I can certainly relate. I easily tipped three bills for a good chunk of my life, but carried it well, so no one really knew, but I did. I have mental hurdles to clear on a daily basis, too. While don't have formal training like you do, I have all the empathy in the world.
A few things. Family's great, but in the end, it's your life. You worry about you. Your siblings are who they are, but this is YOUR life to live. In terms of relationships, let's put that to the side. Right now, you need to concentrate on you. Relationships cultivate primarily from confidence as confidence gives way to interest in actually interacting with other people, something I've had difficulty with here and there.
You're not a lost cause, you're not a bad person and you're most certainly not beyond help. You're doing everything to point yourself in a positive direction and some people can't even do that. The next step is...well, to take the next step forward and know that it doesn't matter what other people think. It's what you think. You get to be who you want to be.
If others don't like it? Doesn't really matter. They're not worth the investment of your time.
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