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Asking spouse to get on board



 
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LEZASEDAI
LEZASEDAI's Photo Posts: 385
9/6/13 3:23 A

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You are helping him by being a good example, by cooking healthy, not buying junk food, and by encouraging him to exercise with the kids. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to help himself, there is not much you can do about it. emoticon I agree with the above posts about encouraging him to go for a checkup. Sometimes people will get scared straight if they find out they are diabetic or have high blood pressure-two things that can go unnoticed. Good luck.



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SLIMMERKIWI
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SparkPoints: (122,192)
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9/6/13 1:25 A



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Remember, you are going on YOUR journey with weight/nutrition/exercise, etc., and just as you are doing that, he needs to go on HIS journey - HIS choices!

I understand your concern - my late husband was a heavy drinker and smoker who had total disregard to the food he put in him. I always cooked a really healthy, balanced meal, and had quality, healthy food in the pantry, but if he chose to add to that with unhealthy and unwise choices, then that was his choice.

He had bad Crohn's Disease which required a bowel resection. He also had blocked arteries in his heart which his Cardiologist put down solely to smoking. He told him after hubby's first heart attack that if he blindfolded him and sent him across the road by the Hospital, he would be perfectly safe, but if he were to do that in Auckland's (New Zealand's largest City with over 4 million people) busiest street at lunch time, he WOULD be hit - maybe not today, but it would happen. Hubby's comment to me after was that he was entitled to continue with what he enjoyed, and he knew it wasn't doing his health any good but it was his choice. Well, he died very suddenly and quickly just before Xmas. It was his 4th heart attack, and he was only 59. I just accepted that he was his choice! HE knew the consequences. It doesn't mean that I didn't love him and feel concern for him. It just meant that I allowed him to have the right to his own choices. I miss him still, but have no regrets that I didn't push him further.

Kris

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LADYCJM
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9/6/13 12:44 A

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I think that all you can do is what you are doing. Don enable him by buying junk food. Make healthy meals with lots of "bulk" so that he will feel full. Toss junk food that has been sitting for more than a day. Keep exercising and invite him to join.

You can encourage a physical exam. Maybe his doctor will talk to him if the results are bad.

The thing is, he is not going to change till he is ready to. Either he will get tired of not feeling well or will have a health scare which will get him working towards being healthy.

Till then, all you can do is what you are doing.



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FANNISHMOM
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9/5/13 10:47 P

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When was the last time he had a really complete physical? Maybe instead of you trying to convince him about his weight, you might try talking to him about "going to get checked out just to make sure everything is okay since he does have some problems in his family history." Hopefully, the doctor will take on the brunt of the weight conversation for you. Sometimes people will take that kind of criticism, well meaning though it is, better from a physician or a health professional.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If it did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-- Charlotte Bronte


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STAGPIPE
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9/5/13 10:37 P

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I asked my husband to quit using chewing tobacco. He said yes!

Jessica Stephanie

"I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live."

"I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime."


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ETHELMERZ
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9/5/13 10:20 P

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Does your husband have regular visits to a doctor, blood tests, etc.? What changed for my husband and myself, he had blood tests, discovered he was diabetic, so we both went to a dietitian. She made recommendations that suited each of us, we don't both like the same foods, after all. But she showed us how to not restrict our eating so much that we hated it, and quit, she was reasonable about it, so husband went along with it, and that was 9 yrs. ago. To this day, I fix him vegetables and he eats them, but he still doesn't love and adore them, but he knows it's the "right thing to do". He counts his carbs for every meal, and eats well, but not perfectly and not all the time, he goes to a bakery and gets a treat now and then. He also rides an exercise bike for at least 4 hrs. a day, not all at once, but while watching tv, sports, football, soccer, etc. Instead of just plopping his butt down and staring at the screen. But Nagging never works, so, unless he goes to a doctor and gets checked out, you telling him anything won't be received well, my husband wouldn't bite when I tried to change him. It was the doctor and then the dietitian.

Plan for tomorrow, but enjoy the heck out of today.


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SHERYLDS
SHERYLDS's Photo Posts: 11,524
9/5/13 10:08 P

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I don't know how you stop an adult (or even a child) from buying junk food....
but maybe if you asked him to take a walk with you after dinner or take weekend hikes, he might get into the frame of mind that exercise with a loved one can be fun. And maybe get the ball rolling with that. One step at a time. Maybe get into making healthy snack that he enjoys.

USA EST


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UMBILICAL
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9/5/13 9:32 P

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Honest and loving



NUMPTYMOM
Posts: 14
9/5/13 9:15 P

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I've been on my weightloss journey for quite a few years now. I successfully lost and have kept off about 60 pounds, but the last 10 have been really tough for me. My husband has been quite overweight (in the obese range) since before we met. I worry so much about his health. He has a very strong family history of heart disease and high blood pressure (his father died from heart disease at only 59 years old.) I have changed what I could about what comes into our household - I do the grocery shopping and I don't buy processed foods or anything with empty calories. I cook very healthily for all of us. I encourage everyone to be physical during our family time. But he will go out and buy junk food on a regular basis, and his preferred downtime is not exercising but playing video games or surfing the web. I'm not venting about what he likes to do - he has had the same hobbies for as long as I've known him. I just want him to be healthier, feel better about himself, and be in all of our lives longer!

I've gently encouraged him to get on board with me before, but he wasn't receptive to it. Sometimes, it even feels like he is undermining my efforts by encouraging me to eat junk food with him instead, or skip a workout just this once. It can be very frustrating sometimes.

I want to ask him again to do this with me, but I'm not sure the best way to approach it. I know that it is a really personal thing, and you have to be really ready to do it for yourself before your mindset is ready to change. I don't want him to do it resentfully. I was overweight for a long time before I decided to change my lifestyle, and I would've been hurt if my husband had told me he thought I should lose some weight.

Can anyone relate? What would you do?



 
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