LATE NIGHT FUNNIES 2/12/13
"Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail." -Jay Leno
"The Depar... Read more
Afraid Little Boy
A little boy was afraid of dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuring... Read more
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mothe... Read more
Late Night Funnies
"In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space." -Jay Leno
"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will hav... Read more
In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hiroh... Read more
Never Squat With Your Spurs On
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There ... Read more
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if... Read more
Maybe This Will Work
A boy that was being raised in a very religious family asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "Son, we pray to Jesus when we want something really badly." So the son thought that praying wouldn't be enough, so he sat down and began to... Read more
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly respond... Read more
A Deep Rooted Delusion
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions tryin... Read more
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a ... Read more
Bumper Sticker Funnies
- Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
- History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
- It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
- It works better if you plug it in. ... Read more
A wealthy stockbroker finally bought his dream car, a late model Porsche, $50,000 right off the lot. As he was driving home he decided to listen to the new stereo but despite everything he couldn't get it to turn on. He drove back to the dealer ... Read more
Still More Late Night Funnies
Late Night Funny #1
House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They’re doing a hell of a job themselves. -Jay Leno
... Read more
More Late Night Funnies
Late Night Funny #1
On the Sunday that the White House held a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, Republicans held a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama. -Jimmy Fallon
Late Night Fun... Read more
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