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Week of 7/30/2009
- Featured Board Post
Outgrowing the Past
Dear cheese, cookies and all the other unhealthy, fatty foods I used to love,
I'm writing with some news today. What I have to tell you is gonna sting a little at first, but I think in the long run we'll both be better off.
I've outgrown you. The relationship we once shared keeps me rooted in a past where I was constantly tired, moody, and unhappy with myself. I want, no, I demand more out of life now. In the past several weeks, I have begun to rekindle a relationship with someone fantastic, someone I thought I would never find again, myself. You see, while we were together, recklessly living in indulgence and gluttony, I lost touch with myself and that was tragic. I allowed myself to get pushed aside and neglected. Day after day you called to the broken pieces of me offering empty promises of fulfillment and comfort. Day after day I eagerly listened to your siren's song, believing that something outside of myself could fill the holes and bring happiness. I was so wrapped up in spending time with you that I hardly recognized the woman who stared at me in the mirror. I kept telling myself that looking at my growing waistline was not nearly as painful as telling you goodbye. I was convinced that those words were something I could NEVER utter...I was too weak, too broken, I NEEDED you. Did I? Or was it just easier to give you the power so I didn't have to dig through the jiggly goo and emotional gunk in order to find me again? I think we both know the answer.
You are an obsession that won't soon be forgotten. There will be reminders of just how much I depended upon you for many months to come; but that's ok, I'm ready to let go and am committed to my new relationship. Together, there are no heights we cannot attain! Now, I'm not saying our entire relationship has been all bad. We have created many memories with friends and family that will not soon be forgotten. Honestly though, if someone asked me to NAME what it was that I had to eat during those memory making moments...I would probably come up blank. That is the cold hard truth.
What I need to say is simply this: I no longer need you to fill the holes. I am no longer powerless to your advances, your alluring scent, or appealing appearance. Your stronghold over my life is kaput. These past several weeks have opened my eyes to the endless possibilities that life has to offer. These past several weeks have given me energy that I haven't felt in YEARS. They have given me the freedom to move beyond our limiting relationship and step into the symphony that is life. So, as you can see, it's really not you...it's me.
Please don't try to call, I won't answer. Begging won't work either, for as each new day dawns, my desire and determination to walk forward committed to myself gains momentum. I choose to live, and you know what, I really am not missing you at all! Who would have ever that to be possible thought!
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