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    RESERVED1948   1,760
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RESERVED1948's Blog Entry Summary View



Learning to love myself

Tuesday, August 12, 2014      5 comments

I understand now that it is not that "no one wants me", it is that I do not want me. it took me six months to realize that all the feedback I received was correct and I could have saved myself some agony had I "run" to begin with. After a whi... Read more

hoodwinked

Wednesday, February 19, 2014      11 comments

I am in love with this fellow who tells me I must lose weight before he finds me desireable. I have been seeing him for six months exclusively. We share meals and time together and he is affectionate to me. Interestingly or ironically since I... Read more

I need God's grace

Sunday, September 23, 2012      5 comments

We all know insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I keep trying to do this in my own strength and then it finally hits me, I cannot change me. Only God can change me! I am willing for God to take over my life and r... Read more

No more excuses

Thursday, December 30, 2010      5 comments

My weight is the same this year as it was last year. Actually, I gained a few pounds and struggled to get back where I am. My goal, after all, is to lose 150 pounds, not stay where I am and maintain. Diet and exercise are the only solutio... Read more

Exercise self control

Monday, August 30, 2010      2 comments

About eleven months ago I resolved to lose a pound a month for two years which would be 104 pounds off of my then 307pounds. To date I am weighing 314 pounds and was all the way up to 319 pounds. Obviously there is an issue here and I would l... Read more

Sorting things out

Wednesday, October 28, 2009      4 comments

It occurs to me that it is obvious that I eat to make myself feel better. A gray, rainy day and some sweets left around are like an alcoholic finding liquour! However, when I look in the mirror, I do not like what I see. When I try to buy a b... Read more

facing the truth

Monday, August 24, 2009      3 comments

A friend invited me to her 75th birthday party. I have known her for 40 years which meant that people at the party knew me when I was slender. I realized immediately that I was embarrassed by my 300 pounds showing up at her party. It took m... Read more

The truth is I am in pain

Friday, April 24, 2009      4 comments

Emotional pain is difficult to face. It is easier to eat over and stuff my face. I know what is hurting me and I realize pain is a reaction to trauma. I have a traumatic background of physical and emotional and sexual abuse. I have had a lot... Read more

Christmas 2008

Monday, December 29, 2008      0 comments

It seems the holidays give me permission to eat. It wouldn't be so bad if I were not 160 pounds overweight. Now that Christmas is over I have a moment to reflect on how I use food as a defense system to fight off the lonliness of knowing I hav... Read more

Cheering up myself seems impossible but with God all things are possible

Wednesday, October 15, 2008      3 comments

I feel so sad about the state of affairs in our country. How is it that there is a tremendous homeless problem, including tent cities throughout the U.S.A. and our government is giving 700 billion dollars of our taxpayer's money to well known t... Read more

Exercise Self-Control

Wednesday, December 12, 2007      3 comments

The reason that I am 140 pounds overweight is because I lack self control. I have some self-control, I get up and go to work and perform in an office every day, but the proof that I lack self-control is in my binging on things that sabotage my ... Read more

It matters what your tell yourself when you cry

Monday, October 22, 2007      8 comments

I discovered if I keep smiling, I can tricck my brain into thinking I am happy. But I know it is oK to cry because tears are healing. If I stuff my feelings with food and stop doing that, then I have to face all those feeling I have been s... Read more


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