I can't believe I used to be successful. Is there anything more depressing than that thought right now? Triggered by a recent pic of a Spark friend who's actually maintaining, and has consistently been maintaining, her weight loss, the thought... Read more
My goal of completing a half marathon -- which I dismissed as achievable as my knee worsened -- is back on the table! Last Friday I saw a new knee doctor who gave me the go-ahead to ignore the pain as long it was tolerable and assured me no exe... Read more
Back in June, I turned my spark page offline. Why?
1- Seeing people's successes on Sparkpeople heightened my shame regarding how out of control I felt about my disinhibited eating and weight gain.
2- Gratitude and reciprocity are big deals ... Read more
Upon seeing yet another carton of ice cream gracing the freezer with its presence (the 3rd brought into this house by my family in the last week), I immediately met with doom. “Why are they doing this to me?” Ice cream’s a bigtime red light bi... Read more
I want sugar.
Actually, I want love. For me, when I want comfort, when I feel sad or ashamed or bad about myself or my life, I get a message saying "SUGAR! NOW!!!"
Sugar is not love. Sugar will make me feel better momentarily. Unti... Read more
My 2 new mantras.
They're not BS, either. I don't need *convincing*, just reminders. That's why yoga's so crucial for me: it connects me to that truth.
When I'm conscious of my wholeness and completeness, I don't need to eat to fill ... Read more
"I am sitting on the floor of a department store fitting room, disgusted, fatter than I have been in years. My renewed vow to step up my workouts as a way of turning things around is being undermined by the unrelenting mockery of my aching shou... Read more
Two of the most powerful weapons in my weight loss and maintenance arsenal were Combat and running: both phenomenal calorie torchers, endorphin releasers, and THE primary means of my self-development & -empowerment.
They became part of my i... Read more
There were a few things about my most recent employment that made the experience awesome. For instance, my coworkers shared a couple gold nuggets of wisdom with me, and, I assure you, I threw out a few of my own. Two in particular are relevant... Read more
I talked about my need for a new wardrobe here: http://www.sparkpeople.c om/mypage_public_journal_i ndividual.asp?blog_id=5317092 . That need became even more pronounced yesterday with an at-home donation pickup from some c... Read more
In my Maintenance Lesson #1 blog ( www.sparkpeople.com/mypa ge_public_journal_individu al.asp?blog_id=5202085 ), I spoke about guilt signalling my eating for the wrong reasons. Time to revise that lesson! Last night was on... Read more
If you're not alert, the binge urges can creep up so sneakily, you're not fully aware of your *choice* to give into them.
I don't plan binges. I never, EVER buy food with the intent to binge on it. I don't sit around at night saying, "Hmm... Read more
Because I'm poor and frugal; strive to reject materialistic ideals; and was raised to behave in the following way, I don't get rid of clothes until they wear out. When I was overweight, that meant the inner thigh area of my pants rubbing until ... Read more
"Oops, I did it again."
I binged very, very badly. Like "I'm gonna see a number in the 160s next time I step on the scale" badly. Like I believe "I'm NEVER going to weigh an acceptable amount again" badly. Like "I need counseling because... Read more