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FIT4MEIN2013's Photo FIT4MEIN2013 SparkPoints: (111,517)
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11/3/13 10:13 P

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It will come. Just keep pushing and focus on the time with your son. I loved the time spent with my dd and that kept me going to the gym when it was the last thing that I anted to do. You are building memories at a time when most kids pull away. You are also building HIS health.

Jaynee-Pacific Time Goal reached with 130# loss, 138# total loss

Exercise, eat, track, repeat!!



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DKOSLOWSKY SparkPoints: (56)
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11/3/13 10:10 P

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As a friend put it to me, you have to find your currency. I think my son is mine. I've lived so long doing things to make sure he and his sister grew up right, that I should start by doing this for him, and then the feeling of doing it for me will follow... the feeling of doing it for him is fighting with the feelings that you have, of a lack of self-worth. On a very weird level, it's as if I have to let go of at least part of the self I've known all my life, and as toxic as it might be, it's a hard goodbye. So maybe if you think of it that way, it might help.

The crazy thing is that when I was much younger, years and years before I married and had children, I ran several times a week, about 20 miles per week, give or take a couple. It was a source of pride for me, and I loved running, but I'm a long way off from that right now. I have goals and they are very tiny baby steps at this point.

YEAHIAMME SparkPoints: (531)
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11/3/13 9:40 P

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I totally get you. At night when I am in bed I am like "YES! I am going to change. I am going to go to the gym and workout and eat healthy and clean and drink a gallon of water EVERY DAY! I can lose the weight and get in shape!" And then the next day I always seem to actually fall back a step. Like I don't feel like I am worthy to change. It is hard having that motivation when you actually have to go do it. I am glad your son is encouraging you. I don't really have anyone to. If you find something that helps, I would love to hear it.

DKOSLOWSKY SparkPoints: (56)
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11/3/13 8:02 P

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I feel great after I work out. I get that. But when I think about going to the Y, or making time to go, I get an overwhelming feeling of failure. I don't know where this comes from, but it's keeping me from getting a good start.

The really sad thing is that my son joined up with me and he is trying to be so encouraging about us making a schedule and sticking to it that I could cry. He's 15 and loves going to work out on the strength machines and running a couple miles on the treadmill. It's not like he's slender or anything, he takes after me, but he did run a lot the last couple years, including a couple of marathons. So he does have some work to do himself.

I wish I could get a positive feeling going. It's as if I WANT to fail, and I don't know where this is coming from. Any thoughts?

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