Preach it! I feel this exact same way about my life in general (of which my weight is a huge part). These are not silly questions you are asking yourself. It is a very legitimate fear that applies to most, if not all, battling with weight issues whether they like to admit it or not. I don't think anyone will think of you any less if you try and don't succeed. Instead I think those who truly care about you will admire your courage for even trying because it is not an easy journey. It is a VERY difficult and emotional one.
About your fears regarding your new-found confidence and your husband, that is impossible to tell. Weight loss has a HUGE impact on your confidence and just everything else around you. When you win the battle against your weight it gives you the motivation and confidence to tackle many other things in life. You begin to recognize your self worth and well if things are not in your best interest your new-found confidence will allow you to see that.
My first time ever joining Sparkpeople was because a boyfriend of mine, who used to put me down all the time about EVERYTHING (although I didn't see it that way then) told me I needed to lose weight. Well I put my all into it, not because I loved myself but because I loved him. I worked at it everyday and ate healthful foods. I eventually lost 37 lbs. and that wasn't enough for him, he'd still put me down for other things. Well it was enough for me to realize he was toxic to my confidence and well-being, so I sent him packing.
I am not, in ANY way, saying this is what will happen to you. Most people don't have such a horrible relationship like I did with that guy. Just wanted to share my experience so that you can see your fear is a very legitimate one and you shouldn't feel guilty or silly about having it. I will share a secret with you though, when I hadn't lost the weight and didn't have the confidence, losing my boyfriend seemed like it would kill me. Once I began to love myself I began to see him for what he really was and what he really did to me. My relationship with him was so crappy that, at that moment, in leaving him I felt I was gaining something.
I think you mentioned this in your post about engaging your husband in your weight loss and I think it's a very good idea. It will help having the support of your loved one and it will motivate you. It will bring you closer than ever. It will also help him see how emotional it can get for you. If anything it will even make you feel less silly and self-conscious (which is completely normal). Lets feel silly and self-conscious about overeating and not exercising, not about doing what is actually in our best interest. Let's do this thing! LOL
Wishing you the best,
Kim
By the way, I'm starting at 185 as well :(
See? You're not alone. Soooooooooooo many people are living the same exact thing! Don't be discouraged!
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