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    PT.JEFFGIRL   135,696
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How To Stay Young

Friday, February 27, 2015      6 comments

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the co... Read more

Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for Men)

Tuesday, February 24, 2015      4 comments

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside. 2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy. 3. Never make fried chicken in the nude. 4. Do not engage in unarmed comba... Read more

Scary Sunday

Saturday, February 21, 2015      5 comments

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, at the... Read more

Whales

Thursday, February 05, 2015      5 comments

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah... Read more

The New Baby

Tuesday, January 20, 2015      5 comments

With all the new fertility technology , a 66 year old woman was recently able to give birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not y... Read more

Johnny in Church

Wednesday, January 14, 2015      7 comments

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to d... Read more

Work Out

Friday, January 09, 2015      4 comments

The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following: Beat around the bush Jump to conclusions Climb the walls Wade through the morning paper. Drag my heels ... Read more

Real Sick Notes To School

Sunday, January 04, 2015      5 comments

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. S... Read more

You Might Be From New York If. . .

Saturday, January 03, 2015      8 comments

* You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. * You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. * The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything ... Read more

Excited Father

Tuesday, December 30, 2014      5 comments

The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family who were waiting for the news: "We had twins!" The family was so excited they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?" The father paused, smiled, ... Read more

The Draftee

Friday, December 26, 2014      3 comments

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the docto... Read more

The Violin

Sunday, December 21, 2014      5 comments

Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. ... Read more

Broken Engagement

Saturday, December 13, 2014      5 comments

Dear Marty, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that ... Read more

Red Skeleton's Tips For A Happy Marriage (Remember Him?)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014      6 comments

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I... Read more

A Cat in Heaven

Monday, December 08, 2014      6 comments

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a moment and then said, "All my life I lived on a... Read more


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