ASSASSINATE: A hired killer finished lunch
COFFEE: Break fluid
NEUROSIS: Fresh flowers
CONSULTANT: Ask your motherís sister for advice
NAUGHTY: Water, coke, or milk
WITHDRAWAL: How people in Texas talk
SHOTGUN WEDDING: A case of wife... Read more
Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.
I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell ... Read more
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employer... Read more
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that th... Read more
This was on the news...not the whole video.
When you get a few minutes watch this video its very funny. Kyrie Irving rookie of the year from Cleveland that played at Duke 2010.
They dress him up in movie make up and make him look like an 80... Read more
1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
3. I have my own little world. But it's OK, they know me here.
4. Money can't buy happiness, but ... Read more
One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything... Read more
The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause yo... Read more
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi... Read more
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks... Read more
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors a... Read more
One snowy evening my brother, a regional police officer, stopped a car at a roadside check for drunk drivers. "Good evening, ma'am," he greeted the lady. "How are you this evening?"
"Fine, thank you," she replied.
My brother continue... Read more
1. I phrase my affirmations in the here and now: [I am craving healthy nutritious food], so my subconscious knows this is what I want right now.
2. I use the first person, and add my name: [I, Sunshine65, love the way my body feels when I do ... Read more