At some point (long before I embarked on "weight loss"), I had a small epiphany. I saw a co-worker of mine (who is larger than I was), and was thinking to myself "my, doesn't she look nice today!" and started my thought-processes off down the path of how "I wish I could be an Attractive Plus Size Woman like that!"... when it hit me...
I was giving OTHER Plus Size Women a "pass" but not myself. I was seeing the beauty in their shape, presentation, attitude... but not my own. WHY!!!!
The reason my co-worker looked so much more appealing than me was that she took pride in her appearance. She dressed well. She keeps her hair well groomed. She smiles a lot. She walks tall and confident. Lovely!
It dawned on me, that this was the difference between her and I. *I* dressed as if to hide myself away. I didn't bother much with my hair, nor makeup. I moved about the world trying to be as little-noticed as possible. How dreary. How unappealing. I felt bad about myself, which led me to not take care of myself, which made me look even more bland and grey and blah, which led me to feel worse about myself.... what a downward spiral.
At some point later in time (I can't piece together exact timelines for the various little-aha-moments that preceded my Big Life Change), I decided that I would make the best of who and what I was (this goes beyond my weight/appearance; I decided to tackle my whole life, bit by bit). When it came to physical-appearance, I ditched the (unfashionable/unbecoming) glasses I'd been wearing, went back to contacts. Got my hair done. Started wearing makeup. Bought COLOURFUL STYLISH clothes that FIT. I decided to look in the mirror and feel proud that I, too, could be an Attractive Plus Size Woman.
This got me through all of 2012. It was only after a full year of thinking positively, that I was ready to look at what changes I could make to my weight and health.
Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)
| current weight: 176.0