Why We're All So Tired
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 mil... Read more
Love and Marriage
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning agains... Read more
Good Night Good Bye
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-b... Read more
The Intelligent Blonde
An intelligent blonde was opening her morning paper, when she noticed a page filled from top to bottom with blonde jokes. Needless to say, this put her in a very bad mood, which continued as she drove to work. On her way there, she happened to g... Read more
The Seat Belt
This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him.
He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!"
So she do... Read more
Rules of Eating Chocolate
- If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
- The problem: How to get 2 pounds... Read more
The Heavenly Marriage
There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a coup... Read more
Time Honored Truths
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? ... Read more
Wife Free Vehicle
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"... Read more
There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. ... Read more
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the wa... Read more
A Fresh Appeal
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."... Read more
Quips From Late Night
"Hillary is getting a lot of attention. Republicans are saying she has too much of a temper ... too angry to be president ... if she really had that bad of a temper, wouldn't Bill be dead?" --David Letterman... Read more
0 To 200
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everythin... Read more
Definition of A Million
A man was praying to God.
He said, "God!?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "a million years to me is... Read more
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