20 important somethings...
1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle ... Read more
Why Yawning Is Contagious
You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.... Read more
Top Ten Signs You'd Make a Bad Pope
10. Typically spend Sundays disabled by a hangover
9. Religion isn't really your thing
8. You pronounce the "P" in "Psalms"
7. Last time God spoke to you, he told you to stay out of church
6. Know nothing about Vatican, know a lot about ... Read more
The New Pastor
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out ... Read more
LATE NITE FUNNIES 1/21/1
Late Night Funny #1
On Sunday the White House held a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, Republicans held a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama. -Jimmy Fallon
Late Night Funny #2
T... Read more
1st date conversation & Ferrari
[In preamble let me say that whoever wrote this joke doesn't know much about alcohol. First; not even premium imported beer costs $10 a 6-pack, and second; drinking 18 beers a day for 15 years would probably kill a person. That being said, I hav... Read more
LATE NIGHT FUNNIES 2/12/13
"Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail." -Jay Leno
"The Depar... Read more
Afraid Little Boy
A little boy was afraid of dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuring... Read more
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mothe... Read more
Late Night Funnies
"In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space." -Jay Leno
"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will hav... Read more
In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hiroh... Read more
Never Squat With Your Spurs On
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There ... Read more
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if... Read more
Maybe This Will Work
A boy that was being raised in a very religious family asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "Son, we pray to Jesus when we want something really badly." So the son thought that praying wouldn't be enough, so he sat down and began to... Read more
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An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly respond... Read more