Laws of Life:
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you ... Read more
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: born 1903 died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
He... Read more
How To Get A Life
It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play ... Read more
What FOX viewers believe!
According to a new survey of Fox News viewers by Reuters, this is what Fox News viewers believe:
67% Believe Barack Obama’s name sounds suspicious.
45% Believe that homosexuals are polygamists
2% Believe that science is more impor... Read more
LATE NITE 9/10
On Tuesday President Obama is planning to address the nation. Instead of calling his plan to attack Syria “a war,” he is calling it a "limited military intervention" — which sounds better than "potential endless quagmire." -Jay Leno
Do you ... Read more
late nite funnies - 9/9
Republican leaders have agreed to support President Obama's plan to attack Syria. See, that’s what I love about our country. The only time Republicans and Democrats can agree on something is when it’s time to bomb somebody. -Jay Leno
Tim Ro... Read more
Dear Dr. Laura:
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura,... Read more
At the lawyer's office...
A farmer walks into a lawyer's office and says: "I'd like to get one of them-thar day-vorce-ees."
"Yes sir, I believe I can help you" replied the lawyer. "Do you have any grounds?"
"Oh shore do!", exclaimed the farmer, "Got me bout a... Read more
Letter from Maw
Your Pa has a new job. The first in 48 years. We are a little better, off now, getting $17.96 every Thursday. So we up and thought we'd do a little fixin‚ up. We sent to Rosemont and Seasbuck for one of them there bathrooms you he... Read more
President Obama is trying to get congressional approval before we attack Syria. And if that works, there’s talk we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution. -Jay Leno
Syria's President Assad referred to President Obama... Read more
How to Stay Young
1. Try everything twice. On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouch... Read more
Late Night 9/4
Ben Affleck is the new Batman. And Miley Cyrus is apparently the new Lindsay Lohan. -Jay Leno
People are still talking about that over-the-top Miley Cyrus performance at the VMAs last Sunday. Why couldn’t Kanye West interrupt that? -Jay Len... Read more
The Man's Rules
So it's about time we laid down some rules. These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered "1" on purpose!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need i... Read more
WHAT AISLE IS THE POLISH SAUSAGE IN?
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask... Read more
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WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
I can tell you this…..that fly never knew what hit him.... Read more