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How do get past the self-loathing?



 
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FOUNDER3
FOUNDER3's Photo Posts: 5,455
6/26/14 8:31 P

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REDGIRL

I agree, this is a great place to be.

I had a good day today again. Rode my stationary bike for 32 1/2 minutes, 6 and 1/2 miles.

Went to the movie and when I came home, I walked for 30 minutes, then got into the pool to cool off. Just gentle movement to help my knees recover from the walk and the ride.

I know that if I can make exercise a very important part of my day, that the eating well will follow. I am doing ok with the food, but know that as I get more exercise, and have more stamina built up, the food will follow.

The exercise also makes me feel so much better about myself.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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REDGIRL54
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6/26/14 10:23 A

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I have had feelings of failure too. It is so hard to keep doing this over and over. Through the years, I have lost weight and then gained it back. This time will be last time. I am learning that I am not alone in this journey. I need to be more aware of the amount of exercise I am getting each day. I need to be more aware of the amount and kind of nourishment I am putting in my body. I will love myself each day and take the time to be accountable to myself.

Thank you Spark People and Spark friends helping support me in this journey.

emoticon emoticon

Keep on moving....

Everyday is a new day.


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FOUNDER3
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6/26/14 12:01 A

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COCO

I love your post. I am having more good days than not so good. Today was a very good day.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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COCOBUCKMAN
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6/25/14 8:02 P

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To the original postee: I have personally tried and succeeded with getting completely naked and looking at myself in the mirror. Out loud I say the things I like about my body. This takes time and your brain will lean back to the negative. Continue with the positives. Remind yourself what makes you special. In time you will look back and wonder why you punished yourself; the beautiful person you have always been will shine bravely. Best wishes for your future happy self.



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FOUNDER3
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6/24/14 8:02 P

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JANIE

That is very true.

I had a much better day today. Walked outside, swam in the pool, sat in the sun, read my book outside. Enjoyed my day

We always have a new day to get to. One day at a time.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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JANIEWWJD
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6/23/14 10:52 P

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When you stop hating yourself and accepting yourself no matter how much you weigh, then, and only then, will you be successful!!!!

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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FOUNDER3
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6/23/14 9:15 P

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I came here tonight to read the posts. I have had a difficult day.

Thanks for the positive posts, I am going to keep them in my mind so that I can get back to the "good place" I have been in most of the time lately.

Occasionally we all get blue, I am blue today.



Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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GODZDESIGN95
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6/23/14 6:18 P

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I agree with the lady below. God said we are fearfully and wondersously made. God don't make junk. We are special in his eyes. We are more than our size and outward appearance. the scale does not define who we are God does and he is not a man that he should lie.

Edited by: GODZDESIGN95 at: 6/23/2014 (18:19)
PAT

NO WEAPON THAT IS FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER.

ISAIAH 54:17




Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food. ...Hippocrates


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BENE38464
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6/23/14 2:03 P

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Whenever I feel bad about myself, I remember that I am not a body...I am a soul. There is no such thing as a fat soul! The soul has no defects or incapacities. I reflect that when God created man, God breathed his own breath into that man. One who has received God's breath is, in no way, unworthy. emoticon

Edited by: BENE38464 at: 6/23/2014 (14:06)
Bene38464


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GRACED777
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6/23/14 1:15 P

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Self-loathing and shame go together. Weight is such a public thing. Everyone can tell at a glance how I am doing. Even when I wouldn't look in the mirror, I couldn't help knowing how I looked. And that made me ashamed. I had to begin to realize my weight was not me. Even with the chafing and not being able to walk very far, that wasn't me. When I began to find out who I am, once I began to believe it, I could begin dealing with who I am not.

Dealing with who we are not takes a lot of strength and courage. That is one thing all of you are--strong and courageous, or you wouldn't keep trying to deal with the weight. You are also persistent to keep coming back to it. You are honest about what you want and don't want. Not everyone has got the strength to be this honest. You are being honest about how you feel. As you and I continue these things, how can we help but continue to grow and develop?

When I first started, I had to deal with the fact that I was trying to commit suicide by food, since other means of suicide had become unacceptable to me. But when I no longer found that acceptable, I could start dealing with the next issue (and there have been many). As long as we're alive there is hope, and I know you all can make it, even as I am continuing to work on making it. To our continuing success...

My weight is day by day becoming more dependant upon Whose I am than on my circumstances and feelings.

Life here is a one-time deal. I want to live it well.

http://barbirwin.blogspot.com


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CHUCHOTEMENT
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6/22/14 8:57 P

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Thanks for this thread, and for everyone who has posted their own vulnerable selves herein. I really needed it, today, and I love some of the tips that people have offered.

I'm at my heaviest, right now. I've gone back and forth between feeling like a blob and feeling guilty for feeling like a blob, because I've convinced myself that I'm not actually fat "enough" to allow myself these moments of weakness. I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, and as excited as I am, I am already thinking about the beach and how much I hate my current weight. I've been dealing with probable food allergies and some new GI thing which has stuck around for the past two months or so. I've had to radically alter my diet a few times to do some challenge testing prior to actually seeing a doctor for testing. I've gone from being vegetarian to pescetarian to paleo to complete omnivore. I lost 15-30 lbs. and then gained 40 back again. I'm just ready to be DONE so that I know what I can eat, again. ...and every time I go for that first run, I feel even fatter for the next day or two or ten.

I'm going to try some of the suggestions here, especially buying clothes that fit. Mine are currently too small, for the most part, and I am reluctant to buy new ones. I'll bite that bullet if it makes me feel better.

As far as chafing goes, get to your nearest running store ASAP or order this stuff online, if you can. The True Runner near me sells an anti-chafing stick that is a freaking miracle. it looks like a small-sized deodorant stick and has a pink cap, but I can't remember the brand. Seriously, I probably wouldn't even try to run without it; it's that good.

Cheers to all, and thanks again. It's good to be among people who understand one another. Suffer together, succeed together, I guess.

"Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves."

~Henry Miller


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FOUNDER3
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6/21/14 9:59 P

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Jelly

Good for you. I went to a picnic today. The important thing? I was with people that I love, and that love me, and we had a marvelous time together.

I ate reasonably well. Then, I caught site of the M&M's. I ate too many. Story over.

It was a great day. I am learning to live in this way.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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JELLYBEAN007
JELLYBEAN007's Photo Posts: 399
6/21/14 3:31 P

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TripleMWF,
I can relate! I lost 40lbs and kept it off for about 3-4 years. But in the last year and a half, I've gained 30 of it back. WHen I pulled my summer clothes out last month, none of them fit! I also am stubbornly refusing to go buy more. Every time I get dressed, I feel terrible.

But I'm learning to congratulate myself for starting this process. I'm learning to celebrate each good choice (Last night I got too hungry and found myslef overeating. I started to beat myself up, but then stopped, and congratulated myself for stopping when I did. It felt totally counterintuitive, but I'm sure it's best)

So congratulate yourself for getting started. Celebrate what you love about yourself and take the time to notice the positive changes - even if they seem small. Do something to make yourself feel beautiful, even if no-one can see it. Treat yourself with the dignity, kindness and grace that you extend to others.

You don't have to lose weight to be beautiful. And you didn't fail. You just haven't found your balanced sweet spot yet. Thomas Edison was credited with saying "I haven't failed. I've just found 2,000 ways that don't work." Keep up the good work! You'll find that 1 way that works soon!

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. -Mahatma Gandhi

They're my rules. I make them up! -Me


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FOUNDER3
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6/21/14 1:22 P

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JANE

I agree, congratulations on enjoying all of your accomplishments!


Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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JANEGRACIEN
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6/20/14 8:12 P

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Doing healthy good things for myself helps get rid of some of the negative feelings. Even something as simple as cleaning off my bed side table. So small but I did it today for myself and it made me feel good. It was something I could build on.



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FOUNDER3
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6/20/14 5:26 P

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RAYLIN

You are so very right. We have all been taught that being on a diet means losing weight, no one tells us how to keep it off.

Learning to make lifestyle changes are necessary. Tough to do, but you are showing us that it is so very possible.

Congrats to you for maintaining your weight loss. KUDOS!

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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RAYLINSTEPHENS
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6/20/14 4:02 P

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First off - YOU are NOT alone! Most people put it all back on within a couple of years.

We were never taught that getting it off is not the end of the race.

Maintenance is NOT easy - but YOU can do it!

Negativity is not going to help you right now - allow that you are human and made the same mistake that 95% make after losing the weight.

95% If that doesn't tell you that it isn't you, I don't know what would.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track.

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!

Central Time Zone
page 39 in The Spark

I went from 210-120 in 16 months with SparkPeople!
In Maintenance since 8/11/09!! (backslid without internet but still within normal range!)

Lifetime Spirited Underdog!

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!



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FOUNDER3
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6/20/14 1:43 P

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I have been where each of you are now. In fact, I am in the process of pulling myself out at this time.

When I began this journey, almost 7 years ago, I did a couple of things that helped me to lose 70 pounds, and keep it off for several years. I was still very overweight, but I FELT better about myself, so keeping it off became a bit easier.

After successfully keeping the 70 pounds off for several years, my back and my knees, went from being chronic problems, to being acute. First, 6 hour back surgery, then less that 2 years later, left knee replaced, then right knee replaced.

During this period, I went back to so many of the same habits and feelings that I had for so long in my life.

Now, my back is much better, and my knees are healing. I am finding myself so much more able to do things than I was before, and that is very helpful.

However, I still have not completely conquered the issues I had dealt with at the beginning of my journey. I wanted to begin again where I had left off, before the physical problems. But, just like with exercise, I can't start back where I was, but must begin again at the beginning.

In the last few weeks, I have found that the only way back, is to begin by redoing the changes I had made before, the changes I had left behind.

This has been very difficult for me to realize, but by realizing it, I am becoming more positive, by recognizing the terrible thoughts that I send myself, and by working to replace them with more positive ideas, I am beginning to recognize the good in me, and working to love and respect myself along with forgiving me. I am not perfect, nor am I meant to be. I am also not made to degrade and hate myself.

One day at a time, one small change at a time, I am getting my "mojo" back. I will be 65 years old in Sept, but my plan is to be in much better shape, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically than I have been in many years.

My body has been "fixed", and I am able to use it much better. I have worked very hard at my physical therapy, I have a goal to be able to walk a mile in the Kohmen Race for the Cure in September. If possible, I want to do the 5 K. I will be happy with whatever I am able to do, because it has been at least 6 or 7 years since I have been able to make this walk at all.

I am finding this particular thread to be helpful in that goal.

I am inviting all of you to go with me, and for just today, do the best you can, and call it good.

I cannot get back in one day all that I have let go, so I have to do it today. Can't change yesterday, can't live tomorrow until it is today, so today is what I have.

This I have learned here on Spark People.

I understand such depression, that has been my issue most of the time. I do take antidepressants, and have for years, but I have to help them.

JERS

I understand about being laid off from work, and not knowing how to handle the money situation. I did the same thing when I was laid off, gained back 125 pounds that I had lost and kept off for 2 years.

We can do this together. I wish I had a magic wand to help you forget all of the troubles, but I can tell you from many years of experience, that allowing your situation to make you feel worse, does only that, makes you feel worse. This time will pass, no matter what you do, but if you can just work to deal with this day, this minute even, there is hope.

Any of you are welcome to call on me at any time. I feel as you do, if I can help you, it helps me as well. I know you can help me, we just "roll" like that here on Spark People.

PASTOR

I am in total agreement with what you have said.

JANE

You are right. We must take care of "me". I am with you.

ARIL

I have also had the trouble with walking and chafing, etc. Not sure what you are walking in, but perhaps some heavier cotton knit pants would be helpful.

All of the things you are going through just goes to make you feel worse about yourself, I definitely get that. Are you able to swim? That is something that helps me in the exercise arena.

Right now, basically, I am working to do the best I can, never consider what I have done to be "less than", and to live each day finding some joy somewhere.

There is no question that it is tough, but it can be easier if you try it a little at a time.

God Bless, and best to you all.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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ARILEA70
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6/20/14 11:45 A

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I also struggle with self-loathing; some times more than others - now being one of them. Always have tended to look down on myself both emotionally and physically. Need to lose about 30 pounds; if not more. I hate seeing myself in the mirror right now. I hate having pictures taken. It is hard not to succumb to self-loathing sometimes. I do not weigh myself much because I don't want to see what it says but over the past few weeks with no real major change in my habits, it seems like my hips and thighs have blown up. I can tell by the way my clothes fit or rather don't fit. I sweat so much more lately (which could have multiple reasons). If the weather is warm, halfway through the day my groin and bra area are just wet to where I need to change. And went on vacation recently which involved a lot of walking. So after one or two days, my inner thighs were just all torn up from scraping together walking. This is all so humiliating. I feel like a disgusting blob.



PASTORMARDO
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6/20/14 9:11 A

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True janegracen,

I think keeping me on "the list" is important.
Accepting my body and acknowledging I have body image issues-- so I try not to judge harshly because even when I was thin-- I felt fat-- so I find other ways to determine success--being Healthy is one
Changing lifestyle
Putting Positive thoughts IN and working on self love-- to force out the negative self talk
Being Forgiving of myself and offering grace.

All of these are important to practice daily.



JANEGRACIEN
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6/20/14 1:50 A

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You are not alone. I lost 97 lbs then a husband and kids took front seat and I stopped thinking about myself as an individual who deserved my time just as much as the kids and husband. I gained the 97 back plus. Figure out how you got back here. What was it that got the attention you should have been giving yourself? Make the change(s) that will set you back up on the top of your priority list. When you lose the weight again, and you will, your job will be reminding yourself that you still need to take center stage in your life on a regular basis.



Life style change or diet? One is permanent and one is temporary.

Edited by: JANEGRACIEN at: 6/20/2014 (01:52)

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JERSIGYPCI
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6/19/14 11:43 P

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in 2009 I lost 40 pounds I felt wonderful, lighter sexy , with a can do atitude. I don't know what happened to me i'm fat and I feel disgusting. I walk around and pretend I don't care that i'm over weight. My love relationship is more like a friendship. This has me very depressed one day and I just don't care another day. I really just want to take care of me. but since I'm layed off I bearly have the money for good nutritious food. This is going to be one of the biggest challenges of my life . I was thinking maybe if I had a buddy that relied on me to push them to work out and visa a versa that might work . I don't like to let people down that depend on me so I think that might be just what some of need to start with. Please someone help me get on track. I did this in the past but this time Its a mental thing but not a bipolar or crazy thing. Its esteem issues. I am 60 pounds over weight and I feel so old because of it. I don't mean to be a burden. I will help people too. I have read everthing on this website. Its not working this time.

Live Free Or Die, and be true to your friends don't think your better or judge them. Learn how to accept the individual and don't steroe type. Life becomes so much easier and fuller.


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FOUNDER3
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6/19/14 8:15 P

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Really good posts on here today.

MERI

I agree about going to your young self and helping her to heal. I have been working on that as well.

WYD

Sometimes there is no understanding why we do the things we do, we just do our best to be aware, and try to move the positive stuff into the forefront.

I do feel that journaling has been a help to me. It is so good that we are here together.

TIGGER

I kind of felt the same as you when I saw the 'get help". I choose to think that the person was really being sincere, had not had this problem, and did not understand. I agree that we are "getting help" here. I am also in counseling with a psychologist.

Spark People has been the most important resource in my life, EVER.

SENIOR S

I too have self image problems. I do have some financial problems, but have conquered them much better than I have the food. I will do it though, we will do it together.

BRONW3N

Wise words. Thank you. One day at a time, is the only way we can do anything.

Feeling better day by day.

I was in Alanon for a few years, and I remember one of the sayings was "It works if you work it" I think that thought on an almost daily basis. Every day is a new day with a new opportunity to be kind and loving to yourself.




Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


 current weight: 283.2 
 
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WYDLM7
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6/19/14 1:42 P

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Well just know that you are not alone in those challanges. I too have those problems in my life as well. It's hard sometimes to understand why we do these things but I think journaling does help. emoticon emoticon



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MERILYNN1
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6/19/14 11:55 A

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When I start calling myself names I bring up a picture I have on my desk top and also firmly fixed in my mind. It is a photo of myself as a happy child with an ice cream cone - ice cream melting all over me. I'm making a mess but I'm trusting that I'll be taken care of and I can laugh.. I look at that picture and try to call her the names I was calling her (my child-self). I have to stop - have to soothe the pain that would hurt more than help her deal with the mess, When she laughs back at me sometimes I cry but always hold her close and tell her, no matter what, I love her.

Just a thought - Prayers, Meri

Live in the NOW.


TIGGER2094
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6/19/14 11:27 A

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I was scrolling down, reading everyone's positive comments, until I came across one from JONEC14333, that said "Get help." Really? ~sigh~ People come here for just that, to get help, and especially if Sparkers are already down on themselves, this comes across as mean. "Get help."

With my rant over, thank you all for the positive comments and ways to motivate yourself. Everyone needs a little bit of positive reinforcement every now and again, not everyone is lucky enough to have a significant other that loves you enough to push you to love yourself.

Tamika

Happily married mother of three girls.
Girl Scout leader

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
-Mother Teresa


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SENIORSWIMMER
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6/19/14 9:04 A

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I have self-loathing issues. It seems to surface 3 or 4 times a year. I generally struggle with low self esteem. That's a daily issue. To me self-loathing is several steps beyond just low self esteem. It's when I engage in my most self-destructive behaviors, overspending and overeating. I don't have any answers. I am almost 60 and have struggled with this most of my life. I am thinking about journaling to see if I can figure out what sets it off. Yes, I am currently dealing with a bout now.

It's a big issue. It's when I undo most of the progress I have made toward my weight loss and financial goals.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.


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BR0NW3N
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6/18/14 9:30 P

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Self-loathing is a tough one, especially in our society where being skinny (to the point of anorexia) is promoted everywhere as a sign of success.

I know the disgust, the tendency to avoid mirrors, the wistful feelings when I look at clothes I *used to* fit in, the near constant sense of failure and futility. You're not crazy. You're not worthless. You're not bad. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Can you make positive changes? Obviously. You've already taken more steps than some people ever make.

Is there more that you can do? Yes, but that's always the case. As humans we are always changing and growing, there is always room for improvement.

For myself, I find that breaking things down into smaller pieces helps. Instead of focusing on the fact that I'm trying to let go of 100 lbs. of body fat, I try to keep my focus on hitting my goals TODAY. Tomorrow I'll work on hitting my goals for THAT day. And they day after, and so on. But today is what I have right now, so that's my focus. I'll tackle tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Fretting over it today just makes me crazy.

I'm also paying a lot more attention to my self talk. I've stopped using the phrase "lose weight" because the word "lose" has too many negative connotations for my taste. It may be that a therapist can help you do something similar. A good therapist will act kind of like a mirror for your mind, helping you see patterns in your thoughts or behavior from a different perspective. The hardest part is asking for help. That takes courage, and you've already done that. The next steps will be easier.

At the very least, you know you can get tons of support from other Sparks. We're here for you. You can do this, and you don't have to do it alone. But maybe it's time to shift the focus. Instead of focusing on your weight, try reconnecting with your body. Thank it for all the things it does for you and try to listen to it more closely to better understand what it needs in order to become more healthy.

And ditch the scale, or at least stop weighing yourself every day. You are not a bunch of numbers on a dial. You are a complete person, full of strengths in addition to weaknesses.

Focus on the little things, strive to see the positive, and I have faith that you will turn things around and achieve greatness beyond what you can see now.

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What would you do if you knew you could not fail?


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FOUNDER3
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6/18/14 4:44 P

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SUSANK

You are so very right. The weight is just the symptom of the other issues in our lives. Good for you.

CEE

I am so sorry that you have suffered so much loss. It does take time to recover from such tough times. I am glad that you are ready to heal yourself.

You absolutely can do it again.

Glad you are joining us in the "virtual" world, and stepping back into the world as it is as well.

PASTOR

I think that many of us can understand about the self image distortion. I have had it since I was about 8 years old. It is really difficult to change your own mind, about yourself.

I am working on it daily.

Living today is the best way to go.

RENA

Glad you only wore the new clothes for six weeks, I agree that is probably one of the big things that helped you grown "down from" those clothes, feeling good in them as you enjoyed each day.

You have all said some really good things to help me to become more motivated.

I am much better, and I like this thread as it addresses something that I have lived with for so many years.

Good luck to all of you and so happy to have you with me here on Spark People

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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RENATARUNS
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6/18/14 4:06 P

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Amen on the clothes. I've been surprised over and over again how much of a difference that makes, wearing clothes that fit. (Even when the alternative is clothes that are too big as opposed to too small. Still makes me feel like a slob, blech. No good!)

And in terms of what I said before, just determining you're going to act like you love yourself until you do -- well, it helps, to treat yourself right in the body you're in.

The clothes I bought -- to fit properly and look nice -- at the very beginnign of losing weight, I only got to wear them for six weeks. Worth every single penny.

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PASTORMARDO
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6/18/14 11:45 A

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Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am a work in progress-- isn't that what life is anyway--so why not allow my body some ups and downs? It is a matter of perspective. But there are times I need the support to help me get there. This week my 17 yr. old daughter said she could never fit into my wedding dress because I must have been so small and skinny back then. WOW-- that was revealing. I have always thought I was fat-- and now I realize I weighted less than my 17 yr old ( 160 lbs) when I was 29! I regret not enjoying feeling good about myself then-- I don't want to look back on today and feel the same way.
So I acknowledge I have a warped sense of body image-- but I also am giving myself some grace. i am not going to "live when I reach my goal" --rather I am going to lIVE now and appreciate what I have and who I am!



SHE-LION
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6/18/14 9:47 A

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Right now I'm pulling myself from a mire of life which had me in a headlock for three years, also. I was once in great shape, but I'd lost three family members in four years and the stress and emotional distress had an impact on me. I would look in the mirror also, and wonder what went wrong. I have tried to embrace this 'new body', trying to squeeze in clothes I knew darn well I couldn't pull off. I'd also stomached snide comments from family and mentally dared some of them to say something so I could cuss them out.

Fortunately, I do see positive things within myself to pull me through. As much as I want to hide, I know I cannot and have to own up to these changes and start again. I've done it before and I most certainly can do it again.

You have a husband that's crazy about you. You have to be "crazy" about yourself, too. You lost 16 pounds. Wish I could say that!!!

Keep on going. Don't give up. Never Surrender!

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SUSANK16
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6/18/14 9:38 A

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Your topic makes me just want to sigh. I was so in your position - and hate to know that you are suffering. I no longer hate myself -- I now not only like myself but often feel beautiful even when I am heavier - so how did I get there? My first answer is to begin eliminating those negative forces in your life. I started by eliminating unstable people from my life...this meant both family and "friends". Those folks that would stop talking to me and suddenly start again -- those folks who undermined my goals. Then I started doing things that made me feel good about myself going to school, working hard, volunteering. Funnily enough, weight was the last issue I addressed. What is truly interesting, is that I recently found some old photos of myself--I rarely took any because I hated myself. This time as I looked at them, I thought, I looked pretty good --what was so wrong with these that I thought I looked so bad? The truth is that my attitude was just a reflection of what those around me wanted me to feel. They needed to be smarter, prettier, in control and could only do that by making others feel bad. Your answer is not in your weight.



FORMYLITTLEG
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6/17/14 7:50 P

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Founder3, thank you! Yes, I really I have an absolutely incredible husband. :-)



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FOUNDER3
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6/17/14 7:28 P

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FORMY

What an amazing husband you have. How wonderful that he loves you so much he is helping you to love you too. I love what you are doing. YAY YOU,and your hubs.

PT

I love your idea too!

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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PT.JEFFGIRL
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6/17/14 7:15 P

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I think of myself as a good and worthy person who is doing my optimal best.



FORMYLITTLEG
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6/17/14 7:13 P

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My husband used to have me stand in front of the mirror, look myself in the eyes, and say, "I love you. You are beautiful. You are valued. You are worthy of being loved. You are precious. I forgive you. You are capable and strong. You are wise. You are talented. You are able to do anything you put your mind to. I release you to fulfill your destiny and let nothing hold you back. YOU are a wonderful person!" We've been married for three years and I outright refused for almost the first year of marriage, bawled my ever-lovin' eyes out the second year when I actually did what he said to do, and found a confidence in myself I didn't know I could have in the third year. It's hard to do and it sounds stupid but there was something about looking into my own eyes and seeing into my own soul that made those words stick when I said them day after day, night after night, until they became my reality.

Edited by: FORMYLITTLEG at: 6/17/2014 (19:14)

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FOUNDER3
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6/17/14 7:07 P

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SCOTTIEOWNER

I will say that I am really happy that you have never had to face these feelings. Sometimes we share the same issues, and some times we don't.

I just appreciate that there is a place, here, where we can all discuss the problems and try to work together.

Glad to have all of the people I have met on SP, you are all a blessing to me.



Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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FOUNDER3
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6/17/14 7:01 P

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BUNNY and PASTOR

I have experienced many of the same feelings and had the same issues as you have.

I agree that it is a good idea not to wear too tight clothing, and agree with the reasons you have given.

I too have gained and lost, many, many times, so I understand that part of it too.

I have had many physical issues for the last 3 1/2 to 4 years, and 3 major surgeries. I am recovering well now and getting more exercise and getting out more which also makes me feel better and more positive.

I find, that I have good times, and bad times with exercise, and with food. But I know that the best times I have are the times I am doing something for exercise that I really enjoy. I am anxious to get back on my bicycle as I love to ride and have not been able to for so many years. Hoping to feel steady enough to get back to that soon.

I also have a stationary bike, and I enjoy doing that most of the time, but when I don't, I try to walk. I find walking with my great nieces and nephew to be helpful because they are all pulling for me to get well. Sometimes with a friend, or just by myself.

I love to swim, and am wanting to get back to that as well. Some times, I get lax, but forgiving myself for all of the 'failings" helps me a lot. I have to make a very serious effort to do that.

I am learning, and this is where the hating me stuff come in, that I am much more productive and positive when I work really hard to look at the negative crap I am telling myself, evaluate it and put something positive in it's place.

Being overweight, is about so much more than food. To me, it is much like the person who quits smoking, gets through the "addiction" period, and still goes back to smoking.

We have found that for us, these are how we can comfort ourselves. I am trying to find better ways of doing that, but it is difficult

I know that Spark People has been a God send to me for this tough period I have gone through, and that with the tools and the people here, I have a fighting chance to be healthier.

Good luck to all of us.


Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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SCOTTIEOWNER
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6/17/14 10:22 A

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I don't do the self loathing! Sure, I don't like being over weight but I don't hate myself for it. Such a waste of time and energy feeling like that.

Awesome post MIAMOJO!

Edited by: SCOTTIEOWNER at: 6/17/2014 (10:30)


PASTORMARDO
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6/17/14 10:01 A

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This has been a frustrating time for me too. I lost a total of 50 lbs over the last year and now have put back on about 30-- Ugh. I try but it is hard to stick with it. And I am an emotional eater. I also have medical headache and I realize that often I look for something to crunch since it seems to relieve the pain some.
My biggest fault is the lack of routine exercise. I eat pretty good and usually make healthy choices but when stressed if I don't eat, I sleep or plant my butt in a chair and craft. I need to find a better way. Frustrating-- but I keep tell myself to learn from this and move on.



BUNNYLAMB
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6/17/14 9:29 A

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Thanks for posting this. I have been half-heartedly trying to lose weight again after putting on 20 of the 45 pounds I lost last year. I felt (and, ok, still feel) a lot of shame about it, even though I know it is not productive in any way to waste time hating on myself. So I'm glad you posted about this, because it's helped to see again that I am not the only one that feels so disappointed in myself. And it's also been enlightening to see that some people *don't* struggle with this! I should be so lucky :)

I do have one thing to add that others have said: you must stop squeezing yourself into clothes that are too small. Spend a little bit of money getting some basics that fit, and consider it an investment into your mental and physical health. I wore too-small clothes for years, pulling at short shirt hems and pinched waistbands because I didn't want to "give in" and buy larger clothes. I also misguidedly thought that it would be good motivation to lose weight. However, feeling uncomfortable in my clothing was keeping self-loathing right at the front of my mind ALL DAY LONG. Like a 16-hour monologue of shame and guilt. I really didn't realize how bad it was until I bought clothes that felt better, and then I felt better, and then I started to lose weight (go figure). As it turns out, I do not operate very well under negative motivation (I'm more of a carrot person than a stick person). So put those things away for awhile, you deserve to feel good during the day no matter what size you are at the moment.

I won't give you any other advice because I haven't figured it out yet myself, but I do want to say that you are welcome here, and you are loved and respected here for your successes *and* failures, and I'm glad you wrote. I'm going to try to take some of the advice others have written to you, and see if I can figure out which baby steps are going to lead me back in the right direction.

Edited by: BUNNYLAMB at: 6/17/2014 (09:36)

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FOUNDER3
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6/16/14 12:22 P

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DIXIE

Thank you for sharing about using the hypnosis. My Psychologist actually suggested that to me a couple of weeks ago. I think I will explore that with her. Love the idea of it being recorded and being able to listen to it over again.

JEANNE

I agree with you. I think as woman, our first instinct is to do for others. I also feel that in the past, I have used other people's needs to avoid dealing with my own issues. I have been working on not doing that, and I do believe it is helping.

MIA

I appreciate your insight as well. I had to have 3 major surgeries in a 2 year period, a 4 level fusion in my lumbar region, and both knees totally replaced.

I understand how you felt being angry. After I had the surgery on my back,( I had chronic disabling back problems for about 35 years), I thought, I will heal from this and work really hard and be able to do all of the things I have not been able to do for so long.

I always say, if you want to make God laugh, make a plan. Both of my knees were in pretty bad shape, but once my back was no longer shaped like a snake, they could not adjust to the straight back. I was very angry when I realized how much pain I was going to have to endure until I had knee surgery, and then all of the pain after.

I, like you, had to pick myself up and say, "Just get on with it" I had my knees done 8 weeks apart. It was tough, it was painful, it was depressing, but I worked as hard as I could on my therapy, did anything extra I could do at home, and fought the pain to have the best day I could.

I am reaping the rewards now. They tell me it will be at least one year before both are totally healed, but that's ok. The pain I am having now is healing pain, when I do too much and really hurt at night, I can deal with it, because I know in the morning I will be fine.

I began to thank God for the advances in medical science that made it possible for me to have all new parts and have such a good result.

I can't imagine having the experience you have had, my heart goes out to you, but so glad you found a way to deal with it and have better days.

I love your philosophy.

God Bless

TRYING

I agree, we just have to do what we can do today.

Good luck to all of you. One day at a time, I can do this

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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TRYINGHARD54
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6/16/14 9:01 A

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I understand completely. I lost over 80 pounds about 8 years ago.. Gained it all back plus 20. It is hard to love yourself, I know. I have a big problem with that also. but we keep going till we get it right. emoticon

I CAN DO THIS


MIAMOJO
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6/16/14 8:18 A

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I don't know if this will help, but I'll give it a go anyway. I hope it does.

First, I'll start by saying that you don't need to hate yourself. The only thing you need to do is lose weight.

Let me explain what I mean with an example from my own life. It's not about weight loss, but it still applies, and the lesson I learned is something I've been able to use in other crummy situations since then. It's improved my life.

Three years ago, I had a hip replacement. Afterward, I was not recovering as I should have -- I was having disabling pain and disability, and it was worse than before I had the surgery. My doctor would not help me -- he just kept denying there was a problem. I found out via two second opinions that my surgeon did a really lousy job and several parts of the prosthesis were misaligned. Naturally, I was very upset and angry, so much so that I could barely sleep at night. The negativity affected my whole life. There I was, having gone through a huge and risky surgery, and once again I needed to start the process all over again -- doctor visits, xrays, limping around, etc. -- and the surgery would be more difficult and carry more risks the second time around.

As I did what I had to do to correct the problem, I was constantly upset about the whole thing. It was also affecting my relationships, because no one wanted to hear about it all the time or be around someone who was miserable.

Then one night while I was lying awake I had an epiphany. I suddenly realized that I didn't need to be upset and angry about it -- the only thing I needed to do was take care of the problem. There's a Buddhist saying that goes "“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” What that means is that suffering is the emotional angst and negative thoughts that go along with our pain and other problems, and that we do have the ability to control the suffering we're experiencing.

It was as if the sun started shining again when I came out of that dark mindset. Being human, I still got upset from time to time, but each time I reminded myself that I didn't need to be upset, all I needed to do was to take care of the problem, and then continued on with my day. Being upset and hating my doctor did me no good at all, and in fact were having a negative effect on me and those around me. What a gift it was to learn I could overcome it.

If it takes you 500 days to lose the weight, you can either have 500 miserable days, or you can have 500 days where you go about your life while losing weight. Every day of life is precious, as you are, no matter your weight. Instead of hating yourself, have compassion for yourself and treat yourself with kindness, as you would a close friend who was in the same situation. You deserve it.

Losing 116 pounds is nothing short of absolutely amazing (I've been trying to lose 15 pounds for three years, can you imagine that?) You did it once, and that means you can do it again. Learn what went wrong during maintenance, and why. All of life is a learning experience, and often we don't get things right the first time. Give yourself a break. In fact, give yourself a big hug. Fighting with yourself and the reality of where you are right now isn't helping you. You don't need to do that -- the only thing you need to do is lose weight. Pain is inevitable in life, but suffering is optional. I don't believe that's always true, such as in the case of losing a loved one. But it is definitely possible in the situation you're in now.

I hope this helps you.


















Edited by: MIAMOJO at: 6/16/2014 (08:28)
"Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours."

~ Orisen Swett Marden


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MARLENE160
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6/16/14 7:50 A

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I think about my goal weight and picture what I'm going to look like. emoticon

Marlene150 -Leader of Let's Walk - This team is for anyone who enjoys walking as their main form of exercise. Our members are active and very supportive.

Come join us!

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If you are looking for a way to lose weight, keep it off forever and be healthier, then the Step Diet is for you. There's no counting of carbs, fat grams, or calories. Just count your steps.


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JEANNIE-BEAN21
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6/16/14 2:42 A

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TRIPLEMWF

I find that I gain weight when I am doing everything for everyone else, and not tending to my own needs. I can't exercise tonight because I have to take a kid to soccer, or basketball, or something else...always doing for someone else and not meeting my needs.

You have a lot of kids, so I see how it would be easy to do for them and forget about yourself. Kids and husbands (sometimes) don't show the appreciation for everything we do for them. Which is hard, because then you start to not appreciate yourself and you feel like you are in a whirlwind of demands from everyone else. Sometimes, you just have to tell people "no". Balance home life vs. outside demands.

I looked at your profile, and you are very pretty. Even at your highest weight you are very attractive. So you can't be upset by your looks, it must be because you are upset you gained the weight back. Everyone here on Spark knows about gaining weight !! That's why we are here.

Take care of yourself and find time for you, don't lose yourself.



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DIXIESTARTSNEW
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6/16/14 1:12 A

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I am so sorry you feel this way. Of course I'm replying because I felt the same way just over a year ago.
Losing weight is hard, but hating yourself or your body just makes it harder.

I was unable to overcome the negative self talk and outright derision I had for myself on my own. I ended up going to a hypnotherapist and asked for an end to the negative self talk. The session was recorded so I listen to it over and over. And it worked. I walked out of the office on May 31, 2013, and have not hated myself since then. If a stray hateful thought breaks through, there is always a positive one following.

I'm not necessarily recommending hypnosis although I had success with it. What I am saying is that it may be time to seek professional help of some kind.

Good luck, and may your journey be a positive one.

Onward! Dixie
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GENRE009
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6/15/14 2:39 P

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I think that you must come to the realization that losing weight is very hard. You are not in the correct frame of thinking to keep that weight off, that's the problem. It isn't a thinking mindset that will save you. It is planning, and taking action, and armoring yourself against every type of scenario that comes into play when gaining weight. First losing weight becomes a life style of learning what, how and when to eat to keep those binges under control. Spark has the diabetic diets, and healthy snacks. And you can follow their programs. But if you are like me, constantly fighting those little bad habits, of mindless eating then you need to be more accountable. So I joined Weight Watchers-basically+ $14.00 a week.It is learning healthier foods, and pigging out on them, yet still losing. They teach you the life style that will get you down.It is incorporating activity into your life to stay on track, and be healthy. You must always journal ahead of time, the meals, and what you can do to over come things that will derail you. if you are still eating to over up pain, or emotions. Well you know the answer to that. Either you deal with it & seek help, which may never help you diet, but deplete your wallet. Who knows you may need both. Or you realize that you are leaving that person of self loathing behind, and realizing that this outer shell is just that. God loves you, and still thinks you are wonderful. Now feel filled up with his love, love yourself, and go from there. If you can't afford WW come into my site, and I will teach & help you with your goals. Just remember the longer you don't take responsibilities for your health the longer you may be in jeopardy for illness, and disease. We are all here to heal, and get better. So let's have fun, and not be so judgmental of ourselves, and move forward with friends, and have fun doing it. It took me two years to get serious to lose 45 pounds, and I have been resorting back into my bad habits because of stress. Yet I know that I will do this until I learn to ignore my fear, and grow into that life style. You will be like a baby learning new things, then eventually it will become habit, then it will become you! Have faith that you are worth all the effort that you will put into this! I see a beautiful girl, whose dying to have her insides reflect how wonderful she is on the outside. So don't take how fat you look right now as your destiny, it's only a pit stop to hope. love, and a better life awaits you in your future. I know you love yourself enough to want this, and I have faith in you. eva

Edited by: GENRE009 at: 6/15/2014 (14:41)


JONEC14333
JONEC14333's Photo SparkPoints: (28,754)
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6/14/14 6:09 P

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Get help.



 current weight: 107.8 
 
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MADLILA
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6/14/14 5:15 P

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Everyone's comments are great! My 2 cents worth... When you were a toddler you fell down so many times learning to walk, but kept getting up and trying again. What we, you and I, and all the other wonderful Spark people are doing is learning to walk/ live as healthy people.

We're gonna fall down, but like that baby we gotta get back up and try again!

I know I've learned so many unhelpful things in my life. I talk to myself sometimes in ways I would never to talk to my worst enemy...

We can do it!

You can do it!

I can do it!

These are the things you should be saying to yourself.

Hugs and best wishes!




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EMPRESSAMQ
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6/14/14 12:40 P

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Honestly, I've never experienced self-loathing for any reason, especially my weight management journey.

Self-loathing is unproductive and a waste of time, in my opinion, but I have no advice on how to get rid of it.

It's been my experience that the more I love and approve of myself, the easier my weight journey has been.

Everyone, I think, who has lost weight has had their ups and downs on the scale. It comes with the territory. Self-loathing, guilt and negativity are not going to be the means to reverse a regain.

Sometimes we just have to start at square one again. It's all we can do.

Moving in new directions.


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JILLAJ
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6/14/14 12:37 P

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Just remember you are as wonderful as everyone else in the world.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Even the longest and most difficult ventures have a starting point.






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FOUNDER3
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6/14/14 12:47 A

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TRIPLEMWF

I have read many of the comments, and people have given you very good advice.

I will add my 2 cents worth, and then you work on figuring out what it is that works for you.

I have lost great amounts of weight, and regained them many times over. In my late twenties, I lost 135 pounds. I kept it off for 2 years, and then regained it all.

I can't tell you how many times I have lost 60, 70, even 80 pounds, and put it all back on and more.

I began changing my lifestyle almost 8 years ago. I lost 70 pounds, and kept it off for 3 years or so.

Then, my body betrayed me. A chronic back issue, that went from chronic to acute, and back to chronic again over many years, became acute all of the time. I had 5 herniated discs.

After a 6 hour, 4 level fusion on my lumbar region in Oct of 2011, I then spent about 1 1/2 recovering from that surgery. I had gained back about 30 pounds of my 70 pound loss, and was in the process of losing it again.

During this period, both of my knees went. Again, I gained about about 30 pounds of the 70 I had lost.

In Aug, and Oct of 2013, I had both of my knees replaced.

Great deal of pain involved with the knee surgeries and recovery. Now, once again working on getting that 30 pounds back off. Still have about 25 to go.

I go through all of this history to tell you, I have failed so many times over my lifetime.

It is frustrating, I end up, like you, hating myself, I shoulder all of the blame and feel so guilty.

Then, I remember some of the changes I made when I first began this journey. I worked very hard to notice the terrible things I was saying to myself. "I am not worth anything to anyone", "I deserve to be fat", I don't have the ability to lose weight and keep it off", "I am a loser, but not a loser of weight". I realized, and am still working on realizing that I don't like to see "fat people". I am projecting my "self loathing" on others.

What I have to keep in mind, is that all of that is only true if I allow it to be. I must work on finding the good things about me. I have family and friends who love me dearly.

I have family and friends whom I love dearly. There has to be a reason that they love me, so I need to look to them for the reasons. I need to see myself through their eyes. As you said about your husband, they don't see me as I see me. They see me through eyes of love and acceptance.

I worked on all of that for the years that I lost weight and kept it off.

I have been waylaid by all of the pain I have been through, and all of the things I have been unable to do for the last 3 1/2 years.

Now that I am recovering physically, I am working on recovering mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I am recognizing that I did not gain back all 70 pounds and more. I did not stop coming to Spark People for the support and friendship that I get here to tell me that I can be worth something to others.

I am working on getting over the fact that because I have been obese for so many years, I am always going to have this loose skin. That is something that bothers me, but I am working on it.

As someone else said, I am working on becoming active and healthy again.

I have to work on loving myself, forgiving myself for not being perfect, and to accept me for who I am, and recognize my own worth.

I have had a couple of setbacks, but I can do this again.

I have the courage, I have the strength,I am just building it up again. As I rehab my back and my knees, I am rehabbing my attitude, my love for life and all that is in it, and working on enjoying myself daily , no matter what I weigh or how I look.

I am once again working on living "ONE DAY AT A TIME", making one small change at a time, and giving myself credit for all that I do right.

It is a challenge, but I can do it. I have to take all that I have learned here on SP, use the tools that are provided, the support system that I already have in place here, and then spread out to a thread like this one, that really nails how I feel about myself, and one of the things I need to change, HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF.

I credit SPark People for getting me this far, I just have to get over a few more hurdles, and use a few more tools, and I will get even farther!


I wish all of us well. We are on a journey together, but we have to figure out, by trial and error, what works for "ME".

Good luck in figuring out what works best for you.

Bonnie

Toledo, Ohio, USA TIMEZONE 0. we do go on daylight savings time in the summer.

Co leader 50+ members with 10-24 pounds to lose


"LIfe is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain,"

One day at a time, we CAN do anything!


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MANDIETERRIER1
MANDIETERRIER1's Photo Posts: 13,598
6/13/14 8:50 P

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Realize that self loathing is counter productive.



Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog

erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/08/shame-shame-shame.html


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CYN5200
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6/13/14 8:34 P

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TRIPLEMWF - You are not alone. I had lost all my excess weight and then I developed irritable bowel syndrome and put it all back on. I'm trying to get it back off for my health, but I am having a very hard time keeping my motivation. Tomorrow is my weigh day, and I am not looking forward to it at all. Reading all the posts shows me that you have a lot of people who care about you. You are a beautiful woman. We'll figure this out somehow. Until then, we might as well enjoy the journey of learning to love ourselves, just the way we are!

"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn now to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." John Steinbeck


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UMBILICAL
Posts: 11,281
6/13/14 5:50 P

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Love



RENATARUNS
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6/13/14 4:12 P

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How? You just do it. You refuse to dwell on it.

I absolutely hated myself when I started this. Hated what I'd done to my body and my health. It was my husband who snapped me out of it. He told me the past didn't matter anymore, it couldn't be changed and to think about it would only hurt me. Not to worry about the past or the future, just focus on the present.

I don't know what made me listen to him exactly, but I did, and am I SO glad I did. It's the best lesson I've ever learned in my life, no joke.

You just stop thinking about it. The mirror starts to taunt you? Don't look in it. It's irrelevant. You're going to look different in a month anyway, and in the meantime you are already eating and acting like the person you want to be. In fact, since you are eating and acting that way, you ARE the person you want to be. You may be the only one who can see it yet,but you know it. It's inside you, and you believe you are that person because there is no alternative that is any good. You make the choices that will get you where you want to go because that is just plain who you are and what you do now. Negative thoughts start to creep up on you, bad self-talk, worries about a future you can't control? You shut it down. Go do something else.

No bashing yourself is allowed, no matter what. You fake it until you make it, and you will. Get your head right for a little while and you'll be amazed how little time it takes until you don't have to fake it anymore.

(Edit: By the way, my own usual diet is over 50% carbohydrate, and I've done great with weight loss. This is not really related to your current issues, so please just set it aside if it's not something you want to hear right now, but if a month or two from now you've gotten yourself clear of existing sugar cravings and the like and are finding your choice of diet plan is provoking stress, please don't be actually afraid to add some good carbs back in. I say this only because I have recently learned the difference between a "diet" chosen fully consciously to suit my own tastes and needs; and one that has been half imposed on me/half chosen from a group of poor choices due to health issues. The former was easy, and a joy to "stick to". The latter is unpleasant, and I am constantly "cheating' and tempted to cheat. For the long run you need something you find "easy"!

Again, ignore this for now, maybe for forever if what you're doing winds up suiting you as well as my own original choices suited me. Good luck!)

Edited by: RENATARUNS at: 6/13/2014 (16:22)
Height 5'8 1/2"
SW: 190+
CW: 143.0

5K 4/21/11: 31:55


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BOPPY_
BOPPY_'s Photo SparkPoints: (72,038)
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6/12/14 12:24 P

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How do I get past the self-loathing?
**************************************

If the other suggestions, here, work fine.

But, if you want to try something different, take a walk. Think about how you can improve you. Nutrition. Exercise. Small objectives and goals. Small improvements. Small increments. Attention on improving consistency. Building a better you, slowly and incrementally.

And, oh BTW, following this single walk, you are accomplished. You are already a better, you.

Do it again, tomorrow, or later.

Lee emoticon

Edited by: BOPPY_ at: 6/12/2014 (12:25)
Lee

May the fork (and tracker) be with you!


 current weight: 2.0  over
 
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JMOUSE99
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6/12/14 12:11 P

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If that was a friend of yours in the mirror, would you call her "fatso" and tell her you hate her? So why say these things to yourself?

You can change the way you think, but it does take time and motivation. You have to stop yourself in your tracks when you think of something negative and change the thought to a positive.

There are a zillion websites with information on how to change your negative thinking, including lots of good articles here on SP. It takes time, and it's not always easy, but it can be done!

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_ar
ticles.asp?id=614


www.sparkpeople.com/secrets.asp?tip=41783_
change_negative_thoughts_to_a_positive
_as_soon_as_you_catch_yourself_having_one


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=835


Lenore (Vancouver, Canada)

Amber Amazon Warrior!! (BLC21 to BLC25)

Shared pain is lessened. Shared joy is increased. Thus we refute entropy.
- Spider Robinson

What fits your busy schedule better: exercising 1 hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?
- Glasbergen

What other people think of me is none of my business.
- Wayne Dyer


 current weight: 204.1 
 
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