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    PT.JEFFGIRL   132,076
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The New Baby

Tuesday, January 20, 2015      5 comments

With all the new fertility technology , a 66 year old woman was recently able to give birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not y... Read more

Johnny in Church

Wednesday, January 14, 2015      7 comments

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to d... Read more

Work Out

Friday, January 09, 2015      4 comments

The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following: Beat around the bush Jump to conclusions Climb the walls Wade through the morning paper. Drag my heels ... Read more

Real Sick Notes To School

Sunday, January 04, 2015      5 comments

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. S... Read more

You Might Be From New York If. . .

Saturday, January 03, 2015      8 comments

* You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. * You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. * The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything ... Read more

Excited Father

Tuesday, December 30, 2014      5 comments

The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family who were waiting for the news: "We had twins!" The family was so excited they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?" The father paused, smiled, ... Read more

The Draftee

Friday, December 26, 2014      3 comments

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the docto... Read more

The Violin

Sunday, December 21, 2014      5 comments

Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. ... Read more

Broken Engagement

Saturday, December 13, 2014      5 comments

Dear Marty, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that ... Read more

Red Skeleton's Tips For A Happy Marriage (Remember Him?)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014      6 comments

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I... Read more

A Cat in Heaven

Monday, December 08, 2014      6 comments

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a moment and then said, "All my life I lived on a... Read more

Collect Call

Sunday, December 07, 2014      3 comments

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the cha... Read more

Men(!) and Football

Saturday, December 06, 2014      7 comments

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right m... Read more

Marriage Quotes (Just For Fun)

Wednesday, December 03, 2014      8 comments

-- At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." -- A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hun... Read more

A One-Wish Genie

Friday, November 28, 2014      5 comments

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold 'a genie' appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are ... Read more


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