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XXPLAGUED's Photo XXPLAGUED SparkPoints: (3,750)
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1/17/14 3:41 P

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I'm so sorry it took so long to get back to this. I so very much appreciate every single person who's posted and offered me kind words and support.

I've recently downloaded Zombies, Run! and have been doing at least 10 minutes of that a day and I'm on my 4th day of quitting pop cold turkey. That, I feel I need to do 100%. As for the eating healthy, I do agree that it needs to be a gradual thing. I was originally going to do all of it 100% but it's just. incredibly difficult. I'm trying to cut out my snacking at least and eat two actually healthy meals a day. I've been having eggs and an apple in the morning, at least a cup of greek yogurt and strawberries, and my lunch has been spinach/tuna/feta cheese. I'm trying to be better at least a bit with some stuff, but I am feeling better. Thank you all so much for your support you have no idea how much I appreciate it.



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CCERVANTE6's Photo CCERVANTE6 SparkPoints: (1,913)
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1/15/14 9:42 P

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I was in your exact shoes almost a year ago now. I had a friend of my boyfriends living with us for nearly 2 years, he was incredibly selfish and always did whatever he wanted.

I know what it is like to live a life where you just don't know what you are doing or how you got there. You have decided to stop though, it'll be an uphill battle. With me personally I decided to set a time to exercise, no matter what at the same time everyday unless something is incredibly unavoidable that hour is my me time and no one is gonna take that away. Make you time, don't let anyone take it away. Be bold, be strong, and never quit.



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MONIEE2's Photo MONIEE2 SparkPoints: (123,158)
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1/15/14 9:41 P

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The main thing about hitting the BOTTOM....as long as you landed on your back, you can get up!!! You are NOT alone, you got a good start by reaching out for help!!! Is there a local group & if not, is there a dietician that you can go to?

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1/15/14 9:34 P

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Can you find a counselor, dietitian, some one professional, that sees you in person, to talk about this? Could you move back home? Can someone back home come get you? Get away from that jerk boy friend, go back to people who love you. Tell them what you wrote here. Please.

Plan for tomorrow, but enjoy the heck out of today.


SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 12,068
1/15/14 8:41 P

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you've started on the right track...and acknowledging what you are doing is crucial to doing something about it. Now it's time for you to decide the future you want to have...by taking it one day at a time. You are intelligent and you know that the choice to eat junk goes against what you want to be. So choose. Plans are a great way to form strategies towards your goals but be flexible enough to just take the better options wherever you go and whatever you eat. Use the trackers. If you can't make the gym, then walk, dance, step in place,,,just do anything to get your heart going. And as far as boyfriends, or family, or friends...if they don't support your efforts, talk to them. If they continue to sabotage your efforts, then maybe you need space until you feel stronger. This is up to you. Go for it

Don't wait to get motivated...start doing, see the result, and the motivation will come

Sheryl from New Jersey, USA... EST


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SPARKEDPERSON's Photo SPARKEDPERSON SparkPoints: (17,428)
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1/15/14 12:43 P

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Things I've learned on my journey:

~90% of weight loss is diet. I try to be more "active" but I don't beat myself up over missed workouts. Instead I celebrate (internally) the workouts I do make.

The nutrition tracker ranges are for weight loss (and likely ambitious weight loss depending on your settings) If I go over by a bit every now and then it's not a failure if I keep it within what would be "maintaining" ranges.

I found food that *makes me happy* to put on my diet. My morning cup of green tea is warm me up me time, same as my cup of oatmeal. I love tomatoes and mozzarella cheese - I make a small caprese salad every day. I love avocados. I slice up half of one and pop it on a toasted whole wheat English muffin (I hate whole wheat but with the avocado I don't taste it). That's just what I do, but you get the point - incorporate your food "loves" and you'll look forward to what you're eating.

I hate cooking and grocery stores - so I set myself up for success. The oatmeal is the Quaker real medleys. More expensive than packets, yes. Added sugar, yes. But it stores in my locker at work forever, needs nothing but the work microwave, water and a spoon. And it's cheaper and better for me than fast food. Everything is chosen for simplicity but high marks on wholesomeness.

I budget my calories during the day to have "wiggle room" at dinner. 300-600 calories left on the nutrition tracker. This allows me to eat with the family who currently is not dieting with me. My big dinner rule: drink only water. We almost always eat out so I'm free to choose the fish or salad or plain steak with veggies while they eat god knows what. If we do a burger joint I choose the less evil options. I always leave food on the plate, normally most of the starch served plus excess from oversized portions. "This tastes like crap" and "I feel like crap" make good excuses if people want to question how much you didn't eat.

Good luck on the journey!



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DROPCONE Posts: 1,532
1/15/14 10:06 A

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I'm so sorry you're at this point, it's not a good place to be, and I know it from experience.

It sounds like you are taking certain practical steps in the healthy living direction, which is EXCELLENT and you really should give yourself some pats on the back for that!

Although you have set yourself up for practical success, make a plan for how you are going to deal with your desire to respond to your emotions by eating. That might mean seeing a therapist, it might mean reading some books or articles, probably both. Even if you change your bodily habits, unless you change your mental habits, you won't go down a different road.

Even though you feel alone, you are not! Reach out to your family, at least. I know making new friends in real life may seem impossible now, but don't discount the possibility. Using the community here as support can help too.

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My Sparkpage is set to private, but I'm open to SparkMail!
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"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing--that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
EMPRESSAMQ's Photo EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
1/15/14 10:00 A

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emoticon I think in life we all hit rock bottom at some time or another and it's really a good place to be because there is nowhere to go but up.

Is it possible that the depression you are experiencing is not really related to weight but that your weight and how you feel about it is a symptom?

I agree with previous posters, whatever form of counseling seems appropriate to you could be a big help.

But whatever you do, be well and believe life is good and tends to get better and better.

Edited by: EMPRESSAMQ at: 1/15/2014 (10:00)
Moving in new directions.


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1/15/14 9:53 A

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I concur with many here, you need to seek some form of counseling and if you don't want to do that or move back near your family, get into an Over Eaters Anonymous group and seek a sponsor, get into TOPS or Weight Watchers where others will be supportive. I started this journey at 245 with an amazing family who love me but when it comes to my weight they laugh because I start and stop. This year even my hubby has told me something is different! Use Spark people first thing every morning and log everything you put into your mouth and do it truthfully and soon you will see that babysteps will help.
Praying you can find strength to get out, meet new people and know there is much support here on line!

From Heart to Hands, I quilt!


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SMALLTOWNMOMMY's Photo SMALLTOWNMOMMY Posts: 2,661
1/15/14 9:51 A

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It sounds like you have a good plan in place. As you move forward, you're going to stumble. Just try to remember to acknowledge the healthy changes that you do make. It's so easy to get caught up in what we did wrong every day and not recognize the small, but consistent changes we make. Remember those and congratulate those successes. You got this. You're a strong woman, prove to yourself what you're made of. You got this!



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1/15/14 9:46 A

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Remember that your feelings are indicators, but not necessarily reality. Count your blessings and write them down. That will help you see the variance between how you feel and reality.

And if you do need a professional to help you out of a hole, get it! You are worth it!

NIRERIN Posts: 11,912
1/15/14 9:30 A

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i will join the chorus of people suggesting that you find some sort of counseling. a lot of what you're going through isn't uncommon and having someone on your side to help you work through all this can be a big boost. it's sort of like playing monopoly and getting the go to go and collect 200 dollars card every lap. you can certainly do it all yourself the hard way, but having someone to guide you through it is going to cut the time and effort it takes to do so. in other words you can figure out how to do something in five or ten tries instead of twenty or thirty or however many it takes because you're getting more feedback than just your feedback and that extra feedback is from someone who has helped other people through the same thing.
if your family is so supportive, reach out to them as a whole and say that you need one of them to touch base with you everyday so that you can celebrate whatever it was that you accomplished that day. set up a rotating schedule or whatever needs to happen, but make sure you're in contact with someone about it. the messageboards are another great option and resource.
it can take six weeks to change a single habit. and how and what we eat is basically a giant pile of habits. it's great that you have a two week plan, but it's going to be very difficult to follow through on that plan because it basically involves going against every habit you've forged over the last however many years and months. though if you want to do it just to spite me, please do. i will happily apologise and concede or whatever it takes. but when you change everything, it's a bit like deciding that you're going to walk around backwards, only take left hand turns when driving, hop over every crack you cross, spin every time you cross a threshold, do a jig on the 30 minute mark off odd numbered hours, wave your hands in the air like you just don't care at the top of the hour for even hours and do every other thing with your non-dominant hand. yes, you could do all of that, but it's also a lot to remember to do. so don't get down on yourself if you don't make it through, instead celebrate that you ate two more servings of veggies, spend ten minutes at the gym, made your favorite casserole a little better for you or whatever it was that you accomplished. because it's easier to go for more if you're building on a little success. and as others have noted, the little successes really add up over time.
if cutting out pop cold turkey doesn't work, wean yourself off of it. so if you were drinking ten cans a day, buy enough for 9 cans a day. and if you want to reach for that tenth can, remind yourself of how awful it felt when you went cold turkey and it should be a little easier to let that tenth can be the first can for tomorrow. once it's not a problem to just have nine cans, cut back to eight cans. and keep gradually shifting down until you aren't drinking any or are at the level you want to be drinking at.
you might also want to try mentioning to your boyfriend what you are proud of him doing today. this way you can open up a positive line of communication and it gives him an easy opportunity to do the same for you. especially if you have been in a rough place he may not have wanted to draw attention to it (especially if that has made you upset in the past) and the only way that he knows how to be supportive is simply to not be actively unsupportive. this gives him another option that isn't directly linked to weight. in other words, if you want him to tell you if it looks like you've been losing weight, you might feel bad if he doesn't mention it everyday or you might be mad since you know you're gaining and that means he's lying to you. it's a lose-lose situation for the both of you. sometimes caring about someone is letting them work through what they need to. and perhaps i have the timeline wrong, but it seems like you've been either gaining/losing the same 30lbs or working with an extra 40. which translates to a small but steady gain through your relationship. and during that time, mostly due to the emotional eating, you've eaten and gained. so anything he's said, any support he may have given has been met with the same response on your end. if he didn't grow up with as supportive of a family i can see where him not saying anything would seem like a good idea on his end.

-google first. ask questions later.

TACDGB's Photo TACDGB Posts: 6,131
1/14/14 4:38 P

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it's all about liking yourself well enough to change the bad behaviors into good ones. Finding the motivation within yourself to do this. realizing it's a life style change and not a diet. Healing the reasons you medicate yourself with food. YOU can do this.

Terri


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1/14/14 2:39 P

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Hi Xxplagued

You've made some great progress today - first in writing down what you're feeling, then in clearing out the junk food and thirdly in planning some healthy menus. Also in starting to get yourself back to the gym.

As others have said, don't beat yourself up if you don't do all the right things tomorrow. (or any other day). Instead be proud of yourself for every positive change you make.

You may well need more expert help with the depression, but you may also start to feel better when you've had a bit of exercise and eaten some healthy food.

And I heard a really good tip once. Someone said to keep all junk food out of the house, but to go and buy something if you want it. That way, if you're desperate for a packet of chips, you have to decide whether you're desperate enough to go out and buy them. It may not stop you eating junk food - but it will put an end to eating it mindlessly.
Keep letting us know how you're getting on.

God bless xx

MUSICMOM27's Photo MUSICMOM27 Posts: 576
1/14/14 1:34 P

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go look in the mirror RIGHT NOW. see those beautiful eyes? girl, YOU ARE WORTH IT! you can do it, one step at a time and one day at a time. i'm right there with you. we all are.

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live. love. laugh...every day.


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OBIESMOM2's Photo OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,552)
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1/14/14 12:58 P

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one of my all time favorite quotes:

When you improve a little each day, eventually big things occur. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but eventually a big gain is made. Donít look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. Thatís the only way it happens ó and when it happens, it lasts.
ó John Wooden


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The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
~Heather Whitestone

Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen


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MLEHTO's Photo MLEHTO SparkPoints: (46,846)
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1/14/14 12:54 P

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Oh, sweetie, I have been where you are. That place where even getting out of bed is an effort. Where the only comforting thing is food. I get it.

As others have said, do not try to do everything at once. One thing at a time or the frustration of not doing everything will drive you deeper into that hole.



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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (140,618)
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1/14/14 12:19 P



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XXPLAGUED,

Welcome to Spark People ! I give all new members one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good heatlh or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". if the only healthy thing you did for yoruself today was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.
Remember, you're trying to change habits learned over a life time. that's not going to happen overnight, a week, a month or even a year. Change takes time. Thus the need to be patient with yourself and your body.

That's why Spark People encourages its members to start with simple changes first. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. Set some SIMPLE goals.

Example, if you're not eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. If you're not drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. if you're not exercsing, don't try to do an hour a day, set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. once you've achieved these goals, then you set new ones.

No "all or nothing" mentality, just a few simple changes you can stick with. You have to have some faith that you are doing the right thing because one small change CAN change your body and your life !!!

Be kind to yourself as you would to others.




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1/14/14 11:54 A

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Xxplagued, you can do it. I agree with what the others have said. It's up to you, and you can't count on anyone but yourself to tackle this. Yes, it's a bonus to have support, but the motivation has to come from within.

I think it's a good idea to get professional help with your depression if you can. If you can't, exercise is a really good pick-me-up, at least it has been for me. I actually exercise more to keep the stress in check than for weight loss. I notice that when I do exercise, I make better food choices. I don't want to "wreck" all that hard work with unhealthy food.

Taking small steps is great advice. As the previous people said, cut out one unhealthy thing at a time. You will be amazed at, say, how much of a difference you will notice when you cut out soda. My dad dropped 10 pounds in a month just by cutting soda. He didn't change anything else. Soda is the devil, lol! I have it once in a blue moon as a treat, nothing more. Way too much sugar.

Making one positive change will lead to other positive changes, and it won't seem so overwhelming in the process.

Also, make small weight-loss goals, say, in 10-pound increments. Reward yourself every time you reach them (non-food-related, of course!!) with a new piece of clothing, a massage, a movie, a nice walk -- something for you! When I have something to look forward to, I'm a little more motivated than just wanting to feel healthy and what-not, though that is a strong motivator.

YOU CAN DO IT!

"Turn off your television. Go do something."


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OBIESMOM2's Photo OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,552)
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1/14/14 11:34 A

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yep - gotta make 1 or 2 changes at a time. Then you can add a couple more when those are part of your routine.

sometimes just the FIRST step is the most difficult in exercise. Commit to just 10 minutes a day. If after 10 minutes, you really don't want to do more, give yourself permission to stop. Often you'll keep going, but if you don't - well you did SOMETHING.

as far as the SO - I feel your pain! DH doesn't sabotage me, but he rarely exercises with me, rarely eats healthy (other that what I fix for him), rarely does anything except veg out on the couch. I can't make him do anything, but I also CANNOT let him stop me from being a healthier, happier person. That's a choice **I** have to make, and it means I often have to just leave him at home or go to the other room and do my exercise.

here is a great Spark article that gave me some good ideas. There are some great links to other articles in this one too:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=694


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The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
~Heather Whitestone

Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen


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IVYLASS's Photo IVYLASS SparkPoints: (118,327)
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1/14/14 11:19 A

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Well, the good thing is, if you've hit rock bottom, you can't go any lower.

I will touch briefly on a couple of things. First, if your boyfriend does NOT support you in your efforts to get healthy, you need to move out. You cannot be around anyone who can sabotage you. I'm not saying break up...but you may need to get yourself out of the too-close situation.

Second, you may need some professional counseling to address your underlying issues as to why you self medicate with food.

Finally, start with baby steps. Don't try to do a 180 all at once. You will fail. Start with one thing. Perhaps it's not drinking soda, perhaps it's exercising for ten minutes a day and building up, perhaps it's pouring a portion of chips into a bowl instead of munching from the bag.

You are NOT alone. Good luck. We're here if you need us.

Edited by: IVYLASS at: 1/14/2014 (11:20)
One stumble does not a failure make.

Everything in moderation.


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XXPLAGUED's Photo XXPLAGUED SparkPoints: (3,750)
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1/14/14 11:09 A

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I've always struggled with my weight, always. I've always been an emotional eater. It comforts me, it's not even the taste of the food as much as the ritual of eating/drinking pop whenever I feel anything. Anything. Not just sadness or frustration or anger. Happiness gets celebrated by eating, boredom gets treated, pain gets soothed. But the last few months I have truly broken through any limits I've ever had. I am severely antisocial. Being around people scares me and makes me uncomfortable and a few months ago I was forced to be roommates with a friend of my boyfriend who is rude, judgemental, takes things without asking, and doesn't respect my privacy and personal space. This has apparently sent me spiraling into an extremity of stress and worry and depression and I've literally gained up to almost 300lbs when my average weight has always been between 230 - 260.

I can not keep going this way. I've become SO aware of how much pop I'm drinking. How I'm not eating more than one meal a day, but I'm snacking one so much that I literally empty the box in a day. How that one meal is always a huge mass of fat and sugar and salt and calories. My family is so supportive. But I don't live near them anymore. My boyfriend.. isn't. I mean. He's supportive in that he'll buy me whatever food I need and all of that but he doesn't notice or help or want to exercise with me or comment on anything when it comes to the weight loss. I feel alone, and incredibly ashamed of myself that I've gotten this.. heavy.

I'm on my last 3 cans of pop, and I've already cleaned my cabinets of any snackfood. I've planned healthy meals for the next two weeks down to the letter and I've finally gotten the code to the gym that I haven't gone to since I moved here. My main issue is my depression, not wanting to get out of bed, choosing snack food instead of putting forth the effort to cook, but I'm fixing that by cooking a lot and freezing/refridgerating meals. I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, and I know I can. I just feel.. really alone in my effort. I fee disconnected, l unattractive, I feel huge.



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