Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if... Read more
Maybe This Will Work
A boy that was being raised in a very religious family asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "Son, we pray to Jesus when we want something really badly." So the son thought that praying wouldn't be enough, so he sat down and began to... Read more
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly respond... Read more
A Deep Rooted Delusion
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions tryin... Read more
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a ... Read more
Bumper Sticker Funnies
- Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
- History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
- It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
- It works better if you plug it in. ... Read more
A wealthy stockbroker finally bought his dream car, a late model Porsche, $50,000 right off the lot. As he was driving home he decided to listen to the new stereo but despite everything he couldn't get it to turn on. He drove back to the dealer ... Read more
Still More Late Night Funnies
Late Night Funny #1
House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They’re doing a hell of a job themselves. -Jay Leno
... Read more
More Late Night Funnies
Late Night Funny #1
On the Sunday that the White House held a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, Republicans held a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama. -Jimmy Fallon
Late Night Fun... Read more
A cautionary tale for the clergy...
A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of... Read more
A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.
... Read more
Send this on to your gay relatives and friends...
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura,... Read more
Funnies...late nite and other...
"A recent article says yoga-related injuries are on the rise. It's not surprising that yoga fans are upset with this article. After all, it's easy for them to get bent out of shape." -Craig Ferguson
"A man named Peter Robbins, a 56-year-old... Read more
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Teachers & Cops
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, are these funny!)
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has start... Read more