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LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 1,876
9/12/13 3:39 A

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No.

It's just bad, mean, behavior to comment on someone's body like that.

It's not even okay if done with love and support or whatever other good intentions. No one who is overweight is unaware of that fact. No one who is overweight wants to weigh too much (okay, maybe there are some mentally ill people like that woman who wants to weigh 1000 lbs who want to, but...). No one who is overweight is unaware that it's not good for his/her health. People don't need to hear it. They don't need to be told. They know.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 9/12/2013 (03:40)

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MEGAPEEJ's Photo MEGAPEEJ Posts: 732
9/9/13 6:03 P

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For a stranger or acquaintance, or even friend or family where you haven't established weight as a comfortable topic - no, never ok.

For a close friend or family member, where you've already established it's ok to talk about weight - sure, when done from a place of care and support, and never from judgment or jeering. Some of the examples in this thread are heartbreaking, and are unacceptable coming from anyone regardless of how close/distant. But coming at it from an angle of "you mentioned you were frustrated with your workout plan - here are a few things I've tried that I really enjoy" or "you don't seem to be enjoying eating healthy as much these days, and you were so excited about it a couple months ago. Is everything ok?" Even then, there is a very short list of people that I would be ok having these conversations with (and they know who they are).

Do something everyday that your future self will thank you for.


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SGFLAUTIST's Photo SGFLAUTIST Posts: 593
9/9/13 2:27 P

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If what is said is a compliment, then that is one thing. But to begin saying negative things about someone's weight, then that is crossing the line. I have been told both positive and negative things, even from family members of all people. My dad, who i met for the first time when I was 19 (he left when I was 6 years old) the first thing that he said was "wow what a muffin top" and "you know burrito arms don't look good on you." I was hurt considering that this was the first time that I have seen him in 13 years and of all things to say, it was that. I believe in the saying that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm sure that people who are overweight are fully aware if it and others might not know what they have gone through. My mom is overweight and I am trying to get her to become more active when she is off of work since her job requires to sit in front of the computer for 8 hours to schedule surgeries.

When it comes to significant others saying that your weight is the deciding factor of whether or not you two will be together, then most likely it is not meant to be. One cannot base a relationship just on weight. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and are recently engaged. Having a stomach, I have always been afraid of not being attractive enough because of what society tells us is attractive. The day I met my boyfriend, I had no makeup on and I was actually 5 pounds heavier than I am now. I now this is somewhat off topic from the original question, but weight doesn't tell the whole story of a person. If anything, instead of seeing how overweight they are, maybe giving them a small compliment, like "I like your shirt." or anything you think of, will have a positive notation and will be something that will make them happy.

Edited by: SGFLAUTIST at: 9/9/2013 (14:29)

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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,606
9/9/13 2:07 P

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It is not helpful to comment on someones weight. People that are overweight know it and don't need to be compared to a whale or other large sea creature.

And with a woman, never ask if she is pregnant. Or ask when the baby is due, unless you know she is pregnant. That can be very hurtful, too.

I would never be with a guy that is so shallow. That he tells me that I need to hit the gym or that the relationship is over if I gain weight.

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog

erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
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SONICB's Photo SONICB Posts: 4,211
9/9/13 1:54 P

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This is just one of those topics that are off-limits. It's rude to comment on someone else's weight, and unless you're a medical professional talking to a patient, it's not your place to make any remarks on the person's weight. Even if it's meant as a compliment. I just find a person's weight to be irrelevant to my interactions with them.



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TA2DVIXEN's Photo TA2DVIXEN Posts: 66
9/8/13 7:43 P

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I don't think it's right to comment on someone's weight. All my life I've gotten the classic line of "You've got such a pretty face," and we all know what that means. I've always been so hurt by that comment, even though I don't believe there was ever any ill intent behind it. People who are overweight don't need to be told they're overweight. It really just makes it worse, especially if you're an emotional eater, as I am.

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9/8/13 11:15 A

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emoticon



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NACHTSKAI's Photo NACHTSKAI SparkPoints: (11,921)
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9/8/13 11:03 A

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If you can't day something nice - don't say nothing at all. This was the rule growing up in my grandpa's house ( God bless his soul ).



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TRACYDH's Photo TRACYDH SparkPoints: (20,334)
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9/8/13 10:52 A

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it's a really simple rule, if you don't have anything nice to say...I'm not sure why this is hard for people, it's a pretty easy rule to remember!

As much as I am not surprised, I am appalled by the stories in this thread but I think it's really good there's a forum for sharing them - a lot of hurt that needs an outlet.

My dad, who I love and everyone I know would call a good and generally very kind and thoughtful person, trust me, will occasionally make a joking remark about my mom's weight. None of us put up with it but I honestly don't think he even sees why it's a problem. Maybe next time I will remind him of the rules...



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9/8/13 10:36 A

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Honestly, I've been told I was fat so many times in so many ways, I am desensitized. I try not to comment on other people's weight, but an acquaintance of mine gained A LOT of weight in a very short time, and I am worried about her health. I doubt I will say anything anyway for fear of insulting her.



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9/8/13 8:36 A

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kendilynn - reading what you wrote not only made me feel sad but outraged. I hope your SIL finds the courage and strength to kick your BIL to the curb. Abuse doesn't only come in the form of physical abuse and he is definitely abusive towards her. I hope she can get away from him before he permanently convinces her that she's unworthy.

I believe in myself, I am a strong woman. I will reach my goals, NOTHING & NOBODY will hold me down. I will live my life with integrity and intention. I will set a good example for my daughters and my son. I will be a woman that makes my grand children proud when they look at pictures of me long after I've left this earth.
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9/8/13 12:52 A

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My BIL is constantly making fun of his wife for being "fat". If she sits down on the couch, he will bounce up off the other end, as if her weight catapulted him off. Or he'll post on Facebook, "Sorry about the earthquake, my wife slipped in the shower." And when he and my husband get together, it's so much worse as they feed off each other. I've told them both that I don't think it's funny and that I take personal offense to their comments. There have been times when she and I were approximately the same size, so if she's fat what does that make me?? That shut my husband up in a hurry, because as mean as they are to her (while they think it's "joking"), he would never even suggest that he found me anything less than perfect. Honestly, I don't know how she puts up with him sometimes.

Now that I have daughters I'm even more aware of what they hear, especially our of mine and their dad's mouths. I try never to talk about myself or anyone else being fat/getting fat, but to frame our goal as to be "healthy". I would hate for them to see/hear how they talk about my SIL and think that it's okay to treat people like that. I also would hate for then to be afraid that someone will make fun of them for being "fat" and give them a complex.



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9/7/13 9:43 P

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are they a close family member or friend - yes, only if it's out of true concern and love. No, if it's meant to be snarky/hurtful/demeaning no matter who it is.

I believe in myself, I am a strong woman. I will reach my goals, NOTHING & NOBODY will hold me down. I will live my life with integrity and intention. I will set a good example for my daughters and my son. I will be a woman that makes my grand children proud when they look at pictures of me long after I've left this earth.
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9/7/13 8:55 P

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No

Remember to take time to enjoy the journey!


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9/7/13 7:37 P

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I agree with Fenway Girl. Unless you are a close friend and know the person has been dieting and trying to lose weight don't say anything.



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FENWAYGIRL18's Photo FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,853
9/7/13 6:34 P

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I don't think you should comment whether they gained or loss, sometimes you don't know the reason for them losing weight and I remember a girl (I worked with ) telling this other girl she hadn't seen in a while how happy she was for her that she lost weight, the girl said well thanks but I lost the weight because of cancer so, I'd rather be my old self.....
Boy did she feel stupid..... so I think it's better to just say nothing

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9/7/13 6:31 P

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1. some people just have no filter. they think it and then it comes tumbling out of their mouth. with the rise of social media, this seems to be getting worse as having followers seems to mean that everyone else must surely want to know every gem of an idea that flits through one's head.

2. there are some misguided attempts to "help." in other words, the person commenting really believes that the person with the weight issue has somehow missed this point and would benefit from knowing that it is in fact an issue.

3. some people are just mean and/or rude.

-google first. ask questions later.

LADYBIRD82's Photo LADYBIRD82 Posts: 1,683
9/7/13 3:37 P

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I will never forgot the day when at my heaviest I walked out of a restaurant and over heard some men say "I hope there is food left", was it directed at me, it didn't matter because I felt it was. Or the comment a coworker made saying that my chair was not big enough for me. Comments hurt, but I must admit they helped me achieve where I am today. Now the comments are reversed, people telling me positive things about what I have achieved. Trust me as with the negative I will use the positive to not return to my past. emoticon



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EXOTEC's Photo EXOTEC Posts: 3,063
9/7/13 2:50 P

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In our social environment, where body image is all-important and character has apparently no import whatsoever, I think people BELIEVE remarks on weight are appropriate. I do not agree! We're a superficial society, unfortunately. It didn't use to be this way.

I have less issue with a close friend or family member expressing concern if someone has clearly lost a lot of weight suddenly - but even then, only in light of possible health concerns associated with that loss. And only from people who love and care about you and are worried about your health.

As to the remarks from boyfriends on that radio show... good the ladies in question heard them now, unless they choose to be bound to such shallow men for the rest of their lives. I hope they have the good sense to dump them back into the gene pool, where they may sink. Hope springs eternal.

...the problem with people these days is
they've forgotten we're really just animals ...
(attributation forgotten)

We did not create the web of life; we are but a strand in it.
~attributed to Chief Seattle

We don't have souls. We ARE souls. We have bodies.
~C.S. Lewis


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9/7/13 2:00 P

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Even with weight loss compliments, we need to be careful. I had a co worker tell me that she was worried that I had cancer because I had lost so much weight! (30#s in a year isn't that much! Get real!) Geez, do I look ill? Emaciated? Like I'm dying? Do you know something I don't?

I think some people comment because they care. Some care, but are tactless. Some are just mean. Some are jealous. Some are happy your fat because it means that aren't alone or that they are thinner than you.

My favorite compliment is "you look great" and then to mention the outfit or hair or whatever.



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9/7/13 1:22 P

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No don't let them know they are overweight (they already know) - but congrats on "weight loss"

Yes emoticon


~ Do what good you can, and go in peace ~



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9/7/13 8:35 A

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I'd say no don't comment on their overweight but yes to give them a compliment about weight loss.

Karen


 
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9/7/13 8:09 A

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No it is not ok. Telling someone they are fat or overweight. It's like telling an amputee they are missing a limb. No one would do that! Encouragement is great, degrading someone is not.

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TRYINGHARD54's Photo TRYINGHARD54 Posts: 3,070
9/7/13 7:59 A

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absolutely not. !! I don't care if its a family member or who it is.. Most of the time its your family who are just down right mean.

I CAN DO THIS
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9/7/13 7:54 A

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Compliments on weight loss are usually fine.

Many people think they can use tact and diplomacy, but the person on the receiving end would probably tell you something different. DUH - do you think they don't know?



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GEVANS7's Photo GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (63,769)
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9/7/13 7:03 A

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No, it's never ok to point out the obvious and put someone down. I've had horrible things said to me and none of it had to do with my weight. People need to mind their own business and tend to their own "houses" instead of belittling others to gain some self importance.

Walk away from these people and never look back. They are toxic.



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9/7/13 3:56 A

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I don't have a problem with it

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9/7/13 3:35 A

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Ppl keep commenting on my tummy and I hate it!!!! I wish they'd stop!!! I know!!! OK! But my body is just being stubborn!!!!

I feel it's not ok to comment too!



 
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9/7/13 1:48 A

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I'd rather not



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LEZASEDAI's Photo LEZASEDAI Posts: 385
9/7/13 1:00 A

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NO! Unless they have been trying to lose weight and you compliment them.



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UMBILICAL Posts: 11,322
9/7/13 12:29 A

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Depends

LOSE4LIFE47's Photo LOSE4LIFE47 Posts: 36,710
9/6/13 11:13 P

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I don't feel it is right.

Peggy (Colorado)

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9/6/13 11:05 P

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Yes. I think it's perfectly okay to discuss weight with someone. The problem is, people forget that a certain level of tact and diplomacy needs to be used, and people forget that there is a lot of hurt for others around weight.

Someone may say "You're getting fat, you should lose weight" and mean it entirely because of health risks associated with being larger, etc. This person cares about the person they're making the statement to, but it's unlikely the second person will see it as care, they will likely see it as an attack. It's very difficult to have an honest conversation with someone, because everyone comes at the same situation from a different angle. And people forget that everyone has different experiences. If you ask someone to explain something, some people will and others will look at you like you're crazy for not knowing, even if you're just trying to make sure both parties are thinking the same thing.

As for the boys who've said "Gain weight and I'll drop you" — drop them. That's an obvious failed relationship waiting to happen.

"Never eat more than you can lift." -- Miss Piggy, Muppet extraordinaire

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9/6/13 10:46 P

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It's only O.K. for a doctor to comment on your weight. A common person making a comment does not help anyone. We all own mirrors and know if we need to lose weight. What is the point of the comment.

SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 11,641
9/6/13 10:06 P

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I think the only good time to comment on someone's weight is when you know that they have been trying hard to lose weight (because they've shared it with you) and you can see the results. Other than that no.

Sheryl from New Jersey, USA... EST


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TACDGB's Photo TACDGB Posts: 6,097
9/6/13 9:59 P

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here is my opinion. Keep your thoughts to your self. As a child I was skinny and scrawny. I was talked about.......I was told I could stand in the shadow of a barbed wire fence. As an adult I have had people talk about my weight. A lady I know said that people were talking about my being too skinny..........they were talking about me behind my back. A persons weights is between them and God............And no one else unless they make it that way.

Terri


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9/6/13 9:54 P

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I have a different experience. Among all of the people I am exposed to, no one ever makes comments about anyone wh is overweight. The only time comments are ever made is when someone is not overweight. Even if the person is fit and at a healthy weight, they are called things like "twiggy" and told they will blow away in the wind, need to eat a cheeseburger, or some other nasty thing.

No matter a person's weight, it's wrong to put people down like this. In my experience, only the people wh have issues with themselves do this to others.

EXERCISE BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR BODY,
NOT BECAUSE YOU HATE IT.

Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
~Chinese Proverb

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

You are not fat.
You have fat.
You also have fingernails,
But you are not fingernails.


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9/6/13 9:42 P

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At work we have a lot of pregnancies at the moment. One of my female colleagues (who is known for not having much tact) "jokingly" went around asking all the women if they were "with child". It was offensive and not funny at all.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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9/6/13 9:35 P

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I have to agree with the comments regarding only comment on someone's weight IF in fact it is obvious they've lost a lot of weight, and sort of expect to hear about it. If it's not noticeable and you simply say it to be nice, the person may feel you think of them as a fat person etc... Those comments to me just sound plain rude. Not a comment, a straight up insult! I think in general unless the person's lost a ton of weight and therefore most likely loves the comments (I sure do!) - It's safest to steer clear of the topic.



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EMPRESSAMQ's Photo EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
9/6/13 9:14 P

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No it is never okay unless someone has obviously lost a lot of weight and obviously wants you to notice it and say something nice.

Moving in new directions.


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9/6/13 8:54 P

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If they have gained -- do not say anything.
If they have lost - heap praise on them and tell them how great they look



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SIMPLYME80's Photo SIMPLYME80 Posts: 406
9/6/13 8:50 P

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Someones Weight is Personal and Nobody else's Business! Say NOTHING unless a compliment!

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9/6/13 8:35 P

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Only as a compliment to someone you know well.

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9/6/13 7:26 P

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"Why do you think people believe it is okay to comment on people who are overweight?"

Apparently, there is a need in many adults to belittle others in order to feel superior, even if they are actually "inferior" in most things. In the 60's I was made fun of because I had long hair (short by today's overall standards). Short people and minority (dark-skinned) people and foreigners with accents and overweight people, etc. are often commented upon, either openly or "behind their backs," depending on location and environment.

I find the reason to be somewhat complex; but, in general, I think it is because of a characteristic in many people to be able to put themselves above others -- to feel more important.

I also think TV, magazines, and movies have shoved down our throats that "thin is in," so that people who are heavier are often commented upon, unfairly.

"If any thing is sacred the human body is sacred...Have you seen the fool that corrupted his own live body? or the fool that corrupted her own live body? " -- Whitman

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” -- Emerson

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." -- Thoreau


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9/6/13 6:54 P

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It takes a miserable person to say miserable things.

There's going to be situations where commenting on someone's weight is said in concern for the person's health; a family member, a close friend.

But most of these situations sound like it was said just to hurt the person and that is never okay.



Edited by: JENNILACEY at: 9/6/2013 (18:56)

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MAMA_CD's Photo MAMA_CD Posts: 1,497
9/6/13 6:44 P

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Personally, I don't think it's helpful to comment on a person's weight, whether it's over or under average weight. That being said, it depends on the relationship with the person and more importantly the motive for saying something. As for a ring, if the guy doesn't want you heavy then he's not worth having you.

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THOMS1's Photo THOMS1 Posts: 10,700
9/6/13 6:43 P

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No, never.

Becky


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XFLIPS2013 Posts: 236
9/6/13 6:25 P

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Sad to say it happens all the time, but shouldn't and shouldn't be tolerated. I've had to draw boundaries with a few people, and the ones who valued our relationship adjusted.

FANNISHMOM's Photo FANNISHMOM Posts: 229
9/6/13 6:21 P

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See, I grew up with heavy people and I would never say anything, but I was nowhere near as surprised as the DJ when the calls started pouring in. I think our society, for the most part, allows it. I think "they" feel like it's okay because you could have done something about it.

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JBALDWIN29 SparkPoints: (49,647)
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9/6/13 6:06 P

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I don't think it is appropriate to comment on someone's weight.

DROPCONE Posts: 1,523
9/6/13 6:04 P

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I don't think it's ever ok to comment on someone else's appearance except to compliment them.

And the "boyfriends" did those callers a favor. Hope the callers dumped them.

Edited by: DROPCONE at: 9/6/2013 (18:06)
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ICEBLUESPARKLE's Photo ICEBLUESPARKLE Posts: 398
9/6/13 5:28 P

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Wow !! That is a tough one...I would not want strangers commenting on my weight...from a close friend or family out of concern I would be okay with that !!!

I guess I think that saying "Hey you are overweight!" Is like saying to someone with acne "Hey you have bad skin !!" People are usually aware and self conscious enough. And it would not be helpful.



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FANNISHMOM's Photo FANNISHMOM Posts: 229
9/6/13 5:24 P

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This morning the radio show I listen to on the way to work was talking about the worst true thing that was ever said to you. There were a few that were not weight related (although still superficial), but most of them had to do with people's weights. Even the DJ was stunned by how quickly it was clear that the most common thing was weight and that people felt perfectly fine saying things about it if you were overweight.

One caller was told by her boyfriend that if she wanted the ring, she better hit the gym and another was told the by her boyfriend that if she blew up like her mom, it would be over. Then there was one who had a sometimes co-worker see her for the the first time after gaining 30 pounds make a crack about her eating someone. Another said had a friend look at a picture they'd just taken and compare her to a whale. It just went on and on.

Why do you think people believe it is okay to comment on people who are overweight?

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If it did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
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