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MANDIETERRIER1
MANDIETERRIER1's Photo Posts: 13,555
10/5/13 7:51 P

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I learned how to be judgemental from a close family member. I have been for as long as I can remember, but I'm trying to change. I am a work in progress

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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ANNROW0354
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10/5/13 5:42 P

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To call someone a "monster" because he/she is overweight isn't so much a matter of "judging" as it is a very mean spirited person. I will admit that I do wonder how someone could possibly get to the point of being several hundred pounds overweight. I believe that is natural. I also believe that is where the value of shows like "The Biggest Loser" and "Extreme Weight Loss Makeover" serve a purpose. We get to know morbidly obese people on a closer level and we see the things they struggle with and many times they are the same things that all people struggle with....some turn to drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and others turn to food. We are all imperfect people trying to make it a very imperfect world.

Ann

If you don't love your body now, you won't love it after you reach your goal!!!


NAUSIKAA
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10/5/13 5:08 A

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SHERYLDS, actually I did NOT make an assumption about you! I said "if that is in fact the case" to indicate that I cannot make an assumption about you since I don't know you. Don't worry, I don't assume things about you.



FIELDWORKING
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10/4/13 5:17 P

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I never really thought about what I think when I see someone that is overweight or obese. I was at a healthier weight when I finished college, but within a few short years had gained all the weight I lost (skinny fat) while in college. I knew that I had gained weight but didn't realize how much I had gained until I made the decision to lose the weight. I know that I look and feel better than I did when I was obese. I am still overweight according to the BMI and working to lose the last 15 lbs. (give or take a pound or two).

So, when I see obese people I try not to think about their weight. I admit, I have thoughts going through my head because of their weight. I had a friend in middle school and part of high school that was always big (lost touch in high school, reconnected on Facebook(. Both of her parents were big. She is still big today. I think some of it is her frame. Some of it could be the food she eats and lack of exercise. I have empathy for people that are overweight and obese, since I have been there and I am still there at the moment.

I think, if I have these thoughts about fat people, then what do people think when they see me. I am short (5 foot even), busty (weightloss has not helped), and I'd say that 90% of the fat I need to lose is in my waist and abs. The other 10%? Thighs, triceps, chest, and back. When people look at me do they think, "Oh, look at her. She is chubby. She must eat a lot of fast food, sweets, and never exercises." Do people ever take a moment to think that I may have lost weight? Probably not.

I try to tell myself that just because a person is overweight or obese, that they haven't already started making changes in the lifestyle. A person may still be considered obese, but maybe they aren't as obese as they used to be.



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PUNKYB830
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10/4/13 4:42 P

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I guess your assuming I need you to educate me on what an assumption is. However I do not as I already know. Hiding behind honesty doesn't change the packagne either. There's atact to tbings as others have said If we are being honest for real I think your a smart women and know exactly what u mean and what I mean. Its all good if u want to be a smarty pants be one you have that right but own it and accept the feed back ( consiquinces) you may receive from that. This is my honest take on things.


Edited by: PUNKYB830 at: 10/4/2013 (17:08)
***THE ONLY PERSON STANDING IN YOUR WAY IS YOU***

If you beleive it then apply it and keep doing it you will acheive it.

I am always asking God to listen to me. What if I started listening to God?

Smile it confuses people.

Cherish every moment with your loved ones for you never know when it may be your last.

Every little tiny thing a loved one ever does to annoy you, you'll beg for if you ever lose them, so savor even the annoying things.

The


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SHERYLDS
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10/4/13 3:03 P

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I am being honest .....
There is always going to be someone who takes offense...even if it isn't intended.
My point is that people make assumptions based on their paradygm...

Assumption: An assumption is something we take for granted or presuppose. It is part of our system of beliefs. We assume our beliefs to be true and use them to interpret the world about us. If our belief is not sound, our assumption is not sound. Beliefs, and hence assumptions, can be unjustified or justified, depending upon whether we do or do not have good reasons for them.


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PUNKYB830
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10/4/13 2:05 P

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You did it to. Na na na. I swear I'm waiting to hear the phrase " I'm tellin!" Followed by " mom!" I wonder if you realize that you sometimes come off as a smarty pants with that big cheezin smile you post after many of your comments. And i certainly see where some of thought you poke the bear when you will make a comment that could be offensive and then day " I will duck and run for cover" no one bites so then you make another could be offensivr and repeat the same duck and run statement . But you also have some nice things to say at times as well, so idk. I do know my daughter use to have this little giggle she did folloed by the phrase " I'm just kidding." She thought she could say anything she wanted so long as she giggled and uttered that phrase after. She called me a Bit** one day. Seeing my face and that i was about to flip out she did her usual giggle followed by that "I'm just kidding./ Do you think it changed the fact that she called her mother a bit**? No it didn't. My point is no matter how many big cheezin smiles you tack on after a post Or how many " okay i will duck and run' s" you throw out there like here i know this is a bomb you take it while i duck in the kitchen and pop the popcorn to watch the show. No matter how you wrap the package your words affect peoples feelings.

***THE ONLY PERSON STANDING IN YOUR WAY IS YOU***

If you beleive it then apply it and keep doing it you will acheive it.

I am always asking God to listen to me. What if I started listening to God?

Smile it confuses people.

Cherish every moment with your loved ones for you never know when it may be your last.

Every little tiny thing a loved one ever does to annoy you, you'll beg for if you ever lose them, so savor even the annoying things.

The


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SHERYLDS
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10/4/13 8:59 A

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I make assumptions right or wrong based on my own feelings....you are right.
I'm not saying I'm right....but we perceive things based on our paradygms.

You make a judgement on me based on your bias. to quote you
"I'm not saying you shouldn't judge other people ...... Just because you yourself have never managed to love and accept yourself as a fat person (if that's in fact the case) doesn't mean tons of others haven't. "

That's a judgement too. emoticon

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NAUSIKAA
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10/4/13 8:20 A

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I am WAY late to this thread but I just had to comment on this post by SHERYLDS:

"When I see an obese person exercising...I assume that they are trying to do something about their weight.
When I see an obese person eating salads......I assume that they are trying to do something about their weight."

This is very offensive. People who are fat and exercising are NOT necessarily "trying to do something about their weight." They may simply be exercising because they ENJOY exercising, or because they want the health benefits from it. It is NOT okay for people to put fat people into two categories: "fat but working on it, therefore okay" and "fat and not working on it, therefore not okay." There are a lot of people who are fat and have no desire to change that because they love themselves the way they are and have accepted their bodies. Many people practice HAES (Health At Every Size) which is a movement around the idea that bodyweight does not define health and fitness. Lots of people are physically fit even when they are much heavier than society and BMI defined "healthy" weight.

The same goes for salad. The fat person you saw eating a salad? Maybe they just felt like eating a salad that day. Because salad is delicious.

I'm not saying you shouldn't judge other people (duh, you shouldn't) but that you shouldn't force fat people into "good fats" (the ones trying to lose weight actively) and "bad fats" (the ones who have "given up"). Just because you yourself have never managed to love and accept yourself as a fat person (if that's in fact the case) doesn't mean tons of others haven't.



SUNSET09
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10/4/13 6:14 A

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Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you. Matt 71-3
emoticon



 
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PUNKYB830
PUNKYB830's Photo Posts: 5,235
10/4/13 6:10 A

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I get tough love. I get the non rainbow approach of lets get real. What i don't get is where comments stating to get out of the way and stop getting crumbs everywhere regarding fat people are in any way productive. It was insulting and i don't see how it could be ment any other way no matter who it was meant to. As for the post itself i don't think it was meant to offend the original . I will say i spent some time in an eating disorder unit last year. I was the only big one. And to give you an idea of the size difference I was over 400 pounds to people as little as around 80 pounds. They had my special fat girl chair sitting at the head of every table
At meals that first day all i could think was my god they must think i am such a cow. I was more embarrased to eat than i ever have been in my life. Turns out in group. they said they where worried about what i thought of them. They deal with food police etc. In fact I had more in common with them than anyone in my life.My point , we all struggle with weighty. no matter our size
We all have issues. We all fight silent battles no one may know about.

***THE ONLY PERSON STANDING IN YOUR WAY IS YOU***

If you beleive it then apply it and keep doing it you will acheive it.

I am always asking God to listen to me. What if I started listening to God?

Smile it confuses people.

Cherish every moment with your loved ones for you never know when it may be your last.

Every little tiny thing a loved one ever does to annoy you, you'll beg for if you ever lose them, so savor even the annoying things.

The


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PUNKYB830
PUNKYB830's Photo Posts: 5,235
10/4/13 5:39 A

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We live in a society that wants fat people to get out and move, get fit, get healthy but they don't want to see them walking their streets, ridicule them riding bikes, they don't even want them. in their gyms. Not all people but many. My three worst fat experiences
1. When i was mooed at at walmart. I got the last laugh on that after i followed the girl around mooing back at her. Not quite the reaction she expected . 2. When I tried to join a local female only gym with a drs release and was told that i was so big they worried i would get in the way of the other women. 3. When i went to the hospital i normaly don't go to and the girl taking me to my room was freaking out because i was so big and was broadcasting in the hallway to the other workers how bad i stunk . Mind u i had just showered and did not stink. AsMy own mother constantly food polices me and i am 39 yrs old. People constantly think they have the right to talk to me about my weight. I barely leave my house and i am miserable. and lonely . Am i weak yea when it comes to food i am. Have i given up not ydt but I'm close. Maybe i don't care
Or maybe I'm just hiding from a world that has beat me, raped me , murdered my husband in front of me
Maybe I'm tired of being judged for what i chose to protect myself no matter how sick that may be. Maybe i desperately want to change but every time i try someone cuts me down and i stick my head back in my shell. If someone saw me at the store they might think my god she buys a lot of food no wonder she's so fat
What they don't know is i don't have a car and only get to go to the store once per month. My clothes are faded but they are clean and hole free
I don't currently have an income to afford clothes but i am always clean.

***THE ONLY PERSON STANDING IN YOUR WAY IS YOU***

If you beleive it then apply it and keep doing it you will acheive it.

I am always asking God to listen to me. What if I started listening to God?

Smile it confuses people.

Cherish every moment with your loved ones for you never know when it may be your last.

Every little tiny thing a loved one ever does to annoy you, you'll beg for if you ever lose them, so savor even the annoying things.

The


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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/17/13 1:47 P

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I love your post PLINTHESS. I agree that it is a part of the internal tape that our parents have given to us.

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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SHERYLDS
SHERYLDS's Photo Posts: 11,546
9/17/13 8:07 A

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PLINTHESS....loved reading your response. I can relate to those tapes, I have a set of my own.

however....some here will say obesity is not an indication of poor health (judgement)
some will say they are offended by the term weakness (judgement)
and some will say you have no idea if the obesity was caused by disease or eating habits
(judgement)

we all have perceptions based on our experience.. emoticon

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PLINTHESS
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9/17/13 7:53 A

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Most of us have an internal tape playing in our heads - the familiar voice of our mothers. My mother was judgmental, and her response to obesity was very negative. It was still very rare in London when I grew up, food rationing had just ended. The only fat person we knew was a very rich lady (black market food, said my mother) who stayed in bed all day. Visited her once, propped up in bed in her expensive apartment. After we left we speculated that she must have been 25 stone!! That's 350lbs - doesn't seem so much these days, does it?

I try to stop the tape she kindly donated to me - I know better now. I do feel tremendous pity though, because it seems to me there is no going back, the excess skin, the health problems and the habits of a lifetime. I recognise how lucky I am that I don't drive a car, love dancing, can afford not to eat junk food and the food I love happens to be healthy (portion control is my weakness) I hope I'm not judging, but can't help feeling pity.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

You can take the girl out of London, but - thank goodness - you can't take London out of the girl.


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LUCKYSTRAWBERRY
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9/17/13 1:10 A

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I rarely find myself judging. I'll judge for wardrobe choices well before I'll judge on weight. I am guilty of making comments to myself, such as "I hope I don't have that trouble one day." You know, when you can tell others are having a hard time due to being unhealthy, with every day tasks? That's about the only time I'll find myself even remotely judging anyone about their health, and even then I don't feel I'm wrong for thinking those kinds of things. Nothing derogatory ever crosses my mind about someone's weight. You never know someone's struggle.

Edited by: LUCKYSTRAWBERRY at: 9/17/2013 (01:12)
- "Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated." -


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TRACKNFIT
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9/16/13 3:13 P

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Notice you are the only one who took offense. Maybe I should "lol" but I won't. I suggest you re read my post because I did mention that I was addressing those that had hurtful comments towards people and being sarcastic about a serious topic. And honestly, your comment about Americans being fat is truly insensitive. But that's to expect from someone who wants to make this a laughing matter.

I would never befriend anyone like you because honestly, wouldn't want to be around your negativity.

And to think, that adults can't be serious but expect so much from children. What a world.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/16/13 1:22 P

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When I see a really attractive and fit person I think, wow they look really nice. I don't approach them however out of fear of rejection.

In school I was that super nerdy girl that none of the cool girls wanted to be friends with because it would ruin their reputation.

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/16/13 11:20 A

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Dear TracknFit

Thanks for the lecture wherein you judged a bunch of strangers for their judgmental behavior. I super LOLd. Keep 'em coming!

Forum asked a question, I had the guts to answer honestly. I regret nothing. I insulted no one here.

You on the other hand... are HILARIOUS!

-sends friend request-



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LADYBIRD82
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9/15/13 8:55 P

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I must be honest, If i see a overweight person I usually think "I never want to be that way again" I don't question why are they are that way, that is not for me to question. It may be a health issue, they may have already lost weight or any other factor that is causing them to have a weight issue. I just know for me I use it as a motivator not to go back.



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TRACKNFIT
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9/15/13 10:59 A

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What amazes me is that people are literately worrying about how fat, how fit and how healthy someone else is. WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF. Stop looking at the plus size, or small sized woman and worrying about how they eat or what they do. Don't make insensitive comments to them and by no means do you need to discriminate. We are all meant to be different with different life stories and histories. Who cares if America has so many fat people- worry about what YOU eat and just don't be one of them. You do not live with these people, neither are you going to help them to get better.

What makes this hilarious is that people making these judgments usually have the most flaws, hang-ups and insecurities. I'm talking mostly about judgmental comments/actions not judgmental thoughts.

Life will be better if everyone mind their own business.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


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BEULAH45
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9/11/13 9:15 P

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we are all human, nobody is perfect, some flaws are visible & some are not--so why judge



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MAMA_CD
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9/11/13 8:57 P

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Truth be told, we all judge as in having some sort of impression of anyone. That doesn't necessarily mean something negative. Sometimes when I see someone struggle and they are overweight, my heart goes out to them knowing how difficult that is. I don't think negatively of them, for the unseen "sins" are greater than the visible ones. I simply pray for them that God will help them on their life's journey so that they will discover their road to their best life possible and that would include being at a healthy weight.

MAMA_CD...count your blessings!
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”
www.mamaCD.org


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GENRE009
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9/11/13 8:37 P

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Once when I was younger & thin, a heavy woman was in judgement of me. She felt because I was thin & nice looking, that life was easy for me? She thought my parents probably gave me my house. And that all the men friends I had were lovers, not friends. She got me so upset, that I just let her have a dose of reality!
I told her while she was living in a bubble of fat, trying to hide from the world I was out here getting my ego torn apart, and being judged. Yes, as not being pretty enough. And that the house I had was me working 6 days a week to keep it, because I didn't want to give up my golden retriever. And that all the few men friends I had were because I didn't relate like a diva, but as a real person, without benefits. Now I apolize if it seems like I stereo typed any fat/ or heavy people when I first started telling this story as living in a bottle. I realize that there are many reasons why someone gets heavy. And that even thought you are heavy, it doesn't mean you get a free pass without pain. We all experience rejection, and pain on some level. eva.

Edited by: GENRE009 at: 9/11/2013 (20:38)


GENRE009
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9/11/13 8:12 P

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Judge not least you be judged. eva

Edited by: GENRE009 at: 9/11/2013 (20:25)


ASHLEYGILLE
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9/11/13 5:40 P

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When I was 50# heavier, I wasn't as comfortable about approaching thin people and I now know it was my issue. I think I worried that I would be judged by them b/c I was overweight. I think I was also a bit jealous of them, too, due to no fault of their own- nicer physiques, healthier, cuter clothing... Again, my issue not theirs. Now that I'm older (and have lost weight), I've worked through most of this "stuff". I've become more confident in my own skin and I also care a bit less about the possibility of being judged by others. Lol





SHERYLDS
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9/11/13 4:54 P

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good question......JASMINEMARS
I get the impression that they are focused on their physical but I wonder if they would be approachable by someone like me (and I am not a shy person). So many times I don't try. my judgement. (I.m assuming they will judge me)
I will connect faster to a person with a weight issue because I identify with them. I assume people with weight issues are easier to please, and friendlier.
That's my judgement. again ,,,, I assume they will relate to me

The funny thing is .... I have a friend that fits that polished mold.....
she isn't aloof....she is extremely shy and insecure....and I had to be the one to break the ice. It started out as a co-worker friendship and we have been good friends for 15 years
even after we both left that company

and Why does a slim person complaining about their weight
irritate so many of us with weight problems?
Are we passing judgment on them?




Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 9/11/2013 (18:28)
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ASHLEYGILLE
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9/11/13 4:51 P

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I think so especially among other women.





JASMINEMARS
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9/11/13 4:32 P

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Flipping this forum question around ... How do you truly feel when you see a trim, healthy, very attractive, well dressed individual? Do thin, beautiful people suffer from social rejection like fat people do, but for different reasons?



OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/11/13 1:19 P

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Michael Kors*



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KITTYCAT64
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9/11/13 11:57 A

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Well, I have been that woman who was discriminated against in the workplace. I had managed an Escada store for six years, quite successfully, I might add. When Escada decided to start closing their outlet stores, I lost my job with great deference. Applied for a m a material job with Michael Korrs. I went for the interview, and I knew immediately it was a no go. At the time I weighed 185, at 5'6"' I was obese be statistical standards, but wore a size sixteen. I found out that the reason I didn't get the job, is because of my size. This DM that interviewed me told a young girl I had worked with this. I was ready to call and make a fuss. But would I want to work for a company that was so bluntly biased. I was humiliated to say the least, but it happens all time in the fashion industry. The fact that many of the clothes designers will not make clothes beyond a size twelve, should tell you something. I don't feel that it should matter why I, or anyone else is fat, it is simply a personal subject. If I look and act professional, and have proven myself, that should be enough.



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UMBILICAL
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9/11/13 11:24 A

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Avoid



SUSAN727
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9/11/13 11:09 A

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Definitely judged for being overweight. The worse would somehow being thought of as "dim-witted".

I've heard other overweight people criticize someone walking down the street or working in the same office even though the one doing the criticizing is basically the same size.



Susan

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FAITHP44
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9/11/13 10:59 A

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Well, lots of interesting reading and opinions here! I've been amazed at the strength of feeling in some of these posts.

Looking at all these posts that say we mustn't pass any judgement on the reasons why people are obese, etc are we saying that the government (both in US and in UK) is wrong in trying to address the 'problem' (sorry, I probably shouldn't call it a problem) of obesity?

Because most of us are on a journey to trying to reduce our weight and improve our health we are going to notice things. For instance, I was having breakfast in a hotel last week. It was a continental breakfast but we could pay extra to have a 'full English' (ie bacon, sausages, fried eggs, baked beans, mushrooms, tomatoes etc) I noticed a woman on the next table who was quite obese eating this breakfast. My first thought was 'She'd do better not to have that breakfast.' This thought was followed immediately by the realisation that 3 years ago that could have been me. Is that being judgmental?

Similarly a fashion in UK this summer has been for girls to wear really really short shorts. When I've seen an overweight teenager with her bum hanging out of the shorts I've thought 'Not sure that this is a very flattering look.' Is this being judgmental?

We are bound to have these fleeting thoughts - it's what we do with them that matters, and whether we treat a person less fairly because they don't live their lives in the way we would like them to.

I remember my pastor many years ago explaining the Bible verse 'Judge not, that you be not judged' like this: he said that sometimes we have to judge people's actions, but we must never judge their motives. I think that most of the posts on here have been trying to steer away from judging people's motives. There's a lot of honest discussion and we don't want to start slamming one another for speaking honestly in trying to steer a way through this sensitive subject.





SIMONEKP
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9/11/13 10:11 A

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I sometimes see someone who is so overweight that can barely walk or can't walk anymore and wonder how they got to that level. I usually answer that question myself and say the same way I allowed myself to get to my highest weight.

Simone

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams

No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch!
Source: unknown



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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/11/13 9:59 A

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What about those of us who would rather demand that America do something because 60% is too high?

Im done. I wont continue to discuss this. I dont care about statistics, I care about individuals. I dont care about why more than half of my country is unhealthy. I wont discuss whether or not the government is responsible for making bigger exam chairs instead of healthier standards for food and better health education for adults AND children.

I'll be over here, trying hard to do the best things the best that I can, to my fullest capabilities. My life was a gift.

I wish all of you great success and all the happiness that a healthy lifestyle brings and Im glad that you are the ones who care and who signed up on this site to make a real difference. Your efforts WILL be rewarded.



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XCLOSED
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9/10/13 1:56 P

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Yes, clearly fat bashing continues. I'm going to take another crack at my objection(s). And again, I'm not interested in tit for tat, the posts here and elsewhere in this forum are clear from the reading.

Obesity is a complex matter. No one can discern why a person is ill, and it goes way beyond making simple lifestyle choices to slide into it or fix it. How do you judge a person who is worthy of a pass and who should be condemned? Should we wear a sign that specifies why we're fat? Hey, I was on meds, injured? Who signs off or verifies from the rest of us choosing to have fast food for a treat or those who aren't working on weight management and eat 3x daily in public?

Don't all people deserve the same courtesy and opportunities irrespective of appearance or protected class? IMHO, all people do. We aren't there yet.

AND, there is a difference, imho, between inviting fat bashing and inviting discussion to overcome fat bashing/discrimination in the manner we present titles and ask the questions; the way it phrased makes a difference or even repeatedely asking things to elicit a particular skewed answer/solution or a particular conclusion becomes a problem because it paints everything with a broad 1 size fits all brush that just is not true..

Issues of obesity and discrimination are more complex than that. And it is horrifying to me when I read results of surveys that a huge % of the medical profession, whom we go to for assistance, is repulsed by overweight/obese people.

A real resource and specialty group of physicians with access and affordable care is beyond needed.

On a personal note, the place I have access to does not have chairs where I can fit in to sit in the exam rooms. they always have to go to get a bp cuff that fits. Why? if 60% of Americans are overweight/obese, why doesn't the medical profession have the specialty and equipment to handle us?


Sadly, the medical profession is just 1 part of the overall problem. We get it here where we come for help/support. We get it in the workplace, from strangers, acquaintances, friends, even family.

It won't change until people start standing together and saying enough is enough and demanding change, just like other protected classes have been joined and change demanded. Together, when we speak out against issues of discrimination and demand change, we can and will make a difference. Personally, I no longer tolerate it and I say so, when and where I see it. It's not always fun or pretty and all too often elicits much criticism. Too bad. Fat bashing and discrimination is ugly.

Edited by: XCLOSED at: 9/10/2013 (14:02)


OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/10/13 11:57 A

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You're right, punctuation makes all the difference. My apologies.

I thought I'd been clear because I specified that medical conditions, illness treatments, etc, obviously should have exceptions made, it isn't the same at all.

My mother gained a massive amount of weight during cancer treatments, and I gained over a hundred due to a terrible car accident. It wasn't because we didnt care, it was because of something out of our control.

I should have said that, for me, personally, apathy is an unattractive trait.

and again, none of this applies to anyone here! everyone here is here because they CARE!!!!



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BUNNYKICKS
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9/9/13 5:48 P

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Well let me narrow down my point just a little more finely.

"i would not hire or marry someone who was obese just because they don't feel like being in control of that part of their lives"

I have read this in a very negative way. But perhaps punctuation would make a difference in meaning.

I read this as "I would not hire them for no reason other than the fact that it shows me they don't feel like being in control of their weight."

PERHAPS you meant it as "I would not hire an obese person If i were able to determine that the only reason for their obesity was lazy disinterest in their health."

Makes it less unpalatable, i guess.



Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/9/13 5:28 P

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1. WHY would one go on to assume it symbolized the weakness of one's entire character?

I didnt, i said physically weaker and listed why (cardio pulmonary, endurance, etc), i said that it is NOT about character and went on to talk about how this hypothetical person is 100% awesome and lovely and am amazing mother, etc (did that part even show up? Why is EVERY nice thing I say ignored?)

2. I wouldnt hire a physically unfit person for a job because they wouldn't be able to physically handle working for me. That is a legitimate qualifier.

3. BUT consider a person of size that dresses well, keeps their nails manicured, hair cut stylishly, carries themselves confidently... is THAT all negated, and the person in their entirety deemed "unattractive", simply because they carry some extra weight?

I would not consider that person to "not care" and would consider them appropriately dressed for an interview. I also specified that the 'not care' that I am referring to, is people who blatantly do NOT care about their health or how it affects their family.

Obviously this does not apply to anyone on Sparkpeople, as all of the people here are currently caring and trying very hard and should be commended.

4. I said "laziness, fear and denial" are gross, stoppit. I did NOT say that being overweight is gross, stoppit.

5. I feel justified after spending a significant portion of my life hiding from reality, listening to the people that told me I was fine and beautiful just the way I was at 300 pounds, instead of telling me, that they love me and need me to snap out of it if i plan to be around for my friends and family, and finally do something about it.

6. I spoke kindly about a hypothetical loving mother and wife and who was overweight and that was her only flaw. I said she was probably brilliant, classy and loving, but these things do not cancel out being too weak to chase your kids around the yard.

I never said that she had a weakness for over eating or a weakness of character or anything like that - I said a lack of physical strength.

My BALANCED opinion about someone who is wonderful and just needs to begin to authentically care for their health, instead of just the health of their family, was met with direct insults, accusations, and was judged even more harshly by the people here.

I at least pretended to see where the hypothetical woman was coming from, admitted it was possibly from an illness or medication and that was beyond her control.

The responses directed at me did not even attempt to ask WHY i felt this way, or where I was coming from - only to tell me that karma was going to smear me on the road.

For some people, blunt truths hurt and will turn them off even considering the message. but I did not write this for them.

I wrote this for the quiet individual who is reading and not commenting and is looking for someone somewhere to be honest with them, because it's crunch time and everyone else is saying there, there, it's ok to never try, to fail, to stay this way forever.

If my advice does not work for you, it is easy to simply ignore it. if it does help you, whoever you are, then I wish you nothing but success and happiness.




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BUNNYKICKS
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9/9/13 4:47 P

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I guess the thing is, though, the bashing aspect put aside for a moment - this is the reality of "what we deal with" when trying to function in a society that makes it SO EASY to become overweight, and then punishes those that do so harshly.

Are we judged? Yes, you betcha. Stigmatized? Yup. Denied opportunities based on shallow first-impression assumptions. Mhm. Is it right or fair? No. No more fair than it is to judge, stigmatize or deny opportunities to a person for any other visible characteristic.

Should the fact that we are judged motivate us to lose weight? "To stop people from judging us based on our weight?" Well. It's *a* reason, I suppose. But really, not the best reason, or even a very good reason at all.

Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


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ATHENA1966
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9/9/13 4:24 P

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@Out_Of_My_Tower

Your comments are judgmental and you ARE BASHING overweight people. You are clearly so full of yourself that you think it is acceptable to classify people as weak and gross. How dare you pass judgment on people who may have experienced hardships and challenges you can't grasp? You sound like a very shallow individual. Careful, what goes around, comes around.

Athena

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined.”
~ Henry David Thoreau


“The only thing that stands between a person and what they want in life is the will to try it and the faith to believe it is possible.”
-Rich DeVos


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BUNNYKICKS
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9/9/13 4:11 P

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You know... I really take exception to some of the comments recently made. And I will spell out exactly which ones so we can talk about "why" this sits with me so wrongly:

--------------------------
"But she is weak. It doesnt make her unlovable by any means, but it does make her weak and I stand by my earlier statements, i would not hire or marry someone who was obese just because they don't feel like being in control of that part of their lives.It's unattractive to not care. If it's medical, I understand. if it's laziness or fear or denial - that's gross. Stoppit. "
--------------------------

1) She or he is NOT "weak" in the sense of being a "weak person." He or she may have a "weakness" in the realm of portion control/nutritional knowledge/self-control-in-a-food-saturated-culture, sure. But "Having a Weakness" =/= "Weak." We all have strengths and weaknesses. All of us. But in MOST cases we do not assume that a weakness in ONE area defines the entirety of a person. Why should a "weakness with weight management" be any different? WHY would one go on to assume it symbolized the weakness of one's entire character?

2) Wouldn't hire someone who was obese because they don't like being in control of that part... what??? HOW would you deduce the REASON for a job candidate's obesity during the interview? And WHY does the REASON for their obesity weigh in on your decision to hire? The decision should be made on your perception of their ability to do the job. NOT on your perception of whether they are "weak" - which is inherently flawed anyways, see 1) above.

3) It's unattractive to not care. Alright. I'm with you so far. People who respect themselves enough to put a bit of effort into their personal care and grooming are arguably more 'attractive' than those who have 'given up' and begun schlepping around the mall in stained track suits and unwashed hair. BUT consider a person of size that dresses well, keeps their nails manicured, hair cut stylishly, carries themselves confidently... is THAT all negated, and the person in their entirety deemed "unattractive", simply because they carry some extra weight? Perhaps their size is not "to your taste" as a potential romantic interest - we all have our preferences and deal-breakers - but it really should not enter into a hiring decision.

4) "that's gross. stoppit?" Really????? Ok well perhaps I should applaud you for admitting to holding this sort of judgement over others despite how "politically incorrect" it is to shine the light on these feelings. But. I gotta say. The slightest bit of tact could go a long way here. Some might consider "speaking with no filter" to be "keeping it real" but... arguably one could say that the inability or unwillingness to employ some basic filters in the name of good manners is a "weakness" of a sort. yes?

Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


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SHERYLDS
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9/9/13 4:11 P

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the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) stand on classifying Obesity as a Disease is:
"Physicians' weight bias, already a major problem, is now moving beyond just stigmatization to clear dislike and negativity toward the overweight," the NAAFA said in a statement. "Couple this with the fact that physicians have received insufficient or no training to address or examine fat patients and are frustrated with the lack of resources available to them setting the stage for a powder keg of discrimination, the likes of which we have never ... seen before."

the question I have with National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) is :
Why FEAR classifying obesity as a disease if it might create Obesity Specialists that could focus on treating the problem and specialize in training doctors on the various stages of obesity...be it pre-diabetes, insulin resistance, thyroid, genetic predisposition, medications, etc. If it becomes a specialty (and I don't mean like the old quacks of the past who pushed diet pills), then maybe they will get the specific training that is needed focused on obesity centered issues.

there is stigma to being obese...and people can see the problem
so why not push for better medical treatment, that may help find a solution,
instead of PRESUMING that if we classify it...things will get worse.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 9/9/2013 (16:15)
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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/9/13 3:56 P

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My apologies if that sounded off.

I thought that was the gist of the press release about educating doctors on how to even examine larger patients. This is such a large demographic of America now, that doctors are having to be re-trained in order to serve that demographic.

Is that better?

i wasnt bashing overweight people, I was saying that the number of overweight people in America has grown.



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SHERYLDS
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9/9/13 3:31 P

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that is definitely bashing and it is not appreciated.


USA EST


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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/9/13 3:09 P

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I do.

America just has too many fat people.



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SHERYLDS
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9/9/13 2:45 P

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I agree that fitness is not necessarily weight related.
I could not understand what the issue was earlier in this thread.
then someone on a different thread mentioned this article
from UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL:
The Issue: Is obesity a disease or a lifestyle choice?

"Recognizing obesity as a disease will help change the way the medical community tackles this complex issue that affects approximately one in three Americans," AMA board member Patrice Harris said in a news release wrapping up the policymaking meeting. "The AMA is committed to improving health outcomes and is working to reduce the incidence of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes, which are often linked to obesity."

The statement triggered predictable reaction with organizations such as Weight Watchers and the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists APPLAUDING THE STANCE
and the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) REJECTING IT.

"Physicians' weight bias, already a major problem, is now moving beyond just stigmatization to clear dislike and negativity toward the overweight," the NAAFA said in a statement. "Couple this with the fact that physicians have received insufficient or no training to address or examine fat patients and are frustrated with the lack of resources available to them setting the stage for a powder keg of discrimination, the likes of which we have never ... seen before."

Read more:
www.upi.com/Health_News/2013/06/23/The-Iss
ue-Is-obesity-a-disease-or-a-lifestyle
-choice/UPI-65011371976200/#ixzz2eQESEU1i


I don't know what to say....

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 9/9/2013 (14:46)
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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/9/13 1:43 P

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If I went to a nutritionist that was obese. That sort of harkens back to the obese woman that was trying to sell me diet supplements. Maybe it is judgmental but I wouldn't go back.

Now if she/ he was full figured but looked otherwise healthy. I would probably take her/ his advice. I have found in life that there are many body types and they are not all super thin. Not that super thin is bad either.

Believe it or not, I have worked in physical jobs. Opening a store. And I have seen the people that were overweight. Who one would assume were unhealthy do more strenuous work faster than those that were assumed to be thin and healthy. Some of them were just unable to work at the needed pace. (ps the so called thin and healthy person was me. I just couldn't pull my weight. So to speak)

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/9/2013 (13:53)
Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER
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9/9/13 10:05 A

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A woman of average height who is out of shape and weighs 300 pounds or more for several years is at a physical disadvantage because she is weaker. Her endurance is minimal, her heart and lung health is far from optimum, her agility and coordination have not been trained, her flexibility is going to be far below average, her mental ability to break through physical obstacles after hours of exertion is untested. She would fail a middle school PE test.

She may be the worlds greatest, most loving and nurturing mother, a kind hearted good souled wife and daughter, a brilliant writer or gifted scientist. To her friends and family, she may be irreplaceable and a perfect lady, a class act who is cherished beyond all others.

This means that she has many many strengths.

Maybe she is overweight because of cancer treatment or a serious illness, that is completely not her fault.

But sometimes it is just a stubborn refusal to change, a fear of being exposed if she loses the weight, or just plain laziness. These would actually be factors within her control and if she wanted it enough, she could change.

But she is weak.

It doesnt make her unlovable by any means, but it does make her weak and I stand by my earlier statements, i would not hire or marry someone who was obese just because they don't feel like being in control of that part of their lives.

It's unattractive to not care.

If it's medical, I understand.

if it's laziness or fear or denial - that's gross. Stoppit.

Another thing - yes this is a site to find support and be encouraged. But there are hundreds of thousands of people on this site, and to demand that they all need the same kind of encouragement as you do, is close minded and self-centered.

i am encouraged and supported by honest, hard hitting truth. Rainbows and hearts and telling me it's okay that I screw up and punk out on my goals - do nothing for me.

So please dont tell me how to be encouraging. There are people out there like me who need the same kind of encouragement that I do. It is not for you to deny them that just because YOU dont like it and dont have use for it.

Have a little compassion for others who want help, that are different than you.



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EXOTEC
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9/8/13 12:34 P

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I don't feel I "judge" people who differ from societal norms, whatever they may be. Of course, I do recognize that those variations evoke thoughts - not always negative - relative to them. I don't apply a judgement of whether it's bad, good, or indifferent, however. Not that I can tell, at least. I treat no one any differently as a result, in any case. I can be almost opposite to the idea; I tend to be oblivious to physical characteristics, and then have to take a second (surprised) look at a person or thing when someone else states what they think about them. In most cases, I simply just didn't notice.

Since the opening thought was about obesity, or even "overweight," my thoughts when I see someone in that category are almost always empathetic. I've been there, and am still there by the average society rule.

Since I've been on this weight-loss journey, and lifestyle change, I've done a lot of research into nutrition, which has led to a greater understanding of how our SAD and "expert" recommendations have led us to this terrible state of dis-ease. I think many people (at least in my circles) have no idea how we got here, and are still hearing (and trying to follow) the same old lines and dogma.

So, with that in mind, my immediate compulsion is that I want to go to them and tell them! it doesn't have to be this way! (and I mean HEALTH, not weight) I need a keeper. I want to share those things... I need handcuffs or something to affix me at a distance, because people don't want (and don't need my interference) to challenge those comfortable beliefs. I nearly always manage to clamp my lips together and pass them by... I will admit that there have been a few occasions, such as in a grocery when a shopper is comparing the relative benefits of one product against another to a fellow shopper, and happens to look at me during the discussion, when I have interjected a comment. Usually this opens the topic and they do really want (or appear to want) to hear some of what I say. I try to limit it. I remember another instance of a lady getting out of her car at our community mail kiosk, struggling and puffing, (and complaining to her husband in the car) of the difficulty, and wishing she could shed some pounds. I mentioned how I was managing (briefly) and gave her the web address to this site. Just in case she chose to actually follow up on those complaints she was making. It could have simply been a conversational excuse since someone was witnessing her struggle.

So far as employment of fat, overweight, or any other impaired person -- when you're interviewing any applicant, there are no regulations about "discrimination." If you're interviewing someone for a physically demanding job, and they're clearly not capable of performing those tasks, there is no requirement that you try them for the job before passing them by for a more suitable applicant. You can't try out every person in the list if you're wading through 300 applicants for only 12 open positions! Similarly, you wouldn't have to "try out" a blind person for a job that requires sight. Now, once a person is hired, and has successfully completed the introductory period, yes -- you can't then justifiably fire them because you suddenly don't like their looks, or whatever. If you can document specific instances of performance deficits, then yes. But not arbitrary judgments not based on performance. I don't think a person is unsuitable for a job simply due to weight, nor any other visible difference, just on that basis alone. If a person is qualified, and you can give them a trial in the position, you may find that person was the best thing to ever show up on your doorstep. This is one reason I prefer sorting your applicants FIRST by nothing more than their application. But that's just me. I'm no HR specialist. I'm sure there are reasons that isn't the optimal course, too.

As for people in positions of expertise who don't seem to be in compliance with their recommendations (health coaches, marriage counselors, medical professionals)... I think I do have less confidence in them than I would have with others who DO appear to follow the advice they dispense. But again, no one of us ever knows another's challenges. Intellect isn't defined by physical characteristics. I try to relate to each person by what intelligence I hear in what they say to me... AND to whether they relate to me in a respectful way (I don't mean "deference" - I just mean they hear me, too). Is this discrimination? I don't think so. It isn't discriminatory in the sense we're talking about here; discrimination can simply mean weighing attributes. It isn't automatically derogatory, despite the spin modern society puts on it.

My overwhelming compulsion with other people with weight issues is that I want to educate and assist. I know not everyone (or maybe even anyone?) would welcome my meddling. So I keep it to myself, except in rare instances where it seems *to me* that some vague invitation has been proferred. And I begin with an apology which they can easily take up, and divert further interaction.

...the problem with people these days is
they've forgotten we're really just animals ...
(attributation forgotten)

We did not create the web of life; we are but a strand in it.
~Chief Seattle

We don't have souls. We ARE souls. We have bodies.
~C.S. Lewis


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SHERYLDS
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9/8/13 5:17 A

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regarding an obese nutritionist advising me on weight loss or a marriage counselor with several divorces.

I would judge that their expertise did not work for them....so I would Assume it might not work for me.

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LADYCJM
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9/7/13 10:51 P

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I completely agree that acknowledging our own prejudices is the first step towards changing our beliefs. And a healthy discussion about our attitudes is good, I want to be called in it if I say something that mean or demeaning. Especially if it seems I did it inadvertently. I think Thena said it very well!

SHERYLDS you are raising some good points. Is it discriminatory to offer reduced rates to thin people? My employer uses a health education program that awards points for various behaviors and stats. At the gold level you do not have to pay a monthly premium for your health insurance. You can earn points by attending the health fair, watching health seminars, recording diet and exercise, being a healthy weight, having normal range glucose and cholesterol and etc. It's used as an incentive to have employees be healthier. You can reach gold even if you are overweight, so is it discriminatory?

Would I trust the advice of a fat nutritionist or doctor or nurse? Probably not as much as I would trust the advice of someone who believes what they are teaching as demonstrated by their own commitment to being healthy. If they can live it, maybe I can too.




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ASHLEYGILLE
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9/7/13 10:44 P

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BunnyKicks: Your post reminded me of something... I have a friend who saw a Marriage & Family Therapist and later learned he had been married 3 times! Lol. Just had to share... Please forgive me guys, I know this has nothing to do with the OP's comment/question.
:)





EMPRESSAMQ
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9/7/13 9:54 P

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I am not someone who reposes trust in nutritionists for what I should eat or do, regardless of their weight.

Moving in new directions.


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BUNNYKICKS
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9/7/13 9:45 P

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Yes I would - just because they might not practice what they preach, it doesn't mean they don't know the sermon.

Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


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SHERYLDS
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9/7/13 9:19 P

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if your nutritionist is obese do you trust their advice for weight loss?

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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/7/13 8:42 P

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Well because of this thread instead of judging an overweight person. I am going to think something positive about them.

That way there are some positive thoughts surrounding them.

Good and thoughtful topic

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/9/2013 (13:34)
Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/6/13 3:57 P

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Back to the thread. I have been in the internet world of message boards for more than ten years. When someone vehemently disagrees with you and they are not nice about it. The first insult is that you (the person they disagree with) must be fat and unlovable.

I often wonder why this is even an insult. I have met several more than curvy ladies and they are sexy and possess a confidence I wish I had. And they have no trouble getting men.

And as far as hiring someone thin over someone obese, for a physically demanding job. I know that just because someone is thin. That doesn't necessarily make them more physically capable. I would have a one week trial for everyone to see if they were a good fit for the company

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/7/2013 (20:43)
Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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MANDIETERRIER1
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9/6/13 3:32 P

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I agree with SherylLDS and LadyCJM.

I see someone obese and I do judge them. Hopefully not to harshly because I am overweight too.

I see someone and I think, wow that person is big. And then I think, I wonder if they are happy like that?

There was one morbidly obese woman trying to sell me weightloss supplements and perhaps I did judge her a bit harshly.

I don't judge anyone's shopping cart because my cart may be full of vegetables but it will also have some junk too.

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Even though I have reached goal. I still don't know everything about weight loss.

Please read my blog
erinwroteablogyall.blogspot.com/2014
/07/back-into-cycle-of-exercise.html


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SHERYLDS
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9/6/13 2:58 P

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Why does a slim person constantly worrying about their weight
irritate so many of us with weight problems?
It isn't as if their maintenance is going to affect our weight .
Are we passing judgment on them?

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ASHLEYGILLE
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9/6/13 2:46 P

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I left Weight Watchers after reaching my goal weight because some members stared at me and/or asked me why I was there. In the middle of a meeting, the leader (of all people) even said to me, "If you turn sideways, you'll be mistaken for a zipper!" This is after I lost 50#. It was odd because I felt judged when I was overweight, but judged at my goal, and both didn't feel good. I am not comparing the 2 by no means as I know our society tends to be much tougher on people who are overweight. But it's interesting, even here on SP, I've seen posts that are really negative re: some people's perception of thin people. I know I've been guilty of judging others, which I also know isn't right, and I hope to improve on this. I feel that our society can be so hard on women, in particular, and weight. It makes me sad as I have two daughters. I hope that at some point more woman are less critical of one another- and I'm NOT talking about this thread, but in general. Thena: I agree with you, sometimes we need to confront our "demons", and discuss things in order to bring about positive change. Love to all my "sisters" out there on SP no matter what your weight! xoxo





-THENA-
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9/6/13 2:21 P

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I saw this thread as something completely different than NUWALK did. Yes, people here have been honest about some of the negative thoughts and snap judgements they make about overweight and obese people. Yes, it is hard to read these things because they are hurtful and show us just how far we have to go as a society. Yes, some of the responses show discriminatory attitudes.

HOWEVER, what I have seen here are people admitting to some of the uglier sides of their natures and thought processes. I haven't seen anyone show pride in their feelings (though one was questionable to me and still is). Not have I seen anyone express any sort of belief that these behaviors are in any way, shape, or form OK.

There is a marked difference between bashing and admitting our faults. The former is absolutely unacceptable, but the latter is sometimes necessary. How can we possibly have any kind of honest conversation about ending such discrimination if we aren't willing to admit our own parts in it to ourselves and others?

We cannot begin to change ourselves until we acknowledge and accept what we are doing that needs to be changed. And while some here choose to see this as a discussion intended to bash others, I see it as a discussion intended to shine light on the not so pretty sides of our natures in order that we can confront them and possibly change them.

EXERCISE BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR BODY,
NOT BECAUSE YOU HATE IT.

Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
~Chinese Proverb

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

You are not fat.
You have fat.
You also have fingernails,
But you are not fingernails.


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XCLOSED
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9/6/13 2:09 P

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I don't understand people who provoke, join in, pile on. Some day it clearly will not be ok, I am sad that it seems to be here. Have at it. Doing it does not make it right.


emoticon

Sorry this is even tolerated here.



SHERYLDS
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9/6/13 1:50 P

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Do companies pass judgement on the overweight and obese when they have Employer-Sponsored Weight Management Programs aimed at improving employee health — and their bottom line ?

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XCLOSED
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Again, I don't object to discussing issues of discrimination at all, we need to end it, no doubt for all people. But No where should hate speech be invited, nor tolerated, and there are posts here that cross the line, imho, and I am saying that is not ok, ever. Not now, not here particularly. And it's not a fun happy type message. When enough people demand people stop it will stop as great strides have been made with other issues of discrimination. I for one will speak out now against this kind of thing. Don't ask me to shut up, sit down, grow up or go away. You don't have to like the way I say it, I am not cursing or directly attacking anyone, I am adding my opinion to the conversation. Please stop the personal chastising me/attacks, it is not necessary and won't change what I have to say about this.

and my apologies to anyone I might of inadvertently upset with the use of the phrase to call a spade a spade; in my use and understanding, it means speak plainly. I have never considered or heard it used as a racial slur.





Edited by: XCLOSED at: 9/6/2013 (13:15)


SHERYLDS
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9/6/13 6:24 A

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when someone offers a compliment and we suspect it's patronizing not encouragement ... is that judging people?

when a significant other brings home junk food snacks and we suspect they are trying to sabotage our effort...is that judging people? (could it be that they aren't on the same page as us)

we make judgements all the time...



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LADYCJM
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9/6/13 1:02 A

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Actually, Nuwalk, you are coming across like a 2 yr old having a tantrum, which unfortunately draws attention away from a valid point that you made.

It is not right to judge or discriminate because someone is obese. Or Black. Or White. Or tall or short or for any other reason.

But the question being asked was do you judge. As I said in my post is that yes, I judge. If we are honest we all do. You are judging the motivation of posters on this thread. And you have assumed that some are hateful and mean spirited. That is as bad as what you are accusing others of doing.





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PTREE15
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9/5/13 10:46 P

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"and, again, I won't be told to shut up, sit down, grow up or go away... and simply restating the bashing doesn't make it ok."

No one is suggesting any such thing. You seem to be trying to create drama where there isn't any. It's a discussion, albeit a sensitive one, and there will be disagreement. There has been no insidious effort to mask bashing with "opinion" or any effort to shut you up or tell you to go away. I'm sorry you are offended when people call you out or simply have a different opinion from yours.

Instead of engaging in a thoughtful conversation/debate where you might want to offer solutions or at least discuss the actual issue, you throw around vague accusations of discrimination and bashing without backing up your assertions. You'd rather endlessly complain than actually do something about the issue. It's too bad this thread has turned into what it has. It's a difficult issue that deserves to be addressed.

"Turn off your television. Go do something."


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TRACKNFIT
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9/5/13 3:30 P

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Everyone makes judgement. People judge me all the time. I was normally small but then got chubby and was called fat constantly. When I put my foot down and stopped caring, that's when it went away. If I were to be slim, they would still call me fat or out of jealousy tell me to eat more. Just ignore. People will always have something mean to say. We can't control it. I tried yelling, calling them names, but I refuse to lose weight for the sake of other people.

I personally only judge those that dress inappropriately not those that are JUST fat or JUST skinny. Weight is meant to fluctuate and people are meant to be different sizes. However, for my eyes sake, I think people need to start dressing properly but that's a whole different topic.

However, I've had people laugh at how skinny my legs are, or how big my stomach is ( I have various digestive disorders) if they laugh, that's on them because I seriously have an illness.

Like I mention before, people will make judgement and negative ones only show what they fear for themselves. Most people fear being fat or gaining weight.

I don't have that kind of view on life so I could care less.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


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ROBBIEY
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9/5/13 3:14 P

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I can be judgmental at times towards heavy people in my mind. I think to myself, especially if they are eating unhealthy or large quantities of food they should make better food choices or that is the reason they are heavy, look at what they are eating. I do not let people gang up or disrespect anyone in a demeaning manner when I see it happening regardless of the situation. I see so many people that do not say anything. There is no reason to be mean or nasty to anyone based on what they look like.



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BUNNYKICKS
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9/5/13 3:11 P

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Ok I seriously think you may have read things into my post that were not there at all. Chewing out? Ganging up?

Well. Carry on, soldiers. I don't like to partake in cyber-wars so I'll just find a new thread till the shrapnel stops flying in this one.

Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


 current weight: 164.0 
 
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XCLOSED
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9/5/13 3:04 P

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And for all those who ignore or gang up and let this kind of stuff go on, you are part of the problem. Personally, when I see the problem, I will no longer be quiet, sit down, shut up or go away, or go to the back of the bus, nor be told not to state there is a problem. I've said my peace, so don't bother chewing me out any more.



BUNNYKICKS
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9/5/13 2:58 P

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" I won't be told to shut up, sit down, grow up or go away"

I don't see where any of that happened!

I recognize the point you are making. I don't think anyone is stating or implying that you should shut up and not make it. I see people have disagreed with you, but the simple act of disagreement is not the same as saying "shut up and go away."

Words like "sit down/grow up" are very condescending and dismissive, and it's terrible when they are used in an effort to discredit someone or intimidate them into silence. If i saw any evidence of this happening, I would be reporting posts. But I have taken another read-through, and I just don't see where this has occurred.

While I understand that you don't want to call out specific posts on the public forum (good idea), you could report the ones that you feel are "bashing" and let the moderators make the judgement call.


Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)


 current weight: 164.0 
 
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JFROGSPYDER
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9/5/13 2:40 P

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I have to say I agree with Myrmen, Icandothis90, Starcross, & Nuwalk!!!!

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9/5/13 2:36 P

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and, again, I won't be told to shut up, sit down, grow up or go away... and simply restating the bashing doesn't make it ok.




 
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