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RIET69
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2/24/14 11:00 A

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This varies so from family to family. I was blessed to be able to take care of my mom in her own home where she died about 7 years after I moved in. I had lots of support from my two brothers and their wives all along the way. It was never in mom's or my plans to move in with her. When I thought of her in a facility, I knew I would be there morning, noon and night to check up and this was actually easier for me. I will never ever regret what I did, and I realize this is not something everyone can do.



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KJFITNESSDUDE
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2/24/14 9:48 A

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Thank you all for sharing your stories, when this issue came up with my mom she accepted change immediately because she recognized the importance of her health, she ended up living a few years longer than her doctors expected and they think it was because she under good care at her facility.

As for my friend, her family has a tough road ahead of them, their mom has said she'd rather die than be banished to any prison facility and she hates her son's wife.

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SLIMMERKIWI
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2/23/14 9:31 P



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Sometimes the memory and dementia issues can be partly attributed to a poor diet. The elderly generally need a better quality of food because there systems don't absorb nutrients as well as younger people. Also, they often get less sunlight which generally means less Vitamin D. Talking with her Dr would be a best first step. Getting bloods done to see what is going on, and then to make an in-depth study re sleep, depression etc. Also, a medication review is in order. Sometimes there are meds that can have this as a side-effect - sometimes there is polypharmacy going on which means that a combination of meds are causing problems, where none of those meds would have on their own.

I worked in the Health Care field - as sole cook in a Rest Home cooking for up to 40 people, as well as a Caregiver in both Rest Home and own home settings.

Check to see if there are any services available that can make daily contact with this lady to ensure that she eats, that she eats well, and that she is taking her meds as prescribed. They generally keep written notes which can be very helpful when taken to the Dr if areas of concern are highlighted for easy reference.

My Mother-in-law came to live with my husband and I when she was 87. I took care of her for just on the year she was with us. In the end (the last week) she did need 24/hr care, which fortunately I was able to provide her by putting a Lazy Boy in her bedroom and catching snatches of sleep as and when I could. I never had any issues with her being here, and totally enjoyed her company. She sometimes said she felt like she was a burden, but she wasn't and I would tell her so. I sometimes taped some of our conversations - like when she was telling my about when her children were babies, and how they used to do things and the sorts of things she used to enjoy. She was thoroughly entertained when I played them back to her. I remember the great enjoyment for the both of us when I was playing one back, and we were both taken with the bird singing away rather loudly in the background. Neither of us had noticed it in real time - LOL! It is really nice, because after she died, I could still play these tapes back to listen to her voice, and hear the enjoyment in it.

Kris

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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LADYCJM
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2/23/14 9:01 P

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Mom needs to go see her doctor with her son. They need to talk about the memory loss, there are medications that can help.

They also need to talk with a lawyer about a medical power of attorney and a general power of attorney. Mom (and everyone) need to state their desires about what they want done in case of a stroke, a heart attack etc.

Then a talk with mom about where would she be willing to live. That she is more of a "burden" when she is alone and everyone is worrying about her then if she was with them where they could share her life. If not with them then maybe an assisted living home or hire someone to clean and check on her on a daily basis.

Not to be mean, but mom needs to start pruning down her things. None of us can take it with us so we need to determine what we want to do with it.

One way to do this is to start giving stuff to the family member that she wants to have it. And to sell or donate things she no longer uses. For example if she has a lot of sewing supplies but can't see well enough to sew it time to pass that stuff on.

And if mom gives it to you take it! You can always re home it later.



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CUSH1932
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2/23/14 8:50 P

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It is never a easy decision. Talk to them while they can be part of the decision making process.

11 For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jer 29:11

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christís sufficiency].
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OBIESMOM2
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2/23/14 8:32 P

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I know a lady who recently sold her house to her granddaughter; the grandmother is moving in what was once a rental apartment on her property, the granddaughter & her family will move in to the house and be close enough to take care of her needs, but she'll still have her own space.

one of the ladies at church had her grandson move in with her years ago to help her take care of his father; his dad passed away, and the grandson still lives with her.

another lady at church shares a house with her daughter and son-in-law

my grandmother lived with mom until it got to the point that she needed round the clock care.

mom says she'll move in with me when she gets to the point that she can't be on her own. That kind of makes me nervous because she's not the easiest person to get along with. I'm sure everything will work out when the time comes.



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JIACOLO
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2/23/14 7:02 P

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My brother and sil just moved in with her mom. My brother became his mil's primary caregiver about a year ago. He is having more and more difficulties with her lately. (She has dementia and early stages of Alzheimer disease.) Recently they have talked about putting her in a home. They have had to lock up tools, utensils, car keys, food, and anything else she might harm herself with. It is sad.

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ANDILH
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2/23/14 4:58 P

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Sadly, this is a situation that many people will experience in their lifetime. To some extend, this is a discussion best had long before the person is experiencing this. It's important for the children, grandchildren or whoever will be making the decision need to know what the person wants. Some people don't want to live with their family members for whatever reason. Some would prefer to live with their family members. Some people would prefer to remain in their own home as long as possible, and then bring someone in to help with things as long as they're able. Some prefer to find a community before they need help that can help them transition into requiring more care.
There are more options for elderly people today than every before. Taking their feelings and desires into account is one of the most important things about dealing with elderly people. They know that they are losing their abilities and it has to be a terribly hard thing to deal with. I know what it feels like to become disabled as a young adult, but know there is hope for me to recover. I can't imagine what it must feel like to know things are only going to get worse. When a person feels that the things that are important to them are addressed, they are more likely to cooperate with the necessary changes.



AMARANTHAQ
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2/23/14 11:56 A

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I have a lot of experience with it and think it is quite common, although it is too painful to share.

One thing, though, is that I applaud not only the son for wanting his mom to live with him but the lady who still feels she has the right to live her life the way she chooses.

Sometimes our society is all too ready to usurp the freedom to choose in our elderly population when they are competent to make their own decisions.

Not every older person is suffering from dementia and barring that, my wish for them is that they are allowed the same freedom to live as they wish that we all enjoy.

But in the case of a son & family who wish for the mom to live with them and be part of the family rather than removing her forcefully from her home and placing her against her will in a facility, I think they should just continue to try to convince her because, of course, she will be safe and loved.

Edited by: AMARANTHAQ at: 2/23/2014 (18:16)
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KKLENNERT809
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2/23/14 11:53 A

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That thought is always on my mind. My parents are elderly and still in there own home and able to care for each other. That could change any day and we sisters try to prepare ourselves for life after that.


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MMK113
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2/23/14 11:31 A

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I agree with MLAN613 a health care professional can very often be a help in these types of situations. A physician is usually respected and can refer you to the best resources.



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MLAN613
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2/23/14 11:12 A

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Your friend could check with his/her local county. They may have some elderly assistance programs. Or if the parent's primary care doctor is involved, he could let the parent know that living alone is no longer an option. My husband had to do that with his mom.





KJFITNESSDUDE
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2/23/14 9:28 A

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Someone close to me ( not me, my mom passed away in '05 and my dad & I are estranged) has an 86 yo mother who's in relatively good shape but is starting to show small signs of not being able to take care of herself (forgetting how to get home, not recognizing her kids and grand kids for the first few moments, etc...). She has been invited to move in with her son and his family who has not only the room but lives in a ranch style house ( no pesky stairs) but she says no because she won't be able to bring all her stuff and she doesn't want it in storage and she also doesn't want to be burden on her son even though he has told her many times that she wouldn't be.

I did several google searches and found some awesome articles on this subject and being pro active in a conversation with an elderly parent is key to getting them warmed up to the idea of possibly moving.
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Topic question: Do you have any experience with this and if so would you share some of that experience here?

USING SP TO HELP YOU KEEP TRACK OF WEIGHT LOSs, CALORIE INTAKE AND EXERCISE "IS" THE SHORTCUT!!!!!!
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