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Why Isn't My "Why" Good Enough??



 
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DIDS70
DIDS70's Photo Posts: 5,070
11/19/13 5:46 P

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i have a BIG WHY and it is definitely BIG enough to keep me going. Many times with a BIG WHY you have to go beyond yourself. If you are doing it for yourself that is just not big enough. It is not big enough to just want to lose weight and get fit. fitting into a dress or going to a special event are not big enough.

Try these-
I want to be around for my family. I want to run, jump and play with my kids. i want to run jump and play with my nieces and nephews. I want to leave a legacy behind me. I want to be a great role model for my kids.
Maybe it is more simple and you want to get off all your medications. You don't want to be sick anymore. (i haven't been sick in over 3 years and that includes colds). I go to the medical doctor only to get the physical.

My big why is to be 100% healthy in body, mind, and spirit. If I lose weight and get fit on that journey, then all is well but it is not my primary focus.

You need to get your mind in the game.

I will say honestly though even with my big why solidly in my life, i do falter every now and then. It is because I am human.

You won't succeed without a big why in place. Time for some discernment.



:)


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JCWIAKALA
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11/19/13 3:21 P

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I really appreciate and applaud you for writing something so honest, real, and easy to relate to.

I'm wondering if the real "why" you need to find the answer to is not the why you want to lose weight, but rather why do you keep self-sabatoging yourself. I think you've discovered that THAT seems to be the key. So what are you afraid of? That may take a lot of soul-searching. And to be honest, I think therapy is worth it. Just as someone suggested a life coach, I think a therapist might help you find the deeper reasons why you're engaging in this behavior.

I stumbled upon some of my "whys" after going through some very serious issues. Health crisis and nearly the end of my marriage. I had hit rock bottom and that's when I hit my eureka moment. As you can see from my ticker below, I still have a ways to go to reach my goal. But the changes I've made mentally and emotionally are miles different from anywhere I had been in past attempts.

A few other suggestions:
1) What has worked for you in the past? You mentioned having to give up WW and a personal trainer bc of money. Were those working for you or have you allowed money to become an excuse for your backslide? If they were truely working for you, maybe you can pinpoint what specifically helped and find a cheaper alternative. For instance, if accountabilities is what you need, a weekly weigh-in, or a buddy to help you work out, those are things you can find for free.
2) For me it has been vital to surround myself with people who are like-minded. I'm not suggesting you dump all your fat, binge-eating friends, but I do highly recommend forming friendships with those who have the same healthy goals as yourself. I use MyFitnessPal because I have friends who inspire me and who I feel accountable to. Join a SparkTeam or find some friends at your church who want to do what you do.
3) Talk over your issues and feelings with your husband. As painful as it might be, be brutally honest with one another. LIke I mentioned, my marriage was almost over. It's taken A LOT of work to keep it together. I thought we were good about communicating our feelings, but it turned out both of us kept a lot of feelings to ourselves. Get it out there.

I'm rooting for you. Feel free to send me a message if you need more support.



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JENNA3
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11/19/13 7:56 A

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Oh I can so relate to this. This is where I was for about two years. I'd give half-hearted attempts at eating plans, but I hardly bothered to stick to them. I was making exceptions constantly. Why? Because I've been doing this for so long that I was sick of it. I've done this weight loss journey for years and seen NO RESULTS. By no results I mean that I might lose ten pounds, but then it stops no matter what I do. So I struggle, go hungry, bust my hump working out, and nothing more changes. Why bother? So I was stuck in thy bother mindset for about two years.

What finally helped me was getting a health coach. Not everyone has that options, but a decent therapist could help you too. She didn't tell me what to eat or how to work out. She just helped me overcome the obstacles that were in my way. I'd say "I want to do XX this week, but I can't" And she'd help me list the hurdles and help me find ways to jump over them.

The other answer is finding an eating plan that not only works to help lose weight, but that is sustainable. For me, the answer is The Plan. For you it might be something different. While Why is the most important question to answer for yourself, How is still important to. If the How doesn't mesh with your busy lifestyle, then you might need to modify it.

Here's another thing that helped me, specifically with the BINGE issue. Keep a journal. Every time you feel like indulging in a piles of foods that aren't good for you, pull out the journal first. Write down Why you want to eat it. Put it all on the page. You can do it here on Spark in your blog or in a paper journal. But write down why you want to eat, what you're going to eat, and how you expect to feel afterward. Doing this helped me tremendously. Not only did I realize what drove me to binge, but I also found that most of the time I didn't need to binge. If I wrote it all down, then I realized that the food wouldn't help.

I hope some of this helps you, Raendrops. It's a tough place to be, but you're not alone.



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JIBBIE49
JIBBIE49's Photo Posts: 55,269
11/19/13 1:37 A

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Just do this for yourself.

Go to YouTube to Robert Smith's channel HEALING MAGIC and learn to do EFT TAPPING. Tapping is a psychological changer of emotions and memories. Robert Smith has so much help on getting us to deal with WHY we feel like we do. I love his technique.



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MCCC75
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11/18/13 5:03 P

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RAENDROPS - I think I remember that you are much younger than me (at least I think I remember that :( :).....)

I think you are right on point -- about your feelings and your struggle. This is NOT easy....I can certainly appreciate what you said about wanting to eat something that is more enjoyable to you than not eating it. I struggle every day but in my heart of hearts, I know I will be happier weighing much less. So it is mind over matter .... I know it's hard but try not to look so far in the future. Seriously, take one hour or one day at a time and it is much easier. I really like to drink 16 oz of water whenever I want to eat something that may not be the best for me. It really helps. Also, I haven't been overweight for my entire life but 10 years definitely seems too long for me....but I do like to post pictures of how I would like to look on my bedroom mirror even though at my age, I will NEVER look like I did when I was young. It just reminds me that if I take a step each day, I will get closer and closer to my goal. Don't give up. I can tell from your writing that you really want to lose the weight. Dig Deep. You can do this!! emoticon

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~ Maria Robinson


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GYPSYGOTH
GYPSYGOTH's Photo SparkPoints: (83,595)
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11/17/13 1:24 P

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A good answer:

Your brain.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/126094
33-the-power-of-habit


I am in the middle of this FASCINATING book. Highly recommended.

~desiree/dez/D~
Always welcoming new members in The Hen House!
teams.sparkpeople.com/thehenhouse

My blog about my long-term unemployment:
desperationpapers.wordpress.com/


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RAENDROPS
RAENDROPS's Photo Posts: 122
11/17/13 1:07 P

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Thank you for responding!

That's the tough part; I feel like I do want to just do this. I feel like I've woken up hundreds of mornings and said no more. But when the binge cravings pop up, it's like I'm in a fog that forgets why I'm doing this. And there are moments where the food does seem more enjoyable than some mystical version of me (I've always been overweight to some degree, so I have no idea what thin/fit looks like for me).

It's frustrating, and I don't really know how to fix what's going on in my mind. I've tried the whole "fake it till you make" in believing I am capable of doing this, of being patient, but I either give up too soon, or I see little to opposite results (and not just the scale, health, measurements, clothes too).

I just tell myself I have to keep trying, not to give up, but it's getting exhausting; I feel like a hamster on a wheel!

~Shelly~


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MCCC75
MCCC75's Photo SparkPoints: (25,018)
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11/17/13 11:55 A

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Excellent post and very well written....I totally understand what you are saying -- been there, done that. I too know everything there is about losing weight as many other folks on this site do too.

For the past 10 years I have been overweight for the first time in my life and for me, it has been a pretty sad decade. And what makes me more upset is during this period of time I saw my kids go through their teen years and their mom not wanting to do as many things with them outside the house because I was so embarrassed. I can't get those years back but I can get the future right. For me, I finally have the biggest kick to get on the road to health --- my kids are now grown and busy with their lives and I need to get my life back. I want that more than any food could give me. You just have to get to that point. I have to go forward and lose this weight for me. It is like a weight around my neck -- it makes me very depressed and unhappy. I have chose finally to let go of that weight and be happy again. I know it will take 9 mos to a year to lose this weight, but I WILL DO IT. There is no going back. I have made that promise to myself. I mean it this time....there is no going back.

So the answer to your "why" question is that you just have to decide you have to do this...that you want to do this...that you have to be patient with the life style change, that you are not going to be perfect but that is okay. I know it is a simple answer but it is the truth...you just have to decide and as Nike said, JUST DO IT. There are many here who would love to support you and be your friend. It won't be easy but it is something we can do. Mind over Matter. Good luck. emoticon emoticon emoticon

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~ Maria Robinson


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RAENDROPS
RAENDROPS's Photo Posts: 122
11/17/13 10:06 A

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I've heard Jillian Michaels say that you can tolerate any "how" if you have a "why".

What I don't understand is why my "why" isn't enough to get me to do this.

I've been on the weight loss merry-go-round for most of my life, and I'm tired. But instead of losing weight, I yo-yo back and forth, and overall I've gained weight, about 45 lbs, 25 just in the last 8-9 months, so I am now about 70 lbs overweight.

I feel like at this point, I could write the articles here on SP; I have read so many books, tried so many meal plans, looked into the science. I KNOW the answers. I KNOW what to do when I feel a binge coming on. I KNOW what to do when I eat at a restaurant. (etc etc) I feel like I KNOW every single answer to any weight loss question you could give me.

But KNOWING and DOING are two very different things.

I sabotage myself and give into cravings and changes to my plans (I'm a big planner; it's my follow-through that's lacking). I don't know why I (sub-consciously) want to stay overweight.

All of my reasons for wanting to lose the weight are for me; some are aesthetic, some for health reasons, personal comfort, a desire to be physically functional. But none of them are for other people. I'm trying to do this for me.

I've lost count of how many motivation boards I've made. I've ditched the scale, I've rewarded myself, I've been a part of numerous online and RL weight loss groups, I've had a personal trainer, I've used HealthyWage (and lost $100), I've read books on motivation and followed their steps to a T, I've repeated positive mantras over and over again, I've tried fake it till you make it (in believing in myself), I've tried it all. (even the things I didn't list here)

But ultimately, it ends. Some of those things, I probably didn't stick with long enough to see if it worked. Some, I could no longer afford (such as WW and the personal trainer).

I do well for a period of time: sometimes as long as a month or two, sometimes just a couple of weeks, and lately, I'm lucky if I have one solid good day. I blame it on my busy and stressful job (which it is), but I know I could still do better.

I don't understand why my reasons aren't good enough to motivate me. I don't understand why when I have the option between a salad and a burger and fries, I go for the fried food. I don't understand why I can stuff my face with endless desserts and yet as I lift the fork, feel so uncomfortable in my skin that I feel desperate to lose the weight.

I'm really good at following a healthy lifestyle, for a short period of time. I don't deprive myself, but I do have a lot of trigger foods that are best to stay away from (binge eating is by FAR my biggest issue). I just can't seem to make it last. I know the point is not to do something that you couldn't imagine sustaining for the rest of your life, and I try really hard not to restrict myself in that sense, and I try to be reasonable, but I crave massive portions of calorie-laden foods, and there's no moderation in that. And having a rare "cheat" meal just doesn't satisfy.

I'm at a loss. My husband is starting to worry about my health. I've been worried for a while. I'm afraid I have or soon will do something that isn't fixable. I try to take things day by day, but time seems to be flying by and it's not getting better.

So what do you do when you KNOW all the right answers, but you can't seem to get yourself to DO it?

~Shelly~


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