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FANCYQTR's Photo FANCYQTR Posts: 6,072
7/23/14 4:58 P

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I have had others be given the credit, but don't remember them taking the credit for something I did. However, where I used to work they would give me credit for doing something and then say I was too stupid to do it. Mostly it is just that nobody thinks I can do anything. I make something for our potlucks at church and they will tell someone else how good "their" dish was. Mainly I don't correct anyone because I am a really quiet type and they wouldn't believe me anyway. My father had his boss always taking credit for what he did. He never mentioned it, but I was there to pick him up one time and his coworkers were talking about some meeting and said that they boss "did what he always does and took credit for what 'Sam' did."

I have seen things like the one where the person had her leftover cookies given to someone else. After a potluck all the leftovers, including the turkey and gravy I had made, were given to certain people in the church and I got none of my leftovers. The other people have plenty of money to eat with, but I am on a very limited income and could have used just the leftovers from what I had made.

Darlene


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EMPRESSAMQ's Photo EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
7/23/14 4:44 P

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I have been in the situation of someone else receiving credit for what I did in a professional setting, but not otherwise.

As far as that happening in the work arena, that's life and was part of my former profession.

I got over it.

Moving in new directions.


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MRSREAVES2B's Photo MRSREAVES2B SparkPoints: (5,920)
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7/23/14 4:01 P

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As much as it sucks at least your girlfriend knows her daughter was happy and enjoyed her party. No need to ruin everything over something so petty. In fact it seems there may already be some bad blood with the ex and you wouldn't want to cause more bad blood and things back firing by correcting it all



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BANKER-CHUCK's Photo BANKER-CHUCK Posts: 5,637
7/23/14 12:28 P

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It happened to me a few times. Early in my years I just let it go, but I learned quickly to confront the "credit-thief" and get the situation resolved. Generally the resolution involved the outing of the person to his peers.

Chuck

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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/24/13 1:13 P

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2zTrBmI1nI
LOL @ OM2: This is that clip of George & the big salad....too funny!

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OBIESMOM2's Photo OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
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7/24/13 1:09 P

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I'm having a Seinfeld moment - George, Elaine, and a big salad...

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The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/24/13 1:02 P

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Passive-Aggressive
Extrovert
Aggressive
Introvert

These characteristics ARE interchangeable but like others have said, they are NOT permanently paired-up with each other exclusively.....


see, that ME putting it out there.
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PLUGINALONG's Photo PLUGINALONG SparkPoints: (24,468)
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7/24/13 9:28 A

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all the time

SPARKERS ROCK!!!!!


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STEELER71's Photo STEELER71 Posts: 6,069
7/24/13 8:41 A

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I decorated the table for our church supper and another lady took credit for it. Everyone was saying how beautiful the table looked and this lady kept saying 'Thank you' like she really did it. I didn't want to embarrass her in front of everyone by calling her out but when I got her alone I told her I hoped she burned in hell. Not a nice thing to say but it sure did make me feel good.



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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 12,174
7/24/13 8:27 A

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unfortunately...there are way too many people in this world that do little BUT take the credit for things ... and pass the blame when something bad happens.
{...most of the time we call them managers...}

It's happened to me both professional and personally.
The worst is when someone who invests a lot of time sabotaging your effort, takes credit for your success.

Sheryl from New Jersey, USA... EST


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JUULEE's Photo JUULEE SparkPoints: (7,178)
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7/24/13 7:17 A

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Have to agree with PATTIJOHNSON, it should have been respectfully corrected in a non confrontational manner when it was said. If not possible, should have been corrected quickly afterwards.



MISS*J's Photo MISS*J Posts: 387
7/24/13 3:02 A

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I think it shows how much you care for your gf that you are saddened by the lack of credit given here, especially because you saw the effort first hand.

I agree with what another poster said about possibly speaking to your gf's daughter personally, especially if it's still something that comes up and irks you.



Edited by: MISS*J at: 7/24/2013 (03:05)


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LILLITH32's Photo LILLITH32 SparkPoints: (9,151)
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7/24/13 1:39 A

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I would let it be and let karma sort is out. Also, passive-aggressive is definitely not an introvert - I am one, and I am extremely extravert-ed!



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JANIEWWJD's Photo JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (239,685)
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7/24/13 12:40 A

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I think your girl friend should have spoken up or you could have made a little speech thanking her so that her daughter would know who really gave her the party.

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

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"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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HEAT04's Photo HEAT04 Posts: 115
7/23/13 4:04 P

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Just have to reply that Passive-Aggressive does not equal Introvert. That is two totally different characteristics. One does not equal the other. Just wanted to put that out there.



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AZULVIOLETA6's Photo AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (65,370)
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7/23/13 3:51 P

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Well of course you can't do anything now, but in the moment you could have spoken up. That's not interfering, it is communicating. This is what allies should be doing, whether it is a family situation or an issue at work.

My experience with passive-aggressive people (I live with one!) is that you have to call them on things or they will run right over you. You can be nice, be factual and keep it simple, but if you don't correct the issue when and as it happens, it will fester.

Just my 2c.

Dances: salsa (standard/LA), casino, rueda de casino, cumbia Colombiana, bachata, mambo, cha-cha-chá, merengue, reggaetón.

Currently learning: Mexican cumbia, danzón, Cuban rumba

Dances to Learn in the future: flamenco, tango Argentino, samba, belly dancing, bhangra, ballroom rumba


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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/23/13 2:04 P

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Thanks for the replies, this issue came up in conversation just this past weekend.

had to edit
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Edited by: KJFITNESSDUDE at: 7/23/2013 (16:42)
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AZULVIOLETA6's Photo AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (65,370)
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7/23/13 1:26 P

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It would have been gauche for your GF to say anything, but when public thank yous were being made, perhaps YOU should have mentioned that we should also be thanking GF for her time and effort in making this happen.

I think that you dropped the ball.

Dances: salsa (standard/LA), casino, rueda de casino, cumbia Colombiana, bachata, mambo, cha-cha-chá, merengue, reggaetón.

Currently learning: Mexican cumbia, danzón, Cuban rumba

Dances to Learn in the future: flamenco, tango Argentino, samba, belly dancing, bhangra, ballroom rumba


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SUNSETSMILE's Photo SUNSETSMILE Posts: 271
7/23/13 1:17 P

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I have been in this situation. When I was younger I would "grin & bear it" and stew for awhile. Now that I am older, I speak up.

In your situation, however, it sounds as if the daughter was purposely trying to hurt your gf. As adult children we know which parent puts in the effort and which doesn't. She knew and specifically slighted her mom. Not good in any scenario.

Obviously it is bugging you. Maybe you should get them together to discuss it.

I wish you the best outcome possible.

It's a new day -- DIVE right in.


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PATTIJOHNSON's Photo PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
7/23/13 12:52 P

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I'm totally against staying silent on this issue. I know what it's like to put a lot of work into something and have to stew about someone else taking the credit. First, it was wrong for her boyfriend and father to just sit there and not correct the situation (telling the daughter that it was all her mom's doing).

If it was me, I would write or call the daughter (but not publically in FB), and let her know that her mom has been quite sad because a mistake was made, and that it's my opinion that you know the truth and that her mom deserves all the credit for the party.

I know this sounds harsh, but this is something that will forever be hard to forget for your GF until it's resolved honestly. Look at how long one of the posters here remembered being stiffed -- all the way back from kindergarten! It's easy to say "oh, well -- it will go away," but in fact, it doesn't. When feelings get THAT hurt, it stings bad. You will be a hero to your GF if she knows you care enough to stand up for her and correct things.

Just my opinion.

Keep a sense of humor. Remember, laughing burns calories too!

Laugh until it hurts! It's one of the few things in life that's still free!!

Any effort is better than no effort!


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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/8/13 3:43 P

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I hope you're all right because I'm about to reply to her daughter's FB post stating again how much she appreciates her husband & dad's efforts. I forgot to mention that this daughter is passive-aggressive at times (not sue this is one of those times) and my gf had left the family's "Christian" way of life when she got her divorce (Dad and daughter's husbands are strong Christian leaders in their community) but I'll hold my tongue (fingers) for now.

Here's hoping you all are right.
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7/8/13 3:37 P

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All the time but if I really wanted to have the credit, I would speak up but that is not my thing. It doesn't seem to be your GF's either, she is happy to celebrate her daughters' milestone!

In any event, what goes around comes around -- karma is a bitch baby and the person who orchestrated the entire event usually benefits in other ways vice voiced compliments at the event.



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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,744
7/8/13 2:46 P

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I would say just grin and bear it. Eventually it will be known that her mom was the party planner.

Someone else stated that this girl knows her dad and she knows that her husband didn't spend any money on it. Sooner or later mom will get the credit

Made it to my maintenance weight of 125 pounds.

Eat what you like and if someone comments, eat them too

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RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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7/8/13 1:44 P

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Yep, I just grin and bear it.



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ANARIE's Photo ANARIE Posts: 12,486
7/8/13 1:42 P



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In this, case, the daughter knows. She knows her husband didn't do it because, as you say, she was with him, and she know the ex didn't do it because she's known him all her life. Anybody who was there and knows this family knows it, too. Everybody who matters is clued in.

In work situations, it's often the same-- although I'm always careful to explicitly give credit where it's due. If a supervisor says, "You did a great job on that project," but it wasn't entirely mine, I say, "Thank you. Joe and I were were both really pleased with how it came out. We put in a lot of hours, but both of us think it was worth it." And if a coworker takes credit for something s/he didn't do, I'll find a chance to ask their supervisor, "Hey, are you aware of what a fantastic job Sue did on that project? Joe was great, too, but it just wouldn't have happened without Sue."

If someone else tries to take credit for what I did, that's tougher. I was taught never to "blow your own horn," so I hope someone else stands up for me. If not, I generally figure out a way to get revenge...

Actually, I know someone who's in a very tough version of this situation. She has been working for years on a project, and now her supervisor is taking it, changing a few details, and turning it in as her thesis for an online Master's degree! She doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, because she "supervised" the last chapter or two (meaning she was there while it was being done.) She couldn't get away with it for a real degree because the writing style wouldn't match her class performance, but that's the big problem with online universities.



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FIRECOM's Photo FIRECOM SparkPoints: (107,673)
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7/8/13 1:18 P

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I have been in this scenario many times during my life. Always tough to accept.

"It is easier to raise good children than to fix bad men" by Fredrick Douglas.

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DEEASHAUB05 SparkPoints: (22,544)
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7/8/13 1:09 P

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No I have not been in that type of situation before.

Let Go Let God!


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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/8/13 11:58 A

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WOW! In a professional setting, too......oh boy.

I can't recall this happening to me but I can admit that I once wrongly gave credit to another for something they did not but when I was made aware of my mistake I quickly made things right and apologized to both parties involved as a matter of diplomacy.

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SUZIEQUE77's Photo SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (8,852)
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7/8/13 10:36 A

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Not really in a situation like what you described here, but I have surely done lots of things professionally that other people have happily swooped in and taken credit for, without giving me credit. Most recently, an online college course I developed from its very inception is listed with about three names as the course authors, none of them mine. I'm only listed as the instructor. Part of this happened when there was a change of staff and supervisors. The new supervisor did not realize (probably) that the old supervisor asked me to develop that course from start to finish.

The new supervisor made some minor changes to the course after my last revision, and now her name is listed as the author. After that listing, it mentions all the painstaking hours they put into developing the course!

Because I otherwise get along great with this supervisor, I just don't bring it up, and I'm "over" being mad about it. But there are other things that happen to me. I feel I am very creative and have a lot to offer in my field, but I lack some in the area of being assertive and making sure I get the professional credit I deserve. I don't know how to do that without it backfiring and me looking bad in other ways that would hurt me more, professionally.

But there is another example of someone getting credit for something I did, that I will never forget and will mention it here. When I was in kindergarten, yes kindergarten, we took turns taking the "treat" to school which was usually cookies or something like that.

On the day you took your treat, if there were any left, you got to take them back home. And if you passed these out to people on the bus, believe me, you were the hero for the day.

Now I was a very shy kid, and again, to say I was not assertive would be a major understatement. The teacher made a mistake, thinking this other kid brought the cookies and gave the remaining cookies to him! I never said anything, and neither did the other kid! He rode the same bus and I watched him take credit and be the hero for the day, passing out MY cookies!



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KJFITNESSDUDE's Photo KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
7/8/13 10:24 A

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Long story short my gf planned a surprise 30th b-day party for her daughter but the idea was her son-in-law's but he couldn't do anything for it financially or otherwise because his wife never lets him out of her sight (she loves him so much, not a jealousy thing) and she's the money tender. He WANTED to help.

I attended the party and so did 40 other people yesterday. She was surprised and all had a good time. When it came to cake & presents time the birthday girl happily thanked her husband and her dad (my gf's ex) for all the planning in making the party happen.

Bottomline: I know & you know, the reader, that it doesn't matter WHO spent money to make it happen or WHO labored to put it all together and decorate the rec room so long as the day is about the recipient and in this case it was her daughter........or DOES it matter?

Nope. Whenever everybody was leaving there was no clarification. Nope. The ex-husband, as it turns out, didn't even want to attend but his current wife strong armed him to go. Nope. My gf would NOT want to grab credit for anything unless it was given to her and at that she'd deflect any compliments.
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Have YOU ever been in a situation where someone else was given credit for something you put together?

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