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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 11,653
11/4/13 2:14 P

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I think most people have a close few friends they seem to socialize with most of the time...outside of family. It's healthy to go out with different friends at different times occasionally, and there are times when you need to talk one on one with someone. It also allows you to see things thru the eyes of different people. But sometimes there can be one very close friend who feels slighted when they aren't included in Everything; the person may be insecure, jealous, and controlling. That's their issue, but it puts a damper on a friendship. .



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SHKIRK Posts: 938
11/4/13 2:04 P

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I do not think we choose to have a certain # of true friends. Friendships ,as with other relationships, just happen over time. I am not in a time in my life where I meet a lot of people so I do not have the opportunity to make a lot of friends I believes friends and acquaintances are VERY different. I am not comfortable making friends w/ co-workers. The things I do at home are none of their business and someone will always find something to talk about. emoticon I had a friend I grew up w/ but she died when she was 39.(I was 40).How many friends you have is just part of who you are. Its ALL good.

Edited by: SHKIRK at: 11/4/2013 (14:07)
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11/4/13 2:03 P

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very close friends that I feel free to talk to about ANYTHING - sis, DH, and 2 others

I have lots of 'casual' friends that I communicate with in some form or another

and KJ, that girl is WHACKED. Keep your distance, buddy!

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MIAMI_LILLY's Photo MIAMI_LILLY SparkPoints: (93,541)
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11/4/13 1:57 P

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No, that's my husband. I disperse my eggs :-)



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AZULVIOLETA6's Photo AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (55,363)
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11/4/13 1:45 P

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While there is not anything wrong with just having a few very close friends, putting someone that you work with in the position of being the ONLY person that you are close to--well, that seems wildly inappropriate. Not to mention manipulative, controlling, etc.

I would be trying to distance myself from this person as kindly as possible and perhaps speaking with HR about what to do.

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ANNROW0354's Photo ANNROW0354 Posts: 603
11/4/13 1:31 P

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There are different levels of friendship. I've never embraced the BFF concept because I do believe that people come into your life at different times to serve different purposes in your life. I do embrace the idea that a "friend" should have a positive impact on your life and that they should not "infect" your life.
Either cut this woman loose or have a heart to heart with her and tell her that you have a very different idea of what friendship is.

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LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 1,884
11/4/13 1:28 P

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I have several friends and, sometimes, it feels like hard work to maintain my friendships. I usually visit with friends once per week and I will talk to friends on the phone maybe 2-3 (usually about 2) other times during the week. Since I've moved, I don't have neighbors who are friends, but we're working on meeting people in our new neighborhood. Still, it can take years to become good friends with people. I don't have work friends currently and I am really, really careful about that sort of thing. I like to keep things professional at work, so I am always careful and keep my private life out of the workplace. I don't socialize with coworkers outside of work, as a general rule. So, how I choose to handle myself at work and with coworkers is not really conducive to making friends... I'm not even sure I want work friends. Potentially too risky, IMO.

Friends are an important part of my life, but friends can be exhausting. Friendships require work and maintenance (e.g. visits/calls). The more friends you have, the more work you have to do to maintain your friendships. Still, I really enjoy my friends. I will go out of my way to see them, even if I am tired after a really busy week.

My sister and her husband have one other couple that they are friends with. They only see them once or twice (at the most) per year. I find this really odd and a little disturbing. When I have asked my sister why she doesn't make some friends she tells me she doesn't want to. Her reasons are: 1) she doesn't want to be bothered with them and, 2) she doesn't like most people, especially women. She seems disturbed by the fact that I have several friends and that I make efforts to see/visit with people even when I'm tired (because I feel that friendships require maintenance). Um...okay. To each her own, I guess!

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 11/4/2013 (14:32)

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TACDGB's Photo TACDGB Posts: 6,106
11/4/13 1:02 P

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I have 1 close friend...........and my best bud Dennis. I also have a neighbor lady who I visit with weekly. I am so ok with that. I have such a busy go- go life that I would not have time for any more relationships.......

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ERINTFG's Photo ERINTFG SparkPoints: (36,835)
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11/4/13 11:21 A

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Some people prefer to only have one or two close friends; more than that is too draining for them. I can kind of relate to that. I definitely have a lot of people I would consider friends, but only a few that I share my deepest stuff with.

I would say that this friend of yours has issues that are far beyond friendship. I would be very careful around her b/c she sounds very jealous and like she might be a damaging person to be around.

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WRFTAZ's Photo WRFTAZ SparkPoints: (9,717)
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11/4/13 11:20 A

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I have 2-best friends & lots of relatives who are also friends.

I am friends with most people @ work, but don't socialize with them outside of the job.

I was in the military and I had parking lots full of friends, some didn't like others, so I had to do a lot of visiting then.



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GRACED777's Photo GRACED777 SparkPoints: (19,029)
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11/4/13 11:02 A

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I have a friend I've been close to for 40 years, one I've known well for 20, and one I've known for about 9 years. Friends don't come easily to me, but I've sure found some keepers. They all have different views on things. One is 78, one is about 55, and one is 52. I am 62. One I see about once a month, another I see about once a week, and the other I see maybe twice a year. But we can and do talk by phone whenever any of us feels the need. I also have others who are not as close, and some who have been close for a season, because our lives meshed for a time.

It's good to have more friends, so the friendships aren't a burden when things are hard. Almost always there's someone who can encourage, even though it's not always the same person.

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DROPCONE Posts: 1,525
11/4/13 10:43 A

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Your friend is weird. But you knew that already. Don't let her push her issues on to you.

I'm someone with few friends - I'm not very outgoing, takes a lot of energy for me, and so I take fewer opportunities to meet new people. That's me, though.

On the other hand, one reason that I really value the friends & acquaintances I have who have tons of friends, is because they make it easier for me to meet new people when I AM feeling up to it!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this toxic person.

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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/4/13 10:40 A

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My gf's daughter embraces this concept but NOT with friends but with applying for jobs, she feels that filling out one application and then waiting for a call works best for her, she wont fill another application for any job until the first one calls (usually they don't call so she'll wait longer)...

*facepalm*.

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LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,250
11/4/13 10:34 A

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That sounds like a tough and unhealthy situation.

I wouldn't say I consciously choose to have one friend but I have just a few people that I think of as friends.
I do not feel that my friends can only be friends with me though. I think trying to keep a friend from interacting or being friends with others is a sign of mental health issues.

Reasons-
It tends to take me quite awhile to feel comfortable with someone. That means I collect friends at a much slower rate. I'm fine with that.
I actually feel content with fewer friendships. Thinking about being social with a lot of people on a regular basis exhausts me. I am an introvert and my social needs are being met quite well, even though I'm interacting with less people.



ANDILH Posts: 1,175
11/4/13 10:25 A

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Just because you're a person's only friend doesn't mean they have to be your only friend. I tend to have lots of acquaintances or people I do certain things with. However I do tend to have a few close friends. I don't trust easily, which is my issue and one I won't visit on others so I would never tell anyone they're my only friend or that they shouldn't be friends with others.
I also have different groups of friends depending on what activity I'm doing - music friends, theatre friends, etc.

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11/4/13 10:20 A

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I guess I'm kinda that way. I have a number of "work" friends who I don't do things with outside work but that I enjoy and share with but I have only one really close friend that I would share anything with and I've been that way all my life. I have good acquaintances but only one solid good friend (other than my husband who is my best friend). Often wish it were different but guess it's not to be. But, I would never tell anyone who they could be friends with or who they need to stay away from. That's a bit obsessive/stalkery for my taste.

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DWROBERGE's Photo DWROBERGE SparkPoints: (321,911)
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11/4/13 10:19 A

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emoticon



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EMPRESSAMQ's Photo EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
11/4/13 10:18 A

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I think I have only a very few "real" and loving steadfast friends, but have a number of loving relatives (who are also friends, of course, lol).

I have had a number of "false" and toxic friends as well.

I have many good and wonderful friends who wish me well, support me and are just fun to talk to and/or be around and this category is not quite the same thing as the "real" true friends but includes good friends as well as friendly and trusted acquaintances and even some people online as well as IRL.

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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/4/13 10:04 A

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This is about having friends.

As far back as I can remember I have always had a lot of friends, some close some not so close most somewhere in between, so I have always been bewildered when I notice some people with just one friend.......I am not saying this is a bad thing, I'm just saying why some folks choose to do this?

This relates to me currently because I have a colleague who told me I am her only friend.....anywhere....and that I need to not be so nice or friends with anyone else because they all treat her badly. (See my thread "Toxic Friends" for more on this person)


ugh....

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