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8/28/16 5:03 A

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Dearest Annette, the prayers will continue for you and your husband in this arduous journey to give Peanut the home she deserves. Your sister, her husband and your parents will, in time, learn what they should have known years ago. God will see to that. I have learnt to forgive people but I will never allow myself to forget what they are capable of doing...and therefore, my prayers are confined to them staying out of your lives forever. Getting them to come around...well, I will leave that to God!!
I think Peanut will be yours soon...I can feel it...so so so glad for you!!

Kathy, I have a bet on the fact that Nolan is going to from cute pronunciations to sounding like a mature young man who enunciates his words ever so carefully. Tell us - how does Stella sound like? Does her teacher not remark on how mature she sounds?
I am reading the second memoir of Lee Kuan Yew, the late ex-Prime Minister of Singapore who turned a little plug in the South China Sea into an economic powerhouse. He was a good friend of Henry Kissinger, who took the trouble at the age of 93 to "attend the funeral of his friend, Kuan Yew". I admire anyone who understands the actual meaning of public servant and Lee Kuan Yew did. I hope you can get your hands on this one, Kathy.

Pat, really? Stick and dick? I am alone at home today and I fell off my chair laughing!! You have to make sure you tell him this when he's all of 17 and trying to be cool!! I wish I could be there when this happens...

I am having a quiet Sunday by myself after a very busy Saturday of attending funerals, and hospital visits and advising a friend on how to set up a process to care for her ageing parents who have both fallen ill at the same time. Vishal is at a work event and husband is away while the helper is on her day off. Feels nice to be alone...

Have a great Sunday, my lovely ladies.

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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8/27/16 8:39 A

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Kathy, when Davis was younger he had a problem with "F" words. Food was pood, frog was pog and so one. Now his only problem is with words that start with double constanants. Stick is dick, swimming is wimming and snack is nack. Now that we understand his language, we are good with it but when Davis comes up to someone and asks if they want to see his dick (stick) it can be embarrassing.

Annette, prayers coming your way for the caseworker and you and your family. I hope your sister and her husband have the decency to allow Jasmine to have a good life. I pray that your parents stop siding with your sister and start believing that you are the best for her.

Donovan has a game today and it will be in the 90's this afternoon. Fortunately the game starts at 10:30 when it will only be in the mid 80's.

Pat



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CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/27/16 4:28 A

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Kathy...Rosie is two ways about Jasmine. On the one hand she does like to hold baby and mother her. On the other hand, Rosie gets a bit bent out of shape when Jasmine is around me because it takes attention away from Rosie...lol. It was a bit jarring for Rosie when her little brother, Dimitri, came into the picture. She was used to being the little doll that was being carried around by everyone. Now, there is another baby taking attention away.

We had good news yesterday afternoon. I had sent the caseworker a monthly update on Jasmine and asked about the PGO application. We got more of an answer than we expected. The Regional manager agreed with the PGO application for Sept. 14. My sister is being served Amendment papers this coming Monday. They even sent us a copy of that court document. We were shocked after all these months of no transparency or answers. At least we know which path things should be going down. Things could get bogged down if my sister and her husband oppose it and take it to a trial. Which is exactly what I expect actually.

What we could use for Monday is prayers of safety. Although we don't get along with the Caseworker that is serving the papers, I am concerned for her safety around my sister's violent husband. The Caseworker is about 6 months pregnant and is going alone. After that...prayers of safety for Owen and I as the truth of what that court document represents...hits them. Even though we have no influence or control on the matter, they may blame us for "taking the baby away". Exciting news for us is heartbreaking news for my sister...so emotions will be running high.

Annette
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KNEWMETODAY's Photo KNEWMETODAY Posts: 3,337
8/26/16 11:06 P

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Prema, Nolan's most frequent (and laughable) vocalizations are "I found it!"; "Sit on your wap?" ("L" is a problem for him.); and "Pamcakes and sausage." It's fun to listen to him try to say cantaloupe, pistachio, and absolutely!!

Pat, I'm glad you only had a brief power outage, and I've experienced foggy humidity. It's always entertaining to exit the air conditioned car only to have my glasses immediately fog up again!! In '99, we had an EF4 tornado hit Haysville. While my house was spared, my maple tree took a beating and, ultimately, had to be taken out. We had to show ID's in order to enter the town and get to the house. We were without power for a week. Showering by candle light is a pain in the bum.

Lala, welcome.

Annette, I bet Rose plays a nice"mothering" role for Jasmine. I pray that this road is smooth and the situation readily resolved. The wait can take a toll.

I just finished reading "The Book of Speculation." It was a good read, as was "A Man Called Ove."

No special plans for the weekend.

Kathy

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8/26/16 5:43 P

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Prema, I have never seen a tornado in action but have driven by some of the aftermath. We have tornado warning sirens and once when we first moved here, the sirens went off with an ominous voice telling people to move to the northwest corner of the lowest level of the house. My daughter still to this day says it was God. We still have warnings but nothing like that one.



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8/26/16 7:11 A

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Pat, we do not have tornadoes in Malaysia...just thunderstorms and since I do not live near the sea, my area does not get flooded. Coastal areas in the east coat of Malaysia will experience major flooding at the end of every year. So glad that all you had to endure was power outage and no more than that!

Hi Lala, hope your daughter stays safe. And also hope the worst is over.

Nolan is already speaking? But he was born yesterday...so when did this happen? That boy seems to know exactly what he wants and also knows who he can charm into letting him get his way during walks. I like the fact that Pat is looking out for you...he probably would want to do more except that rumour has it, his mum is one of these feisty independent girls who will frown when she gets more help than she decrees to be necessary!!! emoticon .
Not you, Kathy? Surely, not you!!!

Annette, Jasmine is soooo cute and so is Rosie.
My daughter was the original home tornado...5 minutes anywhere and one can go crazy with the trail she used to leave behind. There was once some years ago, when I saw her room at the university and burst into tears at how messy it was! I honestly felt like I failed as a mum! At 29, she is finally getting her act together when it comes to keeping things away...nowhere near my level but at least at a level where she can invite her friends over without shame!
So so so so can relate to you and Pat on this matter!

I have a few people to visit tomorrow and a few errands to run. My son has told me that he will accompany me on these before he goes out with his friends for the evening. I am looking forward to his company tomorrow - we usually have a lot of fun together.

Have a good weekend, everybody. Enjoy!!!

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/25/16 8:40 P

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Annette, the picture of Rosie and Jasmine is so cute. It looks like Jasmine can't wait to be able to get up and chase the big kids around. It's a shame that your company can't behave like grown ups when staying in your home. When we shared a two bedroom hotel suite with my daughter and her boyfriend, they left their room in a shambles. We made them get rid of the garbage before checking out.

Pat



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CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/25/16 7:30 P

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Thank you Kathy for sharing a bit of your children's history with me. You are so right that this all feels so unending. We still have heard nothing and that is a two-sided coin for me. It seems disrespectful and unprofessional to me for them to behave this way....and then again, having a respite from hearing from any of them has been very lovely. There has been no visitation with my sister. There has been no calls or emails from CFS or Kinship. We can pretend for a moment how it can be for us in the future.

This has been a very busy week. Husband's daughter, husband and two children stayed at our home for a few days. Everything seemed quite hectic and turned upside down. This is the daughter that keeps a totally messy home...and has no problem turning our home that way as well. She and my son have the same habit. When they stay for a few days in our home with their families, they revert to being children themselves, expecting to be cooked for and picked up after while Owen and I look after their kids plus our baby. It was nice to get our home back yesterday.

We did take a few of our grandchildren out to a corn/sunflower maze on the one sunny day we had this past weekend.

This is grand-daughter, Rosie, with Jasmine.

We truly are blessed

I will try to find who I can on Facebook. I am under Annette Selent.

Annette
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/25/16 6:22 P

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Lala, I hope everything is okay with your family. It's so hot and humid in the Midwest today that having no power is hard on people. I wish them good luck.

Pat



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8/25/16 1:31 P

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My daughter & her husband live in Kokomo, Ind. They had their first experience with a tornado. Luckily, their home was not damaged. They had no power all night and I haven't heard from them yet today to find out if their power is back on yet. She will be contacting me after she gets off work this afternoon.

Be beYOUtiful... Be YOUnique!


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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/25/16 10:24 A

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Kathy, we were about 2 hours east of the tornados. We didn't have any storms until 1 am. They were loud and the skies were lit up. Power went out for a few seconds, just long enough to have to reset everything. I set my iPhone alarm just in case the power went out again. This morning Davis is on school. I got the groceries bought and put away. It is so humid out there so I can't even get out of the car without my glasses fogging up.
Its nice that Pat is keeping up with the lawn care for you. Enjoy your time with the grandkids.

Pat



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KNEWMETODAY's Photo KNEWMETODAY Posts: 3,337
8/25/16 9:15 A

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Ei and Pat, are you anywhere near the tornadoes?

Pat mowed yesterday. He's been so faithful in doing that for me. Nolan and I went for a walk to the end of the block. "Go in house," he says after he spots the house. I figure he's hot and tired!! WRONG!! " Get stroller," he says as he heads for its parking spot. We're off again, but now he's riding. He's so very smart. ( I can push him around now but not for long.)

I'll pick up Stella from school today for a bit of time with her.

Now, Prema, about Moskito. You have such a heart; you're such a soft touch. Toothache are such a pain. I know he appreciates you (and your food).

Kathy

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/25/16 7:20 A

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Prema, you are not alone, we are all suckers for complements. How good does it feel when someone does not know your age? A beautiful woman such as yourself (inside and out) should be used to getting a ton of complements often.

Annette, are you doing okay?

Pat



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8/25/16 6:21 A

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Kettle bell....accidental jab...jaw...worsen the toothache.... emoticon
Pat, you are one clever girl....

Have I told that I am an absolute sucker for compliments? Absolute as in 12 on a scale of 1 to 10??? So, anyway, today, I am running as usual. I see this mum with her toddler and since I am almost at the end of my run and I adore seeing kids with their mums, I stopped and said hello and listened to this lady tell me that she thinks she's getting old cos she would do anything to get a good night's sleep without being woken up every 3 hours. Told her the good news about toddlers growing into teenagers and then she would be spending all her time dragging them out of bed!! Just wanted to make a young mum feel better!

Then she tells me that, from the back, she thought I was someone much younger than my age - I decided that the statement was still a compliment!! As i said, I am a sucker for compliments. I have therefore decided to spare Moskito for another month. If he ups the programme in October and I hurt more than I do now, then I will kill him!!!

Me thinks this is a great plan. All suckers-for-compliments will agree. Sensible people will be shaking their heads at this point!!

Bye. Have a good one today! Beeeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/24/16 7:08 A

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Prema, you didn't cause the toothache did you? Maybe a judo kick to the face or an accidental jab to the jaw with a kettle bell. I guess when one man suffers we all do. Davis and Donovan are both confident young men and Maxwell shows no fear of people. I hope I have a positive influence on all 3.

Pat



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8/24/16 6:54 A

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Hi Kathy. The dumb ghost has struck yet again. Show him those muscles!! emoticon emoticon

Pat, both your girls will understand the value of your choices in time to come...and your grandchildren will be the actual beneficiaries of those choices. Look at the confidence young Davis has! First day of preschool and he speaks like a wise young man!!

Just discovered today that even if Moskito has a toothache, he can still make a person work out at maximum capacity...there was no way I could cheat this kid!! Sigh!!! I am so losing it!

Have a good one today, my kawan-kawan.

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/23/16 10:15 P

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Kathy, I hate when that happens.

Prema, you don't know how close to the truth you are. Stepfathers can and do have an effect on young lives. When your birth mom turns a blind eye to what is going on in the house, pain is most certain and long lasting. I told myself a long time ago that forgiveness would be a relief but only for the stepfather. Things that happened 50 years are still in my brain, as painful as it was during my pre-teens. I have chosen a life that has been the best medicine for me.

Well, Davis was ready to take on the world this morning and was so much fun to watch, getting ready to go to school. He told me, "Grandma, this girl cried all day and I just don't want to put up with it again. Maybe she should just stay home."







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8/23/16 7:31 A

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Just typed a message that disappeared as my kindle said I was off line. I'll get back.

Kathy

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8/23/16 7:18 A

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Pat, you remind me of a true story I read some years ago entitled "From Homeless to Harvard". The young lady in this story was born to parents who were drug addicts and when she and her sister went to stay with her grandfather, he was molesting her sister. She decided that she was going to use education to break this mould in her life especially after she did not succeed in getting her parents/sister to leave their station in life. She decided that their lives and stories did not define her and she was going to be happy and have a fulfilling life. Just like you.

Is that a picture of Maxwell attacking a cake? Soooooo cute!!! Glad the girls made an effort to put aside their differences for the event, but if Melanie is anything like my younger sister who wouldn't even allow her kids, at one stage, to even say hello to me, then Baby Maxwell will be at the losing end of the relationship. Boys learn from older siblings and given that your 2 grandsons could be the best role model for him, this is very sad.

Kathy, I like your candour in sharing yourself with Annette. Like Pat says, we all can give prayers and hugs but if there's one person who understands Annette's and Peanut's pain, it will be you. Please (and not nagging here...or am I??) my dear kawan - no moving stuff, no painting and no pushing back stuff. Ladies, am I nagging? I'm not, right? Does it sound like I am giving kindly advice? No? Oh dear...fail again!!!

Hi Ei. Thank you for all your support and yes, there will be ME time.

I have told hubby that we need to draw up divorce papers separately from the sale of the property. It's a fairly big house and with the tightening of our Malaysian economy and therefore loans from the banks, it could be challenging to find potential buyers for the property. However, if we do not maintain the house, then the sale value drops drastically. So I will tackle each problem separately especially since the man will back-pedal (I can foresee this!) and take me back to square one all the time. The most important item right now is to sign the divorce papers.

Annette...any news for us?

Have a good one today, lovely ladies. Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/22/16 2:32 P

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My email address is patmasters927@gmail.com if that helps. Greg was a mayor and then he got a job with Nationwide Insurance after that. I'm not sure if he is still there.

Pat



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IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
8/22/16 12:47 P

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Facebook with your name Pat.....there are several with your name....??? any particulars I should look for?

Spark Anniversary 9/2/2010

Irish Ei
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8/22/16 12:33 P

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Hi Pat,
My former husband (Tom) was a cousin to Greg Lashutka, yes. I think he was city attorney for Columbus. He also played for the Buffalo Bills. Greg, his brother and mom moved to I think when the boys were young (another -divorce) so
the cousins did not see each other much, after they moved. His mom came back to town here, and I fitted her for stockings once. Very nice lady......small world....I was a Orthotic fitter for 8 years in my younger years while I was going to get my Assoc.degree in business......in the evenings.... Thanks....will look for you on facebook too.....Happy birthday to Maxwell. The photo is precious. He is really growing up. Happy your two daughters made the effort to get along for the party and did enjoy Maxwell for the day. (-:

Prema,
We are here for all the moral support we can give, even though not in person, we are here in Heart and Hugs + prayers for you....Hope your two children will know how hard it is for you and give you the comfort you need from them....

Big HUGS to all my kawan-kawan,
Ei



Edited by: IRISHEI at: 8/22/2016 (12:35)
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/22/16 11:43 A

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Hi, on Facebook, I am under Patricia Masters.

Ei, Lashutka was the last name of a former mayor ofColumbus. Greg is his first name. Any relation? You are right about "me" time. It is so important to living a long and happy life.

Kathy, those are kind works for Annette. As someone that has lived through the adoption process, you can be a real asset and provide a prospective that none of the rest of us can. I am glad that you will be getting help moving the kitchen appliances. No more moving for you. When you finish the painting, you will feel much relief. The floors and other improvements can be done by others. I'm so glad this oppressive heat has left us and I hope cooler temperatures and lower humidities prevail.

Prema, my kawan, if anyone can be strong, I know it is you. Your determination and strength is a plus when working through the divorce process. Will you be leaving the family home or him? I would think that the way you have been working on the landscaping that you are planning on staying. You have us here to support you. I may be the only one here that is not be through or going through a divorce, but I did live through 2 as a kid. My mom divorced my birth dad when I was about 5 and I never got to know him My second father was inexperienced at being a father and having married a woman with 5 kids, it wasn't a good mix. I think I was about 8 or 9 when she divorced him. I still remember him, but not a in good way.

Maxwell had a wonderful birthday party. My niece and her 1.5 year old daughter came from NY and it was nice of her to make the trip. The feud between my 2 daughters was put aside for the day and I was very happy to see that. They know the way to hurt each other the most is to restrict their access to the kids. Such a shame.

A few pictures to share.



Edited by: PHATPAT18 at: 8/22/2016 (11:47)

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8/22/16 11:00 A

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Hi everyone.
Kathy, I am on Facebook too. My full name is----- Eileen Lashutka....
even though I am 1/2 Irish from my mom.........my dad was Welsh....
I kept the married name of .....lashutka.....since it was easier for the papework when the kids went to college,etc.....not crazy about the name, but.....that is why...
I sent you a message and it may come across, not sure....on there,asking to be friends...

Prema,
Yes, we are all giving women....looking for improving our yards, homes, lives, health, etc.....for some reason, I always felt my husband was first, then my kids, then myself....always wanted the best for all of them....Now I have ME time as I need it and enjoy it, but still spend time with my kids, grandkids and family,etc....
If we love ourselves, they say, we can love others, better.....so, be good to yourself....We are ALL worth it!!
I did watch the Olympics too, but not all of it. loved the swimming with michael phelps....he has done well for the 3rd year in a row...His family has to be so proud of him.....
Hope you feel the hugs today and will enjoy the marvelous weather....at least we are having a nicer day here in OH.
Had planned on the SS classes, but decided to do some activity here today and catch up, so that makes me feel so much better....

Pat + Annette, Hope our week will be a great one!
BIG hugs to All of you, my kawan-kawan...... Enjoy!
Irish Ei

hugs, Irish Ei





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8/22/16 3:13 A

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Hi Kathy. We are all the same, aren't we? Why is it that we do decide to give ourselves a gift, it's never something like a 2-day spa retreat or a makeover? I am as bad as all of you girls. My gift to me was getting my garden fixed - the man of the house has always been quite happy to have it overgrown and looking wild. And I decided enough was enough and had the trees pruned, conditioned the soil and grew some grass where there was moss, had some hydranges planted by the side and some creepers for the fence as well as jasmine saplings. I believe Pat gave her kitchen and other parts of her house a makeover not too long ago. Annette is no different and neither is Ei.

Members of the Granny Petrol - we need a life! Actually....we have one...it's a good one fro my perspective. So God, thank you. Just make sure good health is on our side..

Kathy, you are right about Bhaskaran.

I have only kept up with swimming and track and field events of the Olympics as well as badminton were we won 3 silver medals. Lochte is embarrassing, Phelps is a HUGE hero in Malaysia and Singapore especially at the wonderful way he was smiling from ear-to-ear after receiving a silver medal for the 100m butterfly. Usain Bolt was amazing - can you imagine him telling his grandchildren one day - "yes, grandpa won medals in the Olympics but only the gold...I don't have any other colours, kids...so no fighting...each one of you can play with one gold medal each!"

Have a great start to the week, my kawan-kawan.

Beeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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8/21/16 3:37 P

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Ei, I'm on Facebook...Kathy McGuire-DeCesaro, not much of a secret. I've taken thyroid medication for years but the doctor has increased my dosage because of my latest lab results.

Prema, Bhaskaran is probably just running scared. He never really thought you'd divorce him. He's got to be in shock!! Expect him to try to sway Dhivia and Vishal. He'll use what he can at this point to try to save himself!!

I've been trying to keep up with the Olympics, but it seems harder now. What was Ryan Lochte thinking??

I resumed painting my kitchen. I stopped when it got so hot and the humidity was so high. I've got a lot of cabinet doors to remove and paint. The wall, the main one anyway, is behind the appliances, so I'll wait for assistance before I take that on. I'm really sorry I ever started it...TOO late!! As soon as the painting is complete, I'll replace the floor and the appliances. My gift to me.

Annette, both of my sons are adopted...but through an agency. There were plenty of emotions but not the emotional turmoil you're enduring with Jasmine. Though it may seem unending, it eventually will settle down. Until then, rely on us to bolster you up and through whatever bogs you down.

Over and out, kawan-kawan,
Kathy

Edited by: KNEWMETODAY at: 8/21/2016 (15:40)
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8/21/16 4:44 A

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There's a wonderful feeling going through me today. I have made my mind up; I have very strong ladies who have been fabulous supportive friends; I am confident that my children will understand my actions...in the future. I am BLESSED. Thank you my dearest friends, for the pathway to growing confidence.

I am formulating a plan and I will tweak it, if necessary, and I will get there. THANK YOU...THANK YOU..THANK YOU! I hope you all feel the hugs I am sending over to each and every one of you.

Ei...you are special. Very special. We all know this. And only a few select people will enjoy this.
Annette, you may have gone through a few divorces but I bet my bottom dollar that each one of those ex-spouses felt your loss. You now have the right person in your life...thank you God.
Pat, every bit of happiness in your life today...each and every bit...make no mistake, you deserve it, my dear kawan.
Kathy, for giving so much to your 2 boys and for continuously giving them, on your own....you are something else.

THANK YOU GOD FOR THESE LOVELY LADIES IN MY LIFE.

Have a blessed Sunday, my kawan-kawan. Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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8/20/16 12:56 P

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I meant to say if you want to be friends on Facebook let me know. Mine is under my real name....
do all of you have facebook accounts and a special name on there?
if not, no worries...

Thanks. Ei

Spark Anniversary 9/2/2010

Irish Ei
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January 31


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IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
8/20/16 12:02 P

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This may be quick, since my computer and phone keep shutting down....

Annette, Thanks for your comments. Your new location for building your home does sound so beautiful. Much happiness as you plan this new adventure. Enjoy the little "Peanut" and know you are in prayers for all the stress this brings on, waiting and hoping. It will be ok....I just feel it in my bones. (-:

Kathy,
So sorry you were ill and now Nolan. Hope he is better now. Do you have a thyroid problem? I have hypothyroidism (low) and have been on a pill daily since 1999. Hope the chiropractor is helping you with the pain.

As for divorce, it is not a easy thing to go through. When you have tried everything possible with counseling,etc. and are at witts end, it is time. I had to make a HUGE
decision when i did this, but it was the best in the long run. My three kids did tell me, later as we talked more, that I did on the RIGHT Thing.....My son shared more with me when we went out to dinner alone last year when he was here and it made me feel so good. My hard thing is that I still have to SEE HIM with his wife at our family events, with the grandkids....so that part is hard. Oh well, I do the best I can and try to be sociable at least. She is quite nice, but it is just hard to accept that he remarried and makes me feel like .........oh well, end of subject.

Prema,
Keeping you in prayers for strength as you go through these difficult and stressful days and you will have them. Know we care about you and hugs are with you at all times.

Pat,
Sounds like your parents struggled a lot and you still felt loved though. Glad you can share with your sister. How wonderful to have such a loving dh and a nice stable life. You deserve it and I am happy for you.

well, back to my housework and getting ready for twc.....we also hope to use the pool if time allows today.
Bill and I are doing well. He is feeling so much better since he had the procedure done. He has more energy he tells me. We went to a ballgame with my oldest dd and her dh the two grandkids and my uncle last night. Bill and I enjoyed it so much.
hugs my kawan-kawan,
Ei

Spark Anniversary 9/2/2010

Irish Ei
from: OH
January 31


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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/19/16 1:49 P

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Kathy, I hope your little ones start feeling better soon. It's tough on kids. All they know is that a loving hug is the best medicine. My sister and I talk by phone about growing up poor but not knowing it. Between marriages we were on welfare, living in a rented house and no family car. By the time my sister was born, we had a father that worked for GM and was able to put food on the table but my sister and I feel we had it better before. We have both been able to retire young with money for a comfortable life.

Pat



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KNEWMETODAY's Photo KNEWMETODAY Posts: 3,337
8/19/16 1:26 P

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I'm heeeere! Where does the time go? How does it get away from me??

Prema, will he seek spousal support, or do you have anything like that? My ex was a saver...to the extreme. Once I made my decision to leave, I stayed long enough to get my certification for teaching. Certainly it was a change in our standard of living, but by the time I left the marriage, there was no looking back. One and done!!
Now, about Dhivia! She may have to endure problematic relationships in order to gain an appreciation for your circumstance. (Possibly witnessing flaws in the relationships around her could spare her the grief of going through it herself.) I think part of the issue is figuring out( or trying) why, after so many years, the relationship has soured. Clearly, she doesn't have a grasp on the fact that staying in a marriage is not the same thing as "happily ever after," that it truly takes two working on the relationship to make it really work. My sons were young when I left Mike, but they have since expressed appreciation that I made that move. Rob was a bit rebellious, but I believe that was not a problem caused by the divorce...he was a teenager!!

Ei, I tend to be very optimistic also. I don't actually think much about it; others notice though and mention it.

I had Nolan Wednesday and Thursday while he was sick. He spent a good amount of "lap time," but he's not fussy.

Pat, how great that you're able to help your brother help your mother. I didn't really realize for a very long time that I grew up poor...perspective is everything!! I didn't want my boys to do without...a flaw--going without builds character. emoticon I learned the value of money and tried to communicate that to my sons; like you, one kid "got it" and the other missed.

I'm still seeing the chiropractor. I went for my annual physical on Tuesday--all is well, but my thyroid is off a bit. Mammo was this morning.

Love to you all, stay strong, kawan-kawan.

Kathy



PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/19/16 7:39 A

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Annette, wow, an assessor with both compassion and the brains to know that she does not want to work with idiots anymore. Let's hope that her report is viewed without hate and discrimination that the others have towards your case. Jasmine deserves a loving family.

Prema, sometimes our children have a distorted view of their family life. She may not understand the situation now but as she grows and develops relationships, she will see in the end that her mom is much happier as a single woman. Your friends are here to support you.

Pat



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8/19/16 5:50 A

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Dear Pat. The message for your birthday is a reflection of how many people view you. I feel your kindness, love as well as your hug and here's the same back to you. Since my children are both adults, there are legally no complications in filing for divorce and in all honesty, this should be a matter between him and me...but the man is a drama queen and will drag as many of his family members into the fray to get me to change my mind. The only thing that I will have to do is to break the news, yet again, to my daughter who is taking quite a while to come around to the situation even though I have spoken to her about it many times.
Eventually though, it's my life and I have to carry through what I need to do for myself. She and my son will have their respective lives to manage and she does not understand that at that time, she will not have the capacity to help me through possible problems with my husband if I stay with him.

Annette, you are right about work giving me a routine and a sense of purpose. And I am all too-aware of the balance that I need to have for myself in this situation. During the earlier days, I found myself either going off the railings in anger or, in despair, beating myself up over my assessment of the biggest mistake I have ever made. I have learnt to stop doing that and to move forward and hence the strength of self. Make no mistake though...it's the support of equally strong, understanding friends like the ones in this group that make it possible for me to continuously see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Tomorrow morning, I will do a prayer of thanks for a good visit from the assessor and on Sunday, I will place jasmine garlands for our Jasmine aka Peanut as she crawls nearer and nearer to where she belongs.

Have a great weekend, my friends, Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/19/16 2:43 A

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Prema...I will be praying for strength and a clear mind for you as you go through the challenging process of divorce. How wonderful to have a boss that is understanding and gives you the mental space you will be needing. Sometimes, though...going to work is a blessing at times like this. It gives you some "routine" and "sameness" to your day. I found when I had too much time to myself I over-thought everything. On the other hand...one time I came back to work too soon...I fell apart when I was reading report out at the beginning of my shift when I heard my voice crack. So...balance in everything Prema.

Last evening was the day we finally signed the HAR(Home Assessment Report). The assessor was at our home for 2 hours. It was rough going for a while there. We hadn't seen her since April and there was much negativity told to her by CFS/Kinship in the interim. By the time she left, and we got to say our piece, the assessor told us that we could use her as a reference for when we apply for adoption. She was planning on quitting her job and working at the local Cancer Clinic for a while..but that we could contact her at anytime with any questions as we go through the process. Whew!

Annette
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/18/16 9:14 A

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Prema, first of all, those were the kindest words you posted on my Facebook page about my birthday. I wish I could give you a big hug. You my kawan are the kindest person and you deserve to be happy. I remember we I first got on this post you were having problems with your husband put you remained strong. You have grown so strong and you will be much stronger when you are on your own. You will always be in my prayers as you go through the divorce process. If he refuses to sign the papers, is there something you can do to get it through? It's nice that you boss is being supportive. That can make a big difference.

Hugs and love, Pat



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8/18/16 7:22 A

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Pat and Annette, with so much strength coming my way, I will neither lose my way nor my courage. I thank you both from the bottom of my heart.

I personally do not believe there will be physical abuse of any sort for now as he's too caught up in this whole perception and image nonsense. The problem will start next year and so I will be filing for divorce before the end of this month. My young boss, who is aware of my situation, told me to go ahead with it and has given me his full backing for time off to handle to any and all matters related to an impending divorce.

Thank you for all your prayers. They mean a lot to me.

Beeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/17/16 9:25 A

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Prema, in most if not all states, if a domestic disputes occurs the abuser is removed from the situation and jailed. If the abuser recanted their story while the police are there, there is still an arrest. This keeps the abused safe because mostly they recant out of fear. It's a win/win. I hope your soon to be ex never gets to that point. Praying for you.

Annette, such a coincidence that Prema was using jasmine while saying prayers for Jasmine. I believe that is definately a sign.

I must say that I have been truly blessed to have a man in my life that has never abused, degraded or alienated me in any way.

School started today. emoticon



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CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/17/16 6:41 A

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Pat...I agree with you about Jasmine's name. That is the part of her name that we will keep. I hope that this gets all done before she starts clueing into such things as middle and last names, and gets confused.

Prema...how amazing that you used jasmine flowers in the garland. Such a small world with connections made in surprising places.
How crazy of the MIL for covering/hiding bad behaviors for the sake of how it "looks" to others. I grew up like that...hated it.
I think it is easier for women to walk when they finally make up their mind to do it. They usually have more emotional supports around them than men. Plus, as in my case...the grieving over the loss of the marriage came many months before I walked. All the crying, the begging for change, asking for counselling does finally come to an end. By the time he or I left...it was a great relief, not a huge loss and sadness by then. To the men who chose not to pay attention to what I tried to tell them, it came as a great shock and surprise...and they had to start their own grief process.

Annette
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8/17/16 4:51 A

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Annette....I agree with Pat. What an absolutely lovely name. Incidentally, when we were all praying for Peanut and your case, I used to place garlands on my altar and the flowers in these garlands were always jasmine flowers. They are fragrant and invoke much calm during the recitation of our mantras. So I think it's all good. I think it's a good omen of happy things coming your way...
And judging from what you wrote, the male ego of the lesser man crosses international boundaries...it's okay for them to say no to anything because that's how they feel; however, the same rule does not apply to us! Thank you for the encouragement.

Pat, thank you for your strength and your love. Everyone is aware that my husband will be slipping into the doldrums except my husband!! He takes great pain to keep all negative news about his family away from me and I found out recently through my nephews that his younger brother got into a fist fight with his son and in the process hit his wife and both my nephew and his mum went to the police station for the sake of safety. Turns out that he has hit her before and she is also at the end of her tether and wants to leave her husband. That's 2 brothers with money issues and personality disorder issues whose wives want to take a walk. The best part was that my mil sent her youngest son to the police station to ensure that no police report was filed for the sake of the family image to other people! I felt sick hearing this!!
So I will walk away and I will feel no hesitation when I do this...thank you and thank you for the encouragement, kawan.

Chucky, let us not scare you away. And if you are peeking, you know that we miss you, friend!

Have a good one today, my kawn-kawan. Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/16/16 7:24 A

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Prema, no one and nothing was damaged when the garage door cable snapped except my checkbook balance. At first I that that just the cable was broken but it needed much more. The only good part was that I called after 4 and he was here about 5. He worked for 1.5 hours. I can't help myself about worrying about you and your husband. A divorce and an upcoming job loss will probably send him into a deep depression and I am hoping that you can stay firm on what you need to be happy. You are my only concern my dear kawan and your happiness is of utmost importance to me. I am hoping that you can feel my strength and love from way over here.

Annette, Jasmine, the name of a beautiful flower and a princess. How fitting for such a precious beauty. Your sister did one thing right when she picked that name. It sounds like fencing in your 96 acres will be expensive but if it keeps trespassers off your land, it will be worth it.

Chucky, if you are still peeking in from time to time, please give us an update.

Pat



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CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/16/16 4:19 A

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Pat...husband met with the surveyor at our 96 acres of mostly forest...and had him plot out where our fencing boundaries are. He then called on a fellow about putting in fence posts along the two sides that don't have any. The reason I was anxious to put up a fence is that we have had folks on quads go up and down our trails...down the ridge and make gouge marks everywhere, not caring what they make a mess of.

Ei...We discovered that we can plant our home further into the ridge area, than we thought. It will look like a walk-out basement. Our home tucked into the forest. Next is to get permissions of the county to build. We would like to have that before winter so that we have all winter to dream up building plans.

Prema...my 32 year old daughter, Patrice, came over for a visit and to work out on my treadmill. I called her Big Peanut:) But you're right...little peanut might object in the future. Her name is Jasmine. Her first few weeks of life she had the same last name as I, but her mom changed it to match her husband's.
It has been interesting since marrying Owen...trying to explain that he took my last name when we married.
I give you credit for staying in a difficult marriage. I have had a few divorces. Let's just say, enough for all of us..lol. And...similar to your situation...when I got strong and said I was done...was the time they decided oopsie, perhaps they didn't want the divorce they were yipping about. It was more about control than love for them. In my situation, my children did not want me to return to their father. He is now passed on from his alcoholic lifestyle.

Annette
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8/16/16 2:39 A

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Pat, you are right that his reasons are selfish. First, he appearances and perception are both very important to him and to to have his wife leave him is unacceptable. Secondly, and my children concur, he has no idea how to handle anything in the house from plumbing, electricity, grocery shopping, etc etc...so it will be too inconvenient to have me move out.
By the way, did the garage door break because of the heat or was it just time for the disaster to happen? Glad no one in the family was hurt!!

Hi Ei. The fact that there are other women out there "who've been there, done that" and have come through stronger than before is one of my main motivators. I used to beat myself up before about not having the courage to leave him but I realise now if I had don that, he would have hurt mu children emotionally and perhaps scarred them in the process. Thank you, my friend, for your encouragement.

You both remembered Chucky Cheese! He's the gentleman who could walk for hours and his dog, Jasper, found it tiresome to keep up with him. I remember the last time we communicated on this post, he was handling a few family issues. Chucky, if you ever get to read this, here's a hug from all your lovely ladies who still remember you!

Annette, just out of curiosity, does Peanut have a name. I dread to think that when she blossoms into a lovely young lass, that our only name for her will be Peanut!! She will recognise as your bosom buddies of course, but me thinks she will not appreciate being called Peanut after a certain age!!!

Have a good one today, my kawan-kawan. Beeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/15/16 7:16 P

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Hi, my garage door broke today when DH was leaving for golf. Fortunately a guy came right out and fixed it. Last month the other one broke. Hopefully we are all done.

Pat



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IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
8/15/16 10:58 A

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Pat,
That's right, now I remember Chucky. Maybe he got too busy in his daily life to keep stopping in here. Or maybe we did scare him....lol...he may show up some day and say "HI" again. Whatever he is doing, I hope all is well with him.

Annette,
Hang in there. Things will all work out. I know in time the court system will realize this is best for little "peanut" to be with you and dh. Good luck finding that special place to build your home.

Prema
Your faith and your strength are so important. I know it will be stressful, since I have been there. It actually makes you a "Stronger" Person and it is amazing how God and prayer bring you through it. Just know we are here for you to Vent and Be yourself. We love you my kawan. (-:
Thanks so much for your nice comment on my positive nature. I do know that Bill appreciates all I do to help him. His sisters and step kids say he is so lucky to have me in his life. Glad I can do for him and he helps me too when I need help. It is nice to have someone you can count on, I know....I am blessed with 3 great adult kids too and feel so grateful.

Kathy,
I hope you are doing better and that "bug" is out of your system. Be Well soon!

Have a nice week everyone. Time for the ice pack again....
hugs to all my kawan-kawan.
Ei emoticon

Spark Anniversary 9/2/2010

Irish Ei
from: OH
January 31


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8/15/16 7:30 A

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Ei, that was Chucky from Jacksonville. He was a great guy but all of us strong women must of scared him away. I know what you mean about kids growing up so fast. You close your eyes for just a moment and you open them up and they have grown.

Annette, let's hope your sister continues to show her lack of ability to handle peanut and your path to parenthood gets closer. Good luck with the surveyor and finding that perfect place for your home.

Prema, your husband is being stubborn. Now that you are taking steps to divorce he don't want that to happen. I'm sure his reasons are purely selfish. Stay strong my kawan

Pat



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8/15/16 6:01 A

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Hi Pat. Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot to me. There was a point in my life when my self-esteem took a dive and I was trying to make sense of the madness that seem to prevail in my marriage including accusations of adultery. And this was particularly crazy given the fact that I am allergic to pills, IUD and condom!!! You would imagine that a man whose wife helped him get started off on his career after his army stint, would at least be a little thankful and agree to part as friends. Even marriage counselling failed and the counsellor was more concerned about me after we stopped the session.
With a lot of help from God and my own strength of self, I have come to the stage where I have recognised my husband and his family as bullies and with bullies, there is no other choice but to show strength back.
Funny that in all our earlier years, he was the one who would shout divorce for the dumbest of reasons and now that I concur, he says no!!

Robin Williams said it the best "I thought being alone was the worst possible thing in life until I realised that being with someone who makes you feel alone is even worse"

I am very glad Pat that, you have your brother and I am even more happy that your grandsons have a grandmother like you planting the right principles in their lives. You will not know just how much your presence in their lives will be impacting them until they become adults themselves.

Hi Ei. Thank you for your kind words too. I think it's your positive attitude that is really helping Bill cope with his many situations. Many older men I know are unable to stay positive, let alone strong, in adverse situations unless they have a strong woman next to them urging them to keep on moving. And yes, Moskito is a good man; however, he cracks the worst jokes in the world. The only one who find these jokes funny is him! Honestly, I am glad that he decided to focus on PT and not ever imagine himself as a stand-up comedian!! Massive fail!!!

Hi Annette. Looks like we have to live day-to-day with Peanut's situation. But I feel it in my bones (and I hope you do, too) that all will definitely be well in the end!!

Hi Kathy. All okay with you, my kawan. Hope the chest infection has completely cleared up!

Have a good start to the week, lovely ladies.

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

CARPEOMNIA's Photo CARPEOMNIA Posts: 10,585
8/15/16 4:50 A

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I'm not sure what she or her husband did. I'm just greatful she's still with us.

Spent a quiet three days off. Got caught up on my dance club treasurer stuff. Everything is reconciled until August. Most of my time off it thundered and rained. Even got a wee leak in our storage area downstairs. Our rentals were fine.
This morning husband will be catching up with the surveyor at our acreage...so we can know where we can plant the home we will be building.

Annette
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IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
8/14/16 10:27 P

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I agree Pat. We are all such special women I feel. emoticon I think there was a man here before from FL? He has not been on here for awhile from what I remember.
I wanted to mention the photo on here is my oldest dd Mary + John's two little ones. Niamh turned 8 and her brother Liam is 5-1/2. They are really growing up and it seems like Summer really made Liam so much taller......lol....well, off to sleep. Hope all of you have sweet dreams. emoticon
hugs, Ei

Spark Anniversary 9/2/2010

Irish Ei
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/14/16 4:29 P

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What a great group on this message board. emoticon



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8/14/16 2:42 P

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Prema,
Your two beautiful children are a gift. I feel the same about my 3 children. We are lucky to have them take after us I believe. lol..I agree with Pat, you are a winner in my book and so happy to call you my kawan......also Moskito must be a good man and appreciative of your meals you bring him. Otherwise you would not bother right? As for me, things happen and I need to just roll with the punches. Being a positive person is how I am and it keeps me going. I think my parents raised me that way. Anyway I will feel better soon.

Pat,
Your sister's mil is being taken advantage of, so sad....so this is her husbands mom.
Glad your mom was wise to put her money safely away after what happened to her. Must have been a shock to find this out when her husband passed away. So glad you brother is taking good care of your mom and you help him with this by sending him $ to be able to do this. Thanks for sharing this. You are a special gal
and I love being able to call you a winner too and my kawan. (-: Hope the meeting with Davis 's teacher is enjoyable. They are so lucky to have you take care of him.
Well, time to put the ice gel pack on for 20 min. so off i go to read and do this.
Dreary day here and drizzling all day so far.
Ei

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Irish Ei
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/14/16 1:26 P

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Ei, fortunately it is my sister's MIL that is being taken to the cleaners by her and her husband. After my step father passed 1.5 years ago my mother found out that their finances were in ruins and that he had taken $60,000 out in loans on the house that was already paid for. Now that she knows the truth, she keeps her money under tight control. My sister that I mentioned above would easily spend my mom's money if she could get her hands on it. I am fortunate though to have a brother and his wife that are doing what they can despite their limited income and the hour plus round trip. I send him $300 every three months to help him with his selfless help for my mom. For him I am very lucky. I'm glad to hear that Bill was feeling better yesterday. Yippee for no car payments.

Prema, your husband doesn't know how lucky he is to have you. A women in her 50's in good physical shape with a good job and a good head on her shoulders. You are a winner in my book and I am glad to call you my kawan.

Tonight is meet the teacher night for Davis. I'm going because I will be taking him to school and picking him up.

Pst



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8/14/16 10:35 A

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Pat, when you actually think about it...the mind boggles. You may have a point about the millennial babies. I suppose that's why the old folks in my life used to raise one hand, point to their fingers and say to me. almost triumphantly "and God made all 5 fingers different"

Hi Ei. You have been having a lot to deal with. Your Car, Your Bill and Your Health. The car seems to be almost under control, you seem to be positive about Bill and his health procedure and I am most amazed by your tenacity - it feels like you have decided that no matter what nagging health issue hits you, only Ei will win. Way to go Ei!
Moskito told me that come September, we would have trained for 4 years and for 3.5 of those 4 years, I have been feeding him. Pat and Kathy are about to give up on me...I think they are convinced that I have become a masochist and therefore enjoy the pain that Moskito inflicts upon me.

My dear friends, although it is sad that a 30+ year marriage is about to meet its end, I must say it is even sadder that I only found my courage to stop trying after this length of time. But God has been kind. Despite a painful marriage, I have 2 beautiful gifts - my son and my daughter. And my career has always been going relatively well. For all of these, I will be eternally grateful to God. I have asked my dh whether we can part as friends but he is not open to this and intends to make the separation as ugly as possible. So I may have a few challenges ahead for me.

I have taken up enough time. My dear kawan-kawan, have a great Sunday.

Beeeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
8/14/16 9:31 A

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Pat,
So glad your suv is doing well. My honda civic is a 2004, so it is getting old and more miles too. However, right now it is working well again and no car payment which is good for me. So sorry to hear your girls had a big upset with each other and are not talking. Hopefully they will get back to talking soon and get it settled. Life is too short. Such a shame about your sis and bil doing all the drinking and spending mom's ss check. Has to make you so sad. I know there is nothing you can do to make it better. Happy you and dh are doing well and enjoying those darling grand kids too. Thanks for thinking of Bill. He was pretty worn out Friday and Saturday, but much better last evening.. So today he may come over later on to see me. Told him I could bring him some food or do some light housework for him yesterday, but he said no, thanks, but he was feeling much better.

Annette,
It is so sad about your sister, but maybe for the "Little peanut" it is good for you and your dh. Hopefully they will settle this soon and he becomes officially yours through adoption. You are the best parents for him. Prayers continued daily for all this.

Kathy,
Sorry you seem to have a stomach bug. I sure hope it goes away soon. Nolan and Stella will be missing grandma too much. Hurry and get well please. hugs and prayers for speedy recovery.

Prema,
Sounds like Moskito loves your home cooked meals. What a way to spoil him, but
I am sure he really appreciates the delicious food you make. He also seems to have a amazing endurance doing the Full Marathon and then taking care of your workouts afterward too. He must be nice and trim.
I am sorry about your dh and you possibly going to get a divorce? Or was this just a mention that maybe? Too bad he is careless with the finances. Good thing you are keeping track of things otherwise it would be much worse. I have been in that situation and know how it can be. Ugh!!

Well, church today and not much else. My calf on my left leg is causing some pain. Not sure what I did to it. After a week of this, I decided I better have it checked out so went to my dr's office. They did a ultrasound and ex-ray to rule out a blood clot ,which they did. Thank goodness for that. Was told to use COLD gel pack and take ex-strength tylenol, plus my arthritis medicine (as i do daily) and stay off it as much as possible.. .well, that is a joke....Been too busy this past week, but did us the Cold pack 2x. I have a appointment with my Orthopedic surgeon on Friday. I wish he could have seen me this past week,but was booked up. So just have to wait. Meanwhile, this too will pass, as they say. Could always be worse. It just keeps me from exercising daily as I like to do and go to my classes. Oh well, I just have to be thankful and know it is temporary and will heal soon. Anxious for Friday.
Enjoy the day my kawan-kawan. Hugs to all and do take care of yourselves. We are special and we are worth it! (-: (-: (-: (-:
Irish Ei

Edited by: IRISHEI at: 8/14/2016 (09:38)
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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/12/16 10:01 P

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Ei, my svu is getting old and the only things I've had to replace is the tires and battery. I keep my fingers crossed hoping it will hold up longer. It's a 2009, but only has 66,000 miles.
I'm glad to here that Bill made it through surgery and I'm sure with your help he will be better than ever. Prayers coming you way.

Pat



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IRISHEI's Photo IRISHEI Posts: 7,217
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Just wanted stop in and say Hi!
Had to get a battery for my car last week. Then on Wed. had to get a starter.
My car is starting to get expensive with lots of repairs. So glad it is back working again.
Took Bill to hospital early yesterday. He had a procedure it was a long day. they kept him overnight. He was really tired, alot to go through, but in few days I am sure he will be feeling more up to par.

Off to relax a bit now.
Prema, Pat,Kathy and Annette, I do hope you are doing well.
hugs my kawan-kawan,
Ei

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PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/12/16 7:18 A

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Prema, our girls were 100% funded during their college years and did not need to get a job while on campus. Graduating without the financial burden is a great way to start out your adult life. While one daughter has thrived one has faltered. Both raised with the same set of parents, same values and even went to the same college. I don't know if it is because one is a millennial and the other is not but it seems like most of my youngest daughter's friends have it harder
(or have made it harder) than the others 10 years older.

Have a good weekend.

Pat



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8/12/16 4:16 A

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Hi Pat. You are absolutely right. My husband's entire family has a weak relationship with money including my mother-in-law. On one hand, my mil says that money is not the-all and end-all of life and love is far more important and on the other hand, she repeats over and over again the incredible wealth of various people known to her family. It's no wonder that none of them have good money management!!

With my kids, they have been on a budget from about 15, and I was strict about pocket money. When they went to university overseas, which is fairly expensive, they had to adhere to a budget or else face my wrath if money ran out before the due date for top up! I felt that it was necessary for them to learn about money management in the event anything happened to me, especially as I could not trust their dad to deal with the situation in a mature fashion.

So, with me, I really had no choice.

I have always spent money on education - helped my god-daughter's father with payments for her medical studies, paid some portion of the fees for my nephews, etc etc. However, on items that I consider a luxury like holidays, clothes, handbags etc etc, I can go quite crazy when I see others treating these as necessities!

In Malaysia, the American DoJ has uncovered embezzlement of our taxpayers money to a staggering amount that involves our Prime Minister and his cronies. I suppose if the leader of the country can be involved in money laundering and his cronies channelled this through the US Financial System. They were crazy enough to even fund "The Wolf of Wall Street"....

Money makes the world go round...and money is the root of all evil...take your pick!

Hi Kathy. Hi Ei. Hi Annette.

Have a great weekend. Beeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/11/16 7:26 A

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Prema, unfortunately wealth and poverty divided not only are a family problem, countries are also decided by have and have nots. People that work hard for their money want to keep a big portion for themselves and those that chose not to work want your money too. I'm sorry your husband spends money recklessly while you are a saver. That can be so hard on the family, especially after retirement. With your husband losing his job soon will make things harder.

Pat



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Hi Kathy. I am so glad that it was not due to Stella's cooking or anybody else's cooking for that matter. By the way, your chiropractor sounds as though he's scared that you might get someone else to treat you...the sneaky little devil!
And how can I not feed Moskito? He gets excited at the sight of home-cooked food!! If I tell you that he's even got my team at the office fitter than before, would that change your mind? I can see that as a result of his sessions, they are definitely more energetic than before. Soooooo....whaddya think, kawan?

Honestly Kathy, the only reasons I avoid blowups with my sister are my mum and the fact that my sister adopted 2 children when she was in her 40s. My mum at 86 does not need to see us having a go at each other. And for all the animosity I feel towards my sister, the fact that she adopted 2 children and gave them opportunities that they would never have experienced, makes her a decent person. She is just filled with envy at a lot of things around her. I suppose when I finally divorce my husband, the envy may cease.

Pat, the issue of money can be very divisive in a family. Unfortunately, hubby and I do not have the same approach to money management and this has caused a wedge for many years in our lives. And in our twilight years, his excessive spending has become a real concern that I am not prepared to live with any more. And I am seeing this pattern repeat itself in his family as well. Thanks to my dad, my sister and I have always been considerably prudent in the way we manage expenses and this has been a blessing up to now.

Annette, I echo Kathy's sentiments. I have often told my kids that I may be 58 years old but I have only been a parent for 29 years. And every year with them is a first for me, including this year. This is my first experience being mum to a 29 year old girl and a 24 year old boy! The only thing we can be is the best set of parents to a child and no court should be judging you for that...they should be observing how happy Peanut is in your presence! Still praying for you...

Have a good one today, my kawan-kawan.

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/10/16 10:44 A

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Kathy, I'm glad to hear that Stella didn't poison you with here cooking. I hope you are feeling better. Stomach bugs are not fun. Have you had any run ins with the dreaded oak mites this year? Is there a way to treat the trees so that they stay away?

DH and Donovan went to the water park today with our neighbors. My husband can get himself and one other in for free because the water park and the golf course he works at are both owned by the Columbus Zoo.

Pat



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8/10/16 10:26 A

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Stop feeding him, Prema!!

Pat, sorry to hear about the squabble between your daughters. Don't give up hope. My sisters went without speaking to each other for several years...all because of a lie my niece told her mother about her aunt. If they'd talked, they might have discovered the lie, but they let it fester. I was just glad that they finally started talking before our parents died; however, my niece finally confessed just a few years ago and Peggy felt really bad for the way she'd treated Evelyn.

Actually, I think I may have picked up my "bug" from my chiropractor. He wasn't in on Thursday but told me Friday that he'd had to get a shot for nausea (that kept him out of the office Thursday and Friday morning) in order to get back to work. Sounds very suspicious to me. Definitely not Stella's cooking.

Annette, I wish there were something I could say that could make all this easier for you. I learned a long time ago that parents aren't perfect; I've also that my best has to be good enough. Imperfect parents raise imperfect children. My sons are so completely different, but I strive not to be partial--not always easy though. My job is to love them...and I can do that!!

Kathy







PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/10/16 7:02 A

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Prema, the thing that scares me is when people retire and have no money. They will then try to get money from the people that saved their whole lives. Living destitute in your old age is not the way to go. No money to take care of even the basic needs such as food, shelter and medicine. I can see my sister being like that. Their social security will not carry them through and if it does, it will barely do the trick. My husband and I worked so hard and saved for early retirement. We live comfortably without being extravagant. You are like that too. I can see you retiring and enjoying life. You and Moskito forever.

Pat



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Pat, given your strong value system, it is very clear why your sister's behaviour causes you embarrassment. The hard part is when these irresponsible ones fight back and tell us that it's their life and they have a right to live it their way and for us to mind out own business. Sigh!!!

It's such a mystery to me when siblings born to the same parents and brought up in a similar environment grow up to be very different adults with very different value systems from the one they were exposed to when young...especially when the value system was positive from the onset!!

Your younger daughter will soon learn that blood is much much thicker than water. It's a tough lesson to learn and the effects are long-lasting even if they seem painful at the onset. Thank God she has you!

Hi Kathy. Hi Ei. Hi Annette. Hope all of you are doing okay.

PHATPAT18's Photo PHATPAT18 Posts: 134,796
8/9/16 10:42 A

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Prema, I have a sister that is very careless with finances. Her husband owns a home improvement company and is self employed. The go away every weekend to wineries or breweries and drink near home the other 5 days. Her MIL lives with them and they pretty much ignore her and spend her social security checks. She can't live on her own because of her weight and inability to get around on her own. It's an embarrassment. You are right about the division of my 2 girls. The older one has her life together while the younger one is constantly stressed an stuck in a rut. Money is a factor too. I hope you are right about getting back together again.

Pat



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8/9/16 6:18 A

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Hi Annette. I feel it in my bones that some good things will be heading your way in the next few months. Like Pat, I was praying for a good kinship representative for you and at some point, I stopped and decided that some of these things were happening for a reason. And that reason could only be related to God wanting to make Peanut a permanent feature in your life. Just hang in there. Have faith. And all will be well in the end. If it's not well...then it's not the end!!

Pat, my sister was abusive to me - both verbally and occasionally, physically too. And my mother did nothing. My father was not aware of this until the last year of his life and he wanted to will me everything when he found out. Thank goodness he passed away before he could do this because, had he succeeded, my sister would have made both our lives miserable. Your 2 girls may have been getting on each other's nerves simply because one girl is as sensible as the other girl is not. War of words will be forgotten in the years to come between them as you and your husband did not take sides. Unfortunately, my mum did and that's why my sister felt it was either her way or the wrong way! No different from Annette's sister.
The point is that yours will get better with time. And the reason is because of you and the relationship the grandchildren have with their grandparents. You know just what to say to your daughters at the level that each one of them understands. You also know know what to say to the sensible daughter who believes her younger sister is sapping everyone's energy with her lack of adequate responsibility over her life.

My son is getting a little agitated with his sister because he believes she needs to be far more responsible over her decisions, especially her financial decisions, if she intends to live in Australia. He is afraid that she may turn out like his dad in matters related to money management! I am addressing these with each one of them in a different manner - motherhood has to be the hardest role we have all undertaken in our lives.....God, do not desert us in these hours of need, please!

Moskito is actually very generous in his praise about me and uses me regularly to motivate his older clientele!! He usually leaves out the stories of the many occasions where I swore I would kill him if he made me repeat one more set!!!

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Have a good one today, my kawan-kawan. Minus pain, minus discomfort and minus heartaches!!

Beeeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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