My voice lies to me, and says "oh,you can eat this or that, it won't matter". But it does matter, and it throws me off the wagon. It is as if the voice wants to thwart me. And when I listen, there is a part of me that goes "see? you can't really do this...". it's ridiculous.
I was talking to my therapist about my relationship to food as a child, it was withheld from me, sometimes I would get hit if I was hungry and my mom wasn't and didn't want to bother with me. Part of me is afraid to be hungry - and I've always been a little hungry when I've tried to lose weight so I think it scares me deep down. My dad taught me to use food to feel better. That part of me uses food to manage my energy -- I eat because I'm tired or need to cope with stress. Both things come from growing up in an environment of deprivation, where I needed to worry about getting enough food, or emotional attention. I can learn to give myself these things, and heal. Knowing where the voices come from makes it easier for me to understand why I overeat or make the food choices.
So, where does your "you don't deserve this" come from? Being deserving reminds me of having to prove worth in order to be allowed something else. If you figure out where you got the message/voice, you can figure out how not to listen to it, and help yourself.
At least that is my $.02.
Member since May 8, 2007
| Pounds lost: 0.6