Shoes In Church
I showered and shaved.....I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat.....In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer.....As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me.....Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on eit... Read more
Seniors And Computers
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple... Read more
Gonna Be A Bear!!!!!
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself... Read more
A Love Story
Ole and Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had frozen over.
Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he to... Read more
1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills......She has 14 kids but she doesn't really care.
2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 pounds.
3. My mind not only... Read more
Words Of Wisdom
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have... Read more
In Honor Of Erma Bombeck
If I Had My Life To Live Over by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.... Read more
Good News and Bad News
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they HAVE. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, R... Read more
Goat For Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man o... Read more
The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results ... Read more
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new ... Read more
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The first row, please," she answered.
"Y... Read more
The Night Nurse
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergast... Read more
Three Ladies In A Sauna
I am sure that you have probably already read this as it is old, but I needed a laugh tonight and this spunky little lady does it for me every time. Enjoy!!!
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. ... Read more
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the Priest teased the Rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's aga... Read more
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