There is a guy that I like, and we both made decisions that ruined our friendship forever. Now we are no longer on speaking terms, and he doesn't want me to contact him ever again. :( Really, I need to forget him and move on...
I need to let go of the notions that I've always held about where I should be in life by this age, and the resentments that go along with unaccomplished dreams. I heard a saying once that expectations minus reality equals disappointment.....so true.
I always wanted to stay home with my kids when they were young enough to want me around---they're 25 and 21 now and I don't think I'll ever be able to not work outside the home.
I thought we'd have a bigger house by now but we're still in our "starter" home 20 years later. That one doesn't bug me much because it's a LOT less to clean and maintain.
I thought we'd be able to travel more, but we've been through a couple of job losses with LONG layoffs between jobs and that ain't happening anytime soon.
I must still be working on letting it all go as I'm sitting here frowning right now......I can feel the tension as I'm typing. I do need to learn to be content with what I have, which is so much more than many people could ever dream of.
1) Resentment which doesn't really make any sense because I CHOSE to stay with my kids' father. He missed a lot of time with our kids because of...let me just say...thinking with his penis instead of his brain. As a result, he had kids with other women. I chose to stay. He has since grown up quite a bit, and I know he already feels like a turd for not being faithful. Once in a while, I think about the past, and I need to not do that if we're going to move forward. Love covers a multitude of offenses. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love believes all things, hope all things...etc. etc. He asked God to forgive him, and me, and if I really forgive him, I need to bury that stuff, and that resentment, and not dig it up...and/or bury it quickly if the accuser of the brethren digs it up. Also resentment towards my father, who passed away in February of 2011. I still find myself feeling resentful for him not taking better care of himself. I know he went to heaven. I know he probably had a really good cry when he realized he could have lived longer if he had chosen to be wiser. I have to let that go. What good is it going to do? Resentment towards the baby mama in particular who KNEW that my (now our) kids' father was in a relationship with me, and yet she pursued him. Yes, it takes two, but...I think of Proverbs 5 and Proverbs 7. The seductress. That's her, IMHO. She's had a rough life, too, and I need to be praying for her salvation, and praying for my own attitudes to change. I could go on about her, but all that's going to do is feed the resentment that I feel.
2) Anxiety. I am 35 years old and I still do not have nor have I ever had my driver's license. I feel physically sick when it is mentioned that I need to get out and drive. I have my permit. I have taken my 5 hour THREE times now. It expires this fall, and I really do want to get my license this summer. I really do, but I am scared.
MamiSheli53 is my MOM!!!
Aim for progress...NOT perfection.
Starting weight July 2012: 310 (dates of accomplishment for the following to come) GW1: 280 passed 2/8/13-278! GW2: 250 GW3: 220 GW4: 200 GW5: 175
I can do ALLLLLL things through Christ who strengthens me.
"It's a long, hard climb-but I'm gonna get there."
"If you stay focused on the past, you will never be able to see what lies ahead."
Pounds lost: 26.0
Fitness Minutes: (20,411)
5/20/13 8:45 A
1. GRUDGES: I held an awful grudge against my brother because he left his wife & son for someone else I was sick about it for 5 years. I have no children & I did not want Mitchell to grow up in a single parent home. I finally released my anger & went to him & told him I forgive him,& that I have peace within my self now, He ask me how I found it I told him through Christ that he forgave us. We hugged each other & cried. 2.IDLE: I would come home from work & sit at the computer for hour's had certain days that I did housework which I never neglected,but I was neglecting my health now I walk & do other things. Remember if you do not let your foot off first base ,you can never reach second base 3. REHASHING: the past I had a past where things happened & my mind was always in a whirl & a dither about all of it, that went on for most of my life. I finally let go I left the first chapter,to continue on to the second chapter with out going back to the first chapter, it took a long long time .but I did it Judy
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