40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 49,315


I cannot seem to do anything right...
Tuesday, October 25, 2016      9 comments

I have been carrying around these thoughts for days and I need to get them out into the world so I can try to let them go. As a warning, these are not happy nice thoughts. I cannot seem to do anything right. I cannot nourish my body correct... Read more
What am I doing?
Wednesday, September 28, 2016      3 comments

This is a long one. Or until I get tired of typing, whichever happens first. So, I started 2016 doing alright. Not great, but keeping things balanced. Then I started looking for a new job and things got a little crazy. But then things kind ... Read more
Where has January gone?
Tuesday, January 26, 2016      8 comments

I have avoided writing a blog because I was sick of always writing how sad or depressed or overwhelmed I was feeling. That has not changed. I do appreciate everyone's advice about seeing a counselor, getting meds figured out, etc. The difficult ... Read more
Day 27 Wednesday, Day 28 Losing Control
Friday, January 08, 2016      2 comments

Wednesday was a recovery day. I had blisters on my feet and was still exhausted from being so busy the day before. I was also starting to feel more of my symptoms, especially building up anger easily, which is not like me. Making it through work... Read more
Day 26 Tuesday
Wednesday, January 06, 2016      6 comments

When I started blogging a couple weeks ago I would write something on my phone while getting ready to go to sleep. It worked really well, but now that I'm back to work and my time seems to slip away from me pretty quick, I definitely am not able... Read more
Day 25 (yesterday)
Tuesday, January 05, 2016      2 comments

What a day! I got up early, went to the gym and that was where the problems started. The Y I workout at has cardio machines but it also has a track that you can walk on as well. I have only been doing treadmills right now because I have some ser... Read more
Day 24
Sunday, January 03, 2016      5 comments

Today was a good day. I have had enough bad ones recently that it was kind of a shock to sit down and realize it went alright. Spent the morning doing a grocery run and then spent time at the gym. My ymca has always opened at noon on Sundays exc... Read more
Day 23
Saturday, January 02, 2016      9 comments

So proud of myself today because I did go to the gym first thing this morning. Walked through an entire episode of law and order. Not bad, right? I know once work starts again next week I might not always have the time to be at the gym for an ho... Read more
Day 22 a day of rest
Friday, January 01, 2016      6 comments

My counting of days for this blog is concerned with the number of days I am actively thinking about my health. Today is the first day of rest in an eight consecutive days of working out but I was still paying some attention to my food choices an... Read more
Day 21
Thursday, December 31, 2015      3 comments

Worked at the y this morning and then stayed to work out. My former Trainer was so proud of me, but all I could think was how much I had let her down. That is how the thinking in my head works. How do I change that? I really struggled again tod... Read more
Day 20
Wednesday, December 30, 2015      4 comments

Admittedly I am very hard on myself. I do not consider today to have been a good day. I was really anxious, depressed and when I got the first chance to eat while by myself in my apartment, I completely overdid it. Not a real binge maybe but it ... Read more
Day 19
Tuesday, December 29, 2015      5 comments

Got my lazy butt out of bed finally this morning, battling a lot of anxiety that appeared out of nowhere. Got to the gym and really pushed myself a little more than I have...45 minutes wqlking, pushing the speed, and about 12 minutes on the bike... Read more
Day 18
Monday, December 28, 2015      4 comments

Winter finally showed up today in my part of the world, with a vengeance! I got to the gym just as the wind and snow were starting there, town over from my parents town. But when I was leaving awhile later, it was sleeping and slippery. Yuck. To... Read more
Day 17
Sunday, December 27, 2015      4 comments

Good and bad, definition of my day. Walked this morning at the area ymca. Watched some tv and walked at an easy pace but then went longer. Felt pretty good. Then came home and ate my way through some anxiety and sadness. No idea where the feeli... Read more
Day 16
Saturday, December 26, 2015      1 comments

I have worked out for three straight days! Today I woke up early and went to a ymca near my parents place. It is pretty new and not very busy today. I walked two miles in 50 minutes. Not too fast, maybe a little too long but I made it. Got hime... Read more

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