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Do you keep weight on to fit in?



 
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MEXGAL1
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9/12/13 9:23 A

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no



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OUT-OF-ASHES
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9/12/13 8:41 A

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somewhat...if I am too large or too small in the eyes of those around me, it seems to generate disapproval. I'm not even in the normal range with my BMI yet and already I've gotten complaints that I am too skinny. I am generally a passive person, so I try to slip by under the radar. No one likes to be criticized. And if you say you do, then you are a better person than I (sarcasm).

*Ashley*
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Never Give Up, Never surrender!


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MNOT2THICK
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9/12/13 7:57 A

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not any more

T from NYC.

God created us out of love,on purpose for a purpose."



CUDDLYPOLARBEAR
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9/12/13 6:35 A

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No



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SUNSHINE99999
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9/12/13 1:00 A

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No



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IRRITATEDPILLOW
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9/12/13 12:02 A

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Man, if I'm doing anything with my weight to "fit in" it's definitely lose. So no way.

So many points of that article are just wrong to me. I can't agree with something that tells other women to seem less smart or hide her beauty to fit in. Just be you and those who matter will embrace you without having to play dumb or be fat.



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TCANNO
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9/11/13 10:16 P

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No, take me as I am



Join the 10 minute challenge and get exercising.

See what you are made of by joining the 100 day challenge.

Links on my Spark page.

Don't forget to make your workout fun so as not to get bored with it.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/wigmore/

See trevcannon.blogspot.co.uk/


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ARTISTGATOGIRL
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9/11/13 9:32 P

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No

"We are all here to bring out the God colors in the world."
-Matthew


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DISGUISEDBYPHAT
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9/11/13 7:22 P

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I can't possibly see myself doing a poor job in my position just so they would feel better about their own bad performance. That's silly YES! I agree Petty-CHIA! I have experienced more than one health care manager tell me that I make the other staff look bad. I think it is silly to have to edit myself for others. It IS their problem....after all. Why should I have to tip-toe around everyone else's insecurities? I am not saying it is right, I am saying it happens from time to time.


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"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
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PETTY-CHIA
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9/11/13 5:54 P

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I was just responding to the topic question and not to the deeper discussion that's been going on, so excuse me if I sounded flippant.

I have been tall my whole life, thin for much of it, and successful academically and in my career. However, I was really gawky and a great-big NERD as a kid. I think my experience of being a socially awkward outcast of a kid instilled in me a deep-set belief that most people wouldn't want to be my friends anyway (negative self-esteem) -- but that if I needed to change myself to be accepted by others, then they weren't worth it (strong sense of individualism).

There are people who are tall, thin, successful and attractive who are not good people and who others hate/envy. They are like the ones who were "cool" in school, since being "cool" is automatically based on a comparison with those who are "not cool" and the ability to keep those "not cool" people envious and in awe of those who are "cool." Their self-worth is based on others' perceptions of them and so they need to maintain their "higher status" by making others feel inferior.

My self-esteem has improved but I still feel no need to measure myself against others to gain their approval. Your self-worth should come from YOU (this is generic and not aimed directly at you Jasmine) and not how others view you. One shouldn't have to downplay talents or positive aspects of one's own self in order to gain acceptance. The only thing one should do is be humble, positive, and approachable -- and to genuinely be interested in and accepting of others.

In my career, I have had a couple (literally two in 13 years) run-ins with people who did envy me or feel inferior, and that was a reflection of them and their insecurities. I can't possibly see myself doing a poor job in my position just so they would feel better about their own bad performance. That's silly.



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JASMINEMARS
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9/11/13 4:08 P

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Petty, you are lucky that this issue has not affected you. Not everyone can relate to this topic.



PETTY-CHIA
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9/11/13 3:38 P

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Oh heck no! But then again, I've never been one to modify my appearance/speech/behavior to "fit in."



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JASMINEMARS
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9/11/13 3:06 P

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Worst case scenario if I become fit and attractive and dress fashionably and make lots of money: Relatives will want money from me or ask for things and I will be expected to care for elderly relatives. I will be disliked by other women. I will attract more attention which I don't like because I am introverted. I might lose my job because of other people's envy. Is it worth it? So far it hasn't been. The only thing I have been Able to come up with that has been helpful is ... Mark Zuckerberg sits in a cubicle and dresses slobby but makes zillions. He deflects envy but does not stop his quest for success. Other rich people move about more comfortably in society by not displaying their wealth. Warren Buffet lives in a modest house. Celebrities reveal their flaws to become more lovable to the public. It is not reasonable to deny envy exists and can hurt you. Look what happened to John Lennon. And to Selena. And to Whitney Houston's character in the Bodyguard. So I guess the trick is to try to not sabotage oneself for the sake of avoiding envious people, but to figure out a way to realize one 's full potential while still taking precautions against being a target . This sounds exhausting. An example of this would be to allow oneself to get down to a healthy weight but wear plain clothes and no makeup to work. Save it for the weekend. Or live in a modest house well under what you can afford but take luxurious vacations.

Edited by: JASMINEMARS at: 9/11/2013 (15:11)


SCHEALTHNUTT
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9/11/13 2:59 P

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Nope !!!



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JASMINEMARS
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9/11/13 1:33 P

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Thank you, ZAX. I will look up that book right now. THanks for the reference to it. I am trying to find that "thing" or idea that will flip the switch in my brain. SO far haven't yet found exactly what I need, but I am desperately searching.
Jasmine



SOUTHGOINGZAX
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9/11/13 1:22 P

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I wanted to comment on the mental/psychological issues that may keep people heavy and or gaining weight that Jasmine mentioned. It's true that past trauma can keep someone mentally stuck somewhere they don't want to be (in an over-weight body, in a bad job or a bad relationship, in an addictive behavior pattern, etc.). However, it doesn't have to be that way.

I am in a relationship with someone who struggles with maintaining a positive outlook - and he tells me, "It isn't as easy as just stopping the thoughts or just being happy," and if I were the person I was three years ago, I would have agreed, because I went through several decades of depression and anger and deep unhappiness with who I was.

However, it *IS* that easy. The only person who lives in my head is ME. The only person who can make me feel bad about myself is ME. The only voice I hear in my head is generated by ME. And guess what? I am in total control of my brain. I am in charge. So I can choose to let negative thoughts and fears dominate my thinking patterns, or I can choose to shut them off and tell myself positive messages. I can choose to look at someone who envies me and think that person is a horrible b&*#^ or I can choose to look at that person and feel empathy that she is in a place in life where she is so deeply unhappy that she envies others. We all are the only ones in our heads, so all the negative thoughts, just like all the positive thoughts, are generated by ourselves.

Years of counseling helped to turn me around. And reading one book, "My Stroke of Insight," by Jill Bolte Talyor, that essentially flipped a switch in my brain. I suddenly "got it". It may not work the same for everyone, but I really connected with the author's message, and I think it changed the way I thought about myself and other people.

There is another option, called Rapid Resolution Therapy, for those of you who feel stuck mentally reliving a past event or trauma. It's one counseling session that reprograms the subconscious part of your brain so that you can let go of the past event and move forward. If anyone feels that a past event or trauma is keeping them from being able to lose weight and move forward into a new healthier life, you may want to consider looking into it.

I am not a therapist, nor have I done RRT, but I know someone who practices it and she has found it to be very successful at treating people (in a single session) with past trauma. It doesn't necessarily have to take years of therapy or deep analysis of your thoughts and behaviors to be able to resolve these issues and get on with the business of leading a happier, healthier lifestyle.

Peace out, Sparkers!



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PT.JEFFGIRL
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9/11/13 10:53 A

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No.



MOINSDEMOI
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9/11/13 9:43 A

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My friends and husband are fit and eat healthy foods so the opposite is true for me. I exercise and watch what I eat to be healthy and because I am motivated by the people who surround me.

"She believed she could so she did."


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JASMINEMARS
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9/11/13 9:35 A

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POLARBEAR, It is more common than one might think.

Being the object of others' envy can be a harmful and painful experience. Some people will do anything to avoid being in this position, inluding gaining weight. Before one attempts to lose weight, they should search their soul for the reasons why they have extra weight in the first place. Until those issues are dealt with, no amount of weight loss effort will be effective or lasting.



CUDDLYPOLARBEAR
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9/11/13 6:21 A

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No and I can't believe anyone would.....



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JASMINEMARS
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9/10/13 8:39 P

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The POTENTIAL risks of losing weight are:

1. gaining unwanted attention from the opposite sex
2. being the object of other people's envy
3. disrupting the status quo of your relationships, and perhaps losing some relationships
4. fear of gaining the weight back
5. constant vigilance over diet and activity
6. feeling vulnerable and being reminded of bad things that may have happened to you when you were at a normal weight

Unless you have tools in place to deal with these things (and other similar things I didn't mention), then the weight won't come off or stay off.

Remember David Elmore Smith, the 700 pound virgin (Chris Powell's old roommate)? He lost all the weight, but regained it because he couldn't deal with being thin. The demons in our head can be insidious and won't go away on their own. I think more attention should be placed on dealing with psychological problems surrounding overweightedness. Anyone is capable of taking good care of their body if they are truly and deeply motivated to do so. Sometimes the motivation for keeping the weight on outweigh the reasons for taking it off.



NICKYCRANE
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9/10/13 1:36 P

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I do often eat or drink what my hosts put in front of me in order not to cause offence or misunderstanding. To refuse what they put in front of me is to reject their hospitality is to reject them, the way they see it. With people I know better, I feel free, if I have the willpower, to ask for my raki in a smaller glass, to ask for a knife or another plate so I can cut the cake or whatever they have given me in 2, or take just one of the 2 pieces they have put in front of me. Sometimes I take what I don't eat home in a doggie bag. But this is only acceptable with people I know well. I'm a missionary, so relationships are more important to me than calories. SOme people are concerned that I have lost too much weight. That's their problem. But I choose to accept their hospitality, at least to a certain degree. If someone has been to the shop to buy fruit juice for me, I feel it would be churlish to refuse it. If I am offered a choice of what I want to drink, I tend to choose something lower calorie. I probably consume an average of an extra 2-300 cals a day of accepting hospitality. That's manageable. And I am maintaining my weight to within a kilo of my goal weight.



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KAZZIE531
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9/9/13 6:04 P

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HELLO NO!!!!

KAZZIE =^..^= Northern Illinois
♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥
♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥
I've decided not to read Fifty Shades of Grey. The book title sounds exactly like what's happening to my hair!!
(☆ (.♥`..☆
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥~.* )♥~*-::-*♥


WHEELS54
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9/9/13 5:43 P

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no way. What someone else thinks of me only matters if I say it does

Taking care of yourself first isn't selfish, it's necessary.


DGRIFFIN782
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9/9/13 2:53 P

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It does seem to me that some old friends, coworkers, and neighbors are avoiding me now that I have lost weight. I assume it is just because they feel bad about themselves that they have not been able to lose. I am just sticking with the friends who take me the way I am.



STARSHINEFL
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9/9/13 10:29 A

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I think it's interesting how many people reacted with horror to the idea that people would do something like this. It doesn't really seem that odd to me.

When I was in junior high, high school, and college, I had several friends who were overweight and not very happy, and I got the comments, "You wouldn't understand - you're skinny." Well, just because you're "skinny" doesn't mean you're happy or your life is perfect. So I did wear baggy clothes and allowed myself to gain weight. I wanted to fit in, and I wanted people to stop assuming I had no problems just because I wasn't overweight.

I have also seen my mom, who is naturally very thin, get comments from friends, extended family, and coworkers, "you never eat anything" "are you anorexic?" - or people think she is judging them if they eat a piece of cake. My mom is quite a secure person and would never change just to fit in. But it is annoying for her, "I wish they would stop focusing on what I'm eating (or not eating) all the time!"

I think a lot of people assume if you're thin... pretty... successful, then you are automatically happy. Look at people's obsession with celebrities, "wow, I would love to be her!" No, you probably wouldn't.

At any rate, I no longer have any desire to be heavier to fit in, but I can see how people would. If you grew up getting negative attention because you were the most overweight kid in the class, this seems completely implausible. If you grew up getting negative attention because you were the thin kid in a group of overweight friends, you'd probably understand.

~Kim

There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.
- Logan Pearsall Smith


HAPPYLISA17
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9/9/13 10:24 A

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My answer is a question: ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? :)



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RIET69
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9/9/13 10:09 A

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I can say with honesty: absolutely not.



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NOMORECHOCOLATE
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9/9/13 8:10 A

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Loved your post - thank you for your honesty and for "keeping it real". Yes, absolutely have had and do have this problem. I have friends who are social eaters. I have a mother who regularly tells me to lose weight, then passes me the chocolate.

I am a high achiever in other areas and I am working on this. I will get there, but there are a lot of mental frames to recognise and change.

Thanks for being brave enough to start this discussion. Your posts have meant a lot to me. :-)



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ROBBIEY
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9/9/13 8:04 A

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no



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ROBBIEY
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no



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NOMORECHOCOLATE
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9/9/13 8:03 A

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Thanks for your post. I really loved it - it rang true with me too!



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APPLEPIEDREAMS
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9/8/13 7:38 P

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I read the original post and just wanted to say that if you're beautiful and successful you're going to attract envy. You'll probably attract hate too, but the haters are going to hate someone or something, so there's not much you can do about it. What you can do if you are beautiful and successful is also be kind and generous. I think of Kate Middleton - I am attractive and successful in my own right, but I am totally jealous of Kate. She's so put together. But I don't hate her because she seems kind and generous.. And I don't think she should put on weight or sabotage her own success just so I don't envy her. My envy is my issue, not hers.

And to answer the question in the subject line, absolutely not.

***Vanessa***

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice from Alice in Wonderland


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PSSN4FITNESS
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9/8/13 12:31 A

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AVISLYNN- I experienced the same thing! In some ways, I kind of felt sexier when I was bigger, since I knew that there were some guys who were into my curves if you will. After losing weight, I was thrown into the average camp and really hadn't ever gotten in touch with my average physique or how to express my sensuality in my new body...which had decidedly smaller boobs ;). No reference points as you said. Thanks for sharing a very honest, non-prescriptive perspective.

Also, I don't think it is helpful for those who have apparently been 'enlightened' to say that these feelings are "crazy" or ridiculous. They are real for those of us who have experienced them. At one point or another, for a short while or long term, our relationship with ourselves and with food has been skewed by our life experiences or else we might not have had our respective weight struggles, whatever those may be. But, each experience is different and valid.

This time I am trying to do some of this emotional reflection and shift my perspective to be better prepared for the many social, emotional, and physical changes of this process.Then some day, maybe I can join the enlightened crowd who never think about what other people think....

P.S. The Colombo comment made me smile.

Edited by: PSSN4FITNESS at: 9/8/2013 (00:45)
-- Jamie
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BIISHO
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9/8/13 12:19 A

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wow... I didn't know it was common lol I actually used that as an excuse for not losing weight before I started highschool... "If I lose weight people will be jealous and I won't have any friends" lol... well, it's kinda good to know I'm not the only one.... funny.
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- Danny :)
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JASMINEMARS
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9/7/13 11:22 P

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PDXMUSIC - Thank you for that tip. I have never heard anyone reference the Columbo technique, but it is spot on. I do remember that show ... but it was such a long time ago. Thank you!!



JAYDEE1211
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9/7/13 2:17 A

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Definitely not!!!



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BURNEDEVE
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9/6/13 9:11 P

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I find this all crazy. Like literally, truly crazy. Of course envy exists; of course it's an emotion we all feel; of course, at one time or another, someone has treated us like crap because of it.

Who cares? Seriously...why do you care? Why does it matter even one iota?

I have been made to feel strange, out of place, and separate from the herd because of how I speak and present myself. I'm intelligent, I love language, and I love learning. If anyone feels inferior because of my interests or how I enjoy conversation, then they need to get an education or find someone who connects on their level. I don't have time to dumb myself down to baby their fragile ego. If you can't keep up, don't ask me to slow down!

Envy has never bothered me. I've always been a bit perplexed when people are intimidated by what they call my intelligence, because it's just me. But if they can't handle it, oh well. My life is not diminished by leaving their attitude behind. I just shrug and move on.

Since losing so much weight, I am treated better in general, which I tend to find annoying, but useful. I think it speaks to our culture's tendency to deny the basic humanity in anyone who is not exactly like themselves. But I wouldn't keep weight on to try to fit in. If I haven't for the past 32 years, I see no reason to start now.

There are plenty of people out there who are going to appreciate you for you, in whatever form you take. If you dwell on the people who treated you poorly, you're living in the past and it will never move you forward. Also, why are you so insecure about your own accomplishments? I wonder if you are seeing things in other people that are actually your "shadow self" (to borrow from Carl Jung) coming out, and that is what repels you?

All reality has its origin in our perception.
- Leonardo da Vinci

You are the light of the world; a city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.
- Matthew 5:14


SCHEALTHNUTT
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9/6/13 9:03 P

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no



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DISGUISEDBYPHAT
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9/6/13 7:20 P

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Jasmine, Yes I can relate to this article. Thanks for sharing. I have a friend who is a mental health nurse practitioner that call this the "Columbo" technique. The old 1970's tv detective never reviled his intelligence and bumbled around and pretended to be forgetful even when he had the criminal/suspect figured out all along. He also drove a crappy car as well. http://www.hb.org/avoid-the-envy-of-others/


Long term goal is 140lbs
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
-Robbins, Anthony

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby

"You Cannot Drive Forward Looking in the Rearview Mirror"-HARDY

"STOP overthinking fromSabotaging Your Performance, Productivity and Mood!-ME
"Don't think about it! Just do it!" - NIKE


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DISGUISEDBYPHAT
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9/6/13 7:00 P

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Great insight! I enjoyed your reply.


Long term goal is 140lbs
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
-Robbins, Anthony

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby

"You Cannot Drive Forward Looking in the Rearview Mirror"-HARDY

"STOP overthinking fromSabotaging Your Performance, Productivity and Mood!-ME
"Don't think about it! Just do it!" - NIKE


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AVISLYNN
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9/6/13 6:32 P

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I know what this question means....and it is not about people making obvious comments. In the past I have several times dropped significant chunks of weight, and each time been dismayed because there was a change in how people, and I mean all people, not just my friends and family, viewed me and treated me. It was not overt, it was subtle, and I wasn't even able to put it into words the first time it happened. But I found it unsettling...my world rocked on its foundations, because I had always been "the fat one" and unpleasant as it was at times, I knew how to deal with that state of being. When I was one of the "average ones" I had no reference points, because I had never been at that place before. Again, I did not realize it at the time, but looking back on it, I think it did have something to do with my regaining the weight as I did at that time. I also think I did not want to do anything about my weight for quite a while after that for exactly that reason.



LOLEMA
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9/6/13 6:32 P

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No, and I don't shop to look like everyone else, I don't have to drive an expensive car like everyone else, I don't have to keep up with the Jones's anymore, why did I ever bother!

I am simply me and don't need to do anything anymore at my age to fit in!


Ok, that's my rant/rave emoticon



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FANNISHMOM
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9/6/13 5:31 P

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I don't think I consciously decided to stay heavy. However, that being said, I do think that people are conditioned to continue doing what they are doing because they are doing what they did when they met their friends. I have a lot of friends who are overweight. If you go to a media fan convention and say you are looking for someone and go "she's not real tall, dark hair and kind of round" you will get lots of people saying they saw the person, but they didn't see the same person. The same description would work for me and a large number of my friends. The problem is changing your life and your attitude and activities can distance you from the friends you made because they don't do those things.

"Hey, let's all grab a pizza." "Do they have a healthy salad I could get?"

"Hey, let's sit and watch a Star Trek/Firefly/etc marathon?" "Want to go for a walk?"

As I said, I don't think it's a conscious decision, but I do think your behavior is influenced by those you interact with on a regular basis.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If it did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-- Charlotte Bronte


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BOREDA
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9/6/13 5:15 P

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No, never. When I was overweight I didn't feel "me", and was consequently miserable and withdrawn; now I have lost the excess weight (and kept it off for a year so far) I feel comfortable with myself and thus that I "fit in". This gives me the confidence to go out and be sociable -- even though, curiously enough, I am now slimmer than most of the people I know and thus don't "fit in" with the common shape and size. But I am fitter, healthier and happier than I have been in years, and people notice this: mostly they are not jealous, but just a bit envious and curious to know how I achieved it. Find a size and shape that you feel happy with, and don't worry about what other people think. If you are comfortable with yourself, other people will be comfortable with you.



CHERIAH1993
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9/6/13 4:55 P

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this goes to the original poster: I think how you feel about your weight is your own personal preference.....depends on height and build too...not just a number on the scales , nor a size you wear....surround yourself with positive people...I am sure you are perfect the way you are.....you said you are "tiny", so that's good for you and you feel good, all that matters...I'm 5' 7" and 160-155 is a good weight for me....was 140 at one time and felt like crap....human nature to critique others....just smile at them and tell them you feel great just the way you are...they'll leave you alone... emoticon

Edited by: CHERIAH1993 at: 9/6/2013 (16:57)
why be normal?
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G33K10V3
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9/6/13 1:47 P

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I have seen psychologists tell people that they may be doing it to fit in, for instance if their entire family is overweight.

"Ordinary people believe only in the possible.
Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable,
but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible,
they begin to see it as possible."
~Cherie Carter-Scott~


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G33K10V3
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9/6/13 1:46 P

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No, I definitely feel like being obese causes me to NOT fit in.. anywhere... physically and socially... emoticon

"Ordinary people believe only in the possible.
Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable,
but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible,
they begin to see it as possible."
~Cherie Carter-Scott~


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WINDANCER99
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9/6/13 11:24 A

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no





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SILVER_WOLF1221
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9/6/13 11:15 A

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I learned a long time ago that I will always get, bad or good attention. It doesn't matter what you do. If you lose weight and become "more attractive" in societies eye, good for you! Don't sabotage yourself just because of what others think. That's part of the reason most people even go on this journey is because of the negative views they receive.

As for me personally, I will not keep weight on to "fit in". If people want to be jealous over what I've done, let them. That's their own problem to deal with. Until then, it will be my time to shine like I've always wanted to. Don't let others comments bring you down, make yourself happy. I fit in with those I'm surrounded by, they've been with me through all the weight issues and fluctuations and have loved and supported me always. Those are the people you need to stick with. Not ones that are envious of what you have done.

We are our own worst critics, our biggest enemies. Let's show ourselves that we can do anything, even when we are at our lowest point.

~Steph :)


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JASMINEMARS
Posts: 133
9/5/13 10:36 P

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PSSN4FITNESS,
Just wanted to say thank you for your post. I found it to be a relief, because you completely understand what I am talking about and can relate to it. I am not happy you are being affected that way, though. Your writing is eloquent and you explain what is going on with you extremely well.
Whenever someone asks me what I do for a living, I just say, "Oh, I work in the ____ department." I never tell them what my job title is or what I do for my weekend job.
One Christmas I was visiting relatives out of state, and my husband's aunt asked me what I do for a living. This was many, many years ago but I clearly remember it. She had just gotten done bragging incessantly about her two sons' college and career accomplishments for the past several hours. I said, "I'm a secretary." She said, "Oh. Well." She didn't know what to say about that. I loved it.
Being brought up by a narcissistic mother and stoic father, I learned early on never to talk about myself, and my accomplishments would not be celebrated because I can always strive harder.
One time, my new supervisor at work asked me what my master's degree was in. I told him, and I could see a flash of meanness cross his eyes. He treated me pretty poorly. He had a bachelor's degree only. I am not sure if I was just imagining things or what. After I got my second master's degree a couple years after that, I did not tell him or anyone at my workplace.
I am glad you are aware of this situation with you and I hope you continue to seek some relief from this issue. It is a problem that not a lot of people acknowledge or want to talk about.
Thank you!
Jasmine

Edited by: JASMINEMARS at: 9/5/2013 (22:39)


SPERRIN2012
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9/5/13 10:17 P

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The only thing I 'fit' into is bigger close so no to the question



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REBCCA
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9/5/13 10:08 P



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No way! I want to fit in with the healthiest people.

...where attention goes, energy flows...


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PSSN4FITNESS
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9/5/13 6:24 P

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Jasmine, I completely related to this phenomenon! In some ways, I feel that my constant weight struggles make me more relatable. I don't do this consciously, but I have found that my weight and success in life have been inversely related. That is, the better things are going in my life 'technically', I actually gain weight- usually because I feel disconnected from my friends.

When I actually take time to get some perspective, I've had a very blessed life attending ivy leagues schools, two degrees, jobs at fortune 100 companies, good husband etc etc etc. With every new tick on my resume, my fear grows that I will become further detached from people who are dear to me. I have been blindsided/betrayed by several friends in my life in fits of envy.

But, there is always one thing that keeps me from being happy/satisfied/perfect, and that has always been my weight. it's my silent crutch. I recently started reading up on studies around humility and low-self-esteem. They are not the same thing. Humility actually comes with confidence. But I feel that I have completely subverted my self-esteem out of fear that my ego would get out of control or that I'd lose my relatability- the ivory tower curse if you will. It's like when someone asks where I went to school and I say the state where its located before the name of the university.

I have a lot of thinking to do about this issue. Thanks for the article!

-- Jamie
Pain is Temporary; Pride is Forever - the Marines.

"If your goal doesn't come with a plan, then it's just a wish" - Another Sparker

"A year from now you will wish you had started today."

"Fear knocked at my door, and faith answered." - pravsworld

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JASMINEMARS
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9/4/13 11:27 P

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Hi, After much Googling, I finally found an article I had read previous to making this forum post. I wanted to share it and am curious to know what you think of it. Please let me know your opinion. Thanks.
Here is the link: http://www.hb.org/avoid-the-envy-of-others/




DISGUISEDBYPHAT
DISGUISEDBYPHAT's Photo Posts: 185
9/4/13 5:57 P

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I sometimes feel this way. I don't want to loose friends. I know that my friends are sometimes jealous of whatever is going on in my life. If I restructure my life to include more fitness trips, i.e; hiking, biking, etc. My lazy friends won't go, and won't support it. I don't have many friends. It is hard to find friends that are my age that are in the same place in their journey, that do not have kids, 1000 hang ups, and that are not quitters. The journey begins and ends with me. It is hard sometimes.......

Edited by: DISGUISEDBYPHAT at: 9/6/2013 (19:07)

Long term goal is 140lbs
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
-Robbins, Anthony

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby

"You Cannot Drive Forward Looking in the Rearview Mirror"-HARDY

"STOP overthinking fromSabotaging Your Performance, Productivity and Mood!-ME
"Don't think about it! Just do it!" - NIKE


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KARATE_KID
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9/4/13 3:23 P

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I've never heard of it but it wouldn't surprise me since I know of girls hiding their smarts in order to "fit in".

Personally I don't have that kind of control over my weight - it stays on of its own volition emoticon


It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first.
-Miyamoto Musashi

Laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike!
http://library.thinkquest.org/25500/in
dex2.htm





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ELORA101
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9/4/13 12:48 P

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I don't think I keep weight on... but I do avoid talking to certain people about it.
When I was much larger (and smoked a pack a day), I OWNED my bad health and was super resentful of people telling me what to do. As it turns out, it was my body that dictated the need to be healthier, and now that I have, I find myself biting my tongue so I am not the one giving health advice. I feel like a hypocrite for being such a health nut now, so I try to keep it to myself.



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SCHEALTHNUTT
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9/4/13 12:02 P

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Again, heck no !!!!!



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BETHLOCK
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9/4/13 7:37 A

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I don't exactly keep weight, because I have a very clear image of how I want to maintain my body and physical state but I surely hide the fact that I am on a diet from certain people. I find it easier to express myself with people that are more fit than I am and in general take care of what they eat and exercise regularly so I chose to have lunch breaks with them.
I avoid spending time with people that don't make me feel comfortable.



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SKILPAT1
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9/3/13 8:23 P

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Hi Jasmine - there are people who will care and be happy about you being successful in your weightloss - and be proud of you overcoming obstacles to reach that goal. I know it's hard when you don't find that support where it should be (parents, best friends).

Recently, after receiving a negative comment, I did find myself telling a couple of people at work that I'm not on a diet to lose weight but to lower my cholesterol for the upcoming test. It was a half truth - I am working on my cholesterol also but it's funny how people accept that answer with no issue over being on a diet to lose weight.

Just keep reminding yourself that its okay to take good care of yourself. The most important person in your life is still you. I wish you all the best - don't give in.



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REBECCAKAY12
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9/3/13 9:17 A

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After reading the article, I related it to the fact that people with overweight spouses and families or overweight close friends statistically stay overweight. Eating is often as much a social action as it is a physical action. Staying heavy to fit in is not as crazy as it sounds at first. Anyone with a mother or friend who loves to eat will tell you, there is pressure to accept their "love" in the form of a piece of pie or fried chicken, that they offer. Learning to say no is part of the process to healthy living. Temptation is on every corner, but pre-confirmed decisions take the wind out of them.

Becky
Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

"Preventing Conflicts is the work of politics; establishing peace is the work of education"
Maria Montessori


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