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Do You Want To Be A Mermaid Or A Whale?
Recently, in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did no... Read more
Giving Up Chocolate
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, wil... Read more
Women.....They Have All The Answers!!!
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-ye... Read more
In Fairness To Our Dear Pets
In fairness to our dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clot... Read more
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my pl... Read more
To Be 6 Again......
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be six again." she replied, still lookin... Read more
Now That I'm Older..........
Forget health food. I'm at an age where I need all the preservatives I can get.
If there's no chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.
As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
... Read more
Winter In Wisconsin
It's winter here in Wisconsin and the gentle breezes blow, 70 miles per hour and it's 25 below!
Oh, how I love ol' Wisconsin
When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, th... Read more
For Ladies Of A Certain Age...
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the Hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to li... Read more
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.....A huge heart.....covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital s... Read more
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes (Part 2)
If you did not read Part 1 yesterday, this is a continuation of some very cute comments made by children, who are so NATURALLY funny.
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without takin... Read more
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes.......
If you have children or are around them, you know how funny they can be. I am a teacher and I wish I would have written down all of the funny comments made over the years. Here are a few that should bring a smile to your face.
JACK (age 3... Read more
If Dogs Could Talk (Part 2)
If you have ever had the privilege of having a dog as a member of your family, you have probably heard him/her make at least one of the following comments.....
1. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo... Read more
If Dogs Could Talk
I have ALWAYS had dogs and when I read this I laughed out loud........I could hear all of them agreeing with each and every one of the following thoughts.......and I REALLY do believe that they can talk......
PEEVES THAT DOGS HAVE ABOUT HUMAN... Read more
I Wish You Enough
You may have seen this before, but I think it is worth repeating.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happin... Read more
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