So, I am back on Sparkpeople after almost a full year of trying to lose weight. Last summer, I went through a tremendous amount of stress due to unhealthy/unstable living conditions, and I put on twenty pounds. Since then, I have been trying to lose 30 pounds. And I am sad to say that although I had dipped into the low 150s around December or so, after a year I am basically back to where I started: in the 160s.
I don't want to make excuses, but I have to say that the past year has been rough. I have held three different jobs and moved three times. My fiance and I are an interracial/interfaith couple, and his family has seriously put us through the wringer over this (I'm talking suicide threats, threats to disown him, everything). We got a kitten, and although he is the love of our lives, he has been very ill (at one point we thought feline leukaemia--and that hasn't been ruled out). My fiance just graduated and is trying to find a full time job to support us, while I try to finish my last year of school (and will then have two years of my Masters to go). Through all this we have been working various full-time jobs to support ourselves.
Because we are so busy and strapped for cash we hardly go out, don't really enjoy ourselves, and so basically when we do go out, we eat. Since we don't have much to entertain ourselves with or to de-stress, we reward ourselves with food. This summer we work a gruelling job of housekeeping/janitorial work in the heat, so to reward ourselves we order pizza at night or buy an iced coffee on campus. If we do go out, it's always to a restaurant and followed by a movie with popcorn and large sodas.
We have been yo-yoing this entire year. Usually what happens is we have a stressful week and we eat like crap, and then we both feel guilty, so we tell ourselves we are going to reform and we go out and buy all healthy food. Then we don't have time to cook, or we lose motivation, or we're just too overwhelmed, and the food sits in the fridge while we order in or buy food on campus. And then after a while we feel guilty and repeat the process again...and again...:(
I am almost crying as I write this, because we just want to find a way to stick with these habits. I understand that it's a choice to eat healthy, but my fiance and I are both going to counselling and doing everything we can to get ourselves on track, and I do feel like we're making an effort. I have social anxiety and we even purchased gym memberships and went for a while, though I was terrified of working out in front of people. But since we work 9-5, and then have to go home and give our cat medication, and then almost every night we have class until 10 pm...we lack motivation to work out after all of that.
Does anyone have any advice for us? I can't keep losing and gaining weight again, it's becoming depressing and I feel lethargic all the time because of this. We have so much going on right now, I would really like to have at least one thing in my life organized and taken care of. I can't tell you how much it would relieve me to at least get one thing in my life under control.
| current weight: 348.0