Back to School
It was the first day of school after summer vacation. The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends. Then In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the... Read more
If you hear hoofbeats, don't think of zebras!
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside... Read more
A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk techn... Read more
Government Philosophy: If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.
... Read more
Did You get Your Shingles Shot?
A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got shingles."
She said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat."
... Read more
Hospitable State Patrol
One snowy evening my brother, a regional police officer, stopped a car at a roadside check for drunk drivers. "Good evening, ma'am," he greeted the lady. "How are you this evening?"
"Fine, thank you," she replied.
My brother continue... Read more
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors a... Read more
The Rabbit Problem
The problem - There's a box with a hole at each end and there's a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end.
Half a minute later, his head appears at the opp... Read more
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why on Earth did you buy 6 c... Read more
"How DRY IS It in Texas??"
A buddy out of Longview said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.
A man in Dime Box said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens
crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
In Lake Palestine, they caugh... Read more
Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple
[I know this is supposed to be humorous...but some of these tips make a lot of sense to me.]
* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
* Fool other dr... Read more
Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
Dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
People singing when they sh... Read more
Deep Fat Fried Butter on a Stick
"The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked." -Jay Leno
... Read more
Shame on you!
My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what it meant. I was so shocked that I could say only, "Shame on you," followed by, "If anyone does that to you, just say, "Shame on you" to that perso... Read more
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A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better."
When the man got to Florida, he went in... Read more