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When you are early on in dating someone, who pays?



 
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JOSEPINAD
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11/3/13 1:29 A

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HE DOES, selstverständlich!



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CAMEOSUN
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11/2/13 12:47 P

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Have offered to pay for my own. The guy would usually say No & pay it all.


~ Do what good you can, and go in peace ~



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ONLINEASLLOU
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11/2/13 12:36 P

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I think it depends on a lot of factors:
1. Who invited whom
2. Who has more money
3. What type of date it is, etc.

I once read an interesting financial breakdown of what a typical date actually costs people. In many cases, a date costs a woman just as much as the man -- even if the man pays for most of the tickets, meal, etc.. That's because a woman can't get a date unless she spends money to maintain her appearance (wardrobe, hair, cosmetics, teeth, perfume, etc.). Most men do not spend as much time/money on such things. (Though of course, there are exceptions.)

So when you see a typical hetero-sexual couple on a date ... remember ... the woman has probably spent considerably more time, effort, and money to get invited on that date. That cost needs to be considered when one considers the actual cost of the date and the determination of what is fair.

It would be an interesting research study to see how the balance of those expenses varies between cultures and over time.

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TENNISJIM
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10/31/13 6:03 A

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split the check



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PLINTHESS
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10/31/13 5:51 A

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There are no rules as far as I'm concerned. Depends on who asked who out; who earns more; how you feel about him; how expensive the place is. The very best thing is to discuss it for goodness sake!

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

You can take the girl out of London, but - thank goodness - you can't take London out of the girl.


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LEDIRETSE
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10/31/13 3:45 A

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the guy after a few date sthe girl can start paying for a few



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JANIEWWJD
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10/31/13 3:00 A

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I always preferred to pitch in.

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

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"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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BEARLYBOO
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10/31/13 12:27 A

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It's been many years since I've dated. But I always preferred "dutch treat".

No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.
~Buddha


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MKMMARTY
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10/30/13 12:16 P

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I always paid - be the gentlemen



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AZULVIOLETA6
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10/30/13 12:14 P

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Follow HIS lead?

Does.not.compute.

I'm really shocked at how antiquated so many of the attitudes about this are.

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Currently learning: Mexican cumbia, danzón, Cuban rumba

Dances to Learn in the future: flamenco, tango Argentino, samba, belly dancing, bhangra, ballroom rumba


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KIRSTENCO
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10/30/13 8:41 A

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Whoever can afford to....



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MATTHEW0498
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10/30/13 8:16 A

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I guess I am a little traditional and would say he does in the beginning.



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UMBILICAL
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10/29/13 5:17 P

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Either



CINDYHOUGHTON
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10/29/13 4:36 P

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When I was growing up that was never a question. He always paid as a sign of his ability to care for you as it progressed. That's a tough question to answer. Follow his lead. I never paid for a single date with my husband of 30 years.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Pil 4:13.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, constant in prayer. Rom 12:12


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LSANGANGE
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10/29/13 3:32 P

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I am traditional. He pays early on. Later if we have developed into an exclusive relationship then I pay too half the time.

In my current relationship, if we go to a restaurant I like, I pay. If he chooses, he pays emoticon

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LOUNMOUN
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10/29/13 11:48 A

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I've been married almost 14 years now. When my dh and I started seeing each other we spent time together but didn't do a lot of paid activities.
When we did go out somewhere it was always because he asked me to go and he would generally pay the cost of my dinner or movie ticket or whatever.



HEALTHYJ29
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10/29/13 4:20 A

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Possibly the first date or two split the bill. Then in the future on and off where sometimes one person pays and then the other. I am in my 30s and that is how I feel. My mom though who is 60 if she is asked out I think she feels he should pay. I am not sure if this is just my mom or because back in the day usually the man paid.



JOSEPINAD
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10/27/13 3:29 A

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mostly my partner.



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TCANNO
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10/24/13 5:30 A

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that is for you both to sort out


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MYAKAYAH
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10/24/13 4:17 A

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When The SO and I started dating back a year ago, he paid for our first few dates. We went for coffees, the movies, a museum, a few sporting events and then we decided we wanted to be serious with one another, an exclusive thing. At that point, I found some things we wanted to do and if needed to buy tickets I did so. I did the cooking or preparing the food or snacks for our outings if we didn't have a specific activity in mind. (The SO can barely prepare proper water for tea, but that's another story. lol)

The SO prefers to pay when we go to Professional Sporting Events or do anything more than having dinner out. Its not something I'm going to stress him out about so I do the other little things that would build up to be a big thing in our way of relating with one another. The SO is a manly fella and he likes paying just because its his way of showing he cares for me is how he explained it to me. The SO is the kind of man who opens building doors for me, pulls out my chair, holds my hand with other men round, gets my car door when we go out, and he is always the driver :)~

I'm kosher with the idea of his paying the majority of the time because our relationship evens out in other ways. I know with economics being what they are for many people discussing the plan is always a good thing so nobody is surprised when the bill comes due!

Edited by: MYAKAYAH at: 10/24/2013 (04:26)
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IAMLOVEDBYYOU
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10/23/13 6:49 P

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If I'm getting to know someone, it has always been for coffee. I try to get there first and buy my own, but they have always offered. After that, I WANT the man to pay for the next 3-5 dates. I will offer to cover tip if I have cash, and if he seems hesitant to pick it up I offer to split. But that doesn't impress me much.



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LOVINGAFRICA
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10/23/13 2:41 P

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I always offer to go dutch unless the other person insists. (This is way back when, when I dated in the nineties) If I plan a special date I pay.
Don't know if it still works that way.



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SUSAN727
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10/23/13 2:35 P

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It's been many years since I dated anyone since I'm 65. But, back in the day, the date always paid but now, I would probably opt to go equal pay. Would like to date also. emoticon

Susan

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AZULVIOLETA6
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10/23/13 2:26 P

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I really prefer everything to be equal, even from the beginning. However, I tend to date men from cultures where the guy is absolutely required to pay, so I try to be flexible...but don't like it. I also try to make up for it by doing the driving when we take trips (gas is expensive), cooking meals at home and buying tickets ahead of time if I can get away with it.

I am in the odd situation right now of being in a new relationship with someone who has been a friend for more than a decade. He absolutely insists on paying for everything and so far I have let him. He knows me well enough to know that I don't like it, but still he is adamant. At some point we will have to come up with a better system.

Is it normal in the US for men to pay for things? I thought that this went out in about 1969. I would never let an American man pay...but I have not dated one for a good 20 years, so what do I know.

Dances: salsa (standard/LA), casino, rueda de casino, cumbia Colombiana, bachata, mambo, cha-cha-chá, merengue, reggaetón.

Currently learning: Mexican cumbia, danzón, Cuban rumba

Dances to Learn in the future: flamenco, tango Argentino, samba, belly dancing, bhangra, ballroom rumba


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LADYCJM
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10/23/13 12:41 P

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28 yrs ago, yes we rode the T-Rex to the movies, the gentleman paid. The lady reciprocated by cooking dinner, providing picnic lunches and by just happening to have two tickets to something that she invited the gentleman to attend. How ladies ended up with so many tickets to monster truck rallies I will never know! emoticon

Now with my daughters friends, young adults graduating from college, they seem to do a lot of group dates with everyone paying their own way. When they have couples dates, whoever has the money pays. It really seems to be more about economics these days. If one person plans something special that person plays.



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RUBENB2003
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10/23/13 12:40 P

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With some exceptions the guy pays. I think it's good to take into account her wishes if she wants to pay for some special occasions.



EMPRESSAMQ
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10/23/13 12:23 P

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Splitting is best, IMO, as with any friend. Females are not helpless dependents waiting around for a member of the other gender to always pay.

Marching back to goal!


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KJFITNESSDUDE
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10/23/13 12:21 P

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The guy always pays

*next question*

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BLUENOSE63
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10/23/13 11:56 A

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Well the guy should offer but if the girl feels better splitting it, then split it. Who knows if you are actually going to end up dating this guy.



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MI-ELLKAYBEE
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10/23/13 10:57 A

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The guy! Unless the girl wants to treat him, for a birthday, or some celebration.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you”
(Matthew 7:7, NLT)


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ELLELARS08
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10/23/13 10:36 A

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whoever initiated the date



PATTIJOHNSON
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10/23/13 10:21 A

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I think that things have changed so much in todays world, that it's OK for each person to pay for themselves, however, if you ask someone else on a date, it wouldn't be right to expect the other person to pick up their part of the tab unless it was discussed at the time of the asking.

I'm old enough to remember when the "gentleman" did everything for the woman -- open doors, pull the chair out at the table, pay for the date, etc. Not only have relationships changed, though, but so has the idea of equality. So, that's why I say that anything should go these days.

Chivalry is still popular (if a person wants to go up and beyond impressing their interest), but not necessarily required to hook up.

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LEC358
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10/23/13 10:06 A

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I agree, SherylDS, romance is totally the little things. We only get to hang out on weekends since he lives the next city over and is in law school but last weekend, he was studying and I was reading and he decided he needed a study break so he pulled me up from my chair and we started dancing with no music.

Whoever thinks you need to spend money in order to be romantic doesn't know the meaning of the word.



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MKMMARTY
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10/23/13 9:53 A

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the guy - if he can afford too



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SHERYLDS
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10/23/13 9:51 A

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emoticon with LEC358
dating is getting to know each other...give and take.

Taking turns keeps you both on an even level. Romance is in the little things you do for each other...like making an intimate dinner.

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DROPCONE
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10/23/13 9:37 A

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I guess it depends on the stage. For low-key getting to know you, like coffee or lunch, each covers their own expense. For actual dates, whoever asks pays, although the one who is asked might offer to cover tip or dessert at dinner, or parking, or some other tangential expense during the date. Once the relationship is serious enough to be considered long-term, the couple can work it out however they want to.

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OMENDER
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10/23/13 9:35 A

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My husband and I started dating 10 years ago and I am pretty sure he paid for everything. I am sure I offered to pay at first, but he never let me. When I was dating, I only insisted on paying half or all if I was not very interested in the guy.



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OBIESMOM2
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10/23/13 9:33 A

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DH & I did the same as you, LEC - when I asked him out, I paid; when he asked me out, he paid.



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CPRCINDYC
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10/23/13 9:28 A

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Usually the man pays, or you can split it. Now that I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, he still usually pays for things when we go out, but I pay for the groceries every day, so it's only fair! lol!



CJGODESS101
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10/23/13 9:17 A

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When I started dating my hubby, he paid for most of our dates early on. Once we were together for a few months we started taking turns. Now, when we have date night, we take turns on who pays. We both have separate checking accounts, and get a small allowance each paycheck.



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LEC358
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10/23/13 8:25 A

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This thought was sparked by another topic on the forum and I was curious what people thought about the whole thing and how it might depend on when you first dated your SO or how things have changed.

My own experience: the first couple of dates with my BF, whoever did the asking paid. For example, he asked me out to dinner for our first date so he paid for dinner but I paid for the froyo we had afterwards. On our second date, I asked him to go with me to a train museum so I paid for the tickets. By about the 5th date we were splitting everything down the middle.

How about you?



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