1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
2. “It’s deja vu all over again.”
3. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
4. “Never answer an anonymous letter.”
5. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
6. “You can o... Read more
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or ... Read more
“Resurrection-Denying Preacher to Return to Scotland.” That was the headline of a story published in the Glasgow Herald about a week before I was scheduled to lecture in the Cairns Church in Milngavie, a constituent member of the established... Read more
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine - "la maison" - "pencil", however, is masculine - "le crayon."
A student a... Read more
The Cadillac Escalade EXT is the most popular car driven in New York. Partly because they're stylish, but mostly because New Yorkers like to have a place to stretch out when they leave their apartments. -Jimmy Fallon
A study found that many... Read more
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names,
... Read more
Army of the Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You n... Read more
Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece. -Conan O'Brien
Last night for the first time ... Read more
Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It woul... Read more
"I resent your insinuendoes."
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congr... Read more
From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport because there is a bar on every corner, comes this true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Rhinelander, WI . After last call, the officer noticed a man le... Read more
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear that control their outer ear, whereas a human has only 6.
Cats cannot taste sweet things.
Adult cats never meow to each other but only to communicate with humans.
Cats have three eyelids. The third... Read more
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words... Read more
The minister drove into a sand trap. He picked up his golf club, broke it but didn't say a word.
Then he picked up the golf bag and tore it to shreds but didn't say a word.
He then took out all the golf balls and... Read more