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NOTANINJA's Photo NOTANINJA SparkPoints: (18,040)
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10/2/13 7:38 A

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It depends on the couple and the financial circumstances.



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THROOPER62's Photo THROOPER62 Posts: 17,027
10/2/13 7:37 A

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No way, definitely not emoticon

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10/2/13 7:32 A

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I have a couple different thoughts about this. I am a romantic traditionalist myself so of course I don't want to pay for half my ring. But I also get mad when I see all those bride's magazines that suggest it is "proper" for a man to spend 1/3 of his annual salary or some dumb thing like that, for the engagement ring. That is outrageous and there might be ways that both of the couple would think the money could be better spent, while getting a more modest but beautiful engagement ring.

I was once engaged to a guy who really could not afford more than about $200 for a ring. So I showed him ones that I liked in that range. I did not want people to really look at my ring and bring out their magnifying glass so I showed him ones with several small diamonds. They looked flashy and pretty and didn't really have to be that expensive. But even after I showed him what I liked, he bought me a 1/8 carot pear shapped diamond solitaire ring. I was sure it would appear like a "friendship ring" or a pre-engagement ring a high school girl might wear.

That is not what I wanted to project any time anyone looked at my ring, but there was a bigger issue here. This man thought he understood me but he did not, and we were on different wave lengths in life. In the end, I did not marry him. It was not the ring; it was because of so many other things where he just didn't "get" me even after I would try to explain. He was a good guy and I have always hoped that someday he would find a woman to be happy with, whom would also be happy with him.

Now as for my current H, we went to pick out my engagement ring together, one month after we met, on Valentine's Day. Okay, is that romantic enough? It had one larger diamond and two side diamonds and nice setting so it did not look "cheap." Even though he didn't make a ton of money, it certainly was not a 1/3 of his salary nor would I want it to be.

We got married 5 months later and I discovered he bought that and lots of other "gifts" he got for me on credit. And we had to pay the bills jointly after that, so in a way I guess you could say I helped pay for my own gifts. We've been married for over 18 years now and everything is still great with us, but we did have some growing pains about differences over how money should be spent through the years! (I don't believe in buying gifts of any kind on credit).



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10/2/13 2:46 A

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nope. I can buy my own diamond but not for that finger.

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10/2/13 2:30 A

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emoticon



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MKMMARTY's Photo MKMMARTY Posts: 1,246
10/1/13 7:27 P

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it depends on your financial circumstances and your personal motives



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SUMMERSHORTS's Photo SUMMERSHORTS Posts: 200
10/1/13 6:28 P

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I bought my own engagement ring - it wasn't hugely expensive. I figured that, as I was the one who would be wearing it, I was going to have something I liked and therefore I would pay for it. It never occurred to me this might imply my husband-to-be was financially inadequate or irresponsible. He wasn't and isn't and we have been married for 32 years.



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SUSAN727's Photo SUSAN727 Posts: 1,266
10/1/13 9:16 A

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My fiancé bought mine but whatever works for a couple. It's the couple's business.

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10/1/13 9:07 A

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I agree with DublinRose -
Each couple needs to decide what works best for them and the ring is not the best sign of enduring love!

DUBLINROSE's Photo DUBLINROSE Posts: 2,038
10/1/13 8:56 A

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Each to their own.

I'm married and don't have an engagement ring. We had just bought a house and were stone broke and every spare penny we had we were using to fix it up. Spending money on a ring when we could use it for something to benefit the family as a whole seemed a bit silly and wasteful. I've been with my husband 17 years - married 5 today emoticon - I don't need a ring to know he loves me.



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10/1/13 8:34 A

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My husband bought mine. It was tradition in those days. But whatever works for a couple.

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10/1/13 8:16 A

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My husband bought my engagement ring, but to each his/her own. Who am I to judge another person or couple's situation?



FANNISHMOM's Photo FANNISHMOM Posts: 229
9/30/13 9:55 P

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Wow, I'm kind of stunned by the response to this question. I see no problem with going dutch on an engagement ring if you want a specific ring. I don't think a guy shelling out for a ring is necessarily a sign of his commitment either. My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years and my original ring was a hematite band which was followed by an antique opal with an itsy bitsy diamond that cost less than $300. I also know people whose EX-husbands paid through the nose for their engagement rings. It's a thing. Sure, it's a symbol, but in the end what is important is your love and commitment to one another not the ring.

Edited by: FANNISHMOM at: 9/30/2013 (21:56)
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9/30/13 9:06 P

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If I were in love (and I can't imagine marrying someone I didn't love) ... I would hope the groom could afford to pay for it. If you couldn't, then I would rather go without a ring because I wouldn't want him to spend ANY money on a luxury item such as a ring. I would want him (and US) to be prudent with his/our money.

My mother never had an engagement -- or a diamond in her wedding ring. My father was still in medical school when they married and they had VERY little money. They simply couldn't afford it. When finances improved, years later ... they had other things, better things to do with their money. But they had a long, good marriage. That's what really counts.

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SHKIRK Posts: 941
9/30/13 5:34 P

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No ..but I would buy the wedding rings.

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9/30/13 9:38 A

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no

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9/30/13 9:37 A

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I would not, however I think it is a decision for the couple to make themselves. We can't expect everyone to have the same opinion.



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LEKLETT's Photo LEKLETT Posts: 45
9/30/13 8:52 A

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I think it's between the two who are getting engaged. My husband and I bought our rings at the same time and we paid for them all together. Mine cost three times as much as his did. Why should he be expected to pay three times more than I did?



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9/30/13 7:38 A

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Absolutely not. And if I were asked to go dutch, I'd end the relationship right there.



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9/30/13 6:26 A

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NO



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THROOPER62's Photo THROOPER62 Posts: 17,027
9/30/13 6:11 A

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No

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9/30/13 5:28 A

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No as I was told if a man cannot pay your way, he cannot be the head of your house! emoticon



 
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9/30/13 5:10 A

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I don't think so.



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TCANNO's Photo TCANNO SparkPoints: (97,632)
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9/30/13 4:20 A

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emoticon it is 2013

This is not an answer to to the question but after reading your replies.



Edited by: TCANNO at: 9/30/2013 (04:21)
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ANARIE's Photo ANARIE Posts: 12,397
9/30/13 3:01 A



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I think that the way a couple decides to handle the engagement ring issue is every bit as private as how they decide to handle the rest of the marriage-- I have no more business commenting about that than about what they're going to do in bed together.

In my case, in the abstract, I'm not particularly interested in having an engagement ring at all, so I definitely wouldn't suggest going dutch. But that's in the abstract. If I actually had a specific man in front of me and it was meaningful to him for me to have an expensive ring (and my own finances were a lot better than they are at the moment), then I suppose I might, but it's more likely that I would try to talk him out of it. The only way I would be disappointed by not gettting a ring would be if there were an heirloom in his family that had been passed down for generations and someone broke that tradition. Otherwise, all I would care about would be wedding bands for both of us, and they only have to be good enough not to turn my finger green. A plain $50 band from the local jewelry shop would be fine. It just pains me to think of spending money on a trinket if that means the couple has to cut back on [what are IMHO] more important things.

But again, that's just me. If a man offers a woman a ring and she wants a more expensive one, then I do think she should pay the difference. And they should also spend some time talking about values to see if she wants more than he's willing to give in other aspects of life, too.



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DETERMINEDLOSER's Photo DETERMINEDLOSER Posts: 4,698
9/29/13 11:13 P

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No, I wouldn't go dutch on an engagement ring.




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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,618
9/29/13 7:33 P

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I would consider it a huge red flag if a guy couldn't get me an engagement ring on his own without going into debt.

Then again I want an aquamarine or a lavender stone in a retro looking setting. Those rings are well under 1k. Even a moissinite.

If a bride and groom want to exchange gifts or a man give his wife a gift for having a baby. That is up to them. I think its nice for a man to give his wife a present for having a baby.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/29/2013 (19:37)
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LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,254
9/29/13 11:50 A

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We looked at engagement rings together after we got engaged. We chose the ring that I would wear together. Looking for that ring together is a pretty special memory for me. The ring did not cost much but was unique and I loved it. Dh paid for it. I did not want him to spend a large amount of money on a ring. I did not require a ring to get engaged or married.

I feel that if a couple decide to split the cost of the engagement ring or wedding rings that is up to them. I don't feel it indicates that the woman/man's love or commitment is any less than a woman/man who pays the whole cost or so many month's salary.

If a couple truly wants to give each other gifts on the occasion of their wedding or child's birth then that is up to them also. I think if they do it simply because someone else told them they should that is too bad but it is still up to them.

13DETERMINEDME's Photo 13DETERMINEDME Posts: 1,369
9/29/13 9:24 A

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NO

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9/29/13 9:23 A

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No

Remember to take time to enjoy the journey!


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9/29/13 9:09 A

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no



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9/29/13 8:57 A

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no



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ERICREH Posts: 1,786
9/29/13 8:23 A

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So much for sexual equality. Actually I bought the engagement rings for both my wives, and never even thought of them sharing the expense.



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MYAKAYAH's Photo MYAKAYAH Posts: 3,680
9/29/13 8:20 A

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I wouldn't go dutch with an engagement ring, but, I'm of the opinion if I had to pay for any part of the engagement ring then that would have ruined the surprise and I would of been more than disappointed. My SO asked me to marry him on my birthday which he knew would please me because we reconnected on my birthday last year.
My fiancé bought me an engagement ring and he put thought into what I would like to wear and he chose perfectly but he pays close attention to the things I like and wear. He didn't go overboard with the cost either. He knows I'm a thrifty type person and I would worry if he spent too much on a ring. I'm a guy in a girl's body and I do a lot of exercise and physical work so he picked a simple sturdy ring which made sense.
No dutch for me on an engagement or wedding ring though. As I said I'm just an old fashioned type on this subject.

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9/29/13 12:40 A

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Would never!

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9/29/13 12:37 A

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Absolutely Not! Is that how it's done these days?

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9/29/13 12:35 A

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I think the man will get better sex if he buys the ring, lol.

POETICJUSTUS's Photo POETICJUSTUS Posts: 2,900
9/29/13 12:27 A

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Nope, but maybe that's why I'm single. emoticon



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FENWAYGIRL18's Photo FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,853
9/29/13 12:04 A

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I was curious as this has been in the news and they said a lot of women were willing to go half on their ring, but I didn't think it was right I think it's more romantic when the man buys the engagement ring.
A bigger diamond doesn't mean he loves you any more and a smaller diamond doesn't mean he loves you any less. I just didn't think that women were into helping pay for their own engagement ring like the poll suggested.
Thanks for answering and I'm happily married

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9/28/13 11:55 P

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I think that's something the husband needs to take care of.

Janie Garcia Moreno

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TACDGB's Photo TACDGB Posts: 6,108
9/28/13 10:40 P

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yes I would......But since I am not getting married......don't ever want to.

Terri


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9/28/13 10:16 P

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I am with you on this one. That is the one thing a man should buy for the woman he loves.

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9/28/13 9:31 P

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no



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9/28/13 9:27 P

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Absolutely not! If you start out like that now, it will turn into going dutch on everything. If the man really wants to be engaged and married to a woman, he won't cheap out like that. However, the woman should be reasonable about what he may be able to afford. If he can't buy that 2 carat diamond you want now, maybe he can buy it later on in the marriage as an anniversary gift, when he is making better money. emoticon

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9/28/13 9:04 P

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No, I can't wear rings and anyway am way past valuing a relationship by an object.

Moving in new directions.


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9/28/13 8:20 P

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Nope



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9/28/13 8:19 P

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No, I would not go dutch on a engagement ring. If he is seeking your hand in marriage, then he should be able to get you a ring.

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9/28/13 7:01 P

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no, I'd rather a smaller ring that he could afford

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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,618
9/28/13 6:41 P

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For those asking, why are we discussing this? It is a trend that has been on the news lately.

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9/28/13 6:16 P

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I'm not married!

Karen


 
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9/28/13 5:58 P

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"Going Dutch" doesn't really make sense...do you mean buying your own engagement ring or splitting the cost?

I think that it is up to each couple to decide what works for them.

It doesn't make any difference to me if you want to be old-fashionED or not, but I wonder why you have declared yourself the arbiter of how things should be. Why you even care about this issue since you are already married?

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GONNALOSE5's Photo GONNALOSE5 Posts: 975
9/28/13 5:28 P

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No.

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I would go dutch on an engagement ring. although, personally, I wouldn't really want one. I'd rather use the money for a down payment on a house/condo. That strikes me as a wiser investment.

What happens if you get divorced ? Do you give back the engagement ring ? Mylie Cyrus just broke up with her financee. The gossip rags say that she's keeping ring. If she broke off the engagement (don't know if that is true or not), then she should give back the ring. If he broke it off, that's kind of a grey area.

Personal opinion ? I think they are better things to spend money on.

And with regards to the statement by Suze Orman that if a man can't afford an engagement ring, what does that say of his finances ? Okay, well I say if only the people who could afford a ring were allowed to get married, then only the rich would be able to wed. In short, if marriages were based on finances, only a handful of people would be married.





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9/28/13 5:03 P

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Absolutely NOT

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LOLA_LALA's Photo LOLA_LALA Posts: 659
9/28/13 4:56 P

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No, I guess I'm old-fashioned, too...but I wouldn't.



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KKKAREN's Photo KKKAREN SparkPoints: (211,245)
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9/28/13 4:32 P

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no, I'm way old fashioned, I think it's the man's job to buy the ring!

Karen


 
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9/28/13 4:19 P

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Never! As Suze Orman would say, if they are not able to pay for an engagement ring....that says A LOT about their finances & YOUR future with them!!!!



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PARKSCANADA's Photo PARKSCANADA Posts: 1,931
9/28/13 4:02 P

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No, it's just tacky. I wear a beautiful silver band with 4 diamonds from Tiffanies ($800), no engagement ring - and that's just fine. We got married in college and couldn't afford an engagement ring so we chose to go with simple bands. It's all about the vows and the commitment. The size of the diamond does not translate to the size of the love!



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RUBENB2003 Posts: 10,499
9/28/13 3:52 P

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I agree, I think part of it is to prove responsibility, planning, and financial capability. If not ready then wait.

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9/28/13 3:47 P

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If he can't afford to buy a ring on his own he should not get married. Also I don't like tightwads. It's a gift from him. If I bought him a gift I would not ask him to pay half. That type of guy would not be a guy I would be attracted to as it shows a lot about his personality in other areas as well..
emoticon

Edited by: GOALWTIN7 at: 9/28/2013 (15:50)
EWL978's Photo EWL978 Posts: 2,021
9/28/13 2:19 P

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IF you're going for the tradition of being engaged and then, at some point, getting married, then tradtion says the guy buys the ring! Anything other than that, why bother?

LIVE FOR EACH MOMENT...
TODAY well lived makes every YESTERDAY a memory of happiness and every TOMORROW a vision of hope!!

ELAINE...
(Originally of Boston, MA now living in Boynton Beach, FL)


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LUCYGODDESS's Photo LUCYGODDESS Posts: 2,409
9/28/13 2:12 P

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I absolutely would not pay for my own engagement ring. I would do anything for the man I would be involved with but that is just tacky.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Elizabeth Taylor

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
Irv Kupcinet

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Ann Landers





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PLINTHESS's Photo PLINTHESS SparkPoints: (35,481)
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9/28/13 1:47 P

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This really isn't a matter for debate - it's personal between the two people involved. There are too many should/shouldn'ts around engagements, weddings - all leading to tantrums and drama. Discuss it between you

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

You can take the girl out of London, but - thank goodness - you can't take London out of the girl.


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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,618
9/28/13 1:45 P

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I definitely wouldn't want my guy to go in debt for a ring. I'm allergic to interest payments

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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 11,662
9/28/13 1:31 P

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I guess if a Bridezilla is fussy about the ring she is going to wear then she should pay dutch.
{...and that should be a good lesson for the guy to know what he is getting into...}

If it is a real commitment on the guy's part...and they are really are getting married...
then essentially all debts are dutch ... when you think about it..

Sheryl from New Jersey, USA... EST


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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,618
9/28/13 1:26 P

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No but then I don't need or want an expensive ring.

If a bride insists on a certain price or a certain amount of carats she needs to help pay for it. Unless her groom wises up and runs far and fast.

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LEKSIPATSY's Photo LEKSIPATSY Posts: 380
9/28/13 12:57 P

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NO WAY. If a man doesn't care enough to get you an engagement ring, he isn't really committed to you. I wouldn't have married my husband unless I knew he was completely committed. Marriage is about the joy of giving to the other. There are plenty of times where the wife gives to the husband, let him take care if you in his turn.



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KPA1B2 SparkPoints: (43,381)
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9/28/13 11:30 A

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I don't remember. I know that we went together and picked out the engagement ring and wedding bands together.



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ARANYANI's Photo ARANYANI Posts: 113
9/28/13 10:20 A

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We skipped it altogether and paid for the wedding rings together. I just never really cared much about it and we had more important things to spend money on.

Edited by: ARANYANI at: 9/28/2013 (12:57)

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BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (100,560)
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9/28/13 9:42 A

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No I wouldn't go dutch on an engagement ring....I bought my husband's wedding band. These rings are a symbol of your love for your spouse and should be bought by each person separately, not together.



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FENWAYGIRL18's Photo FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,853
9/28/13 8:53 A

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I'm curious how many of you would go dutch with your engagement ring?
Call me old fashion but I still think that's the one thing a man should buy out of love for his lady, I also don't think that a woman should put such high expectations on a guy for a ring either. My husband picked out my ring and when he gave it to me he said if I wanted to change it I could, but I didn't because I wanted him to pick it out and buy what he could afford it's not a huge rock BUT there's huge LOVE behind it and if I ever had the means to upgrade it I wouldn't the ring means waaaaaaaaaaaay too much to me.
The symbol behind the ring is a commitment and it's given out of love meaning your the one the wants to grow old with and he's chosen you to bring your both hearts together to bring a miracle into the world made out of your love if you so choose to have children.
I think it would ruin the surprise of getting engaged.... I'd be willing and did pay for half the wedding bands as we did live together first to make sure that we could work as a couple.
I also don't believe in the groom buying a gift for you marrying him his heart to me is his gift and mine to him.
I also don't believe in push gifts after having a baby, the baby is a gift you have given to one another. Just my feelings emoticon

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