In the interest of keeping myself motivated, I've been trying to think through some of the core reasons why I have kept extra weight on for so many years, and some of the reasons why I might finally be ready to change. Here's a quick run down:
How I got here:
1.) I watched my father gain and lose the same 20 to 40 lbs. dozens of times during his life, and might have been trying to offer him comfort and company on his journey, which was never a very healthy one, despite the fact that he was an MD. Or maybe I just patterned myself after him when it comes to eating and exercise.
2.) I was raised by competitive and for the most part high-achieving intellectuals who led me to think that if I ever got an A-, I should wonder why it wasn't an A or an A+. I am filled with a constant sense of not being quite good enough, and have used food to medicate my feelings of inadequacy.
3.) I have become lazy over the years, relying on the fact that my husband loves me regardless of what shape I'm in.
4.) I have a core belief that I'm not only 'big-boned' but also have a slow metabolism, again like my Dad. So I don't even know if I can ever reach my goal weight or goal body type. I have used that core belief to sabotage my own health.
Why I might finally be ready to change:
1.) My father passed away this July, and I feel as though he is both freeing me to follow my own patterns and encouraging me to beat this problem for both of us.
2.) Life has shown me that academic achievement does not always translate into success. I am less bound by the need to be perfect, though to be honest, this is still a work in progress.
3.) While it's true that my husband loves me regardless of what shape I'm in, we are both happier (in a lot of ways, wink wink!!) when I am fitter and healthier.
4.) While I can't do anything about my bone structure, I am realizing now that I can do things to tweak and improve my metabolism. A slow metabolism does not have to sentence me to a life of being fat; in fact, it should motivate me to work as hard as needed to improve my baseline metabolism.
What are your core reasons for carrying around extra weight, and why might this be your time to change?
"And no list could hold what I wanted, for what I wanted was every last thing, every layer of speech and thought, stroke of light on bark or walls, every smell, pothole, pain, crack, delusion, held still and held together -- radiant, everlasting."
-- Alice Munro, Lives of Girls and Women
"Move away from the table."
-- Barbara Little, 1915-2008
| current weight: 167.0