get diarrhea of the mouth. : (

But let me tell you if he said you were a "tree" for example-would that make you one?
Just because HE thinks that doesnt make it so!

The other day I commented to my daughter how "I don't like my feet" and you know what she said to me? "you don't? Can you imagine how life would be without them?" really made me think about my sometimes attitude toward my body.

So love your body each and every day and each and every minute for all that it has done for you, carried you through, and all that it has yet to do. Nurture it, treat it right, and it will love you right back!

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12/4/12 9:02 A

Well Like what everyone had to say and I really dont have a magic word or words to say that will change how you feel but I do know how you feel, I go through them too. somedays I love my self others I am my worst hater but..but knowing my attitude I would of said to the your boss .. ..this.. DISCLAIMER: this is just my sassy attitude.. I would of said to my boss.

yea I may be big but.. sometimes I like bigger things.. wink wink... now that is just me because I am always quick to hit a man below his belt.. wink wink..

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12/4/12 6:40 A

Personally, I think it's rude to comment on another person's appearance -- even a compliment can be annoying, and we don't really know how someone else will take a personal remark about their appearance. Interesting how many people wrote about family members -- who ought to know better, but who are secure enough to make otherwise unacceptable comments.

Maybe it's better to avoid personal discussions at work, if hearing insensitive remarks is going to be upsetting? And in general, maybe it's good to dial back the chatter, be quieter, think before speaking, be as considerate to others as we want them to be toward us?

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12/3/12 8:22 P

I had a tragedy in my family, and I became very depressed. The depression deepened over the course of about 5 years. Throughout this time, I gradually forgot to consider the thoughts and feelings of other people. Before I would think "Do these jeans make my butt look big?" but towards the end of the 5 years, I didn't care what anyone thought.

The funny thing is, that this coping skill (perhaps considered a dysfuction) is what is helping me to focus on my health now. My weight classifies me as an "outlier" already, so people stop and stare. But when I'm power walking, or produce-shopping they really stare. But you know what? I'm doing what's right and healthy for me. I'm doing the best I can do, and I'm not going to let their insecurities ruin my day.

"No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

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11/29/12 9:48 A

I hear that word ALL the time! "Big"! I know most of the time people don't mean it as I hear it, but it still hurts. Sometimes people call me "big" in relation to my height (I'm 5''10) but all I think is "omg they're calling me fat!" Just last week, a guy I know is totally in love with me and says I'm the hottest girl he's ever met (I say that to make the point that he definitely wasn't trying to be mean!) sent me a text which started 'Hey biggie!' Errrrr, what???!!! I did NOT appreciate it, and it made me feel awful if I'm honest.

I think I'll always be sensitive to any kind of comment that relates to my weight. It really doesn't sound as if your boss meant anything mean about it, quite the opposite actually. But I know it must still have hurt you at the time. Sometimes it's our heads that we need to fix. One of my friends, who admittedly is overweight, doesn't seem to hear if people call her fat or big! And I absolutely LOVE her attitude about it. In her head, she is the sexiest, most gorgeous girl in the room, and it shows. She doesn't care what others say, because in her heart and head she's perfect. I want to get to that one day, regardless of my size. Good luck to us.

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11/27/12 9:53 P

My father is the type of man that speaks without thinking. He doesn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but he says things that he thinks are funny, and often, nobody thinks they're funny by him. He once hosted a Bible study, and there was a couple there--a white man and a Vietnamese woman, married, had been for years. The man served in the military. My dad asked him, "Is she a war bride?" Of course, everyone else there gasped and thought HOW RUDE! but my dad honestly didn't mean anything by it, he was just making a joke. That is probably how your boss was. I know it doesn't take the sting out of the ointment, but try not to let it get you down :)

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11/26/12 7:16 P

Paula I know how that feels...people say that kind of stuff to me and it is really upsetting ...one of my best friends is really thin and her boyfriend left her for another girl...the other girl is heavy but not FAT by any means...my friend, who is bitter, is constantly calling him a chubby-chaser...whenever she says that I look at myself and wonder what she thinks of me...I mean she is my best friend but if she can say those things about someone else what is she thinking of me....anyway that kind of stuff is hurtful even if it isn't directed at me.....

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11/26/12 3:33 P

I don't think people think before open there month how much it hurts

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11/26/12 8:33 A

I had a similar experience yesterday, but it was my mom. I was complaining about my sore feet, and said I thot it was because I had been exercising so much more. She said it was more likely because I was 42 and overweight. I know she means well, and yes, I know I'm overweight, but it still hurts.

We all know how hard we work at looking the way we do, and the comments of others, whether jokingly or well-meaning, can't get us down. We're doing awesome, and will keep up the good work :)

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11/26/12 1:38 A

I think your boss was joking too. Not a well executed joke, on a topic which is best not joked about - but a joke none the less.

Do you judge other people, labelling them as 'fat'? I know I don't. I worry about myself, and what I perceive others think about me - but I have come to the conclusion that no one else really thinks about me and my weight at all.

I hope that helps.

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11/25/12 10:54 P

First of all, I looked at the photos on your Sparkpage, and, yes, you wear your weight well, really well. You and I are very much alike physically. I also wore my weight well, but never felt good in my skin. This is what I did to achieve unbelievable results, and it's what I still do to maintain. I know everyone is different and choose different routes to the same destination, but I just wanted to share because it worked so well for me:

1) Religiously use your Nutrition Tracker. Make it your BFF. Consistently stay within the ranges for daily calories, carbs, fat, and protein.

2) Exercise 5 days a week (30 min cardio, 10 or less min strength training). To take the guesswork out of exercise, I joined various monthlong Sparkpeople Bootcamp Challenges. I did 10 consecutive monthlong bootcamps until I hit goal. Now I do my own thing using the bootcamps as my model.

One last thing, I, too, was on the receiving end of a co-worker's "observations". The best revenge is to reach goal and stay there!

Spark On!

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11/25/12 8:45 P

i agree with the other responders; it sounds like sarcasm to me. take it as such. Really, does your bosses opinion of you matter so much?

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11/25/12 11:58 A

I can't believe that this topic caught my eye!!!!! The same thing happened to me...now let me say this YOU are not fat..you look exceptional! I believe that in your case your boss was not trying to hurt you....unless you have had trouble with him before but my guess is he WAS saying it to say the opposite of what he thinks...guys suck at being honest and are really great at sticking their feet in their mouths! Please don't let this bother you...UNLESS you think, like I think about what was said to me, was meant to spur me on....take it however you think but don't let his comments define you!!! YOU are doing SUPER!!

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11/25/12 10:32 A

Well, my personal thought is that your boss was joking. Saying the opposite of what is really true, to be funny. Like when I talk at work about having to watch what I eat and everyone says, oh yeah right you're as broad as a barn. I know I am not broad as a barn (even though in my head sometimes I feel like I am) and I need to NOT take their comments literally-- they're being facetious.

A lot of times when people get to talking about a subject that is "touchy" for me (weight, religion, politics) I just keep my mouth shut because I don't want them to say anything directly AT me, that will push my buttons.

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11/24/12 11:42 A

It is really hard to deal with comments like that, I know as well from personal experience, but brush it, as long as you are working at being healthy, that's what matters. You're beautiful, and don't forget it :)

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11/24/12 11:04 A

You said you were joking when you said "I'm big into denial" so maybe your boss was joking too? Also, who cares if everyone else does think you're fat? They don't live with you, and they don't see your daily efforts.

No matter what weight we get to, there's always going to be someone else trying to tear us down and tell us we're fat. If we're thin, there's always going to be someone who says we're too thin...you can't please everyone, so forget about worrying about what others are saying let alone thinking. Worry about how you feel about yourself.

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11/23/12 4:11 P

Hi COCONNOR10 - I have a feeling that your boss didn't mean it in relation to your weight!!

I had a peek at your photos (as you are now undoubtedly aware). This one "Summer of '08 - a few pounds heavier than I am now" - you seem pretty good to me at THAT weight, but you are now lighter!

I suggest that you try this:

Look in the mirror EACH AND EVERY MORNING and tell your self this
"I am beautiful"
"I LOOK good"
"I am NOT overweight"

I am sure that you will find many more positive affirmations to use.

Say them and BELIEVE them - because they are true!!

Kris

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11/23/12 4:07 P

I agree, let it go rather than waste your energy on your boss' comment.

However, I would also caution that you pay attention to what else this person says (especially in the workplace) as his comments may push up against the boundaries set by your Human Resources department!

Generally, pesonal slurs do not hold up against the corporate code of conduct. And if he'll say what he did to you, what else is he saying to other employees?

--p

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11/23/12 3:58 P

COCONNOR10,

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best,"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Don't take his comment personally. Some people have a way of putting their foot into their mouths. It just doesn't strike me that he meant that comment maliciously. It was just a bad joke, nothing more.

Women are extremely sensitive about their weight. What to do ? As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Give yourself credit for all the positive things you've done for yourself and don't sweat the small stuff. Okay, I'm mixing my cliches, but you know what I mean.

There are bigger battles in life that you'll need to fight. Save your energy for those battles.

Let it go. It's not worth the effort.

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11/23/12 3:45 P

So after facing challenges with my weight my whole life but most importantly facing challenges on how I feel about myself and my weight, After years of counselling, everyone I know telling me that it's all in my head and I look great, I finally got to point where I didn't hate myself. i was able to look at myself in the mirror and say everyone is right, I'm not fat. I'm not skinny and I'll probably never be skinny, but I'm okay. So I'm at work a couple of days ago and we were talking about scales. I joked and said I'm big into denial. And he says, "Yep you're big all right". I'm feeling like all my worst nightmares are coming true. It's all I can think about now and I'm totally crushed. Now all I can think is I knew it! Everyone else DOES think I'm fat. They just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Any tips on letting this go and not undo years of work??

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